I open my eyes
by Seraphine Rose
Summary: Sometimes when your about to lose something very precious, you have to open your eyes to understand. I'm not very good at summarizing, its DS and JT rated for suicide and general angst. WIP
1. I open my eyes

**_A/N- I've never written Danny Phantom Fan fiction before…in fact its been almost a year since I've written any fan fiction at all. Anyway I hope you like it. Its angsty romance my favorite! For now it's a one shot but if you want it to continue I'll see what I can do but you have to help me out :is horrible with long stories: Oh! Please don't flame me with stuff about grammar, I know I'm bad at it so please please don't remind me! Oh, I've heard that Song fics are banned (no clue if its true but whatever) I'm going to do it anyway, but I have done the disclaimer thing so it should be all good! Thank you! Read and Review!_**

**_Disclaimer- I do not Own Danny Phantom (nickelodeon) nor do I own the song 'Untitled'(Simple plan) so please do not sue me._**

_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
_

Her head pounded, the echoing sounds of screams, yells, blinding lights and objects flashing outside the edge of her eyelashes blurring into a confusing whirl just beyond her comprehension. Was this hell?

Jolts wracked her body, and a calming darkness took the place of dementia, calling to her, welcoming her. Like an old friend she embraced it, feeling safety in its cool depths the blackness a sanity in a world she could only hope to be escaping.

_I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_

Tears clung to the reddened corners of his eyes, hanging from his dark eyelashes like beads of dew off a withering flower petal. The floor spun beneath him and the world revolved, continuing as it always had with out pause…

But for him it had stopped.

Danny leaned again the wallpapered corridor, fists carved into tight fists to hold back an overflow of emotion. His heart was lying in a bloody pool at his feet, it had to be so. The only thing that this feeling could be described as was to have some one dig their nails into your flesh heart and tear it out, leaving it to bleed before you. How could she? Why hadn't she at least talked to him, she knew she could.

'Damn it!" His eyes flashed emerald as he swore, pounding his fist into the concrete build of the wall. The wall, however, stood tall leaving him to crumple to the floor, nursing a bloody hand and a broken heart. Why? He loved her so much it hurt, why hadn't he said anything?

His chest wrenched violently and the urge to be sick overcame him, bile hovering at the base of his throat, eyes burning. Damn him, Damn her! He damned himself for being cowardly, how could he be so fucking stupid? He let her, he fucking let her!

'I love her damnit! I love her and now…now" despite the possibly broken knuckle in his left hand he attacked the wall with such violence it caught the nurses attention. Again and again his bare fists struck solid concrete, but the happy wallpaper (now streaked with blood) only served to infuriate him more. How dare it be cheery! How dare the world keep spinning when she was dying. A cry like that of a wounded animal forced his way out of his throat as he attacked the chairs, the tables, the walls; nurses stormed over, trying to subdue him but he had to work himself out.

'Damn her! Damn her for loving me!' he thought furiously, sweat trickling down his face as his knees gave out and he slid to the floor. Emptying the contents of his stomach onto the floor he curled up inside him self and sobbed, clutching his head. What could he do? A pair of strong arms pulled him back from the wall, several pair of concerned eyes regarded him but none were the lavender eyes he longed to see, the lips he longed to see whisper words, even hateful, the hands that had saved him so many times.

'Damn her' he though, allowing himself to be led away, his thought on the dying girl and the note that would haunt him the rest of his life 'Damn her for making me love her.'

_And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain_

Flashback

"Danny! You dropped something!" it was his mother, dressed in orange holding a envelope he couldn't remember seeing before. "Your father has already run tests, its completely ghost free!"

"You never know when a ghost might try to deceive you!" Danny rolled his eyes at his father, sometimes he wondered what their reaction would be to find out their own son was a halfa; Life wouldn't be boring, that was for sure.

"Thanks Mom" he said sarcastically, snatching it up and charging upstairs and into his bed room before Jazz could corner him again. Honestly that girl was growing more overbearing everyday, her coddling was driving him crazy! … and he didn't think he could stand one more question about Sam…

Sam. A worry crease furrowed his brow; Danny was troubled by her actions lately, she seemed to be separating herself from him and Tucker. They had wracked their brains for an answer (Sam maintained everything was 'alright' when asked); perhaps they had done something wrong? Tuck suggested perhaps that it was just 'that time of the month' in a weak attempt to get a rise out of the young Goth but she didn't so much as raise her eyes from her plate. Normally Danny would be inclined to pass the behavior off but.. it just wasn't Sammy like.

With a sigh he collapsed onto his bed, feet pointed skyward and letter held above his head. Neat curvy writing curled across the coffee colored paper, spelling out his name and for some reason it made him nervous. Tearing it open, he unfolded it and read.

_**Dear Danny,**_

_**I wont pretend to be able to explain it to you, I'm not sure I understand it myself just please, promise that when you look back to remember me as I was. Don't hate me.**_

**_I wish I could turn back time Danny, go back to a time when things were simpler, when we were all each other had and the worst worries in the world was whether or not we would have enough money for an ice cream, or if boxers were better then briefs (remember that discussion?). You were always there for me, from my first period up until now... and I tried I really did, I tried so hard to be there for you even when it was obvious you were replacing me. I love tucker, don't get me wrong, but when he started to spend time with us you didn't need me anymore. I was the Goth, the pessimist, the 'weirdo'. You fell in love with a girl who used you to hurt me, you never stood up for me when she knocked me down and dumped me first chance you got to be with her, dumped me when tucker needed you, when the world needed you_**

_**Suddenly, I wasn't your world anymore. I didn't realize how much that would hurt, I didn't realize how badly I had fallen for you until it was to late to save my self the agony of heartbreak. I couldn't spare myself the knowledge that you didn't and wouldn't ever love me back. That's right, I LOVE you Danny Fenton, I love you for everything you are, everything you aren't. That's why I had to push you away.**_

**_By the time you read this Danny, I'll be gone. Please don't mourn me, keep on living, date Paulina if you want just please don't stop living on my account. I' m not that important, not anymore. _**

_**I'm sorry Danny, I couldn't lose the only reason I had to live, I couldn't sit back and watch my life slip away, fall like water through my fingers. There is nothing out there for me, I can't save the trees the way you save people, I can't make people understand; Hell I can't even make people listen to me. I'm tired of being invisible Danny, I'm tired of people looking right past me, of forgetting me, of judging me. Don't hate me please, I couldn't stand that.**_

_**You're the only one who will understand, please don't tell anyone else. Let them live in their worlds of denial, let me fade into memories as I am supposed to; don't let my death ruin other peoples lives**_

**_Goodbye Danny, we'll meet again someday. You'll be a great man, I wish I could see it._**

_**I love you**_

_**Samantha**_

The letter fell from Danny's hands, the words engraved into his mind blinding him in the worst way. Goodbye…Goodbye…

"Mom! Dad! Jazz!" He cried, stumbling out his door, the letters words pounding in his head. He couldn't lose her, not now "Sam is going to kill herself!"

_How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
_

Why? A young woman, her red hair hanging at the edge of her cheeks, sat bent over a steaming Styrofoam cup, staring into the murky brown depths as though it might answer the question for her. Swirling it a bit, she smiled bitterly at how wrong life could go when it seemed to be going just right.

Jazz had seen them, the cuts on her arms had stood out like neon signs to the girl no matter how well covered up they were. And she, like everyone else, passed them off; Every teenager cut just feel it, to see what it was like. But they had grown deeper and deeper, the boys were oblivious but Jazz wasn't; the time she'd confronted Sam in the living room was the last time the girl has been seen in the Fenton house. Maybe if she had just moved a little faster…

Shaking her stringy locks from her face she leaned back, head against the wall and eyes closed; the air smelled of Lysol and an unidentifiable smell Jazz wasn't sure she WANTED to identify. The place reeked of sorrow and death, the walls were the only hopeful thing to pass through the place.

Danny's soft, uneven breathing beside her was calming, the knowledge that he was living through this kept her sane. Cracking an eye, she saw a bandage fist hanging limply out from beneath the thin blanket. In a sisterly action as old as their relationship, she rose from her chair, placing the cup on the table beside it, not paying attention when it teetered, and carefully tucked the arm into the sheet, tucking him safely into his dreams and sealing it with a kiss on his clammy forehead. Anger flared at the goth who had stolen her brothers heart, how could she be so heartless to take her own life and leave those who loved her dearly behind to cope? It was so selfish of her to leave behind friends, family, a life that might not be able to go one without her. Or at least people.

But the psychologist in her argued back, made her see the method in the action though her love of her brother made her stubborn.

Danny had left the note on the ground next to his jacket, carefully folded like a precious cloth and that was how Jazz had treated it when she unfolded it to read. On some level, the young red head could relate. How many nights had she stayed awake in tears, lonely in the worst way, staring at the gloomy ceiling aching for attention, for love? With parents like hers…it didn't matter how hard she worked, pushed herself, she was no more then a possible threat in her parents eyes. They both had felt the heavy feeling of abandonment and knew how lonesome it could be but at least she had Danny to love openly, who did Sammy have?

Instinctively she smoothed Danny rich onyx hair, toying with it; she prayed, for his sake, Sam made it through, afraid to know what he would do if she didn't. Drawing a sighing breath, she closed her aquamarine eyes and allowed a single tear to travel down her cheek; Jazz didn't notice that the cup of coffee had spilled, dripping into sticky mess on the floor, she was to busy trying to clean up the sticky mess their lives had become.

_I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

Jealousy, funny it wasn't something he would have figured Sam to feel but then how much did he really know about her? Sure, she was a vegetarian, a Goth, Danny's friend…his friend…but some how that didn't do justice to the young woman laying in the bed, bandages covering so much of her arms that he was surprised blood could still get to her hands, her face looking so pale in the florescent light. No, it didn't do her justice, or at least what she used to be.

The familiar beep of his handheld kept him calm, it was safe and unchanging. Sometimes Tucker had to wonder why people created machines, why were they so intent to exist in a world of cold steel and the emotionless keyboard tone? He once wondered why people needed to hide behind that screen, but now he understood the reason perfectly. It was the same reason people hid behind the word 'Fine' and the plastered smile. It was the same reason Sammy was now laying in this bed.

Danny did what tucker wished he could, but the screen was the only thing that could ever seen him cry and break down.. He longed to grind his knuckles into the welcoming stone, to feel them break under the pressure releasing some of the agony gnawing at his insides but he never could. It felt like the world was crashing down around him and all he could do was cling to something and pray to make it until the sun broke through the darkness.

The handheld continued to beep. Pulling Danny away from the wall was hard because Tucker knew why he was there: Guilt. They both knew what had led Sam to this. Neither would admit it, but they both blamed themselves. Week after week he watched her smile fade to form an almost plastic smile in its stead, the fire of defiance in her eyes fade to a barley recognizable melted mass. And no one did a damn thing. They passed it off as PMS or family troubles, perhaps even a little depression…their ignorance, no their stupidity created a price to high to pay. Tucker knew Danny would do anything to trade places with Sam, but he himself was to cowardly to do it; He couldn't even put down the handheld for a moment, not even to look at his friends face.

Beep, beep, beep. The sound of Sam's heart beat monitor, the young Goth hated technology and Tucker wondered what she would think of being kept alive by it; She always had been one to find the irony in situations, he missed that now. He felt the gnawing guilt acutely now, like someone had plunged a knife into his chest and was slowly twisting it; try as he might to keep focused on the tiny lighted screen, his dark eyes lifted to her face and his whole body tensed with only over flow of emotion, one giant revolt. His body couldn't take the grief, the pounding like so many knives, plunging, twisting, the pressure, the pain. He kicked a nearby chair into a wall, smashing the little handheld into a million pieces on the wall across from him. Breathing hard he looked at the mass of buttons and little cracked screen.

He didn't want to hide behind a damned screen anymore.

_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again_

Danny stared at the ceiling, ignoring the soft snoring of his sister in the chair beside him. The shadows soothed him in the waking world but they couldn't stop his dreams, his thoughts; he saw her over and over in his mind, a shadow that slipped away, passing like a ghost and nothing he did could save her. In his dreams she was drowning and no matter how hard his strokes, no matter how powerful his kicks he couldn't reach her, couldn't stop her from slipping beneath the steel gray waters to a lonely grave. Or she was waving good bye, a mist swallowing her as moved farther and farther away. Danny ran and ran, calling to her, telling her to wait, to stop but she was always just out of range, just out of reach.

Without true conscious thought of his actions, Danny swung his legs over the side of the bed, blue eyes morphing to neon green as he transformed to ghost form and transfused through the walls, silent and morbid, truly ghost like in his countance. All he could think about was Sam, her smile, her laugh, and her eyes…oh her eyes.

From the time they were six years old, Sammy had a fire the seemed to radiate from her like a glow. She had a passion and a thirst for life that was beautiful and precious, treated like brass when it should have been handled like gold. That was what it was in his eyes because when it came down to it, nothing could put that flame out. Whatever Sam might have lacked in outward beauty(though he couldn't find anything) she made up for in spirit, an uncrushable unchangeable spirit; it was her spirit that had kept him and Tucker alive during some of their stupider stunts. Complain as they did about her passion, her beliefs, it made her who she was…why did they ever tell her she needed to change?

Danny remembered the moment he fell in love with her. Kisses are a powerful action, intentional or not it seemed they held the ability to awaken in a person the beautiful ability to love or the heart wrenching ability to shut the world out; very few things in the world were quite as powerful. Danny remembered the spell well, being under it was like floating among the stars, the overwhelming flow of joy and pleasure at her smile, her touch, even her presence. Lavender, he remembered, her hair had smelled like lavender. She was so beautiful, even under magic he knew that, her mind quick and sharp; it had been her who saved him and destroyed him. Love was the most destructive force, able to bring even the strongest man to his knees at just the bat of a lash.

The kiss had been short, explosive, and the most mind boggling moment of Danny's young life. Who knew so much could pass between people during something so insignificant as a kiss, especially between friends…

Friends, now there was irony; It was the perfect love story. Boy meets girl, boy befriends girl, boy is put under a magic spell, boy is forced to kiss girl, boy falls for girl….But where was the happy ending? Certainly not in the blood staining the Mansons' ivory bathtub, or in the blood caked knife that had clattered to the floor, a clinking sound that echoed like the memory of a bad movie pun, the last scream of a nightmare. Only this was no movie and he couldn't seem to wake from the nightmare.

She looked so peaceful he noted as he solidified again, stepping silently to her bedside and sitting. Tucker had been here visiting, he saw the tale-tell signs of his junk food craze spilled all over the table; a small smile warmed his countance. If Sam knew there were beef jerky wrappers in her hospital room there would be hell to pay.

The pallor of the young Goth's skin was startling and Danny longed to see them flush with pleasure at a compliment or burn with anger when one of the two boys screwed up, most of all he longed to see those lavender eyes open and look on him one more time and show him the fire no one should have been able to extinguish. Danny needed to see his Sammy again, not the lifeless doll that had spent the past three months being someone else.

Cursing the bandages restraining his fingers, Danny carefully stroked the raven haired girl head, smoothing down a few misbehaving locks fondly. It was a long moment before the ghost by found the courage to lift the girls hand to his lips, closing his eyes in remembrance of the blood that had come from just below her hands.

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't  
_

Flashback

The reaction to his words had been akin to the announcement of the second world war, or so he supposed. Shrieks of "Excuse Me!" and "I'll get the car! Jack Get up here NOW!" echoed in his mind, there was no time for this…Sam could be dead in the minutes it was taking them to organize. Danny would not lose her, he'd die before he'd let her die even at her own hand…the world required a lot of him but God would not do this to him!

Jazzes hand on his shoulder brought Danny to reality; he had to get to her

"Go, I'll make the excuse" she whispered, nodding to the window before respectfully turning away and allowing him privacy. Surprise would have been an understatement, he didn't know how she knew but it wasn't the time to question it; in an instant Danny phantom had made his appearance and was sailing through the skies of Amity toward the house of his best friend.

'Please, Please don't let me be to late'

The Manson house always gave him the creeps, it was to large in Danny's opinion especially since it was usually only Sam…there was to much house for to little people but he supposed the elite of society could afford to be extravagant. Today, however, the silence was terrifying. Every moment without a sound meant one more moment slipping away from Sam's life…Danny sped through every room, his desperation mounting when he couldn't find the girl in any of them. IF she wasn't in the house there was no hope, Amity was huge and he had no hope of finding her before…

Banishing the thought he laid his hopes with the last floor, Sam's floor the boys liked to call it; Three rooms and a bathroom, all hers. Danny prayed she was in one of them, alive and able to be helped

"Please Sam" he whispered "Please be here," The rooms were empty but held the dank smell of despair, until that point there had been no scent for the emotion in Danny's memory but now it was acrid and foul, like a bad taste he long to remove. It was the combination of blood and tears, pain and death.

All that remained was the bathroom, like a last plea for a mortal soul he transformed back into his human form sure that he could handle it, hoping that in this form God might show mercy. Nothing prepared him, nothing could have prepared him, for the sight in that bathroom.

She was laying, naked, in the once ivory tub, head lolling on her shoulder and breasts floating just at the surface of the reddish water, a knife held loosely in a weakened fist. His first step jostled it and it fell to the sparkling tile with a deafening clatter, blood shaking itself loose from the steel blade. The shock finally passed, now Danny noticed the waters eerie copper color and Sam's waxy skin. Stumbling forward, slipping and sliding in the red puddles spilling onto the floor, he fell to his knees beside the ivory tub, pulling her head from the red water. Like every teenage boy he envisioned the moment where he would see the girl he loved naked and he was man enough to admit it, but he didn't imagine this. Sam had grown cold and he ripped a towel from the rack, desperate to warm her up any way possible. Danny carefully pulled her from the water and cradled her limp body in his arms. Her breathing was no more then the faint rise and fall of her breast, and reluctantly he measure her pulse; it was weak but still there. All Danny knew about first aid, about blood lose flew from his mind when he cradled the dying girl in his arms, salty tears mixing with those she had cried.

"Sam" He whispered, afraid to jostle her "Sam, don't leave me"

_How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me  
_

"Don't leave me Sam please" Danny whispered, burrowing his face into her neck and inhaling a scent as old and comforting as their friendship, lavender. Even on her deathbed, she smelled like lavender. Pulling away, he held her hand to his lips, mindful of her wrists. It was desperation that had brought him to her, the need for her to face him…to hear her tell him to his face what she felt in her heart and for him to kiss away the tears that would come from her eyes. That was what should have been done before, as a friend he should have held her, and cradled her and wiped her tears, he should have done what she had been able to do countless times before. As a man he should have been their for her, told him what he felt but, like a weakling he denied it, he couldn't have bared to lose the friendship that meant so much to him.

'Look where that got us' he thought dryly, one hand carefully smoothing her dark obsidian locks, his white bandage sharply contrasting again her hair. He loved her, he loved her and he longed to show her that, to bring her back and prove it to her. That last thing Danny ever wanted to do was push her away, to leave her behind; Sam WAS his world couldn't she see that? He would die to save her if that was what it took, trade places with her, fight for her until he could stand up and even then he would keep trying.

That's the funny thing about love, it destroys a man, makes him soft and usable, chews him up and spits him out but in the end few would ever take back the decision to have it happen because when it came right down to it, feeling the joy that being around that special someone brings is irreplaceable. Danny knew all to well that. Sometimes you have to nearly lose something to realize the love you have for it, to remember something as tiny as a kiss and wake up to the feeling of being truly alive that that memory brings.

"I love you Sam" he whisper in her ear, puling her hair away from it, tears welling in his eyes even as he looked down in such love at her "I love everything about you, everything you are and everything you aren't…though I don't think there's anything you aren't!" He quoted the note she had written, caressing her cheek now, wanting to be close to her and remind himself that she was still there. "You are the most beautiful girl in the world…and smart! What did you see in the mirror Sammy, I bet it wasn't what I see." The words kept coming, a confession she needed to hear even if she didn't remember it when she woke up. It didn't matter, he needed to say it as much as she need to hear it. "When we met I thought you were the prettiest girl in the world, covered in mud, sticks, leaves and all…and that kiss. I don't care if it was a spell, it was the most amazing moment of my life…do you remember Sam? You broke my heart that day…I suppose I deserved it. Oh Sam I didn't know! Why didn't you tell me how much you were hurting? Why didn't you tell tucker? Even Jazz, anyone!" He bent his head over hers, eye closed and tears falling onto her face "I can't lose you, call it selfishness but you mean more to me then all the Paulina's, Tuckers, and ghosts catches the world could offer. Only you Sam, only you." His hand came up to caress her cheek, his eyes opening to study her features carefully, was she smiling like that a moment ago?

"They say that a kiss will wake the beautiful princess from her eternal sleep" a soft chuckled blew warm air in a small puff onto her face, was she blushing? Could she hear him? "I'm no prince charming but maybe my kiss will be enough." Pressing his lips to hers, he cupped her cheeks and relaxed at the feeling of warmth coming from her parted lips. It was short but a moment of joy he needed for halfway through it the feeling of her reciprocating interrupted his prayers and though she still slept, hearing his words only in her dreams, Danny knew she had heard them.

"Open your eyes Sammy" he whispered, laying his head beside hers. It was clear now what had been so hard to see before. He walked now with an open heart and open eyes. "You just have to open your eyes."

_I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_


	2. Welcome to my life

**

* * *

A/N Well, I don't think I've ever received such good reviews! Thank you to all of you who replied, and as requested I will be continuing this story but please don't flame me if it sucks, I rarely if ever continue a fic (especially if I originally intended it to be a one shot) and I'm afraid that as I'm writing this I am completely out of inspiration. It will probably not be nearly as tear-jerking as the last chapter but I'm writing it in the A.M. hours. I hope it exceeds expectations and I haven't disappointed anyone! However I write this anyway, and I do hope you like it! No flames please, constructive criticism welcome (though I do know I suck at grammar), oh! I didn't really know how the trio met (to be honest I don't really know much about this fandom) so I apologize if this isn't the way things happened, it just seemed to fit in with my plot. With that all said! Read and Review! Oh, for the record, I know I'm evil, just wanting to clear that up. Read and Review!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Danny Phantom (nickelodeon) or the song 'Welcome to my Life'(simple plan) so please do not sue me.**

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you_

Parents are supposed to have all the answers, to smooth away nightmare in the deepest gloom and chase the ghosts from beneath dust ruffles and behind closet doors; Parents are supposed to make everything okay when nothing in the world seems to be right. Why, when they needed them most, did all the answers simultaneously vanish? Why did the world turn upside down without providing the wisdom to straighten it? Why did the safe security blanket of youth come off when all adults were unprepared to set things right?

Why did his teenage son take all this in better stead then him? Jack Fenton watched the neon orange fabric of his jump suit bunch around his sagging thighs. Time waited for no mortal man, the concept of his own mortality terrified him; he fought ghosts daily but it did not turn back the hands of the clock. Everyday he discovered another wrinkle, one more graying hair, one more sign of the approaching end and the knowledge that every day was one more step taken to that endless rest. It was a chilling realization.

He wanted to blame himself for not seeing the girls' suffering, Jack wanted to say he could have prevented it and saved the children from the grief hovering over them like a black, choking fog; honesty was never strong in his character but once neither was neglect and he had shown so much of that.

When did Danny grow up? Where was he when the once little toddler stopped hiding beneath his fathers age beaten shadow, when did he become the man Jack could never pretend to be? He wanted to say he led Danny to that point, been the strong father figure that shaped a young man's moral fibers, but a shrewd conscious told him that he would have had to been there to have a hand in the wonderful man his son was becoming.

What had he been protecting his family from all this years? An imaginary enemy to protect the harsh reality of the true terrors of the world, an obsession spanning three decades to hide an inner fear of self worthlessness? The letter had been 'ghost free', Jack checked it himself but now looking at it in the faint light he knew no test in the world could cure it of the real ghosts, could take the terror out of his sons sleeping face. As a ghost hunter, as a man, as a father he should have protected his children from this horror and as an adult should have protected the other two from the darkness. Why, then, had he not?

The letter sat carefully folded on the small table at the boys' bedside, innocent and deadly in one small package. Even though just slightly glowing from the shady lamp light, tear stains burned through the paper, dripping the ink down the page, a silent mourning that spoke more words then the poor boy could ever had put to use. Love could not always be spoke in words, and it seemed his son knew more about that then he. It took strength for a man to shed a tear and Jack wondered, would he have the courage to cry if it were, say, Maddie, or Jazz….or Danny? Although he could not admit it in so many words, it frightened him that he could not answer that, could not know if the deaths of those he loved would grip him as powerful as that girls' attempt had Danny. Jack hoped he would never need to find out.

Sweat glistened on his sons pale brow, and Jack quietly smoothed away the wrinkles on the cold forehead, watching him suffer the horrors a father should be there to guide their son through. In sleep he saw the small child that once depended on him for surety and safety, the child that stood on the edge of adulthood, peering over, the child he was afraid to let go of. Doing so would be allowing him to make the same mistakes Jack himself had made. Already he suffered the choices of his heart and Jack tried to blame the girl who stole the love of his child, to blame it on careless thoughts and heartless actions, to blame it on the hurting soul whose room stood beside theirs, but he could not find it in himself to do that. Children, young adults suffered the teaching and actions of the generations before them…They were at fault for being so blind as not to see a child's pain. Danny, Tucker, Sam, even Jazz, though they were growing up at such an alarming rate they were still children, scared, anxious, unsure.

Guilt ate away at Jack as he lovingly smoothed his sons' rich onyx hair, brushing the unruly locks from the boys gently closed eyes. A painful sore felt as though it ripped open a hole in his soul, love and regret fighting for dominance in his heart as he watched the boy doze in his peaceful, untouchable dreams. Just when his son needed him the most was when Jack discovered himself failing, falling from the cloud that he gazed at the world from all these years. Was it to late to help his son?

Parents are supposed to have all the answers, but all Jack seemed to have was the questions.

_Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming_

Why did people fear the darkness and the shadows that crept from room to room? What could be feared in their conscious mind that did not lie within their breast, within the very walls of their mind?

The shadows moved across the blandly painted ceiling, puppets to a masterful puppeteer pulling strings just beyond vision; perfection in death, perfection in life for they seemed to pass between both worlds, a message of hope and disappointment to mortals with either both, or neither. One never passed with out the other, such as darkness and light, light and shadow. Hope and disappointment intermingled with sunrise when you possessed them, and when you lost them you were left with only the darkness of your soul and the pain of your hand.

Her deep lilac iris' tracked the movement of the puppets across their stage, mind focused on the deep darkness within her that fueled them, gave them life and her hope. Death came with the loss of just one emotion, numbness followed and then the waking, but always the numbness, the emptiness, the loss. Hope fueled a soul like oxygen fueled fire and here she lay suffocating in her own pain and decay awaiting the welcomed darkness and the first breath air; they took away her hope for a mortals end but she could still have minor death, momentary sleep. Sam could still have her darkness.

Nothing could take from her the color that surrounded her whole existence, it permeated her skin like a familiar perfume and, after sixteen years of fermenting, finally tainted her heart; darkness could not disregard you it merely allowed you to exist with in it and welcomed its children to return to its all encompassing embrace. It was the best friend of a lonely heart and even it now forsook her, as all others had. What use did the world have for he, a broken heart so caught up in her own misery she pleaded with blood for someone to see her in a stereotyped world, but who would see the worthless little maggot cloaked in ebony, drifting through a world of model smiles and charming laughs. Who notices coal when they have a diamond?

Sometimes it was as if the darkness was suffocating her, that a black hole was slowly ripping her soul from her body, crushing her under itself until she gave in, collapsed upon her self and it could separate them and making her the empty shell of a girl she had become. She cut to feel a pain rather then that of nothingness, to remember the rush of emotion, any emotion, to rehumanize herself. Each drop of blood felt warm to her cold heart, the knife that drew it the only friend who could understand. Still it came, day after day, especially in the shadows, a stone of guilt and self hated forcing her to carry its weight on her chest until her ribs cracked and dam broke, sucking every breath she had from her, taking her appetite, breaking her mirrors, her scale, failing the classes and crying the tears Sam's soul could not until nothing remained but a whisper of a flame, of a person who had the life squeezed from them. Nothing but a memory.

What was suicide? Welcome darkness, a return from hell to home, at least in Sam's mind, and the ultimate punishment for a being who had no right to continue their pitiful existence when they could rid their loved ones and their world of the burden of befriending a whiny, self absorbed bitch. Her nails bit into her fat, fleshy thighs until she felt hot blood flow down her fingers, warming her frigid soul; she longed for a knife to take her from this meaningless existence but no dice, once burned twice shy. No one would ever leave her to her own devices again. But she would find away, she always did. That was what freaks did.

Her eyes roamed over the ceiling as pain dug through the hole she longed to plug, to fill with the missing pieces of herself long since vanished with the light. Shadows were so misunderstood, the darkness feared because it was something no one could place, it was different and thus made evil by humanities sick beliefs of normality. Damn them, Damn them all! She wanted to cry, to scream and the animalistic rage built up in her throat but could find no escape; She had loved him more then the darkness because he could save her and he turned the other cheek…she was worthless and he knew that, she was weird, she was ugly, she was stupid. Damn Danny, Damn Tucker! Couldn't they understand why she'd done this? Why did they have to search her out, why did they have to save the one person who did not want to be saved? They couldn't see in her pain, why did they have to on the brink of her freedom?

Tears burned her eyes, liquid fire that she longed to tear into and rip out, wanting to leave herself cold to the pain she could not escape, in the dark without view of the light she could never have. Sam was not afraid of the dark, how could she be when the darkness was all that could absorb the shadows of her tattered soul to dance with the remainders of other on the ceiling, scaring the ignorant and crying for the lost.

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

It hurt, it hurt like hell and there was no medicine in the world that could stop it from doing just that.

He knew she would pass by, that she would offer advice and the shoulder that he never felt the need to use, that she would show the calm, ever calculating persona that served her so well in a family of the strange and unusual. With her life, it was no wonder she kept a strict rein on herself, on her beliefs, on her goals. He knew nothing meant more to her then composure and surety.

What he did not know was that she would be the first to lose it and that roles would reverse for a moment, and knowing it had to be done hurt in a vein so estranged from everything it didn't have a name. It came like a sharp slap in the face, maybe of reality, maybe of mortality. Fighting the urge to double over with the sharp take to the chest he felt, the mental equivalent of a punch below the belt, he had to steady his breath at the sight of a fallen angel, beautiful in her sorrow.

Tucker never was the romantic type and in such a situation as this it hardly seemed the moment to try to be but the consequences of ignoring his instincts lead them here to begin with and to walk away…to walk away was the burn of a second times ignorance.

It needn't be asked what broke the angels' wings, the same event opened his eyes to the reality of technology and the plastic smile and he could offer little assurance or support when his own mind still whirled and spun. Their worlds had been turned upside down by their own negligence and a friends sorrow. Still, Tucker sat beside the weeping red head, her hair a stark reminder of his fiery friend, wrapped his jacket gently around her shivering figure, and took her shaking hand carefully in his, afraid her nails might draw blood from her arms. Neither needed that after the previous night.

"It scares me" she whispered, her voice was thin and reedy from all the crying she seemed to have been doing and the brokenness echoing in her voice was another sucker punch to his already unsteady mind. If she was scared, what hope was there for the rest of them? When the sane grows insane, what happens to those already lost in the throws of madness? Before he could question her words, she continued solemnly

"So many years of preparing for the worst, of steadying myself against the fall, trying to make the world saner…one girl toppled that over in a single twitch of her wrist, doing the one thing I was to sensible, to scared to do. I did everything to make sense of the world, to add security in to my unsteady life…and she makes more sense then any diagnosis or book ever could."

What could he say? Inside his pocket the technological face, the keys that brought forth the words he feared to say, clinked together as a dangerous reminder of what brought them here. Being illogical to make logical sense of the world around them, for him surety came in technology, for her psychology, for Sam…

"Jazz…" She too seemed to realize the guilt of them all, for not stopping her and for not being her, and it gnawed at his stomach, as he was sure it gnawed at hers. The nausea rose in him and he bit down the bile hovering in his throat for fear it would leave nothing but his soul for the guilt to gnaw upon. He waited in vain for the silence to break but only the sound of their quiet breaths and the nighttime chill through the leaves broke it; the quiet brought too much to his mind, left to many unanswered questions. Why? The question had echoed through his mind, the last jolt of a horror movie…he longed to press rewind on this nightmare and bring it back to the beginning, to stop this insanity. Digging at the loose cement with his fingernails, fighting back the sting of hot liquid at the corner of his eye he managed a soft, choked reply to easy the spinning confusion fluttering behind closed eyelids, spinning colors, loud yet silent words, crying, pain, tears, anger…why…why…

"Why?" he did not sob, but the words came out strangled and forced. No he couldn't cry like her, like Danny, not even like Sammy…he felt as though he would explode like a shaken up soda bottle, the emotions building to a point he didn't think he'd survive to see. The roles were back to normal, the fallen angel, his fallen angel back to her composed sisterly role. Tuckers eyes squeezed close, his jaw clenched in expectation for the collapse of his inner walls, his steady composure was failing him and it took everything he had to keep from crumbling before the tall red head. When his breaths grew short, and he saw spots in lue of his panic attack, Tucker felt a lifesaver being thrown to him.

He had been pulled into Jazz's arms, her head burrowed itself into the crook of his neck and her arms tightened around him in a death grip desiring support and sustenance, all of which he was willing to give. Holding her close, he let a tear or two fall onto her shoulder as she shed a few of her own, each acting as a sponge for the others sorrow.

Neither knew how long they sat like that, heads leaned for support, arms drawn tightly around each other, but Tucker felt the lessening of the burden. Suddenly he wasn't alone in this, drowning silently in his pain. While the world saw his smile, his composed face waving happily, Jazz saw the mirror image of her own soul and saved him from a self-built grave…so alike and so different. They drew apart from each other, neither dry eyed or healed but slowly arriving to that point; Tuckers eyes drew abruptly to hers, the aquamarine orbs overflowed with silent sorrows and endless hopes, truly depthless seas and the boy held tightly to her hand in fear of falling in.

"You can't answer that question Tucker, no one can not even Sam herself" Her lips formed words, but his soul took them in the stead of his ears for as her mouth spoke these words, her lips brushed the clammy skin of his forehead. "All you can do Tucker is prepare to help her out of this in any way you can, to fight for her even when she's given up…why isn't important, what is important is making sure she doesn't end up in the hospital bed again. You and Danny have to catch her when she falls" He nodded, mind coming to grips, once again, with the gravity of this situation, his eyes following her as she shivered with cold and rose to go inside. With one last thought in mind he called out

"Who will catch you?" but all he received was a sad sort of smile as she disappeared in to the friendless hospital.

It did hurt; it hurt like hell to watch an angel fall.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
_

What was life but a meaningless string of days bound together by forgotten memories and unreachable hopes with a few relationships thrown into the mix, and what was death but the unbinding of that book, the ending of one tale and beginning of another. Did fate have a hand in the future of one scared young woman, or was she indeed her own fate? Had fate chosen its martyr the moment she made her first incision?

Danny gently dabbed the young Goth's face with a cool cloth, praying to bring the blazing fever down and the girl back into the living world. She had woken from her dark dreams just to be snatched away by hallucinations and a 104.5 fever that did not seem to want to break. The sheets were twisted around her ankles and bunched tightly inside white knuckled fists; Doctors said it was an infection, that this lessened the girls' chances of surviving this. Only Danny had been able to store away the pain and face a night of chilling the fever and easing the nightmares she awoke to.

Kissing her forehead felt like pressing his lips to a hot iron, and his silent tears mingled with her sweat. Growling he tossed the rag across the room and rose, pacing the room in a furor, his head spinning in his hands, or perhaps that was the floor? Something had to give and he wasn't sure how long it would be until he snapped again, until the little pillar of strength within him collapsed upon itself and he was left to shrivel into nothing.

He had read the letter over and over again, trying to read between the lines, to go back to the moment she wrote it and recreate what loose thoughts must have passed through Sammy's mind to cause her to go so far. Blank, nothing, the climax of a story withheld, replaced by a cliffhanger he despised. Still, the more he tried to see through Sammy eyes, the more happy memories that flooded his senses until he was drawn back years into the past, into moments that he could never forget..

_With no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

**Flashback 1: eight or nine years previous**

Why, oh Why did his parents have to be the only parents on the block who attempted to demolecularize his friends? That would, of course, be saying he HAD friends which was a gross overstatement at best, most of the other kids were terrified of his insane parents as were his teachers…though that last one wasn't always a bad thing. At least Jazz could be considered mostly normal but she was his sister, it wasn't as though they could talk about anything substantial…

A subdued, eight year old Danny Fenton dragged himself down the sidewalk of Amity, head hung low and feet now and then kicking a rock to a point eight feet ahead of him. His childlike countance was increased by the locks of tousled dark hair falling in his baby blue eyes that screamed innocence, though now they were narrowed in a fit of fury.

'It's not fair' the youngster thought angrily, giving the rock an angry kick into traffic 'Everyone else has loving, caring parents but all mine do is ruin any chance I have of making friends.' His blue eyes watered in anger as his feet turned him into the park, and unknown force leading him from his usual straying path when he deigned to desert his ridiculous excuse for a home.

Earlier that day Danny's friend Dash had visited to play on his knew videogame box, but hopes of making a new friend were dashed when his father pounced the blue-eyed boys' young friend with ritual cries of "Ghost!" Now Dash was probably telling the entire fourth grade what a freak he was; feeling a sick bubbling in the pit of his stomach, he kicked a tree hard, his foot digging into the bark in an attempt to make something else feel the pain he was to young to know how to escape.

"Hey! What did the tree do to you!" a high pitched voice cried in annoyance, before he had the chance to discover the speakers hiding place something heavy, bony, and squeaky landed roughly on him, knocking Danny face first into the mud and getting a mouthful of it as he went. Kicking the wrongdoer in a warning to get off, the young boy rolled on his back coughing and pitting mud onto the ground, promising inwardly to kill whoever had the nerve to jump onto him from up in a tree.

"Listen you little-" his words were cut short when he opened his eyes to see the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen staring straight at him in a curious way. It was only then he noticed a sharp pain his side; the owner of the eyes was poking him! "Hey stop that!"

"Just making sure you wasn't dead" the squeaky voice responded very matter-of-factly, pushing the owner of the beautiful lavender eyes away, he sat up and took in who it was that had assaulted him. To his utter horror it wasn't a boy that sat before him but a girl, though at first glance Danny wasn't sure you could tell. She was so cover in mud and leaves it was rather hard to tell if she was human, let alone female. A low, mournful groan escaped his throat; being knocked down was one thing, but being knocked down by a girl masquerading as a boy? He would never live it down!

"Are you hurt? I wasn't meaning to fall, I guess I slipped" she shrugged and brushed some dirt off her pants "but you shouldn't been kicking the tree, it can't kick you back!"

"So YOU kicked me instead?" Danny replied dryly, only to wilt under the girls venomous glare

"Well you deserved it meany! Tree's have rights too and-" she continued on this vein of conversation for about five minutes, when the point came that she began to repeat herself Danny, in desperation, knocked her down and covered her mouth with both hands

"I. get. the. point. Now will you please shut up and tell me your name or leave me alone?"

"Technically I can't tell you my name and shut up at the same time" she girl quipped, only to receive a glare from Danny which, to his annoyance, seemed not to phase her in the slightest.

"My Name is Samantha, but if you're smart you'll call me Sam." Danny nodded and Sat up, pulling a leaf from her dark hair and studying her dark purple eyes

"I'm Danny, wanna play tag?"

_Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding_

When did life become so twisted?

Leaning against the doorframe of the young Goths room, a quiet, young woman contemplated the pair before her and the love that lead them to that point. Wrapped loosely on her shoulders was a single article of clothing causing more confusion then the suffering pair in the room, fighting their own inner wars.

'But who' she though bitterly 'isn't right now?' It seemed that everyone, young and old, sick and well, suffered the same pangs of doubt, the same throes of insecurity and the same questions that still went unanswered. But now Jazz felt her own emotions spill over into the sticky mess currently making up their lives, and suddenly the one who always had the answers couldn't even figure out something as simple as her heart.

The jacket smelled of cedars and snow, true representatives of the season, and it held a warmth in it as it hugged her shoulders with a pleasant, euphoric feeling. Taking a sip of coco from the beat up Styrofoam cup, and tossing her auburn locks over her shoulder, she swilled it and closed her eyes, listening to the methodical beep of heart machines and the occasional tear hitting the tile. Steam rose from within the cup, allowing her to feel warmth in the cold confusion tying her up in pleasant agony and heart wrenching uncertainty; hearing her brothers tears fall left Jazz with a feeling of helplessness uncommon to someone with such a definite grasp on life and nothing, it seemed, could overcome it.

As a little girl, Jazz believed that closing your eyes and counting to ten made everything okay again, it made the monsters become dirty clothes and the ghosts turn into tree branches outside her window. When tears were not soothed and fears left to stew, sometimes all a lonely little girl could have was a belief in the magic that made those horrors transform. Now, more then any other time, That scared little girl wished it would make the upside down world right itself and make her warped emotions settle into sanity.

No one had ever cared to know what she felt; no one asked the teacher if she wanted to learn, no one asked the helper if she needed help, and no one asked Jazz what kind of pain she held in her heart. It was her job to soothe everyone else's' souls, to make sense of their unsure lives even if it meant sacrificing a part of herself; Jazz loved being able to aide the heart ached, relieve the overburdened, save the lost. But no one had come to her when she ached, when the burden crushed her, when she was lost in her own tears, left in the dark to cry alone. No one, until him.

When did you know something was right, that it was okay to take a risk? Perhaps when the world collapsed and right became wrong, light dark, reality fantasy…was this a fairy tale or just the musing of a confused and broken heart? Life would be easier if it offered instructions on how to play, where to move when answers were just beyond sight and your heart had you lost inside itself, within a maze that showed no signs of life. Jazz lost herself inside a single thought entertained by a weary heart, the one the beat within her breast; he gave her hope, something so lacking in these times.

Tucker, the odd one whose grasp on reality seemed estranged from the common order, or perhaps cut to close to the shape of reality, Jazz could never tell. Like her, his heart buried itself beneath a thousand walls and locks to keep the soft fleshy part from feeling the wounds to sharply, taking the pain to acutely. Watching him rage in Sam's room had been heartbreaking, like watching a strong mountain crumble not from weight but from unsteady ground, unearthed pain spewing from misery's very core; it was heartrendingly beautiful. Jazz understood why the keys of a broken palm pilot clinked together in the boys pocket, even knowing what masking emotions did to a soul it was impossible to surrender ones own mask. She knew this all too well.

Perhaps the similarity of their singularity drew them to each other that evening, drew two broken hearts together in a bubble of humanity where they might together heal. They were both alone in their sorrows, each persons closets companions lost in their own sufferings, yet now Jazz felt pensive rather then depressed. He was Danny's best friend, the best friend of the girl that lead them to all this, what was he to her? Certainly not a passing stranger, another charity case, one more human to analyze in a mad quest to classify the world…if not that, then what?

It seemed an eternity had passed watching the two lovers wrap themselves silently around the others world, yet it had only been enough to time to allow the coco to cool to a gummy mess on the inside of the shoddy cup. Gazing at it with heavy aquamarine eyes, she pushed herself from the door jam and tossed the yuck into the nearest garbage pail.

If only all messes were so easily cleanable.

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me_

_  
_Memories flitted through the wake and dreaming, some riddled with the wracking pain of emotion scorned, others full of times more flavorful and gentle then those they faced now. Four children teetering on the edge of a cliff leading into the unknown expanse of adulthood remembered an innocence lost to them in one violent wrench, allowing, for at least three of them, a look back into their beginnings as a team, two in undecided emotions, the other in desperation to seek a gently place within a deadly briar. The fourth could not remember the pleasantness of youth, seeking warmth in the cold and finding nothing but records of her person failings.

Life, to them, once seemed so simple; to a child what else could a scheduled, carefree existence be? At least that was how it used to be, for three friends it was an endless paradise to find each other in a cold world where nothing, not even their dreams wielded to their cried and hurts. To the outsider it was pleasant reminiscence of something denied to her, yet a thing she thought one day might be within her grasp.

Jazz lay across four uncomfortable waiting room chairs, Tuckers jacket a comfort and a light giving her hope even when all seemed hopeless. It was inevitable she would have to return it but for now it served to hug her shoulders and warm her in the drafty corridors filled with winter chill; in her mind it was Christmas again, eight or nine year prior to this night, and thoughts of snow and vacation replaced anxious waiting and terrible silences. Eyes closing around a smile, she held the jacket closed and snuggled down into it, feeling sleep haze about her, not taking her into the land of nod but allowing her to lightly doze in her memories.

They jingled in his pocket, exactly fifty tiny buttons tossing about as a reminder of the past and the future. It had been gift, his handheld, after the other three cracked under the pressure of serving an overactive halfa; Tuckers parents were all to willing to occupy their boys mind with a screen, it saved them from answering any pressing questions their son might lay at their feet. It avoided a conflict all too easily and now he knew himself the fool for letting it slip beneath his net. Yet, despite its negative connotation, the memories surrounding it were rather pleasant in some aspects, not so much the object itself as the reason he had gotten it, the people who had destroyed his last three were the very people that saved him over and over again, in more ways then one. Hero's in so many ways to him, even as a child he looked up to the two onyx haired children and flaming red head. A small smile crossed his lips, the first allowed in three or four days. They were the strength behind his pillar, keeping him in line when he strayed and saving his ass when he screwed up. One by one he took each key from his pocket and dumped it into the snow bank, watching them pass through the condensation of his breath just to break the ice capped snow and sink to a frozen grave. 'For Sam' he thought 'For Danny, for Jazz' he paused as the last key weighed in his hand, considering it before stuffing it back into his pocket. Not all things should be forgotten. 'For me.'

The nurses had dimmed the blinding florescent lights, though it did not matter much to her, as she lay unmoving on the thin mattress, staring with deadened lavender eyes at the ceiling, zombie-like in her countance. She had made no complaint of the lights, her only sign of distaste a narrowing of dark eyes against the intense glow; now she was left with her darkness, staring at the pale beige, slightly stucco ceiling in remembrance of exactly what had brought her to this point. Sense told her to feel remorseful of her action, it had everyone sleepless in the waiting room and at her bedside when the fever refused to cool, when her eyes would not reveal themselves from beneath heavy lids. Yet, Sam steadfastly refused to do so. They could not see the brilliance of her death, a fading star merely blinking out into nothingness; it was what she wanted and the longing in her to feel the bite of a blade twisted like a tightly would coil in her stomach, part of it tightening around her heart and slowly killing her. Memories of a blooming rose, copper colored seas, and soothing lavender filled her senses and lulled her, the shadow deceiving her mind in its brambles to see the story play out on the nights' stage.

Dreams were medicine for any ail, if only for an hour or two, even if it had required drugging and a few hospital threats to get a person to that point, the baring of a overwhelming burden in exchange for rest was a beautiful trade for any man. Danny found this out as he snoozed peacefully under the watchful eyes of any who came to smooth out the wrinkles in the last untainted place left to him. Memories dance like nymphs before his slumbering mind, waiting for him to reach out and pick from the line the perfect recollection to return strength to his weary psyche and give him the ability to carry on the next day. From the open window came a breeze carrying on its wings the breath of a snowy winters' eve, inducing in Danny a thousand sights, and sounds, and memories long since forgotten, stashed away in a file drawer at the back of his conscious, dredged up in its owners time of need to be the medicine to cure the ache nothing else seemed to ease.

Together, unknowingly, the revisited places and times that gave them assurance of a better tomorrow, or perhaps no tomorrow.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
_

**Flashback 2: Eight or nine years previous**

Jack Frost passed in the night, breathing a snowy morn onto the occupants of Amity and leaving them to wake to a beautiful winter paradise, untouched by mortal man in its exquisiteness. At the early hours of the morning, announcements for delays and cancellations left tiny ears waiting anxious and eager to hear their schools name before donning winter wear and stumbling in exhilaration out to the playground Mother Nature so generously supplied them.

Only one boy, it seemed, did not summersault at the opportunity for a free day out of the clutches of Mrs. Bates, the horrid fifth grade witch who somehow had a masters in education, though what college would be so cruel was beyond his knowledge yet there she was, molding young minds safe in the confines of Casper Elementary. She was far different then Ms. Laurels who had hugged him farewell three weeks ago when his family packed up and moved only to settle down in a horror of a town.

Tucker hated Amity, and he especially hated the school and his peers. Daily it seemed, he returned home with gum on his pants, spit wads hardening in his hair, and more tape on the bridge of his glasses. Try as he might to make friends he was just weird, he was the 'new kid', the one no one in their right mind risked their social status to hang out with.

So, thus, he was miserable on the first snow day of the year. In his old town Tucker and his friends would be out building snow forts and snowmen, seeing who could win a sledding race and engaging the girls in a boys against girls snowball fight. Now he was just shuffling through the snow, freezing, lonely, and wet when…

Smack! Something cold, wet, and drippy smacked into the back of his head causing him to shudder as part of the slushy snowball dripped down his jacket, into his shirt. Thinking it was some of the boys from school come to pick on him he looked at the ground and started to shuffle off, thoroughly beaten down.

"Daniel Fenton look what you made me do! Are you alright?" A gentle, gloved hand landed on his shoulder and he turned to meet a concerned pair of aqua eyes.

* * *

Danny was such a pest! Truly, there was no denying the true irritation caused by a little brother, especially when aided by his partner in crime and best friend. Supposedly, it was an every-man-for-himself snowball fight but Jazz had the sneaking suspicion she was being plotted against by the other two, not the she really minded. What better way to spend a free day then legally beating up two pesky children and going home to a steaming mug of coco?

Rolling a particularly sopping handful of snow into a sphere, Jazz approached, stalking as best as a ten-year-old not yet adapted to her body can. The target of her mock anger dashed by, shooting her a fearful yet mischievous look as he passed and she aimed, watching the boy pass through one eye before tossing the projectile as hard as she could at her anticipated target. Unfortunately, moments before, the boy dodged in front of another young boy and it hit him squarely in the head rather then her pest of a brother. Sometimes she doubted she could share any genes with that boy.

"Daniel Fenton" she shrieked, her voice high pitched and child-like "Look what you made me do! Are you alright?" she put her hand on the boys shoulder, concerned that he seemed to act like a dog who had been beaten by his master and was now slinking away with his tail between his legs. When he turned to face her, Jazz offered an apologetic smile and studied his face, trying to frown as he did. Was this the boy Danny had told her about? The one Dash always beat up on? The tape on his glasses and the remains of a two week old black eye gave him away and, in the spirit of the unscheduled school holiday, held out her hand to shake his.

"My Brother is a dufus, I'm Jasmine Fenton, Jazz for short and am unfortunately related to that little toad over there." From behind a tree, Danny Fenton grinned sheepishly and tugged on something to his left, causing an amused Sam Manson to poke a bright red nose out from her hideout. Slipping and sliding down the hill, they stumblingly approached the two, Sam first followed by Danny who, about halfway down lost his footing and fell on Sam who landed hard in the snow with her best friend on top of her, and together they rolled the rest of the way, landing in a tangled heap in a wet snow bank

"Danny Fenton you are SO Dead" Jazz heard Sam muffled growl and stifled an laugh, glancing over at the boy she saw a sad look pass over his features before he gave an amused smile.

"Its not my fault you can't keep your balance!"

"I had 100 pounds of dead weight falling on me, what do you expect!" The bickering continued on until the irritated friend managed to, with little incident (except ice down Sam's shirt and some snow in Danny's boxers) reach the pair waiting on the unshoveled cobblestone walkway.

"Hi, I'm Sam, you're the new guy aren't you?" she asked, looking the boy up and down "That coat better be synthetic fur, killing animals is wrong and-" Danny's hand shot out to cover her mouth while he and Jazz simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"I apologize on her behalf for the fool she's making of herself"

* * *

"I apologize on her behalf for the fool she's making of herself" Danny gave the boy an amused smile, making quite a show of ignoring the lavender eyes giving him a death glare. "Ouch! She bit me!" he cried, drawing his hand back sharply and smacking the girls arm "You bit me!"

"You deserved it" came the dry retort. Rolling his eyes, Danny turned back to the boy and held out his hand. If memory served, the boy was Dash's newest punching bag and the popular kids newest throw rug replacing Danny as biggest loser on campus; the boy had seemed nice enough but very reclusive, he never seemed to be anywhere the populars weren't and, being the intelligent child he was, Danny didn't dare interfere with them.

"I'm Danny Fenton, this little nuisance ("Hey!") is my best Friend Sam Manson, who are you?" The boy shifted nervously and the threesome gave him an encouraging smile, Danny thought that if he could only get the boy to open up perhaps the threesome could become a foursome, they did need another for snowball war and sled racing.

"Tucker Foley" came the squeaky reply, an unsure smile revealing his anxiousness about this situation. Sad as the situation was, Danny presumed they were the first to truly act welcoming to the newbie.

"Come play with us! We need another boy so that Jazz and I can beat Danny's butt in a snowball fight!" Sam said, giggling and tugging her gloves up, waggling her eyebrow's challengingly at the new boy. Though at best the lavender eyed girl irritated everyone around her, including her best friend, Danny knew no one better at making a lonely child feel welcome when no one else would or could. After all who had been the one to include him a year ago? Grinning merrily, the noire-haired boy clapped his hand on their new friends' shoulder, taking Sam's bait and thinking the odds of thoroughly thrashing his sister and best friend were considerably heightened with this happy turn of events.

"I think Tucker and I can more then take a couple of girls! What do you think Tuck?" Suddenly it was as though someone had filled the new boy with life, he was like a deflated balloon suddenly allowed air. The three friends were thoroughly pleased with the reaction, yet it was short lived much to everyone's distaste.

"Definit -"

"Hey Noob! Or should I say boob! I thought you were a loser before Fenton, but hanging out with four eyes here, I didn't think you could sink any lower!" Harsh jeers rang across the snowy park, the words colder then the frosty snow below them; as fast as Tuckers face had brightened did it fall. Jazz could be seen gripping Sam's shoulders in an attempt to keep her from launching

herself at the overstuffed peacock, Danny himself hardly managed to restrain the fury coursing through him as he saw his new friends countance sag. When he started to shuffle away to wallow in his melancholy, an unexpected voice rang out over the frost.

"At least my brother gave up Tellytubby pajamas Dash," Jazz said, glowering at the boy evenly beneath heavy lashes, baring to everyone a notoriously sharp tongue and quick wit. "No, wait, it was Barney pajamas I saw you sleeping in when I babysat you last week, that's right! It went real well with your dinosaur sheets and the plastic liner, oh, and those oh-so-adorable puppy slippers." The other three gaped at her, unable to comprehend the words spilling out from her thinly drawn mouth. Dash! Barney pajama's?

Mouth opening and closing like a fishes might, Dash had the good grace to blush right to the roots of his perfectly conditioned blond hair. Unable to retort, the words seemingly drying up on his tongue, he strode menacingly forward showing his brawn (he certainly never showed any brains) and grabbing the mouthy redhead by the collar, eyes glaring down from the face of a boy scorned in his element. The other three sprang forward in alarm when they saw Dash raise a fist, meaning to strike the girl. None knew what to do and passed glances between each other anxiously, each wracking their brain for a solution, something to make Dash leave Jazz be.

"Jazz!" Danny cried out desperately, unsure of how to help his sister, but his fears were assailed when the calm reply to this violence came.

"Do it and I'm sure your mother would love to hear about your after school activities" the large boy visibly paled, dropping Jazz and backing down to recede to the safety of his pack, burned by the red-heads' scathing reply. Jerking his head up, the pack began to migrate away, each giving the group a disgusted glare as they passed "Oh and Dash!" he looked back warily "If I ever hear of you bothering these three again you'll have more then me to worry about! I have a list a mile long I could give to your mother already…I presume I can leave you mind to imagine the punishment." By the way he quickly scuttled off, group in toe, it seemed he could. Jazz smiled, brushed herself of Dash's filth and turned to the three, more specifically Tucker. Danny could almost feel the unbridled hope crackling off the boy's body, it was as though he thoroughly expected the three to abandon him when Dash came crashing in, though from his experience with their school in the past mother or so, Danny couldn't say he blamed him.

"He won't bother you anymore…and if he does you tell me and I'll be all to glad to handle it." Grinning again, Danny locked eyes with his sister for a moment and mouthed

'Thanks Sis!' receiving but a nod of acknowledgement in return, Danny had a feeling she knew exactly how much good had been done in only five minutes and exactly what those actions meant to one of their number.

"Enough of this idiocy" Sam cocked her head toward the passing group "I for one am not about to let that overstuffed thanksgiving turkey Dash Baxter ruin my snow day! Let's kick some butt!" Grabbing a handful of snow, she aimed and hit Danny squarely in the face, giggling insanely at the glare directed her way by an agitated nine-year-old boy. Growling, Danny scooped up some snow and started packing it in his hands, striding meanacingly toward the raven-haired sprite; Sam squeaked and stumbled away as fast as her little legs would go in search of some sort of cover to protect her from the mischievous boys' wrath. Watching them go for a moment, a pensive look on his face, Tucker reached down and cupped a handful of snow in one hand, contemplating something before smacking Jazz in the side of head. The girls head spun toward him so fast, he was sure she must developed whiplash.

"Paybacks are heck" was the impish explanation. Jazz, like her brother before her, growled and scooped some snow, packing it in before launching it at the boy, hitting him in the chest with a cry of

"This means war!"

_To be on the edge of breaking down  
With no one's there to save you   
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
_

**Flashback 3: eight or nine years after the snow day….**

Loneliness was hell, it relied on the companionship of others to make well and could rarely be undone by ones own hand, though she had certainly tried. No matter how deep she allow the knife to slice into the soft flesh of her arm, how much warm blood flowed and mingled with fallen tears, how many times a day she contemplated the end, Sam could not rid herself of the loneliness.

Today the boys spoke with her a total of three and half minutes, each rendezvous interrupted by an Aztec goddess cursed to live in a dim mortal girls body; hard as she tried to ignore it, feelings of inferiority surfaced in the popular girls presence. Paulina could not know how lucky she was to have the love and attention of a certain dark haired, azure-eyed boy. Sam never stood to be the jealous type but seeing Him fawning after a girl who saw in him nothing more then a plaything to toy with and rid herself of at will…. It was a position Sam would not admit to wanting but she did, even if it met giving up everything that mattered, so long as she had him within reach of her heart.

But looking in the mirror now she wondered how Danny could NOT choose the raven haired beauty. Everything she was, Sam was not. Mirrors could not lie, only reflect the truth of the vain or ugly, and the Goth certainly saw both in herself; she didn't see the good the world saw , or aspects that concerned those who cared and worried, only the flaws that left her mud next to solid gold. Mud, a disgusting bacteria ridden substance so easily scrubbed away and washed down the sink, and beside the rich value of gold the feelings of disgust in herself could only intensify.

The gloomy attire that once hugged Sammy's' every curve hung loose over a malnourished body; the boys didn't care if she joined the table at lunch, and there was nothing at home to force food down her gullet so why eat? Obesity was ugly, that was all she could see, the fat sagging from her stomach and thighs, disgusted her to the point of starvation and physical exertion to the point of collapse. To be beautiful one had to suffer and sacrifice, was that not what her mother always told her?

The less she ate, and the more she exercised the fatter and uglier she felt and at the end of the day it grew overwhelming when all anyone could say to her was whispered jeers of "Freak" and "Disgusting", most coming from the High School angel herself.

Trapped in her own mind, the bathroom door closed to keep out every reminder of a discarded creature, a beggar following behind the coat tails of those who saw in her nothing but a woman not worthy of cleaning the filth from their soles, the beast to Danny's beauty. A knife sat gleaming in the low lamp light on the edge of a steaming lavender bath. Each drop that filled the ivory basin was one tear left unshed at some cruel joke, harsh laughter, ignored cry, and the next liquid to flow would be the last step to freedom.

It had taken the last dregs of her remaining soul to write the letter now stashed innocently in the left pocket of Danny's bag, the second stashed in the breast pocket of Tuckers jacket. It could be weeks before either remembered their missing friend, noticed the suspiciousness of her absence, and eventually found the letters, a last memorial to her soon to end pain. By that point no one would miss the strange Goth except to wonder where their target for verbal assaults had vanished to. Only Danny and Tucker would miss her…and she even doubted that.

Silently, Sam slipped the wrinkled, black attire from her pale body and let it slide to the floor in a puddle at her feet, her pale-skinned body revealed to the mirrors critical eye. The Goth allowed sunken eyes to roam over the form in the glass, skin far to pale to be anything but sickly and ashen, hair limp and greasy, sporting a style popular in the third grade, an almost flat chest (at least compared to Paulina's) and fat hanging from the most obvious places. After a simple once over, her deep violet eyes drew toward the puffy red welts on her body; Cuts in every shape and direction scarred the usually unexposed flesh. Legs, stomach, arms, chest, all covered in crisscrosses and slashes, many deep, many infected and irritated, some forming the insults echoing through her mind in waking and sleeping nightmares.

Anger gnawed through her heart, her soul, leaving in its path a burnt and twisted mess. 'Look at the freak' her mind taunted as voices screamed at her to destroy the image, kill the freak who had destroyed her life. Getting rid of her would feel good; breaking her would mean one less broken piece of her already shattered heart. Eyes glaring in pure hatred she attacked the glass, bile blazing in her throat and liquid burning beneath her eyes, she landed on the tile floor slamming her fists again and again into the glass, not feeling the sharp sting of glass piercing her knuckled and palms, only the relief destroying the disgusting image brought to her ransacked mind. When the passion drained through her feet to the floor, Sam looked into the largest remaining piece of glass and saw streaks of black trailing down her face; she knew it was only mascara but it appealed to her. A black heart crying black tears, it was only fitting.

After several minutes of carefully cleaning the glass, the reminder of her shortcomings, from the floor and her hands, she closed her eyes and took the knife into her hands, testing its weight with a wicked smile. It was perfect. Stepping into the scalding wander bath, Sam inhaled a breath of lavender for the last time, letting the smell calm her senses and relax the knot growing in her chest. It was sick, it was twisted and yet none of this came to mind as she lowered herself into the water, letting the heat turn her skin red.

The knife gleamed, smiling sickly at her as though it already knew its purpose, the purposed given to it by a lonely heart. Pressing it to the fleshy underskin of her forearm she did three test cuts, watching a small red flower blossom on the surface of the water, its tendrils floating to the edges of the tub. Pain was delicious and suddenly she found herself tearing at her skin, each cut a little more relief the former and when at last a weakness, a sleepiness began to take from her the drive that brought her so far, she switched hands and made one final cut on her second wrist.

Red bloomed from the cuts, each drip another dark spot in her vision. The previously scorching water did nothing to warm her against the sudden cold sweeping through her body; a momentary doubt was all the regret she felt as the world blurred and darkened. Danny's smiling face passed in her mind as fleeting as a breath and she found a weak smile touch her lips.

'What more' thought she 'can the world ask of me now.'

_No one ever lied straight to your face  
No one ever stabbed you in the back  
_

"What more can the world ask of me" the words were dry and brittle like that of a small tree denied water, drained of the chance at a full life, a happy life. Trees grew to touch the cerulean skies, but anyone watching the shaking form beneath starched sheets could see a proud oak cut down to early in life. And one particular chocolate eyed boy felt the shredding of his heart at the sight.

This was no angel, not like Jazz, this was a proud creature destroyed by cruelty and misconception; Nothing else could explain the feeling of fury boiling beneath Tuckers calm façade at those who had led her to this, himself included. Some things in the world are perfect as they were born, growing in a way so exact to perfection it terrified those who strayed from their own right to exist. Danny and Tucker could guiltily include themselves among the conforming masses and place themselves as the top purveyors of the wounded creatures' pain. If not for them the jeers would have been like water off a ducks back, they told her to change, how weird she was, they gawked over the bitch Paulina and tossed their goth friend aside. They led her to this, and the guilt of having done so ate away at them.

It had been instinct that led him to stand in the doorframe, staring at his best friends figure in the darkness. For years, Tucker passed responsibility like a hot coal, letting others cool the flames so he need never risk a thing in the process of healing the world; Danny chased ghosts while Tucker watched, Sam saved their grades while he sat back, Jazz kept their sanity while he joined them for the ride. Now it was the savior who needed saving and the hero had been laid up in his own stubbornness and guilt. For once in his life, Tucker had been called upon to take responsibility and standing at the edge of a darkness he could not comprehend, the confused young man realized he did not know how to handle this. Sam had more then a deprogram able virus, a glitch that came with a simple keystroke solution, she wasn't an emotionless screen. She was his best friend and the one person he was terrified to talk to, especially about this.

Sam and Tucker never really got along, for years it had taken and large amount of aide from Danny to keep them speaking with each other; he was a strong meat eater, she was an Ultra Recylo Vegetarian (he thought that was what it was called). Though, some how, even without Danny's help the two were best friends that stuck together for more reasons then to just appease their mutual best-friend. In some strange cosmic joke none of them would ever understand, they cared deeply for each other and Tucker knew there were some things that needed to be said that would not mean the same thing coming from Danny, or Jazz, or anyone else but him. It needed to come from the best friend, the boy who argued endlessly with her, the person who judged her harshly for the entirety of their friendship, and who cared about her like the sister he always wished he had.

Beads of cold sweat slid down his forehead, one wrong word would destroy what little sanity Sam had left. If he screwed up now they might never be able to get their friend back, to save her from the lonely grave she dug; Tucker wanted to run, wait out the storm within the safety of a lighted screen but such an escape was no option. For years his peers labeled him, his parents ignored him, and the adults sent to guide him could say nothing but "Grow up". Screens were a child's escape from a lonely world and when the time came to change it was to late to go back, to open up to the world which forsook him in its own maze of ladders and politics. Innocence, the word stretched across the expanses of time, a message that seemed to hold a barley conceivable meaning. What was it to him now? Their innocence passed away in the night, it abandoned them in search of a more suitable home and left them to scuttle into a place which provided the safety it took with it.

Clutching a small item in the palm of his hand, Tucker stepped into the room and flicked a switch, illuminating the gaunt, tear-stained visage of the girl who had taught him compassion and responsibility. As he watched her stare blankly at the wall opposite him, Tucker drew a deep breath and steeled himself for the plunge; It was finally time for him to grow up.

"To live?" He answered her question, knowing that at this moment, this time, that was all any of them could ask of her. To lose something so precious…Tucker did not want to imagine that scenario, it entailed too much pain and heartbreak, to many tears. Obviously, she did not see things quite through his eyes and curled tighter around herself as though the words had caused physical pain in her. Crossing the room, he spun a chair around and straddled it, leaning his chin on the back of it and watching her do everything possible to avoid meeting his gaze, to avoid the conversation he could only imagine was playing through her mind. Maybe she thought he would yell? Oh, Tucker had certainly considered it. Irrationality was not part of Sam's personality and suicide, well suicide was as irrational as one could go. He wanted to yell and scream to her how stupid she had been, how much pain they were all in because of her idiotic decision, to describe in excruciating detail each painful event that had transpired since her little pity party, but he would not.

Sam obviously felt some sort of guilt, whether she would admit it to him or not, because she could not seem to meet his eyes, and if he yelled at her she would only alienate herself from everyone set out to help. Tucker was her friend and, however stupid she was, he had to help her.

"I'm glad your awake, it's been really dull without you…some how jerky just doesn't taste the same without having to argue about the benefits of consuming an animal product," He watched her carefully, the comment would have caused indignation in the past but now all he could see was the same hollow stare. Glancing up at the ceiling in search of an answer for how to approach this, he felt the object in his hand; it could very well be the key to opening up the wound she was intent on hiding from them. Scooting close to the bed, Tucker opened his cupped hand and began playing with a silver bracelet covered in jangling, shiny little charms; it had taken some persuading and a hell of a lot of begging but at last he had been allowed to hold the little trinket until the time came that Sam could be trusted around it. Apparently, doctors confiscated it when she was brought in; it had been the only thing on her person at the time of Danny's discovery and, in his mind, Tucker had no reason to doubt why. Even now, it seemed to be the only thing that could draw his dark friends' eyes toward him, a little recognition filling them upon viewing the simple piece of jewelry.

"I took me three weeks to find this, I swear every one wanted one that week…I knew you weren't a conformist, even then, but, even though they were popular at the time, I knew it was something you could make your own. Danny and I split the cost of it that year, it still stands as the most expensive birthday present I have ever purchased. It took me three months to save enough allowance to buy it, and Danny four months to buy the charm." Said charm rolled beneath his finger, worn with age and wear. The original sheen had long since worn down to a dull, rustic look but it was obviously still donned with care. It meant much to the girl, otherwise it would not have been the only thing she wore to die in.

"A raven" the reply was hoarse, but full of emotion Tucker was relieved to hear. It was a start, not the cure but a start. Giving her an easy smile, he continued the story as though the listener had not heard it a thousand times; Jazz once said during a mental health debate, that thinking positively could, in reality, bring the esteem of some one through the roof. No better time to test the theory had ever come.

"It was your favorite animal at the time, though the pictures you showed up of them gave me nightmares we knew you like them. Danny, in his lovable stupidity, suggested buying you one…then of course we had to locate one and the only ones for sale had to be imported! Needless to say that idea was trashed" a small smirk touched his lips, his eyes glazing over in remembrance "It was his idea to get that particular charm, I don't think I've heard a better idea come out of his mouth since but that's Danny for you." Soon, Tucker knew, they would have to bring up the last seventy-two hours but as he watched the girl sob silently into the unyielding linen sheets, he postponed that time until the very end. Besides, Tucker needed time to draw strength and composure from the memories if he was to succeed in doing this.

"You opened every other gift before ours, looking back I think we should have been offended but I do believe the suspense was well worth the wait, not to mention the money. The smile on your face could have rivaled the light of the sun…so could have Danny's cheeks when you kissed them" a short, barking laugh escaped him; sometimes he wondered where exactly their friendship became romantic. Danny had said it had been during the kiss when Ember enchanted him but Tucker wasn't so sure; those two were meant to be one, fate brought them together for a purpose and sometimes even he was moved by the deep love each had for the other. A long silence interrupted the story, the unbroken nothingness beginning to strain his already stretched out nerves.

"Why did you do it Sam?" the room when silent as a church, nothing moved and Tucker found it hard to even breathe. It had been unexpected, the words spilled from his heart, each one laced with the pain and anxiety riddling each passing hour of the last three days; though he had not meant for it to come out when it did Tucker desperately needed the answer. "Answer me Sam."

"Why should I?" Sam's tone was cold, the frigidness like knives through his heart; it was easy to imagine the pain you cause someone, not so easy to deal with it face to face but Tucker didn't wince or give. This was his fault and he would not hold the girl accountable for whatever words passed from her lips because he knew that no one deserved to be burned more then him.

"Because I'm your friend Sam, because I care about you and I'm…" he hesitated, should he put his heart in her line of fire? "I'm scared; I'm scared I'm going to lose you." He expected a biting remark, a painful comment sent to pierce his heart but he received neither; Sam gave a brittle laugh that chilled him to the core, it was so unlike her, so cold and hopeless that it nearly brought him to tears just listening.

"Liar" Now this he had expected, but still Tucker did not know how to handle the accusation …how could he prove that he wasn't a liar to the upset girl when he couldn't even prove it to himself? Instead, he took her hand in his, not allowing it to draw back into the nest she had built to hide beneath. Drawing a deep breath, he began to speak, pouring his soul out to her and hoping she would hear him even in her pain.

"I'm a bastard; I treated you like the years we had together were so easily dismissible…I guess I forgot everything that mattered to me, really mattered to me. There is no excuse for not being the friend I always expected you to be, I should have been there for you and Danny both, I shouldn't have let my fears get in the way of helping you when you most needed someone to count on." Tucker could not help it, a tear slid down his cheek from his closed eyes. This was hard, the most difficult thing anyone had ever asked of him and though it was like a knife through his heart he continued, knowing this was something she needed to hear. "I'm a bastard, a fink, and worse a horrible friend, but I am not a liar. I love you Sam, you are the sister I never had and part of the family that supported me through every trial and tribulation life could beat me with…please Sam, please tell me why you did this. We screwed up, Danny and I, and we know that now but…but why, why didn't you tell us like always? Why did you do this why?" his voice grew thick with emotions, the suppression of them coming out in his expression of guilt and self-disgust. Tucker was scared, no terrified that he would not get through, that he would lose the two best things life ever gave him in a single moment. Already they had come close to breaking, to destruction, a miserable climax, and it left Tucker helpless, feeling there was nothing he could do to stop it from reoccurring. It took all he had not to break down and cry, to let himself succumb to the emotions breaking through the dam he stored them behind for some many years but this was not about him anymore, it was about Sam and he was going to make sure it damn well stayed that way.

The silence was expected and he was glad for it, the pause gave to collect some composure and draw a calming breath; it would be hard to continue but he had to, she needed the answer to his question nearly as much as Tucker himself did. He prepared himself for the icy silence he was sure would follow the expression of remorse, which was why her reaction alarmed him. Instead of the forlorn, frosty Sam Manson one would expect, Tucker suddenly felt his arms full of a shivering sobbing Samantha, her walls down only long enough for her to cling to him for the support long overdue. Wrapping his arms tenderly around her, Tucker breathed deeply and easily for the first time since this ordeal had begun four months prior; Finally, it seemed, the dark girl could begin to heal and Tucker could be the friend he should have been from the start.

Smoothing her hair and whispering calming nonsense in her ear, he allowed her to shed all the tears she needed to. Somewhere in the back of his mind Tucker felt that he was infringing upon Danny's territory, yet, hearing the heart wrenching sobs being extracted from the young woman, he figured Danny would have an entirely new set of fears to battle with their Gothic friend later on.

"It hurts, It hurts so much" she whispered over and over, gasping it to the point of hyperventilation; All Tucker could do was embrace her and promise not to let go even when watching her made his heart break. Had they really caused so much pain in one person? After about ten minutes of attempting to soothe the emotionally distressed girl, she finally relaxed but he dared not pull away, not yet in any case. Sam muttered something into his shoulder that Tucker could not yet make out through his shirt; carefully prying her face from his body he took a good look at the tearstained skin and red puffy eyes before smiling sincerely.

"Last time I talked with my mouth full you hit me, then Danny for laughing about it, but I'll be nice today" He could have sworn her lips twitched upwards but it was to minuscule a movement to be noted. "Now repeat that without my shirt to muffle it." She averted her eyes and seemed to shrink back into the cocoon that separated her from the rest of the world; Tucker could not let that happen and touched her shoulder gently to keep her with him. After a hesitating silence she whisper croakily

"It hurt…not being…" Tucker did not press, letting it come out as she would allow it this was her war to fight and in some secret knowledge he didn't know he possessed until now, the African-American boy knew not to make her say something she couldn't say. After two minutes of silence, however, curiosity won over sense and he prompted her gently

"Not being what Sammy?" Tucker made sure to keep his tone soft and friendly, she looked so small he was afraid he would break her or something…he couldn't hurt her again or he would have Danny's knuckles to answer to as well as his own guilt. Sam hesitated before continued

"…good enough…" she trailed off for a moment, collecting her thoughts before continuing in a slow, halting fashion "everyone loved Paulina… I couldn't…I can' t be her and Danny…Danny loves her." Her voice cracked and a wave of sympathy passed over Tucker in conjunction with enormous relief; He couldn't handle that particular subject but Danny could, the boy had shown his love a thousand times over while she was sleeping and Tucker was sure he could do it again when the time came.

"Your right," he said slowly, considering his words carefully. This was defiantly Danny's turf he was invading but perhaps there was something he could do to help matters, "your not Paulina, you could never be Paulina." She hung her head and Tucker didn't want to attempt to imagine the dark thoughts crossing her mind when he spoke those words, she looked so…broken and damaged it was no wonder she sought death.

"And I, for one, would never want you to be. I can't answer for Danny, I'm not him after all, but I love you, strange veggie-head as you are your and I never want you to change…your you Sam and you have something more beautiful and precious then Paulina could ever hope to have…" Sam's lilac eyes met his, confusion scrawled across her features and a frown creasing her forehead. If not for the severity of the situation, Tucker would have rejoiced at having finally stumped the brain of the group.

"What's that?" What should he say? It would easy to explain it to her, to tell her every good feature she had…her spirit, her drive, her love, her commitment…but hearing the skepticism in her voice, Tucker knew that no matter how many ways he put it Sam wouldn't, couldn't believe it. To do to her body what she had, Sam would have to truly see nothing but a worthlessness when she looked in the mirror…it certainly seemed that way from the letter she wrote Danny, or perhaps he was reading to far into it. Either way, hearing it out of Tuckers, or Danny's, or anyone else's mouth would not be enough to convince her.

"I can't tell you that"

"Why not?" Tucker sighed softly and rose from the chair, heading toward the door. It was time to go and he knew it, this last statement would lead to questions he could not and should not answer; it was something she needed to think about before they met again. Pausing just before the door, his hand on the knob, Tucker locked eyes with his friend and felt every wall in him collapse.

"Until you can find it in yourself, you would never believe it even if I told you a thousand times," the door swung open and he passed through it, his strong countance starting to crumble until his brown eyes met with a blue pair overflowing with gratitude. Danny put a hand on Tuckers shoulder in silent thanks, an understanding passing between them in a way the needed no words; they bonded silently for a moment before Danny opened the door and disappeared behind the wood that separated two completely different relationships, two completely different lives drawn up in one friendship.

"Tucker, I have never been more proud of you." A soft voice to his left and a warm hand brought him back to the present and for the hundredth time that day, his chocolate eyes melted under the gaze of two aquamarine eyes.

_You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
Never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like what it's like_

Having a half-ghost brother came in handy, especially when dealing with moments of group espionage in which they could not be caught or risk destroying something very fragile. A young girls' hope.

To think that the siblings would be trusting enough to allow Tucker to speak to a suicidal young woman alone would be the hugest lie either of them could ever tell so, to make sure nothing was done to further damage the brittle girls psyche, they did the only thing good friends can do. They spied on the entire conversation, beginning to end, and what was seen floored them both, even Jazz who had seen the more adult side of the young man few had the pleasure of seeing. What had become of the idiot teenager who said all the wrong things at all the wrong times? Where did the boy who argued constantly and whined at the worst times disappear? Surely, the emotional, considerate young man seated at Sam's bedside could not be the same boy. He spoke with such surety, such compassion, Jazz could only just hold back tears; she knew she could not have done better.

They walked out as he did, solidifying beside him allowing the two young men to share a silent understanding, something only they would ever understand. Jazz could almost see them mature before her eyes; even in his proud stature her brother looked every bit the man he was becoming and Tucker, despite the shaken emotional look crossing his face had done the bravest thing any man could do. She was proud of them, both of them.

The moment ended and it was finally Danny's turn, he would never say it but nervousness radiated from him. Like with Tucker, any wrong coin of phrase could be destructive and even deadly and it was easy to see how difficult it was for two carefree boys to grow up in only a few moments. Placing a hand on the slowly collapsing African American before her, she murmured the feelings the swelled in her chest.

"Tucker, I have never been more proud of you" Their eyes met and a strange heat rose in Jazz's cheeks when she saw the unbridled emotion twisting through his chocolate eyes; Taking his hand she tugged him along, saying nothing in the knowledge that if anything passed between the two friends one would break down in that moment. Tucker had shouldered a burden and now someone needed to let him break down under it; even the strongest men cracked and cried.

Jazz led him outside to the same bench where she was discovered earlier that day, lost in her web of sorrow, and sat him down in a place devoid of ice and snow. Night blanketed the small town of Amity and a few stars broke through the heavily pregnant clouds rolling over them, releasing their load little by little onto the town sleeping heads. A snowflake landed on her nose and the silence was broken by a soft giggle that lead to an amused look coming from her companion. She was truly surprised he had not start crying and storming about, but then he really had changed.

"When did you grow up squirt?" she asked teasingly, giving him a brilliant smile and putting her hands flat on the bench, stretching her neck to the stars with closed eyes. The sight was so beautiful it almost seemed wasteful to enjoy it in one moment. Cedar, the scent that had surrounded her thoughts the past few hours, hovered around her, emanating from the corduroy jacket zipped up to her chin, beneath a scarf that, strangely enough, had been a gift from him the Christmas right after the four friends had met. Jazz knew she should give the coat back but was reluctant; it was the first form of real comfort anyone had shown her and in a childish display, Jazz was afraid of letting it go.

"The same time you did" came the all too serious reply, Jazz frowned and opened her eyes, watching him watch the falling snow. "Do you remember that day?" he waved his hand in the general direction of a snow bank, she did not need to ask what day Tucker was referring to; Jazz had, in a hazy half sleep, remembered the beautiful day in painful clarity. That was really the last time the four did things together as a group, the next year the redhead moved up to Jr. High and everything changed.

"Everything was so simple then, it was just the four of us against the world…we were so, so different. I wish that nothing had changed, maybe then Danny could trust me to help him and support him…maybe Sam wouldn't be here." Snow crystals on the ground sparkled and reflected the lights of the hospital like a thousand tiny diamonds, they represented memories that were more precious then any stone, especially to Jazz, and she studied them sadly. Why was she so out of character? What happened to the sure Jazz, the comfortable Jazz…why couldn't she be sensible as she had always found it easy to be?

"Things aren't simple anymore Jazz and you shouldn't be expected to be the sensible one all the time, sometimes even you need to lean on someone…especially now when everything's going all to hell and there's nothing we can do to stop it." Startled, she looked up, unaware she had spoken her last thought out loud; upon meeting his gentle gaze she jerked her own away, tapping her fingers against the hard stone bench, her body shivering with more then cold. Although she had pondered the same thought many times it was different from hearing another person say so, it made the emotions, the anger, the loneliness, seem less whiny and more realistic. Electrical shocks went through her body when his hand pressed down on hers, stilling it and warming it in an action so gentle it almost broke Jazz's heart. Bringing her eyes back to his in uncharacteristic insecurity, Jazz found strength in his crumbling walls and warm eyes.

"If things hadn't changed then you wouldn't be the remarkable young woman you are and Danny, Sam, and I wouldn't have someone to bail us out during our royal screw ups" he smirked at her and squeezed her hand affectionately. "We are who we are Jazz, but that doesn't mean you have to hold it in…you think you're alone, but your not." He punctuated this with another gentle squeeze, "Everyone has the right to hurt Jasmine, and that includes you." A tear fell from her eye at his words, now she knew what it was about him the finally broke the emotional barrier Sam put up around herself; although an idiot, Tucker was the most beautifully honest person in the world and when he put his brain to good use he could make anyone's walls come crashing down.

Shaking the snow from her auburn locks, she laced her fingers with those covering her hand and wrapped her free arm around his shoulder, laying on his chest and listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rise and fall of his breaths beneath her head. Tucker seemed startled by her sudden act but fell into action quickly, returning the embrace hundred times over. The two friends sat in that embrace for sometime until Jazz pulled away; wiping her eyes she gave him a look so full of emotion, it seemed to startle the young man.

"Your acting so adult, so mature but Tucker, don't lose the youth everyone should envy you for. It's okay to act stupid, to laugh when you shouldn't, and to prank people who really don't deserve it…or maybe they do" a small smile crossed her lips as she squeezed his hand. "You can make any darkness disappear and I have feeling that in the coming months we're all going to need a little humor. Don't ever change Tucker, I don't know what I…what we would do if you did."

Part of what always made Tucker, well, Tucker, was his sense of humor and ability to make light of any situation. The comic relief so to speak; even from the first snowball fight they engaged in, he had a light heart and dazzling smile that never seemed to disappear…well unless he was angry, then it could just be considered a mocking smile, but either way it rare for the expression to disappear. Being serious all her life, the concept of being so carefree was strange and Jazz longed to understand, even at age ten, how someone could be that way even when everything in the world was against them.

A feeling exploded within her like a thousand firecrackers going off when the young man brushed a snowflake off her cheek with a boyish grin.

"You never have to worry about that Jazz. I promise." Feeling his smoothe fingertips against the soft skin of her cheek, Jazz leaned towards it, nuzzling gently before the realization of her action shocked her into jerking away abruptly. Three days ago the boy was barley an acquaintance and now she couldn't seem to keep her wits around him but, ever the levelheaded one, Jazz wasn't about to allow these crazy stirrings ruin the budding friendship she was beginning to enjoy having. 

"You look…a little like a Christmas angel with snowflakes dusting your hair" nimble fingers reached up to knock some of the accumulated powder off the vibrant red locks. The compliment was sweet and endearing; a tender compliment Jazz had heard many young couples pass between each other in the halls. Determined not to blush, she countered him by brushing his short hair off and smirking

"I wish I could compliment you but it ages you by at least fifty years." Giving her a look of mock outrage he pushed off the bench and onto the snow covered hill but ever her brothers sister, she wouldn't go down alone and held his hand tight, tugging him with her into the powder and sending them both rolling to the bottom of the hill. For a single moment, the pain of the past few days lifted and the two young adults were allowed to act like children again. Some would say it was selfish to enjoy themselves when it was obvious their friends suffered and could not do the same but they had taken their own knocks that week, suffered their own hurts and now dealt with it in a way that made everything seem okay.

The two rolled together, landing in a heap at the foot of the hill, a deep crater formed on impact, cradling them in memories and a future so far from reach. Giddy laughter escaped the two until they were breathless and shivering, unconsciously drawing to each other for warmth; It was a few moments before either noticed their position, maybe because it was comfortable, maybe because it felt right. Tucker was pinned under Jazz, her head pillowed comfortably on his chest and his hands resting easily around her waist, the tender position was intensified when Jazz lifted her head to gaze into a pair chocolate eyes, pouring over with confusion and warmth. He had tried to catch her when she fell, not wanting to see her hurt and his hands just ended up there, as for her, Jazz could feel his muscles move under her fingers, contracting and relaxing in reaction to the unusual position. A ruby red blush crept up her face. Never had she been this close to a boy in her life (brothers didn't count) and it was suddenly to much to fast. Jerking away, she pushed back and coughed to break the suddenly awkward silence, unsure of what to say after the rather, suggestive position they had just landed in. Luckily enough, Tuckers boyishness and childishness saved them both as he tossed a snowball squarely into her chest and started scrambling up the Snow bank.

"Tucker Foley!" she cried in mock outrage, thus began the first snowball fight of the season. It ended and hour and half later when their fingers were stiff with cold and Tucker notice that Jazz's lips had turned and eerie shade of blue.

"You look like a freezer burned Popsicle" he announced in a matter-of-fact tone, receiving an irritated glare from the shivering girl "I swear I can hear your teeth chattering all the way from the other side of the lawn, come here. Why didn't you tell me you were cold?"

"Because you had just dumped snow down my shirt and I wanted revenge" she retorted through her chatters. Wrapping his arm around her, he tried to warm her up as best as he could and started walking her to the door

"Lets get you warmed up Jazz, Danny will kill me if I let you catch pneumonia or something out here." The walked back up the hill stumblingly, each helping the other so as not to slip back down into the frost, and trudged along through the now howling blizzard to the door, gripping each other tightly for body heat. At last, they reached the concrete steps and, while Tucker walked in the direction of warmth and comfort, Jazz hung back to watch at a star that had decided to shine for her through the icy storm. A hand fell on her shoulder, a startling shake from her reverie, and she turned to meet Tuckers concerned gaze

"Are you alright?" she could only nod mutely and follow him through the doors. The heat surrounding her was like sinking into a warm bath and the two went into separate rooms to change into some fresh clothes their parents had brought them. When she was sure she was out of earshot of everyone Jazz turned to gaze out a frost tinted window and recounted the winter memory that would give her hope for a long time to come.

"I lied" she whispered quietly, thinking of her brother, Sam, Tucker, and her own mixed up feelings "Everything is not alright…but" she ran her finger against the lines of the corduroy, a sad sort of smile upturning her lips "it will be."

___To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
With no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like_

___Welcome to my life _

**End A/N: I hope you liked the little added twist of Jazz/ Tucker. It is an unusual pairing I just thought would be really…developmental in this story, plus it gave me an idea for later chapters! If I choose to continue it expect a lot of sweet J/T moments because I like writing that. I promise to have more Danny/ Sam in the next chapter but I needed to build a few relationships in this chapter, namely the one between tucker and the rest of the world. He's left out so much and I swear he has to be on of the best people to portray in a story, him and Jazz. Oh, btw, this story really doesn't have a set time line yet, it just kind of goes as its written so if your lost, just keep adding days lol. Anyway, I hope I didn't disappoint anyone in this chapter, I for one am very proud of the way it has come out and for all of you who liked the first chapter thank you for asking me to continue. Now, tell me what you think of my work! Review Review Review! Please and thank you.**


	3. Because you Live

**A/N: Well ladies and gents, here's the third chapter! Hopefully it turns out as well as the last two and lives up to everyone's expectations; I'm currently debating what to do with Sam, I know right now she's rather two dimensional but…don't worry, I hope to rectify that soon. Not that anyone cares but I find Sam the hardest person to do, after categorizing her the way I have it makes her complex so I apologize ahead of time if takes me awhile to get her moving. I barley keep people I know out of the throws of depression so it may take awhile to figure Sam out. I hope you like the underlying romance people! Tucker/ Jazz is an awesome pairing to write lol! Why don't more people write it? Anywho! Thank you so much to all the reviewers and those kind enough to read my story 130 hits and 7 reviews so far guys! Oh! Please guys, no comments on the grammar. I swear I'm trying! I really am but telling me about it just makes me nervous and makes it hard to write. Keep reading and keep reviewing! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom(nickelodeon) or the song "Because you live"(Jesse McCartney) so please don't sue me**

_Staring out at the rain, with a heavy heart  
It's the end of the world in my mind_

Love. Philosophers, story tellers, and poets through out the millennia attempted to put an emotion so sneaky, so violent, so obscure into words, to take the beauty of a heart and spread it across a creamy page in an attempt to straighten out something they, as creatures ruled by sense and structure, could not understand and perhaps to ease the souls of their readers in the process. How, of all the dangers, complexity, and puzzles presented to a being during their life time, no emotion could puzzle the human mind, heart, and soul such as that one emotion. One word had caused millions to lose their lives over the ages, to go to battle with a single thought; Protecting the one they love.

Standing in the doorframe, hands stuffed deep into his pockets and eyes staring down at the sickly green colored linoleum as though it held the meaning of life, Danny Fenton contemplated the very same emotion that caused insanity and discussion between men of far greater intelligence then he. Sometimes it was like standing on a cloud, bathed in sunlight and breathing the freshest breathe ever to flow past his lips, other times it was suffocating, being knotted together in a horrendous web where there was no possibility of escaping, only of dying tangled and lost. Now it made his head spin and hands form fists while his heart silently broke into tiny shards on the floor. No, love didn't have one emotion it had them all and while contemplating the best way to approach the sobbing girl who held the key to his heart in his hand, Danny felt all of them chase their tails in circles through his mind, yelling directions in one loud, overwhelming jumble of voices. Fury shook through him, how dare she be so selfish, what was she thinking? Did she want to destroy her friends' lives, break their hearts? Love wrapped its arms around his heart and squeezed causing the tender expression on his face to soften even further. Danny loved her more then anything in the world. Guilt gnawed at the pit of his stomach, further chewing the already large hole he was sure must be there. Why hadn't' he seen her pain, this situation was all his fault! Sorrow, in the end, won out against everything else, love seconding it. The pain of nearly losing her and knowing the chance she would sink into another fever delirium was high, understanding that Sam did not realize how much love Danny had for her made his heart break and eyes dampen. He loved her with everything he was and it killed him that she hadn't seen that.

Forcing all the spinning emotions into submission beneath his control, the young halfa approached the bed containing the girl he loved, prepared now to tell her everything.

And he could only hope she would listen.

_Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call  
I've been looking for the answer, somewhere  
I couldn't see that it was right there  
But now I know what I didn't know_

"Until you can find it in yourself, you would never believe it even if I told you a thousand times," Tucker whispered back as tear-filled lilac iris's followed him to the door, the girl behind them trying to understand her friends sudden sensibility. In his eyes, the dark skinned young man held all the pain and weakness he could never show, the passion held back for the sanity of a young Goth who wanted to reach out and beg for the old Tucker to return, to explain the emotions cutting holes in her chest and the sudden strength radiating form him.

Life dealt hands to people when it could not be a worse time and if they were strong enough they rose above and assimilated the knowledge a painful experience dealt them. It was the habit of existence to test, to prod, to examine and leave peoples hearts tagged to a dissection table for the analysis of the world around it; Just when you though your heart could handle no more, life proved you wrong and forced one more weight onto your already loaded shoulders, one more arrow in an already pierced heart. Sam knew this all to well, the arrows in hers dealt poison, a poison that crept and slowly destroy her sanity but looking at Tucker, hearing the raw emotion he had kept just at the edge of his voice, the tone of maturity he had spoken with, she felt tears fall from her eyes. Another weight had fallen, slowly beginning to crush her again.

She was weak, the group had always looked toward her for strength and sensibility and never, not even at the robes of the grim reaper himself did she doubt that mental power but now Sam knew the truth; there was nothing strong about her, the little spirit she had left drained out of her leaving her fetal and sobbing on the uncomfortable hospital bed. It was a lie all of it, the belief that they loved her, that she had something special they would miss, it was a huge lie and she bought it from Tucker. All they saw was the same pathetic little worm she attempt to step on, they pitied her for her weakness, for hesitating and choosing and slow death when she could have been sure and just destroyed the monster with one strike.

Rage overwhelmed Sam, forcing her to strike out blindly despite the pain, pressing down upon her cracking mind and pushing her to a dangerous pinnacle. Jerking her arms away, Sam cried out as needles giving her life were ripped out with one violent wrench, spilling their fluids in a puddle on the floor; her heart monitor flat lined as she kicked it away with a violent kick, the contact with the metal pole painful and gratifying. No matter how much she destroyed or the pain she inflicted on herself it wasn't enough, the tears fell and the pain continued to rip a hole in her heart until she wanted to climb out of her skin and burn it until the agony stopped. All she wanted was for it to stop. Sam's sobs burned her throat, her lungs screaming for the air she was denying them as her breaths grew short and fast; blood ran down her arms from reopened wounds and fresh, medicinal holes. Everything spun violently and in her rage she couldn't make it stop, she was weak and deserved this, all of it. She should have fixed the break, she could have fixed the break but she was weak, so weak….

A pair of strong hand grabbed her wrists, pinning them to her sides as the owner wrapped her in a strong, calming embrace of which Sam would have none. Thrashing, Sam fought tooth and nail for her freedom, each sob another nail through the bleeding heart slowly beginning to drain her of every bit of life the hospital had brought back.

"Let me go you bastard, let me go!" the screams were hoarse and think with rage and pain, she beat her hands against the intruders chest when she finally managed to free them, wanting to share the excruciating pain with the strong arms that dared interfere. It hurt, it hurt so badly and she screamed, flailing and beating until it all drained out of her, leaving only the violent ache only a broken heart could give.

"Let me go, please, let me go" heart wrenching sobs tore themselves from her throat as Sam liquefied in the arm protecting her from her own broken mind, a hand possessed by the mystery person running their fingers tenderly through her sweat dampened hair.

"Oh Sammy, I hate seeing you like this." The man holding her so tenderly whispered into the hair blocking out the puffy eyes and runny nose attesting to everything she was feeling in that moment. Another soft, heart-breaking sob escaped her when she realized whom she was clinging to; why couldn't he just leave her to die? He had to return to rip the remaining tatters from her chest and step on them, grinding them into the dust…she wouldn't let him hurt her again, she had to keep the distance she had hoped death would put between the nearly life-long friends.

"Stay away from me Fenton" came the cold tone, the warm room suddenly turn freezing as a considerably cooler Sam push away the one boy with more power over her then was most likely healthy. Weakness made a person pathetic, worthless, and love was a weak spot no one should ever risk; people said it hurt but it more then hurt, it killed, it destroyed and Sam wanted nothing more to do with it. Danny could never love a screwed up weakling like her, not when there were beautiful, easy to access queens like Paulina.

A look of pain flash across the blue-eyes boys features, the usually sparkling orbs deadened in a way Sam could not bear to see, especially when she knew the hurt taking away the joy in this boy originated from her mouth. It was better for him to understand the pain she would bring to him, the pain he brought upon her. Love was two-faced and double sided, like in the wild the one who impressed the mate won and gained free run of the animal kingdom, it hurt him today but tomorrow it would be a pretty face and puckered lips that drew his affections. Two faced and double sided, just like humanity in general. Turning from the gaze searching out answers in her eyes, Sam found the wallpaper interesting, picking apart the patterns to give her reeling mind a puzzle to analyze, an obtuse to make perceptible. Anything, anything but the unfathomable maze of Danny's depthless azure eyes, it struck a painful chord within her to lock eyes with him, to see the emotions chasing their way through the pools of blue so beautiful to her. If she fell in, Sam would drown and it would be unbearable to let him go again.

The silence broke when a paper could be heard unfolding itself, the edges scraping together, crackling under pressure, and crunching beneath tightly closed fingertips. Sam didn't have to look to know the contents of the paper, what else could possibly be stationed permanently in Danny's presence but the one thing that probably led him to her bathroom, the only object that could have saved her life. A letter that Sam wished she had never written. Soon angry words would fill the air, the letter would be left as a sign of hate and resentment, and the darkness would return only now without a chance of light breaking through.

"You are beautiful" Danny's words were spoken with a tenderness Sam didn't expect, especially after everything that transpired and the words that had passed between them from the moment she felt the first bite of depression at her heels to now. "Covered in mud, snow, slime, and juice, gothic prep or punk, you are, and will always be the most beautiful woman any man could have the grace to know." Sam hung her head, covering her ears to block him out, listening to echoes of violent voices that pushed for death and self-hate telling her of lies and deceit, the truth of her repulsiveness. A pair of warm hands gently brought her own shaking pair to the bed, cupping them in tender embraces, his thumbs running over the soft skin of her palms.

"And your smart Sam, do you think I could have come so far in school without you? A straight A student, top of her class in every subject especially English. How many awards and honors have your short stories received? your poetry? And how many of our peers passed algebra only because of your excellent tutoring?" his hands drifted to the upper part of her arms, carefully avoiding the deeper of her marks as they gently warmed the trembling skin, stirring insecurity within her. Nothing else had been able to break through the icy sensation numbing every aspect of her life, yet His hand felt like fire against her flesh, bring back the life that circumstances and deterioration had wrought upon a sad souls' body. Tears started to fall, some clinging to shadowy eyelashes like the first raindrops of spring, freeing and life giving to the scared and dying. She knew nothing could stop them, the words hitting the very infection that festered from a wound cut into so many times it had final given her a fever, suicide fever, and that his words countered every tear spilled in hate, every cut made to punish, every pound lost for beauty. Those gentle hands tilted her head to face him, brushing each tear away like a diamond from silk. His tenderness toward her made the tears fall faster, the walls around her began to crumble letting everything pour out to the one man who could make the voices stop. Sam couldn't put a name to the ache growing in her, maybe longing? It felt heavy and freeing in a single breath and her nails dug into her unscarred palms in an attempt to keep her from seeking his warm embrace, to release some of the tension tightening her chest. In the most loving fashion, Danny cupped her cheeks never letting a tear settle onto her skin; his fingers were so painstaking in making sure they were soft and gentle on Sam's skin, so meticulous in how they stroked her damp flesh. The action truly made her feel beautiful, causing the need to touch him and be held by him intensify but she still could not admit what he made her feel.

When awoken from the thoughts and feeling surrounding her world in that moment, Sam was met with the most beautiful sapphires mother Earth had ever gifted her children with and it was Sam's luck that those gems and all the love pouring forth from them belonged only to her as did the heart beating only inches from her body. Danny was so close she felt his warm breath on her lips, the ache in her chest felt like a balloon pushed pasts its structural limits, close to breaking if the pressure on it wasn't released soon.

"You were never invisible Sammy." The lips forming these tender words were so close she could almost feel each syllable spelled out against her skin, but it didn't matter as her breath caught in her throat and hope overwhelmed every dark corner of her mind, drawing out the girl who had, almost four years ago, fallen in love with the boy holding her like a precious thing, something he couldn't bear to let break. Lilac stayed locked with blue, the hands belonging to the purple set clenching and unclenching to release something caused by their connection. Sam could not dare to believe all the passion contained in those blue orbs or admit to the answering emotion in her own.

'Please finish, please," her mind begged silently of Danny, unable to take more of the sweet torture overwhelming her senses.

"You could never be invisible not to me, you were the first friend I ever made and the best friend I've ever had; you saved me from the loneliness of grade school and saved my mind during Jr. High horrors. I never had to pretend around you Sam, never had to hide the tears and anger because I knew for all my weaknesses you were my strength. I was never as scared as I had been when I saw you laying in that tub, for the first time in my life there was nothing I could do to save you. No amount of joking could bring back your smile, a hug couldn't clean the blood and heal the cuts; it felt as though my life had pulled apart at the seams, like my entire world was dying and it was. Do you know why Sammy?" The dark girl could barley shake her head, averting her eyes to lips only centimeters from hers; unlike Tucker, Danny didn't bother hiding the raw emotion, using it to prove something to her…thought the what was still a mystery to her. "Because you are my world Sam, you always were and I'm so sorry it took nearly losing you for me to finally realize that." His thumb ran across her cheek and for the first time he broke eye contact just to memorize every line and form on the girl's face, studying it hungrily as though he might never see it again. A choked sob escaped her lips, the feeling of elation and expectation almost painful as these words touched so many fears hidden beneath the masks of discontentment and disgust.

"Danny…" The space between them closed, effectively silencing every protest, every word, every dark thought Sam had considered speaking. Their lips met and it was heaven. No spell, no enchantment made Danny hold her so gently, caress her cheek so lovingly, kiss her with such tenderness; it made Sams' heart ache with love for the man holding her. Tears of healing fell, the first she would shed on the long road to recovery and for just a moment everything was all right.

Too soon, Danny pulled away, leaving coldness in Sam she began, in that moment, to fear; would he leave her now? Had she done it right? What if- Danny locked eyes with her, short-circuiting the darkest thoughts and silencing the voices trying to ruin a moment perfect in everyway. All her doubts were laid to rest when she saw the love radiating from the cerulean orbs, felt the tender way in which her cupped her left cheek and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I love you Sam" The tear began to fall harder, another soft sob interrupting the boy's confession. Sam had waited four years to hear those words and now…now it was almost too much to believe his honesty but eyes told the truth and his certainly could not be lying. "I love you so much, you Sammy, only you and I am sorry it took me so long to figure that out." Sam opened her mouth, trying to force the words in heart to reach her tongue but it was too much, the syllables would not form and the elation turned to guilt and pain when she found herself unable to express what was so obviously felt in her heart. Bowing her head in disgust, she prepared to draw away from him not wanting to see the hurt she knew she would feel if it were him who could not return the words.

That was farthest from what was actually in his eyes when he tilted her chin up, forcing her to lock eyes with him. An understanding smile touched his lips and only the purest affections could be seen on his countance, he almost looked amused at her reaction but he would never admit that. Drawing her close again, Danny wrapped and tight hand around her waist, laying his forehead against hers feeling the heat of a still 100.5 degree fever, wishing he could kiss away the pain and doubt in her eyes. Trembling, the dark girl raised a hand to the boy's face, needing to be sure this was no fever-induced dream and that he was indeed holding her and loving her.

"Don't say it yet Sam, I know what you feel and it will be even better to wait to hear it because when you do say it, those words will mean so much more and even if the day never comes it won't matter. I love you, ten thousand times over and nothing and I mean nothing is going to take you away from me."

"Danny…" came the strangled cry as the broken girl burrowed her face in his neck, inhaling the scent of him as he pulled her into his lap and cradled her lithe form against his chest. It was safe, it was secure and Sam never wanted to leave the encirclement of his arms, to face a world without him was to go back to the darkness she had live the last four months in. Having now tasted the light she never wanted darkness again.

"Don't leave me" she whispered when emotional exhaustion finally claimed her. Sam was drained and the warmth she felt in Danny's arms intensified the sleepy sensation but as much as her body screamed for rest the fear that he wouldn't be there when she woke up was enough to keep her awake. She held him securely, afraid he would vanish into thin air, turn out to be nothing more then her fever causing hallucinations; she knew she shouldn't have removed the IV's and that they would need to be put in, they were the only thing that could keep her with Danny and she wanted that.

Another tender kiss found its way to Sam's lips, drawing out her love and passion for the dark haired boy, love and passion that she found reciprocated in even the most tender of his gestures.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he murmured gently, wrapping her in his embrace and laying them both down in the tiny hospital bed, allowing his chest to pillow Sam's head so she could be comfortable and safe while she slept. It was something in seeming short supply judging by the girl's reaction, something Danny was glad he was able to give.

It only took a few seconds for the girl to drift off into peaceful slumber, giving Danny moments before sleep too claimed him to mull over the past half hour or so. Between Tucker and himself they managed to lead Sam away from death so she could heal but he was not a fool, they had a long way to go before Sam would ever be okay but it was worth it.

'She's always been worth it' he thought before drifting off, arms wrapped snuggly around his lover, never hearing a faint whisper at the door, heavy with sadness and thick with pride

"Good job little Brother"

_  
Because you live, and breathe  
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live girl, my world has twice as many stars in the sky_

Morning light pierced through evenings darkness, claiming the day and all the precious moments sure to follow the rising sun; birds sang the sun to its rightful place above the trees and clouds, joyously welcoming a new dawn. Parents rose from rest to relax in the sweet silence early hours, steaming mugs of coffee and a few tender kisses preparing them for the long hours that would follow. Some paused momentarily at painted doors trapping innocence and, in many cases, music within its bounds, opening only to gaze on as the treasures of their lives rested in undisturbed dreams.

The sun glanced at the purity night had brought, reflecting on the tiny ice crystals as though they were diamonds and refreshing the usually heavy air with light hearted, frosty breaths. Some small ones woke with squeals of delight upon seeing the wonderland spread out before them, untouched and expectant, awaiting the laughter and games of tiny feet and tiny hands. Adults could only smile and guide their tiny bodies out the door, laughing as they tumbled on the floor in an endless struggle with fluffy apparel in desperation to be the first to reach the undisturbed landscape though they were to young to understand the true loveliness of a world untainted.

From the hospital windows, patrons and workers alike paused for a moment to take in the breathtaking spectacle, workers helping weakened children and adults to windows so sick and healthy alike could partake of a hopeful seen.

"Tucker Foley get your perverted ass back here!" A shrill voice screeched, disturbing the otherwise peaceful morning and drawing patrons gazes from windows to door jams in curiosity at the violent commotion. Said boy, however, could not pause to consider natures' miracles nor to pause curiously at the loud, raucous yelling coming from the hallway he was running in the opposite direction of. Why bother being curious when the he knew the reason for the tantrum?

It truly had been an accident, how was Tucker to know it would be the rather fiery redheads turn to shower? And how was he to know said redhead would be doing so with the shower curtain open? Who in there right mind brushed their hair before a shower, and in the nude no less! Yet the violated girl had not quite seen it from the African American teen's perspective, thus Tucker ran for his life praying silently he would not suffer the young woman's wrath. Despite the endangerment to his body and health (not to mention his ability to produce children) the boy found it rather amusing she thought he had so little dignity, Jazz honestly thought he would spy on her! Granted that Tucker, like most teenage boys, thought the redhead had a beautiful body and would not pass up a chance to see it (not that Danny would EVER know that) but something kept him from treating her the way he treated girls at school. Jazz was different; something about her demanded his respect, like she was a treasure worth waiting for not something to be taken for granted. A dreamy expression crossed his features as thoughts of the intelligent, feisty redhead filled every crevice of his mind, slowly invading and distracting him from his escape plan.

She was beautiful and not only in a physical sense. The true beauty of Jasmine Fenton radiated from within, a power, a spirit, and a pure heart that gave until it gave out especially for those she loved. It never mattered what was done to hurt her, the young woman always bounced back and struck with ten times the force, hitting exactly where it hurt the most. Tucker could never forget why Dash steered clear of him all of Elementary school, it was because she took a chance on his friendship that gave him a chance in the world and with his new friends. Were it not for a miscalculated snowball toss, he shuddered to think the state his life would be in now; Sometimes Tucker wondered if he would even still be alive or if suicide would have solved everything for him.

"There you are! Come here you maggot!" Tucker swore he could see flames in the redheads' eyes and swallowed hard; thoughts of her Jazz, sadly enough, distracted him from escaping her.

'Oh well, I lived a good life' a nervous smile was his only peace offering but it only served to cause more infuriation and a frown on her otherwise beautiful face; she needed to smile more, it made everything about her so radiant. Resisting the urge to slap himself, Tucker held his hands up in a sign of defeat, kneeling on the ground to show no harm was meant and to appear more pathetic to the revenge bent girl, hoping the punishment might be eased up. It took everything in him not to laugh as his eyes roamed over her rather scantily clad body; her hair hung wet and drippy in her eyes, a robe wrapped haphazardly around her lithe form. Disarray never dared touch Jazz Fenton so it was hilarious to finally see her caught off guard, in ever sense. Swallowing hard to avoid thinking of the beauty she hid beneath the very short terry cloth robe, something he never should have seen and then the thought came that the movies were right; Women looked most beautiful in their fury. There was no make up to hide the truth, no structure to hide passion…only in anger were these fallen angels allowed to hide nothing from others. Confusion sprang up from these emotions, what was he doing? This was his best friends' sister for Christ sakes! There had to be a rule against crushing on a fellow mate's only sibling, younger or older.

'Danny's going to kill me…if there's anything left for him to get that is' came the terrified thoughts as he was yanked up by the collar and thrown into an empty room. Feeling a little less comfortable around this girl, he back up against the wall, laughing nervously

"Jazz, darling…It was an accident, I swear I didn't see…uh…. can we, uh, do this somewhere else? You know where there will be witnesses if you murder me" a low angry growl was the only response and all attempts and jokes crashed and burned in a single moment; maybe begging would work? Something had to defer the young woman's anger. "I…guess not.."

"What the hell? Jazz…am I interrupting something?" a mildly amused and extremely confused voice rang from the door Jam.

"My Savior!" Tucker cried, running panicked past Jazz's nimble fingers, feeling no shame in hiding behind his best friend. A man needed priorities and right now his were between his legs exactly where he liked them, even if the redhead seemed to see things in a different light.

"Get out of the way Danny" Jazz growled "That little four-eyed freak is dead meat and if you don't move so are you"

"Whoa Sis, Murder is illegal…you can hurt him ("Danny!") but only if you have a good reason" Said halfa grinned evilly back at him, the same look that generally meant disaster for Tucker. In fact, the last time such a look had been directed at him, the young brown-eyed boy ended up in a pink tutu, a blonde wig, and flirting with Dash to distract him during Danny's detention period. Somehow, pictures of that ended up on the internet, most likely courtesy of Sam who, in addition to being a genius, was horribly insidious. No event had so embarrassed him as the moment Dash figured out the blond, curvy beauty was a play acting computer geek attempting to do his part to save the world. The feeling that this would end just as well left a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of the young man's stomach.

"How about spying during a girls shower! I found that little freak hiding behind the door leading to the showers watching me!"

'Uh oh' was the only thought able to cross Tuckers mind as he found himself slammed against a wall by a very angry ghost boy. Damn, how did he get himself into these situations? Emerald eyes glowed inches from his face, the countance of the white haired ghost as daunting as the fury in those eyes. Perhaps it would do ghosts better if they heeded that rage now and again…it was a glare that looked, in and of itself, truly capable of murder and it had Tucker writhing under its intensity.

"Damn it Tucker, cheerleaders are one thing but my sister? Forget Jazz hurting you, she can have you after me" In desperation, he clasped his hands in prayer, asking whoever would listen to save his soul should today be the day of judgment.

"It was an accident I would never spy…well okay I would but not on Jazz! Your my best friend Danny, surely that must count for something, come on man you know me better then that." Looking over at Jazz he saw a cloud pass over her face, she looked truly wounded and it struck a deep chord with him. Why did he make light of this? Guilt rage a painful war in his gut, a rather green feeling coming to Tuckers face when he thought of what this must have done to the girl. When you were as controlled as Jazz, as careful in protecting every aspect of life from the pains and knocks existence loved to throw, how badly would it hurt to have every shred of dignity stripped away because of a single persons' stupidity. Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore.

"I'm so sorry Jasmine" her attention was grabbed the instant he said her full name, no one ever used it unless it was dire circumstances; Tucker considered saving the pride of an already broken winged angel far above dire. "I didn't see you in there until it was too late and by that point it was a lose/lose situation. I should have said something but…I thought we could both leave with our pride intact. I never meant to hurt you, you have to know that." The pressure on his collar relaxed and Danny's eyes returned to sapphire blue, a sigh of relief passed through his white lips and he stepped out from behind Danny, shaking slightly with fear. Why now, of all times, did courage decide to make it appearance, and in conjunction with morals and a conscious Tucker did not realize he possessed.

"I deserve whatever punishment you can think up, I'm a creep, a gone, a pervert, a loser….you can stop me anytime"

"I'm waiting for egotistical, chauvinistic pig" came the short reply and exasperatedly, Tucker conceded if it would bring out the sun in the tightly drawn face. Nothing made him feel worse then the pain in those lovely ocean eyes, and if berating himself would make them sparkle then damnit that's what he would do.

"alright, I'm an egotistical, chauvinistic pig…" Danny watched him carefully, arms folded, a narrow calculating look sweeping over Tucker as though trying to understand the sudden behavior change; the regular Tucker would never cave into a girls anger so easily, not even Sam's and she was his best friend.

'Something's up' the halfa concluded, knowing one way or another he would drag the reason out of his friend.

"Don't kill him Jazz, I still want a-" what Danny wanted would never be heard because in that moment the happiness and surety of the moment would tilt and shake loose everything the friends had, in the past week, struggled to nail down and rebuild.

"Doctor Greenfield and all available nurses to room 515, Emergency, Doctor Greenfield and all available nurses to room 515 Emergency," Tucker had never seen Danny go so pale in his life, not even in the moment they met him at the waiting room, each caught up in their own inner turmoil and anxieties over the whole situation. The three friends remained frozen, an eerie silence echoing in their minds the announcement. Room 515… Emergency… Danny was the first to break the silence, his voice cracking with such fear it knocked the wind from Tuckers lungs, escalating the knot of dread tying itself around his heart and dragging it to the pit of his stomach…please god no, do not let it be…

"Sam"

_It's all right I survived I'm alive again  
Cuz of you I made it through every storm_

_What is life what's the use if you're killing time_

**Flashback (jump ahead in the story about an hour then go back basically)**

Tears began to fall blindly, burning the skin and melting world to a liquefied magma beneath everyone's feet, the sun exploded in the distance and mountains began to crumble, the earth collapsing around him as voices screamed around him in a blur. Fear drove his legs harder, terrified of what he would find when they stopped at their destination but more afraid of losing everything before he could get there.

The world spun in a blur as two pairs of arms caught him like a net, drawing him away from the only world he could ever know, the love of his life, drowned in a holy light, angels of mercy crowding around her body yelling directions against the steady line, the endless beep. They calmed him, told him it would be alright, the voices around him an intangible mess of ungraspable noises interrupted by the low tone. A beep, one beep that was all he needed to break the barrier separating his world from theirs. Words of comfort passed over him, mattering nothing unless he could hear a breath, a beat, a beep from the drawn form in the bed….please…please.

"We're losing her! Clear!"

"Sam! Sammy no!" tearing away from the secure grasps chaining him to the spot just out of reach, Danny collapsed at the bedside, blind terror falling from his eyes, squeezing his heart like a wrench. Her hand was so pale, limp, he grabbed his wrapped it between his, trying to bring life back into it wanting to feel the tender grasp she gave to him the night before. Hands grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back and away from her…they wanted her, they were going to take her from him.

"Get him out of here!"

"NO!" Danny roared, kicking and flailing like a wild animal, refusing to release the Goth angel's hand, desperate to feel life in it "Sammy! Oh God! No Sammy please!" his voice broke when the realization of what was happening hit him like a rock. Each minute without a beep was a knife through his heart, twisting and ripping it out piece by piece. She was dying, drowning in darkness and he could do nothing to save her. Tears began to choke up, breaking down his spirit and leaving him limp in the arms of whoever felt they could hold him up; at last they managed to free her hand from his. The world moved in a haze, spinning around him in ungraspable dementia encased with the single sound of a flat line continuing until he heard the dreaded words.

"Call it, 7:45am" everything came crashing down like a broken mirror, shattering every truth and lie Danny had ever known. Cursing God, he flew out of the comforting embrace to the dead girls bedside. Body trembling as he pulled her to hi, her head rolling without support to the neck.

"You can't let her die!" he roared in agonizing pain, his heart being ripped out and shredded…he couldn't lose her, it wasn't fair! Those around him stood back, their own hearts breaking at the love and grief destroying the gentle young man. "I've done everything for you, I pray to you, I serve you…let me have this one thing, let me have her…I'll take her place please, please don't take her" heart wrenching sobs tore from him as he burrowed his face in her lavender scented hair. This had to be a nightmare, a horrible nightmare and any moment Jazz would wake him and he would see Sam laugh at the absurdity of his fears

'Please' his tears soaked her hair as he cradled her into his arms longing to feel a breath rise into her chest, a heartbeat mimic his own 'God please let her wake up.' It seemed like an eternity he sat there, weeping over the limp, lifeless form of Sam, praying with everything he had for a miracle to bring her back to him when the most beautiful music Danny would ever hear began to play a soft, barley noticeable tune.

The monitor began registering a faint heart beat.

Doctors immediately rushed to her, checking the monitors, her breathing, her pulse, and the fever that almost claimed her but Danny refused to cease cradling her, afraid she would disappear into nothingness if they were allowed to take her from him. Not wanting the display of passion from earlier to reoccur they worked around him until they were sure she was stable and comfortable. When the commotion finally slowed and the nurses and doctors vacated the tiny room, Danny allowed the tension to drain from him as Sam's body relaxed against him.

"Don't let it win" he whispered to her, closing his eyes against another rush of tears, the fear and relief overwhelming to his overstressed emotions "I won't ever leave you please, please don't leave me…you're my world, my reason to keep fighting please Sam…"

"I love you Sam, please let that be enough"

**Flash forward to and hour after this happened**

Life was fragile, why, when the world finally began to straighten out and make sense to those forced to exist within its bounds, did it decide to test the human spirit and emotional endurance? A human heart was more fragile then any porcelain or crystal because once broken it could never fit together the same way again, sometimes leading to the desire to not exist as it had with Sam only a week before. In essence, a human heart begins as a puzzle, giving the many pieces to different aspects of a persons' relationships and in turning taking a piece from their heart to fill the hole left by a removal. You still feel that piece as keenly as if it never left your chest and when you lose the person carrying that portion of your love you can never take it back, and sometimes it can break you irreversibly. Watching him pour his heart out to his knees over thoughts of what nearly came to be, Jazz felt her knees weaken and heart shrivel up in fear of danger and grief.

The fever had nearly claimed her, a destructive 106.8 shutting down all systems including her heart, nearly killing her and yet, even with a heartbeat there was no guarantee they had Sam back. Fevers so high left people damaged so irrevocably that they lay in a vegetable like coma for months, years, even for the rest of their life; Sammy was lost in darkness and Jazz could only imagine how much pain it was causing Danny to be helpless to aide her. Watching his chest heave with the effort each sob took she tried to step back from the situation, disallow it to affect her heart. If it started to hurt, Jazz knew she could not be brave like Danny, could not handle the crushing pain, shoulder the emotional burden…if she started to feel for the unconscious girl, she could collapse emotionally and that knowledge made her hesitate to go to him. The boy was no longer lost in the euphoria of love realized, but lying broken and dying in a puddle of his own despair and it caused and ache inside of her nothing seemed to fill because, though she could block out the heartbreak of nearly losing Sam she could not ignore the agony watching her brother suffer caused her.

Standing at the doorway, a place so very familiar to her, she gazed upon a very different scene from the one the previous evening. The love in the air was bittersweet and tainted with the distinct smell of despair, it was like a smog clinging to her every move, weighing down on her as though made of lead or steel. Aqua eyes watched in horror as Danny tore pieces of hair out, causing pain to himself for the same reason Sam had, to ease the emotional agony twisting around with in him…it scared her, chilled her to her core to think he could take the same path as the dark girl just as easily if they should lose her but it was possible. One cut could destroy a person's sanity. Jazz knew that far to well.

As a Freshman, cut off from those around her, lacking friends and anyone to truly connect with and talk to besides social workers who saw nothing more in her then an average overworked A+ student, she turned to physical pain as an escape. Everything she knew about psychology deserted her upon her first forbidden taste of pain, it tested her low pain threshold at first but then it didn't matter. It eased the stress and released the anguish when she could not cry or when tears weren't enough and gave her something sure to turn to. Sometimes she still brought a knife to her skin but it was in carefully planned moments so as to avoid discovery; Jazz never considered suicide as a serious escape and had no interest in destroying everyone's life by taking her own but cutting was an entirely different affair. It was her obscured judgment that stopped her from helping Sam earlier, the knowledge that she cut without searching for death clouded her opinion but even now, the redhead knew she would not and could not stop cutting. Sometimes, knowing she had a way out of her pain made aiding others in theirs just a little easier; no one gave a damn about how she felt or the wounds that festered in her heart so long as she was an outlet for their own pathetic sorrows. It was the worst job, to be the helper among people who would just as soon drop you then look at you once they'd taken what they want, sort of like being a whore only she gave them satisfaction in an entirely different way. Everything from being an ear to the butt of cruel comment, she weather it all with the knowledge it helped those people cope with something. The façade of surety she put on to the world was nothing more then a mask, a

piece of glass to view the world from without ever having to take a step from the safe haven of her mind.

Jazz spent so much time making sure Danny didn't follow the same path; she made sure he was loved and understood, made sure to help him when she could to ease the pressures of teenager Dom and keep him from the knife blade. For all her efforts she was proud to say he was, for all his stresses, nothing like her emotionally. There was never a blade purposely shredding his skin for the pleasure of pain and release of inner torment; he had friends to steer him from the path, to keep his head up when the water got deep, and to help him swim when he found himself only sinking. The lack of true parental support never struck him the way it had Jazz either, she protected him from the neglect by acting like a parent throughout his childhood, doing everything in her power to give him what she desired. Danny complained now and then but seemed little effected by the situation that stunted his older sisters emotional growth for 17 years, something Jazz could not be happier about.

Now he was drowning in an ocean Jazz had never crossed, lost in a web of hurts and sorrows that Jazz could not navigate and free him from for she herself had never allowed her heart the chance to break, to grieve, to suffer anymore then it did. Yet still she remained the only person able to go to him, and of all the things she had done for him no one had asked her to do a harder task then the one placed on her shoulders now. It asked her to feel, to open up and allow some of his pain to bleed into her and she was not sure she could do that. Each step she took toward him increased the fear, the guilt, the anxiousness the idea surrounding this conversation brought to her. What would she say? What could she say? There were no words in the English language or any other language that could aide her in telling her only brother that she loved him, that she was sorry he had to hurt like this, that it hurt so much to see Sam laying nearly dead that she couldn't even allow herself to feel for fear it would destroy her. How could she help her brother through his grief when the waters of her own emotions waged war within her breast?

He sat still, the sobs having eased during her thoughts but even without he heaves of his chest the sight broke her heart. If tears were any indication of someone's pain, Danny's heart must be dying in its agony; his eyes broke away from his knees to look up at her. The usually sparkling blue eyes were dull and dead, holding only a echo of sadness and the broken heart being crushed by all this extra weight; he look so lost, she felt a tear slip from her eyes burning a path down her cheek. So many words burned holes in her mind but that wasn't what he needed to hear from and besides, her tongue seemed to speak from an entirely different organ.

"Baby brother, come here" she whispered to him, allowing him to fall into her arms. It was reminiscent of childhood when he would curl up into her embrace when the monsters came to eat him up in the night. It seemed she would always be the one to soothe his nightmares, real or not. Jazz tender brushed her fingers through his rich raven locks, one arm cradling him tightly against her as though he were five again. She tucked his head under her chin so she could let her tears fall without him seeing the pain watching his suffering caused her; no child should ever go through this hell. A face, no longer heavy with the look of child hood, burrowed itself against her chest, his arm cradled against his chest and knees pulled up onto her lap; it was a position as old as love itself, one person giving absolute trust in the other and allowing them to simply comfort without judgment, soothe without hurting.

"I can't help her Jazz, she's dying and there's not a damn thing I can do to change that" muffled sobs and all, Jazz heard it with much more then her ears. It hit far to close to home, echoing in many ways the fear she held for herself, for him, for everyone; tears dried at the tip of her lips, darkening her usually light aqua eyes in a way that changed every image of her.

"I love her and she is the one person I couldn't save. Why her Jazz why? I love her, I love her and I don't…I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. I came so close before, I've held her dying body twice now what if…what if this time she doesn't come back," sobs collected at the base of her throat as she began to rub his back soothingly, unable to say anything through her own sorrows. "I promised never to leave her…She is my best friend and I let her down! This is all my fault, if I had seen it…if I had been such a hard headed, hormone driven bastard I would have noticed my best friend…the girl I love slowly killing herself, how could I have noticed? I'm such a fucking idiot, I deserve to be lying in that bed not her…its all my fault I should be the one paying I should-"

"Daniel Fenton don't you even think that!" Jazz said sharply, jerking the young mans body away from her, holding him by the shoulders at arms distance, giving a level glare in warning that it was her turn to talk. Tears streamed endlessly down her cheeks, her puffy red eyes, even in a glare, sorrowful and tear-jerking; Danny started at the sight, never having seen his older sister break down about anything in his life. How far had all of this pushed the redhead, did it really tear into her so much? The young halfa could almost see his sister crumbling before him, her sobs collecting in a place within her chest slowly becoming full to capacity with an emotional flood. IT angered him that she would not let her hair down, even for a moment, to show any pain over this event.

"Sam was hurting Danny, she was broken in a way no one could fix. Nothing you could have done would have changed this, it may have only deterred it but eventually we would have ended up here in the same circumstance only maybe there wouldn't be a chance to help her." She spoke snappishly and firmly, daring him with a single look to deny the truth of her words and Danny found he could not. He watched as the red head closed her eyes tightly, tipping her head back and running a hand through her slightly waving hair as though working the sorrows out with each silk like strand that went through. In truth, she was suppressing everything behind a feeble inner wall, not able to find the strength to bear her sorrows to the boy in front of her, not when he had so many more. After a moment of mediation on her words, Jazz locked eye with her brother initiating a sibling bond that needed no words. Running a hand through his hair tenderly she continued in a far kinder, emotionally controlled voice

"I know your scared, and I know it hurts but-"

"How could you?" Pain ripped through her, claiming another piece of her heart when she saw the raw fury in his deep eyes, every fiber of him frustrated and vengeful, all the emotion piercing her with those three words.

"Wh-What? Danny why…?"

"How could you know it hurts? You never let yourself hurt Jazz! Why are you crying huh? Has it finally hit you that you've wasted your life not feeling for anyone? You don't know real grief, you don't know what it feels like to have you heart ground into shreds and stepped on, to lose something precious to you and have it nearly in your grasp when its snatched away by fate. You'll never feel that Jazz because you'll never love, do you even love me? Or am I just another fucking charity case to you?" He stood up, the words growing louder with each syllable, his fists shaking with what it took to repress the rest of his anger, boarded up behind a slowly cracking wall. "Well fuck you Jazz! The woman I love is dying and I'm not going to listen to this shit coming from someone so scared she can't even say the word. You've never said have you? Not even to mom and dad, not even to me!"

"Danny I'm.."

"Fuck you! I hate you! How dare you sit here and tell me what I should think and feel while you can't even understand what you feel! What is this going to turn into Jazz? A study on teenage grief? Your so scared of whatever the world has to offer that you look at everything from behind research and facts. News flash, life is more then crappy reports and statistics. I feel sorry for you Jazz, I really do because you'll never figure it out. Now get out, go analyze and evaluate your feelings away, but don't pretend to care about me when its something you clearly can't understand" Danny knew he was being harsh but it was his turn to help his sister. Watching her slowly let the world pass by was agonizing for him; She deserved so much more but first she had to understand that life was more then charts and graphs. He was surprised at her statements, how she easily analyzed something that she clearly did not understand but then that was Jazz. Danny wanted desperately to apologize but not now. For now he would let the girl keep the control she valued so much….as for Jazz, she was skilled in hiding behind a mask of indifference and concern and it served her well in the face of something….something that came very close to breaking her. Danny had hurt her in a way no one had, refusing her help and throwing back in her face the insecurities written so plainly in her stiff speaking and unsure actions, though she was not aware how well Danny could read her.

"Well I…I'm here if you need me" came the soft reply as Jazz all but ran from the room, holding the flood back with the knowledge that a few cuts would ease it all away.

_I'm so glad I found an angel, somewhere  
Who was there when all my hopes fell  
I wanna fly looking in your eyes_

Darkness. The only word to describe the hells she floated in, what was left of her so disoriented she had now way to tell if she pointed toward the sky or hung from her feet. Screams fell on deaf ears, dying the moment a puff of air left her mouth, chocking her as the black tart suspending her filled every orifice, suffocating her slowly and yet still allowing her to live on through it. Voice from just outside her conscious reeled and spun around her, floating like notes on a scale, meaningless to her when she could only sense their existence. Sam wanted to cry, to pray to God to free her from this hell but doubted he would listen to the prayer of a suicidal Goth. What cosmic trick was it to give her Danny's love only long enough to snatch It from her, to grab her soul and thrust it into the morbid pit sucking everything out of her, trying to take from her the thing that kept it from claiming her life.

She couldn't hear him but she knew Danny was there, knew he wept and begged for her return though she couldn't hear nor see him and it was for him she hung on, waiting impatiently for the second chance she wanted so badly. The thoughts and voices that plagued her, brought her to desperation and the search of a place beyond the veil of mortality lived in this dark place, echoing every moment of weakness, every cruel joke and comment, every painful memory and now there was no escape, she held hope that there was a God and he heard her prayer. Sam risked it all in a gamble, though at the time it was, to her, surety, and wanted back the reality. Danny loved her Damnit and she was not going to let him down.

'Give up, your to weak to fight it just die, you know it's what everyone wants you fucked up little witch' A particularly nasty voice jeered, causing Sam to lose just a little bit of the confidence she had been building up

"I love you Sam, you and only you" the memory broke through as a tiny light in the blackness and Sammy's hands balled to fists, shouting for all the voices to hear in a voice of growing confidence.

'I will not give up, not so long as Danny loves me…if he thinks I'm worth loving then I'm going to prove it!'

_Because you live, and breathe_

_Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help_

Hours had passed in silence, the world moving in a haze without true purpose or care, moving without direction until night fell and those left in their own sorrows awoke to wonder where their mind had been. An entire day wasted in grief and anxious waiting, your mind drifting between reality and the 'what could be' of a situation so painfully close to you it's nearly impossible to distinguish actual from imaginary. It was in this world that Tucker found himself, unable to grasp the truth, unwilling to accept the danger lying in all of their paths. It was easier to float about, lost in memories and a false belief that what had transpire hours earlier was not really as serious as it really had been. Sam would wake up in a few hours, he needed to believe that, needed so badly for it to be true that any other outcome was out of his realm of comprehension. The realization would destroy him. Tucker could not except that one of his best friends lay dying and dragged the other down into the darkness as well. It took every remaining fiber of his tattered strength to keep his head above water and even now, the frigid waves began to fill his every pore, sucking him down. Denial was all that kept him a float and in a single moment, the beauty of false pretending shattered as reality made known the truth of how truly dire everything was, how much the pain effected the minds and mentality of usual collected souls.

It was scary how sensible the most insensible thing can be to people desperately searching for an escape from life; even when help surrounds them they will turn to self-destruction to satisfy a need to punish. Sam had done so and now lay in a vegetable state, breathing only with the aide of a machine and slowly destroying the hearts of those closest to her. It was an every-man-for-himself war between old friends, even family, each person so strung up on a thread of pain unique to them they were unable to see the thinly weaved lines torturing others just out of sight. Yet it seemed some of their number hung the noose around their own necks, killing themselves slowly. It hit hard, the painful realization that none were safe from the destruction and even the strongest succumbed to dangerous relief rather then face the torment in their own hearts.

She was beautiful, far more mournful then the broken hearts a door away. Even asleep the fallen angel radiated a slowly fading light, the pure image Tucker held of her slowly flowing away like a dying river. A thief had come in the night and taken the heat from, in essence, pure fire as it had Sam's, letting it drain out in form of sticky crimson on a pure white gown, a sickening tie dye pattern telling a tale far from finished, if indeed an ending was to come. Realty came striking down with a painful crunch, smashing everything he thought to be truth to microscopic bits of unattainable shards, biting the spirit surrounding his flesh. Everything around him lacked sense and stability, even with her all the surety that could usually be counted on to be present disappeared into the ugly truths of the world. No one was safe from pain, even her.

What should he do? Tucker knew that leaving Jazz to cry her crimson tears was wrong, but to disallow her the ability to cut the thread connecting her to life would be the straw that broke his back. To lose the three most import people in his life with a single mistake, any road taken had the outcome of destruction and the choice could be made by none but him; why did it always have to be him that dealt with life altering choices? If he left her she would go back to normal in a day or so, living the lie of perfection and wellness that Tucker believed fooled even her own soul; things would return to normal if he turned on his heels and put out of his mind the sight. What then? Would she travel the same path as Sam and claim her own right to live or die? If he chose to stand at her side, would it mean the loss of a friendship dear to him, the loss of another person close to his heart? Either choice could mean a loss, a lose/lose situation that made his head spin. Tucker didn't want the choice to be his, didn't want to face the knowledge that the ball bounced in his court and no amount of wishing could change its course. Another delicate situation, so many easy ways to destroy the lives of a family already falling apart at the seams; with one wrong turn of phrase, a misspoken word, the wings and heart of an already broken angel would collapse into a world of brimstone and hatred, the pieces of a shattered heart would crack and distort the images it reflected.

How did you become the eyes of a blind person, the ears of the deaf, the wings of a bird? Why did the responsibility now lie of the shoulders of a sixteen year old boy who could not even sort through his own expanding emotions relating to the fiery redhead, let alone through the emotion bleeding out from the scars on her arms. The urge to turn around spoke sensibly, the desire of familiarity more prominent in him then the desire of Sam's return but Tuckers feet seemed to take direction from a voice deep within him that spoke with emotion rather then logic. Listening to his heart, the sneaker clothed appendages tiptoed silently to the side of the slumbering girl, a content smile on her face that was eerie beside the caked scars and metallic smell of coppery blood drying on the surface it fell upon. Whatever lead to the last resort had literally bled right out of her, paving the way to undisturbed rest as each drop fell.

The approach was slow and Tucker was thankful for the girls' dreams, needing time to prepare the words spinning circles in his heart. How was he to tell her that watching her suffer hurt more then knowing Sam couldn't feel, that watching her hope fall into despair killed him inside and he wanted more then anything to be her wings, her escape from the darkness. Every word stuck on his tongue, mind reeling when he captured her hand within his and felt the warmth beating through it, the flawless skin stretching up the expanses of her arm, an exact opposite of its wounded sister, cradled gently like a preciously guarded treasure. For the first time since entering the room, Tucker saw a chilly shudder pass through each limb, raising the hairs to stand attention except for the hand he meticulously warmed. The seat she had chosen to rest upon provided little barrier from the frosty breath on the window transferring immediately from the glass to her bare flesh. Showing a newfound chivalry, Tucker gently kneeled down, arms carefully easing beneath her knees and around her shoulders, lifting her tenderly into his embrace, careful not to jostle her from the sleep that eased her pains for a short period. A thousand emotions exploded within him like firecrackers while watching the redhead sleep, a complete look of serenity and vulnerability relaxing her usually tightened and schooled features and he never wanted to lay her down, yearning for nothing more in that moment then to protect her whatever apparitions haunted her. Soft whimpers escaped her slightly parted lips when he began to walk to one of the cots provided to them

"Shh, It's okay, everything's okay" Tucker whispered into her hair, wishing that his words were true but knowing the situation was far from 'okay'. Marveling at how light she was in his arms, he kneeled once more, carefully easing her to the tiny makeshift bed before swiftly retracting his hands and gazing at her beautiful lithe form, unable to find words strong enough to describe the emotion causing his heart to skip a beat, causing him to want to weep for a reason he could not understand, causing a need to hold her though he knew there was nothing that gave him to right to do so. Tenderly brushing a stray auburn lock of her gently closed eyelids, a soft, warm feeling spread from his chest outwards, turning to lead as Jazz tucked her self mutilation in a protective positions, fetal and curled about her knees like a young child afraid of the dark. Digging his fingers into the soft skin of his palm, Tucker chewed his bottom lip in rage; even in sleep the monsters couldn't cease haunting her. Even more fury coursed through him at his own weaknesses and inabilities that blinded him to the true emotions buried within the two women who meant the most to him, a sister and…

What was Jazz? What was it about her that made his heart thud in ears and lead drop into his stomach, caused stupid action and the inner strength every touch of her hand brought him? It was unfathomable that he liked her…she was Dannys' sister and his and Sam's surrogate sister advising them when they desired guidance and aiding them when they were getting their asses fried in a fire (usually caused by them.)…And yet she had always been there for him most of all, raising him up when the world grew to heavy for his small shoulder, giving his dreams wings when all they could do was be buried, being a shoulder to cry on and the only person that accepted him exactly as he was. Even Danny could not say the same. Tenderly stroking the beautiful redheads' slightly freckled cheek, he remembered all the times they'd stood alone together and all the help she'd given to all three of them without them ever having to say word. Jazz always knew what to say to cheer you up, to remind you what life was for and that you had to fall before you could fly; And yet a single sad smile broke through the sunlight, the unanswered question nagging him from the back of his mind.

Who would catch her when she fell? Already she was carried on a downward spiral, wings clipped far too early as the ground rose up to swallow any hopes of returning to the skies. Would anyone miss her if she suddenly vanished, if it had not been for Life's' gamble and his own distracted thoughts would he have made a repeat mistake and leave her to crumble away into the cold sea drawing around them? Would anyone have noticed when she began to fade away? When her smile and strength became just an act? Or would they remain blind to what lay behind the mask. The world believed that the strong could not break, that those with level heads could never be desperate, that those who helped never needed help themselves. It was an inner belief that Tucker cursed himself for every second of the past week from the moment he received the phone call about Sam.

"Tucker?" a sleep garbled voice slowly extracted the young man from his angry musings, a hand grazing his cheek to test the reality of, seemingly, and apparition to the sleepy mind of the bleeding dove. Toffee eyes gazed softly at half-lidded aqua iris', letting calming vibes pass between the momentary connection; she sounded so disoriented and scared, as though waking from a nightmare and doubting a reality not far from the fantasy dreamed up by fear. Gently trapping her wandering hand in his, Tucker offered an easy smile to show her things were fine.

"Sleep now Jazz," her murmured, touching her cheek for a moment before lovingly beginning to stroke her hair, letting the silky strands run through his hand like water or liquid fire. Realization dawned on her deadened mind, a long repressed fear blooming like a black rose in her eyes. Trying to rise, or flee whichever happened to be easiest, the redhead shifted around in the tangle of sheets stuck tight to the mattress

"I can explain I-" Gently resting two fingers on her lips and bidding her silently to lay quiet he tenderly shut her eyelids before repeating his earlier words with an aire of finality that seemed to draw the panic from the drooping lids.

"Sleep now," It took only moments for all tension to drain out her leaving her body pliable and limp on the mattress, eyes closed once again in an easy slumber. Releasing the breath he was not aware of even holding, Tucker collapsed on the floor, back flush against the wall and eyes closed in silent relief. This was not a good moment to discuss what was obviously not well with Jazz, the blind terror he had read in her features was to much to handle after the day they had all just suffered through.

It was impossible to guess how the promised conversation would progress when the time came to have it, whether it would finally unlock the chains binding her soul or just further entrap her and block out all chance of freedom for her.

Why did his friends lives always fall into his hands?

_Because you live girl my world has twice as many stars in the sky  
Because you live, I live_

Days passed as slow as weeks, each passing through in a ruddy haze but growing heavier at the end of each long day. Finally another week had passed lacking any true point or shocking situation within any of the seven days, flowing like stagnate water, any ripples caused by an outside force or otherwise total stillness. It was in this idle decline that one could find Danny Fenton, sitting at an unchanging bedside in an undeterred resolution not to shift from his spot; little could break his promise to Sam. Food was brought to him and he only left the girl's side for bladder relief, returning instantaneously the moment he could, holding her slight hand and keeping his eyes fixed permanently on the grayish skin and closed eyelids.

Danny could never tire of studying Sam's face, awake or asleep she was by far the most beautiful woman alive and each day brought a new feature to light, something more exquisite then the last yet making up a whole person whose loveliness surpassed spoken word. Yet, for all the beauty splayed out before him, nothing could out do the amethyst gems hiding so close and so far from waking light. The longing to see those jewels gaze at him with love is what kept him in the same spot for exactly one hundred and ninety-two hours.

One hundred and ninety-two hours left a man with more time to think then was healthy, allowing him to mull over every mistake and every triumph, every love and every pain, every joy and every sorrow, bringing back the past to rethink the actions that may have prevented the situation the two lovers found themselves in. 'What ifs" were all Danny had, wondering over what might have been if only….each 'if' changed with the hour, a new sorrow awoken with it. Would it have been better if it were him lying prostate in the bed? The thought occurred more often then the rest and entailed twice the guilt when thoughts of Sam sitting in his very position overcame rational thought. She would wish the same were it him, feel the same pain and it was like a sucker punch in the stomach to think he would put her in the situation. It seemed nothing could stop the merry-go-round of blame and guilt Danny seemed unable to dismount, it did him and Sam no good to place blame but in true human mentality it seemed that something needed to be blamed, something must be made to feel guilty for all this pain. Yet, no matter how the circle turned, Danny could not bring himself to lay the blame on Sam.

Day eight slowly passed over his head with no change and at last the dam broke within him, taking with it the last shred of composure hiding his broken soul. A low scream tore itself violently from the very bottom of his heart, the agonizing sound heart wrenching and physically painful for the boy as he stood up only to have his knees come out from beneath him, landing with a painful thud on the linoleum floor, his body lacking the willpower to continue supporting him. Raw fury tore into his flesh, literally pulling back the skin to reveal living flesh and blood. He was human, he could bleed and he could hurt and as he allowed his fingers to cry an entirely different type of tear his stomach heaved, every memory and broken dream of this life burning in his throat. He was powerless to stop his body's physical rejection of the realization hovering just at the edge of his psyche. Blood mixed with vomit on the floor, the retching continuing long after his stomach was empty; his hair clung to his sweaty forehead, tears falling into the mess on the floor as he slumped back against the bed, sobbing in gasps. Angry fists struck the tile floor, not heeding the pain that shot up his arm.

Damn God an his plan, Damn Sam and her stubbornness, Damn Jazz and her know-it-all fucking complex, Damn him…Damn himself for hurting the three most important people in his life in expression of his own pain. Gripping his hair so hard several strand were ripped out, he dug his fingernails into his scalp, willing the screaming voices in his mind to shut up.

What was left of his hope died, shriveling like a forgotten soul on the doorstep of his body, torn out and left to rot with the rest of his dreams and the bloody remains of his heart. Love did not just hurt, it was agony with no real escape and the worse part about it was he wouldn't give up the pain for anything in the world. Not if it meant losing the girl he loved. Damn it, there was that word again, love. Was that the reason Sam still clung to life, because she knew he still waited for her? It left a deadened hole in his heart where optimism used to make its stay, what if she did not know in that near dead sleep that he was there; would she pass on quietly in the night thinking he'd abandoned her?

Another low groan escaped his parted lips he doubled over, emptying another stream of bile on top of the slowly drying pool on the floor, the agony of missing her, the fear of losing her so painful that his physical body reacted in the way nothing else could. Danny could not lose her, she loved him…she wanted to get better and if God had any mercy he would not destroy him and her in this way. He had given everything for the world, suffered the ultimate price at the hands of Amity, his freedom, and now the Almighty would punish him by taking away the only bright spot on a dark horizon?

"You won't take her, do you understand me? Sam is mine and you can't have her," He yelled to the heavens, to God, to death, voice cracking and hoarse. Sadness thickened itself around his body, heavy as lead and constricting as a straitjacket. Feeling his chest burn with the effort each rattling sob took, he shakily pulled himself up body, reflecting the acceptance of the inevitable. Nothing could deter fate, it ran a program far beyond the comprehension of the tiny mortal mans' mind and it was not Danny's place, much as he wished, to interfere with the plan laid out for each of them. She would die. Biting back another vomiting attack, the young halfa climbed into the tiny hospital bed beside her, burrowing his face into the familiar skin, the familiar hair, the safety and love that her presence always brought no matter the state of affairs between them. There was more then love between them, more then adoration. A bond connected them to each other, something more powerful then life and death could sever; adults shook their heads in disbelief at the thought of teenagers knowing true love, recognizing the term soul mate as more then a line to get sex. For them it was impossible, but then so was the existence of ghosts. It scared them to think of a world out of their own control and understanding, they could not open their hearts and minds to anything outside of their ability to shape and form. They said it wasn't love, just infatuation, not soul mates just lust.

Danny thought they could not be more wrong, the two had more history then most married couples before the wedding, more understanding and respect for the other then lovers of ninety. For so many years Sam gave him a reason to live, lit up the sun when it seemed misfortune blew it into nothingness, helped him when nobody else knew how. There was never a time Sam did not step up to his defense, drag him from self-destruction with the knowledge that the dawn would bring a fresh start no matter what the circumstances of the time were. She was always there when his hopes crashed down around him; when his world seemed to be caving in, she kept the ground steady until it could rebuild. Sam was everything to Danny, the soul onto which his entire existence was built and nothing would or could ever change that. If she died, when she died, the thought of a life without her pretty smile and rare laugh was unbearable for him to even fathom. Life would standstill for him without her to push him along with a sarcastic quip and a friendly smile; his world would explode when she would not gaze quizzically at him in a moment of his supreme stupidity. A friendship would collapse when she was not there to ease tensions between Tucker and him by being a distraction in and of herself. Could he learn to live in a world without Sammy?

A month ago he would have wondered the answer, paused over points and the pros and cons of an existence taken for granted to often and for to long, now Danny knew the answer had lain prone in his heart for years without him having any knowledge of its existence. There was no world for him without Sam.

Wrapping her up in a tender embrace he stole a kiss from her slightly parted lips, relieved to feel warmth in them and a breath from between them; closing his eyes, Danny made a mental surrender to fate, to his own shattered heart. Promises were meant to be kept no matter the circumstances especially to the person you love and Danny had promised never to leave the beauty his arms intertwined with.

And it was a promise he intended to keep even if that meant following her into death to do it.

_Because you live, there's a reason why, I carry on when I lose the fight  
I want to give what you've given me always_

It was funny how little the world secret meant, especially among friends and family, or to people who cared a little to much about their neighbors doings then their own. Even a secret kept to protect was easily stripped from the holder, the curiosity built into humans leading them to suffer any torture, any consequence just to sate that damned emotion. Secrets could conceal a lie embedded deep in a horror the bearer fought to forget, to hid, they sometimes meant a joyous surprise for a loved one or a protective secretive to stroke the ego. Her secret, however, was held by an inner guilt, a fear of discovery and the doubt of a society who trusted her to uphold a standard of conduct and a system of beliefs in regulation with their own. It was buried within her to protect an image seventeen years in the making and now that secret was out.

A week had passed since she awoke in a cot, panicked when the realization of a young man's discovery and a dirty secret disclosed finally registered as far more then a half thought out dream, and it had been a very long week for Jazz. For a hospital so enormous as this, one would think remaining out of the site of one person would be nothing more then a little dodging and careful planning, yet the redhead discovered how difficult avoiding someone could be. Tucker seemed to be stalking her, appearing in the very place Jazz deigned to go at the exact moment she arrived. Finally she had resorted to sleep in the car, knowing it was the only remaining place away from the boy; it seemed irrational but in a moment of panic it was the only option lest she risked everything in revealing more then he had already discovered.

It was dusk, the sun began its dismount into sleep giving a brilliant farewell show on its descent, alighting falling ice flakes like confetti; reds and pinks alighted her face, reflecting as tiny flecks in her eyes giving the girl an almost mystical quality. Wind whistled in her ears, blowing stray locks from her ponytail into her face, freeing the spirit caged behind inner bars. It was like music and without a thought to how it would appear to passerby's , Jazz began to spin, her body moving to a inner music she was never allowed to play, dancing on a silent winter day, snow joining in the rhythmic motion as it fell silently to earth. Paying no mind to the cold nipping at her nose, numbing her exposed flesh, she closed her eyes to an inner war and just allowed herself to feel the moment, the time, wind holding her body in a tender embrace the way no person could, snow kissing her so gently it made a slow tear fall from her closed eye. The movement shook the elastic loose, freeing her vibrant locks from the prison that kept them captive; they joined the dance, hanging in her face in an expression of sorrow and hope. If each strand was a fiber of her being and it could free itself from the confines of propriety and expectations maybe she could still have hope.

How long her dance lasted was anyone's guess, she twirled away from her agony, placing her damaged soul in a moment, a position far removed from the pain that her body retained, away from longing and loneliness, in a place where only serenity existed. What she wouldn't give to exist permanently there, for the caresses of her wind to be that of a lovers, for the kisses to be warm rather then cold…

"You already live there, you just have to realize it" a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves tenderly around her waist, imprisoning in her to stop an eminent attempt at flight. Tensing, Jazz tried to pull loose of the arms who had no business holding her in such a fashion but the more she struggler the tighter the held. "You really should learn to stop thinking out loud, it will get you in trouble one of these days."

"What do you want Tucker?" came the cold reply, making the bitter wind seem tropical in its wake. Of course she knew what he came for but that didn't mean she would make it easily attainable, it was not and never would be the young man's business what she thought and felt. A warm hand touched her cheek and the sudden loss of warmth struck hard as she found her face tilted upwards to meet large pools of chocolate, the concern melting her heart and shifting her legs to jelly. They were so beautiful and deep…why had she never noticed that everything Tucker was shined from within those gold specked brown orbs. It seemed the ended up in this position more and more, and for the first time Jazz could not find it in her to push him away even when his hand pulled her arm to eye level and slowly pulled back the layer to reveal the unbandaged damage. Shameful tears rose in her eyes and she looked away, unable to face the unbridled emotions in her own heart or those in his unguarded expression.

"Oh Jazz," his voice was barley above a whisper, heavy with concern and…pity? Wrenching away she returned his emotions with a violent fire

"I don't want you pity damnit so take it somewhere else" came the growl, as she backed from him preparing to bolt, to turn her back on the one man who had the ability to understand, the only person who seemed to ever want to understand. With a heavy heart she began to leave, questions with out answers screaming violently at her, voices that slowly destroyed her little remaining sanity and threw themselves against the barriers separating the inner most parts of her from exposure to the harsh realities of life. Jazz knew what she walked away from, a chance at relief and trust with someone that genuinely cared for her, an opportunity to befriend someone who asked nothing in return merely company and a chance to help

"Stop! Damnit Jasmine I don't pity you" warmth spread out from his fingertips as she was roughly jerked around to face the crumbling composure that made up Tucker Foley. The raw emotion in his features was startling, he held nothing back from her far as she could tell and even if he did it could not be more overwhelming the mixture of anger and sorrow, fear and insecurity, confusion and desperation that she was met with. Allowing the moment to soften, he lessened his death grip on her shoulders, closing his eyes to put his emotions in check before beginning again. "Let me help you Jazz, please."

"Why? What do you get out of it?" the words came out without any conscious reason behind them for Jazz's mind reeled with ungraspable idea that someone wanted to help her, that there was a chance the loneliness would dissipate into friendship. The little voices in her mind, however, laughed at the pitiful attempt at hope she conjured; what reason would a young man with everything to lose help someone who would cause him that lost? He just owed it to a guilty conscious to ease her momentary lapse of judgment, freeing him from any future blame. Tears began to cascade like small waterfalls and she turned away, trying to pull from him wanting nothing more in that moment then escape from this hell. In her own crashing world, it was impossible to recognize the same signs within her actions that she had, only months before, recognized in Sam. Strong arms caught her again, not letting her fall as her knees gave out beneath her, unable to hold up their prone mistress any longer, and tenderly lowered her to the snowy ground and immediately pulling her into a tight embrace allowing her to bury whatever sorrows those tears freed her from in his neck. The loneliness, the rejection, the neglect held back all her life began to pour out, sobs wracking her body and tears staining the collar of his shirt but no matter how violent she grew, pounding her fists against him, cursing with words the world was not aware she knew, he did not make a move to end the embrace. It made her even more furious, anger so much anger came out through shrieks and kicks, punches and sobs, the repression making her like a ticking bomb whose time had finally run out.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO LET ME GO LET ME GO!" she shrieked, her fist striking his flesh with less and less fervor as the fury fizzle out like a dying candle until she was no more the a trembling, sobbing mass in his arms. Cedar, a smell so familiar and comforting, enveloped her sense and as though waking from a nightmare, she noticed him wrapping his corduroy jacket around her shoulders and leading her to the bench they sat at so many times before. Jazz could not remember rising nor really the moments after her tantrum; a red blush of shame tinted her cheeks, realizations of how shameful her behavior was giving her the good grace to show her remorse.

"Feel better?" he asked, reaching up and tucking some stray hairs behind her ear and studying her face with an unreadable look radiating from his eyes. Jazz said nothing, merely gazed at a sprig of grass standing out triumphantly among a sea of white as though it held the answers to lifes' questions. A soft sigh escaped his lips, forming a cloud just as it met with cold climate "Didn't think so. Talk to me Jazz please, why did you do this?" His hand tenderly settled on the wounds, tracing the blade lines as though each one shared with him the physical pain it felt; settling at last for grasping her hand and studying the slim fingers, Tucker met her eyes patiently, waiting for whatever answer she could give

"I don't want to talk about it" came the barley audible whisper

"Well your going to talk about it" Tucker said sharply, turning her head to him and staring directly into her eyes, peeling back the layers of her soul to find the treasure he knew was cloaked and hidden away beneath. The tears came again, the only warm sensation that her soul could feel and it seemed not to escape the African American teens' notice that the tone caused a flash fear and pain in her eyes. Making a physical effort to be gentle, Jazz watched him slowly calculate something behind those beautiful eyes before speaking, every word sorrowful and pleading as though deriving straight from his own breaking heart.

"We ignored her Jazz, and I can never forgive myself for doing that. It never occurred to me how much our comments hurt, how sharp they were until I saw the remains of her heart, how tattered and broken it was. That wasn't Sam I spoke with, just the shell of a girl that I once claimed to love like a sister." A hollow laugh escaped him "Funny way of treating someone you love huh? We're losing her now and I'm just glad I could apologize but that doesn't make the pain any less for me or for her." Tucker squeezed his eyes closed and it looked as though the words were painful and difficult to get out.

"How long, Jazz, have you drifted through life? When did your smile turn plastic like Sammy's? I told you that you could never be alone, that you had every right to hurt but I didn't mean like this." Looking away, Jazz tried to deny the truth everyone except her seemed to accept…was she really like Sam? Was the situation more out of her control then she though it was? Her hand flew to the wound, digging into them until they tore and began to bleed again, needing the physical pain like a drug. "Look at what your doing to yourself Jazz look! Is this you? Is this your control? Look at it!" Almost painfully she dragged her eyes to the wounds, each one representing an aspect of her life that tears did nothing to heal, the momentary pain a relief from the nightmarish hell the sun brought to her.

"When I was alone and scared, when I needed more then anything a guardian angel who could love me and save me from a world that could not accept me, I found something far greater then any angel." Placing a hand over hers, he drew her face to look up, the unreadable emotion back in his eyes "I found you Jazz, you have been my guardian angel since the day we met, protecting me when I was to weak to stand and fight, helping me when no one else dared to try, guiding me when I was lost in a maze my own heart created. It kills me to watch you break your wings like this. I failed one person I love Jasmine Fenton, your not about to be the second. Now it is my turn to be a guardian angel and help you learn to fly again because you're missed Jazz even if you can't see that now." Her eyes stared resolutely at the frozen earth, unwilling to meet his gaze any longer for fear she would trip and fall in to a very pleasant death. Tears blurred her vision, hard as she tried to blink them back, and her heart constricted painfully in her chest. The world had for just a moment ceased to spin on its axis and hell had turned to ice, the apocalypse had to be soon coming for the truth always known to Jazz suddenly turned inside out, nothing more then a handful of words and concepts rendered obsolete by his gentle heart. Seeing her reluctance to comply he continued, hoping with every fiber of his being she would let him into that place in her heart she kept so carefully guarded.

"I told you once that it was okay to hurt, that you would never be alone and I meant it, every word…I know it hurts to trust me but take a chance like you did on a frightened nine year old boy long ago. You helped him then and now he can help you if you'll let him in, he trusts you with his life and so much more…once upon a time he left his heart in your hands and asks only for the chance to repay the kindness of a stranger whose become so much more." Jazz slowly brought her eyes up from the ground, a guarded expression studying him from beneath heavy lashes and a curtain of red. Tenderly brushing it from her face, he smiled hopefully, wishing to see the smile that once graced those features, that made her eyes light up and cheeks flush, wanting to see passion and drive and hope, something that seemed to have been lost in the ascent to adulthood. They all felt it, tried to ignore the fear and pain, the anger that raged within them without rhyme or reason…but it hurt more then usual to see that hollow expression mimicking Sam's only a week earlier. In a slow movement, Jazz carefully cupped his hand in hers, considering each line of his palm and curve of his finger before intertwining their fingers and offering look of insecurity an minimal hope. Actions spoke louder then words, the simple motion an indication of the baby she was allowing to grow, the small trust she was gifting him with while praying to herself that it was not a mistake to do so. Ruffling her hair like a big brother would, Tucker tried to make her feel comfortable before he let his arm rest around her shoulder, twirling a lock of hair absentmindedly around his fingers and waiting for her to make the first move.

It came haltingly, the explanation, and it held much back giving only the outer structure of a much deeper problem but it was all she could give, the only amount of herself that was not hurting far to much to be verbalized. Jazz talked about Danny, her fears for him and that he would grow up to hate her, she cried over her parents, allowing herself to vocalize for the first time, the loneliness of a neglected little girl who wanted nothing more then to please uncaring parents. Now and then she dipped into a larger vein, giving bits and pieces of the girl within the mask when she murmured the pain of living a lie, of being scared to really allow herself to live live. It made very little sense to Tucker at first, the murmurings broken and shattered like the soul who divulged them but he kept patient, sure the story would come out when Jazz was ready for it too. Some hit close to home, the knowledge that his parents regarded his existence as nothing more then a tax exemption struck him the most painfully and he gave her a moment's pause for thought to tell her so. It was a comfortable, unrushed evening, the pace of conversation slow and undirected and fitting their own unique stories and pasts. By the time the church bell rung eleven, they were worn out emotionally an yet still able to find topics to discuss; although Tucker had not yet discovered the reason behind the mutilation he learned much more about the mysterious redhead the he was sure anyone else had ever been allowed to know. Yet she still remained a puzzle he doubted could ever be solved, it was "part of her charm" he had remarked when he went on to talk about her secretiveness , finding deep pleasure in the soft chuckle the comment brought forth from her. She, in turn, had learned about the man behind the eyes, hearing stories about a scared little boy who, for all his good graces, was born into a world utterly alone and had remained so until that fateful November freeze. Something with in Jazz connected with the lonely little boy Tucker hid so well behind his jokes and nonchalant stature. Both were, in most senses of the word, friendless, abandoned children searching for something to occupy the gaping hole where love should be. Neither remarked on the similarity in their lives, neither needed to.

Five hours and a myriad of mismatched conversations found Jazz curled up in Tuckers arms for warmth, neither wanting to end their conversation in search of the hospitals heat. It was strange how right the position felt, no place on earth could ever feel quite as safe, quite as warm as their embrace did. Silence descended and neither said anything, having no reason to break the peace they abruptly found themselves in; Tuckers head rested on the top of her head and with a soft chuckle and roll of her eyes, Jazz realized he was softly snoring.

"Tucker, wake up you little toad I don't want your drool in my hair" she teased, elbowing him gently in the side, making him jump and instinctively clutch her tightly to him. A blush glowed on her cheeks when she realized exactly how close they were.

"I wasn't sleeping I swear I'm not even-" his sentence was interrupted by a gigantic yawn

"You were saying?" Jazz smirked, untangling herself from Tuckers embrace; she missed the contact but it would not do for them to fall asleep in freezing weather with little on but coats and scarves. The smirk was met with a boyish grin as he, in one swift motion, had her off her feet and held tightly against his chest. Squeaking, she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and gazed at him, eyebrow furrowed in confusion at this sudden, unexpected action; it was unlike Tucker to treat a girl like this, even a good friend.

"Talk about sweeping a woman off her feet huh? You say I'M tired but I would like to point out that you were headed toward a snow bank," He said, amusement clearly present in his tone much to her irritation

"I'll have you know the hospital is that…way?" looking over her shoulder, Jazz saw nothing but trees and the steep drop off that had landed them together a week prior "I could have sworn…"

"Please don't, curses don't sound good coming from you" she could almost hear the smirk in his cheeky reply and smacked the back of his head playfully, screaming when he pretended to drop her.

"Tucker Foley!" She could not see it but a loving smile crossed his features at her indignation and at the simple fact she was willing to play and let down a few walls around him.

"Don't worry Jazz; I'd never actually drop you…" He grinned and held her tighter against his chest, enjoying the contact while it lasted all the while thinking pleasantly to himself

'and if I ever do I'm going to be the one to come back and catch you before you hit the ground.'

_Because you live, and breathe_

_Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live girl my world has twice as many stars in the sky  
Because you live, I live  
_

Tugging his worn out cap down around his ears and folding his arms, a young African American boy glanced at the image reflecting in a slightly molded vanity, marveling at the person staring back. It seemed like overnight the face of childhood had been broken away by the strength of adulthood; his lips were chapped, he noticed, and neither frowning or smiling but without ever having to you could tell every emotion chasing through his system. A pair gold flecked coffee eyes smiled and shined, the first level of a much deeper person who was finally beginning to find himself. Still, it wasn't good enough. An unsatisfied frown creased his forehead and narrowed his eyes as the young man looked up and down his body, a crash test dummy-like figure lacking strength or handsome physique. The thought of him ever making a girl happy was an impossibility; Tucker would never have someone the way Danny had Sam…

Danny. In all the insanity surrounding the past week and a half, his part ghost friend had completely escaped his thoughts. Since the evening spent with Jazz three days prior, Tucker spent most free time engaged in meaningful conversation and quiet enjoyment of her company over what the cafeteria tried to call food. Some best friend he turned out to be, turning away from the other two most important people in his life when the shit hit the fan and it hurt to much to face the mess that made up their lives.

Being a best friend came with heavy burdens and thousands of unspoken responsibilities, sometimes a person struggled with the knowledge that they alone held a life in their hands, the responsibility of being stronger in the face of the same adversity your friend struggled with no matter how hard it struck you. It was the unspoken bond between sisters, brothers connected in such ways without blood, so close to you that one need never speak for the other to know exactly what to say, to pick up the phone and dial only to hear that the person on the other did the same. Being a best friend meant being the voice of reason and the pillar of strength, it meant being the one to go along with crazy schemes only to bail the both of you out in the end, and it meant never turning away when your friend had fallen and that was exactly what Tucker had done.

Splashing a handful of cool water onto his face, the young man drew a deep breath, releasing it with a resigned sigh, knuckles white from clutching the sinks basin. It was time to be the friend everyone expected, to be the person Jazz saw good in and to payback the kindness shown to him a thousand times. It was time to talk to Danny, no matter the outcome, to be the one to stop the boy's endless plummet and maybe help bring back the young goth still deep in an impenetrable sleep. Meeting the eyes of the boy in the mirror he nodded, building the stamina and strength to handle a fallen hero and to, for the first time, be a hero himself.

As expected, Danny was intertwined with the girl struggling for life on the bed, the nurses could be heard gossiping about the cute couple and how their husbands would not do that for them. When the thought first crossed his mind, Tucker had laughed. Of course it would be his best friend who showed more love and chivalry then adults who, supposedly, fell in love more and more each passing year. Tucker had joked to Jazz that, when Sam woke up, the two should go into marriage counseling.

Now he knew why she had not laughed. Watching the devotion Danny gave to Sam was bittersweet and heartbreaking, nothing about the tenderness between them was laughable or humorous, just beautiful and sad. Something about it stood akin to 'Romeo and Juliet', two lovers separated by unbeatable odds yet devoted to the other even when death threatened to sever the fragile emotion. No matter what way you told the story, it could not begin to be more sorrowful then the pair cuddled up on a hospital bed surrounded with wires and machines, the only thing sustaining one lovers' life flowing through the tubes thrust into veins and lungs. Tucker squeezed his eyes shut in anger and grief; no two in the world deserved this punishment less then Sam and Danny, and the helplessness in knowing no words would ever be able to comfort the young man or ease his grief made the situation painstakingly difficult. The solution to the question of how to break the calm came after a moment of standing motionless at the door jam, a place every one of their group seemed to find themselves in daily thinking the very same thoughts.

"Hey Tuck" Danny whispered, shredding the silence with the hoarse, unused voice, the very sound of it a shot through Tuckers heart; Danny had never broken down and cried before the risk of losing Sam really hit and now…now it was hard to even see that young man in the sorrowful creature masquerading as him.

"Hey man" it seemed inconsiderate to speak above a whisper though it was common knowledge that one could set of an air horn without disturbing the comatose girl "How is she?" it seemed the most appropriate thing to say at the moment. The instant the conversation began Danny started stroking Sam's cheek with the most mournful expression in his eyes as though he had, like Tucker, wanted to believe it nothing more then a dream. Sometimes it was still difficult to accept the situation as it was and not fall into fantasy.

"Nothings changed" no hope, no optimism punctuated this declaration, only the grim resignation of what only seemed a matter of time in coming. Stuffing his hands nervously into the deep pockets of his jeans, Tucker kicked invisible rocks and stared down visibly trying to force the next words out.

"and how are you holding up?" Met with a glare cold as ice, he stepped back in fear of the power still flowing through the veins of the halfa; friend or no, in this condition Tucker had no doubt Danny would not hesitate to treat him as any less then ghost scum and honestly the young man could not blame him. Gritting his teeth, the boy's eyes flash eerie emerald as the ghost boy ground out

"How do you think? The girl I love is dying and there's not a damn thing I can to do to stop it, how the hell would you feel?"

"Chill man! You're feeling pretty crumby right now, you'd be severely screwed up in the attic" he tapped Danny's forehead "if you weren't but you're short attitude isn't doing any good and it sure as hell isn't going to bring Sam out of this so cool it. Just because you're in pain doesn't mean the rest of us aren't, and if you think I'm going to take this 'My feelings are better then yours' shit like Jazz did then you don't know me at all." Jazz had at last revealed the reason for her mutilation the previous evening and it had made Tucker blood boil remembering the cruelty the onyx haired man had directed at his sister who sought only to ease his pain. It had taken a hell of a lot of self control not to storm in and shove his foot where the sun don't shine and even now he had to bite his lips to hold back the fury the man attitude alighted in him.

"Fuck you Tucker, who the hell gave you the power to tell people how to act? You don't know shit about how this feels so don't-" The thin thread of self control in the young African American snapped at these words and violently tugged his best friend up by the collar and roughly deposited him a chair, the force of his action so strong the chair scooted back a foot. The young man paled considerably at the uncharacteristic fury and intelligently decided to keep his mouth shut, wisely fearing the man's wrath.

"I don't know? I DON'T KNOW? Do you honestly think this isn't kill me Dan? That I haven't been crying over the knowledge that my best friend is fucking dying and taking you with her? I love her Damnit! Sam is the sister I never had and means as much to me as Jazz does to you…though by the way you treated her no one would ever guess." Resisting the strong urge to toss the boy across the room, Tucker decided to be the bigger man and keep his self-respect by not hurting Danny, though the bastard deserved it as well as a black eye. "You think you're the only one hurting ghost boy but let me tell you something maybe you didn't realize in your own little pity bubble. I found your sister three days ago laying in her own blood and tears because of something _you_ said to her, because you were to fucking heartbroken to see the pain Jazz was in. She was afraid of losing you Danny, she's afraid of losing Sam and damnit so am I. It's like watching someone tumble to there death and knowing you can't save them, it hurts like hell to know there isn't a damn thing I can to. Every morning I wake up thinking it was a dream, praying that she will wake up and laugh at me or meet us at school only to complain about frog dissections or something. It's like dying all over again when it sinks in, it's been almost two weeks and it still kills me every fucking day. You think I don't know, you think Jazz doesn't know…but damn it Danny its you who isn't getting it. You're not alone man, we want to help you but we can't if every time we try we're met with this shitty attitude; we're your friends, your family and as such its our job to tell you when you're acting like an asshole." Tucker smacked Danny's head hard,

"You're being an asshole damnit so suck it up and for the love of all that is holy tell me how you're holding up before I give you a new understanding of the term 'dead man walking' ." The short monologue was met with uncomfortable silence, it was hard to stand strong when Tucker was afraid of having just severed the friendship between them with to many rash words. Imitating a fish, the halfa opened and closed his mouth several times, a look of intense pain constricting his face

"Jazz….Jazz hurt herself? On purpose?" came the choked reply "Because of something I said?" Tucker heard the guilt and fear in his words, understanding how terrifying it was to think of going through this hell again. The same thoughts had buzzed through his mind upon seeing the blood, the knife gleaming dangerously on the floor; it was more then they would or could be able to handle if Jazz took that path, it would be the one thing to finally break the boys who would not be far behind.

"Because of a lot of thing we were to blind to see, your sister hurts to Danny I think…I think sometimes we forget that," Danny nodded in understanding, staring at the ceiling in a deadened way. Why did this have to happen to them? Weren't they the good guys, the fighters of the greater good, why now did they suffer when the true sinners lived joyous, untainted lives?

"What am I going to do Tucker?" the boy asked quietly, voice cracking halfway through "This is to much for me to handle, its all I can do not to join Sam in her pain and now Jazz…I'm losing them both because of my own stupidity, Is there anything I can do?" Squeezing his shoulder supportively, the African American man tried to put the words together that needed to be said; it seemed no matter how many times they came out, it took preparation to make them just right. The situation was not as delicate as the situations had been with Jazz and Sam, it was more of a comfort then a plea, the offering of another soul to shoulder an all to crushing burden so they might both walk through life easier.

"Keep fighting for her Danny, don't ever let her think you don't love her, and keep living because it is what she would want. No one wants anothers' suffering on their hands and Sam is notexception; as for Jazz? I'm handling it now until she either kills me or you're ready to handle it." Giving Tucker a grateful smile, Danny leaned over the bed's side rail, tucking a stray piece of hair behind the girls ear as thought the motion was automatic to him and the other man was sure it probably was becoming so.

"You really love her don't you?" Tucker asked quietly, watching the gentle action with a pleased and at the same time remorseful expanse in his chest. They were in deep and yet they still had along way to go to be together…nothing worthwhile ever came easy, or so the saying went, and it certainly held knew meaning to the couple in the corner

"More then you will every know I-" The boys froze as a wisp of blue escaped the half ghosts parted lips and terror shot through bother of them. As the theory went, everything that can possible go wrong will at the worst possible time, and the situation just took a sudden drop into dangerous waters. "Sam…" Tucker jerked him out of the chair and started directing him towards the door "Tucker I can't leave Sam!" Sighing in irritation, the young man stood back, following another wisp of blue with his eyes as it traveled from his friends' mouth

"Sam can't dodge a ghosts' attack Danny, it's more dangerous for you to be here then not and you know that. I'll stay with her; nothings going to hurt Sam as long as I'm here now go!" Hesitating, the boy dashed back and kissed the girls lips gently, and Tucker couldn't help but seen green, jealous of his best friends luck. Danny silently apologized for having to abandon Sam for even a moment, and then ducked behind the door only to reappear as Danny Phantom.

"Hello Misplaced aggression, here I come" the ghost boy growled before turning intangible and sinking through the floor. Tucker took a seat next to Sam and snarled, slamming his tight fist angrily on the wooden side table.

"Damnit all to hell! Just when you think things can't get any worse…"

_Because you live girl, my world(my world) has twice as many stars in the sky  
Because you live, and breathe  
_

Blackness was leaving cold in its wake, letting no warmth unfreeze the layers of a suffering girls heart, searching for the tiny fire deep within that it could smother, stealing in the night another soul and turning hearts of flesh to stone in response to her life was extinguishing like a candles flame. It bound her arm in unbreakable shackles, filled her lungs and pores leaving no flesh unmarked by the merciless ice. Without sun to break the gloom Sam could not tell night from day in the twisted version of hell entrapping her and even thoughts of Danny began to lose the ability to deter the darkness. Insecurity as to her relationship and whether she was good enough to have him took the place of the surety she once held of his love. Sam knew he was there with her though her eyes were pinned shut; it was not a matter that left doubt in her mind. Since they were children the two shared a bond greater then any friendship, like twins they had always been able to find each other in a crowd, help the others sorrows without explanation, and sense each others presence without ever having to look.

Sam knew her time was running out, and it scared her how completely powerless she was to change what was going to come to be…it wasn't so much for her own existence that she wished time could be rewound but for Dannys', for the simple desire to see his deep ocean like eyes and watch him laugh and feel the tender way in which he held her, the soft, warm feeling of his lips pressed to hers. It was far too late a realization that life was a game of chance and choice, that no one person was affected by a choice but everyone connected to them in turn, that it affected them because of a strong love. What living soul remained knew that but the whole heart could not see anything but the pain caused by its pain, still thinking on some degree her death would have been better in coming then drawing it out. Sam was scared, terrified of being trapped in the darkness for eternity but more terrified of the possibility of never seeing Danny again

'Really now?' a voice drifted through the darkness, strange from any Sam had ever heard. It held the calculating power of a murderer and the soft tones of an angel, in a moment of terror the Goth tugged at her binding, desperate to run from what was certainly the reaper come to have her, not truly expecting to feel warmth in place of ice and the unbinding of her limbs. Landing hard on the floor, lavender glanced around in confusion and glee that the suffocating shadows had slunk to the corners of the place she found herself it but unsure of whether to trust the voice that freed her.

'Wise, not to trust an apparition' there was the speaker, suddenly before Sam with an unreadable expression gracing her beautiful features. Looking at her, something about the woman was familiar, though she could not place why. Pure ivory hair cascaded down her back, contrasting starkly with the black dress she wore and framing a beautiful heart shaped face. The dress itself looked like it derived from the history books with the shoulders puffy and leading down to beautiful bell sleeves, but it cut off diagonally at her knees in a show of modern taste that seemed to fit the exotic woman. The color shining from the beautiful doe like eyes made Sam draw breath sharply, only one person had ever had that eye color…the one person she was praying to see again. Neon green orbs glowed brightly at her, nearly overtaking the light shining off her skin…it was like looking at an angel.

'Close Ms Manson, some might call me the angel of death." pushing back, a panicked Sam searched the room for an escape, not ready to depart her life just yet. 'Funny, two weeks ago you said different, but as I was saying before your interruption, some call me the angel of death but today m'dear you might say I am the angel of judgment and possibly your guardian angel. Do you know what I am Ms Manson?' Hesitantly, the girl rose to her shaky feet and eyed the seemingly kind hearted spirit with distrust; it was obviously a ghost, none but ghosts had such striking eyes and if it was so then there was a ulterior motive. Ghosts were never trustworthy.

'Mr. Fenton is a ghost Ms Manson, yet I suppose love is always an ulterior motive…it always possess the underlying desire for more, but it rarely has the negative drawbacks you think as motives." The woman's voice echoed, sounding with a single word like many people and still the underlying original voice, the sensation was odd, hearing so many voices in one woman's speech. "I am cursed to take on the voices of those whose souls I carry on, and yes Ms Manson I am a ghost by the name of Lilith and I do have an ulterior motive. The avengement of soul close to me who your young lover destroyed, wrong in her actions or not my sister did not deserve to be confined to the hell that the confused and pained go, the cruel and malicious, the realm you belong." Sam's eyes widened in terror, knowing instantaneously where she meant, there was only one place that it could be. The ghost realm; She had entered only one during a mission to rescue Danny from the horrid prison camp he had been thrown into. It was no place she desired to remain in for long and should she enter it to exist for eternity it would mean pitting the two lovers against each other.

'I'm surprised, Ms Manson, that you have not inquired as to my sisters identity, though Mr. Fenton has trapped many a soul behind the veil, but perhaps one sticks out above all others? A certain star whose light brought you to this mess?'

'Ember' came the whispered reply, knowing without any doubt only one soul the spirit could be describing; Ember had been, in an of herself, a curse and a blessing. Were it not for her interference Danny would never be hers yet without her Sam would not be dying; neither options left the young Goth a winner.

'Which is what brings me to you young lady, a double sided coin I offer to you, a road that can take you one of two ways. Being a spirit of judgment I can make no choice without being first persuaded and for your situation be thankful, you have ten minutes to convince me not to condemn you.' The woman summoned a chair of large grandeur, radiating authority and imposing the seriousness of these circumstances "Should I condemn you, I will have exacted the avengement of my little sisters' suffering yet should I let you live I will atone for the damage she has wrecked upon all your lives. My choice lies in your ability to convince Ms Manson, tell me why I should choose to let you live when you have preformed the very actions my sister did. After making a choice the destroyed the hearts closest to you, what makes you believe yourself worthy of life, worthy of their forgiveness? Explain it to me and be wary, you life hangs on your answer."

Choices and decisions created a persons path in life as they traveled towards a preordained climax, and end shared by every creature, big and small, in lifes' game of chance; when the choice to live or die rests on your shoulders and the full burden of responsibility hangs like dead weight from your body you come to except things. Sam had come to except, strange as it may be, that though the ball was in her court the decision was never hers to be made; she made her choice two weeks before and all she could do now was atone and pray that it was enough for the decision maker to show mercy.

'I do not deserve their forgiveness' Sam answered evenly, staring straight into the unfeeling emerald eyes ' What I did is unforgivable and I should never expect to ever be able to atone for the mistake I made, and I am not deserving of my life either." The answer seemed to startle the ghost woman who studied her calculating as though considering something beneath that angel like exterior. Renewed, the young girl took a step forward even knowing what appearing too uppity could cost her.

"But they love me for all of my mistakes, they love me for everything I can not love in myself and take me as I am. Danny loves me and I hold on for him, I do not deserve to live but he does not deserve to lose; I will never be alright, their will always be darkness In my heart and I can't escape that but he makes it just that much easier to be as I am. Being in his arms…" Sam closed her eyes and smiled "Being in his arms gives me hope and the way he touches me reminds me that when I cannot see past the scars he sees the beauty, when I see nothing but black he can see the light. We were each others first friends, the freaks in a world that could not accept the inner strength we pulled from each other; he makes me believe in myself when all I see in the mirror is a waste of life, when my hopes fall and I don't think I can ever fly again he grabs my hands and shows me how to rise. Danny is everything to me and he is the reason I appeal to you now, death is never an end and it never will be, not for us.' Something rose in a Sam, expanding from her heart and warming the cold she felt for so long; the feeling washed out as quick as it came but the lingering effects of it caused her to look straight into Lilths' eyes with a surety and a confidence long since lost to her.

"I may not think I deserve to live Lilth but Danny does, Tucker does… the people who care about me do. Choices effect the world and yours will destroy the hearts of two people who have done nothing but help…if you will not give my life back in repayment of their sacrifices then you have no judgment worth following."

'Why you impudent little girl' Lilith snarled, rising from the chair and making Sam feel about two inches tall; her eyes held fire and the peaceful aire had vanished in replace of what must surely be a demons face, rageful and odious. 'I hold your pathetic life in my grasp and you dare insult me? No one has ever dared insult me!' Squeezing her hand around thin air, Sam clutched her throat feeling the pressure though it was no where near her; gasping for air she looked pleadingly at the woman, trying to draw air to her screaming lungs but barley able to draw it past her lips. Turning around, her dress whipping about her knees Lilith allowed the pressure to dissipate and Sam collapsed, gasping for breath and rubbing her damaged throat. Taking her seat in the judges' throne, Lilth contemplated Sam with unreadable fire in her eyes, tapping a meticulously manicured finger on the wooden arm. 'Indeed, none have ever challenged my judgment before and lived to speak about it' the woman thought silently to herself, disallowing the young goth to hear as she at last made the decision of life or death. Rising once again and removing the throne with a distracted flick of her wrist, the ghost looked down on Sam's fearful figure, eyes hard and once again emotionless.

"I have made my decision."

_Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help  
Because you live girl, my world has everything I need to survive,_

Because you live, I live  
I live

**End A/N Hopefully this lived up to expectations and the D/S was just what you expected! I opened it up with sweetness and angstyness to keep you all from being bored. Okay, honesty time people. Do you think I should continue this? I feel like I'm falling short and I can't seem to shake it. Does anyone want me to continue this? What should I fix? I'm afraid I can't take out the wordiness, that's the drawback to my style of writing, but is it sucking as much as I feel it is? I can't help thinking it isn't holding up to the first chapter. I'm really trying but I can't seem to make it stand up in my eyes. Feedback would be appreciated. I also would like to apologize for all the curses, seeing as their teenagers under stress (especially the boys) I would think they would not be speaking all to eloquently (I know my friends would be cursing like sailors in their position) and I'm sorry if it offends anyone. And don't you just love the cliffie? I figured I needed a reason for people to tune in…hope you liked this chapter, I'm already starting on the fourth! Reviews make me type faster so Review Review Review!**


	4. For All Those Times

**A/N Thank you reviewers! I've had wonderful feedback and will be continuing the story (obviously) until I either lose inspiration and get bored or you all stop liking it. I still don't think its all that good but popular opinion over rules me. I would thank all of you personally but you know who you are (and I know I personally hate shifting through long authors notes just to get to the story) and I would like to say that your encouragement is keeping me writing, so keep reviewing and, of course, reading! 454 hits people and 21 reviews! Keep it up! I got 9 reviews for last chapter lets go for ten for this one! I think their the only reason I'm still writing o.O ANYWAY! Read and Review guys And Enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom(nickelodeon) or the song "Because you Loved me"(Celine Dion) So please don't sue me.**

_For all those times you stood by me  
For all the truth that you made me see  
For all the joy you brought to my life_

Forever, what did that world in the larger picture of life? People said forever as though such a thing could ever exist; even marriage vows spoke of death, 'til death do you part', even love knew the true expanse of 'forever' lasted only a miniscule moment. Yet, as the phantom approached Amity Park, the concept of forever and the constancy of life never felt more ridiculous. What was forever? Innocence? The dependability of a life long friendship? The love of a parent? Once upon a time, the young ghost was foolish enough to believe in forever but it seemed impossible to do so now, to trust that nothing could or would change when in only a month everything Danny was once so sure of had collapsed.

When did things become so slipshod? Overnight the world turned upside down and all any of them could do was grip the floor and hold on for the ride not sure if it would ever settle back into normalcy. Danny knew the world could not return to how it was; the events that transpired changed every one of them in an irreversible manner, letting the strength each of them hid away shine for the first time and brought to light for the first time the souls behind the masks. Once the need to cloak a pain, hide a scar seemed a dramatic act designed for movie screens but now it seemed all to real, all to dangerous. Pain was the sister of love, knowing no bounds or situations, destroying everything you thought you were and leaving an unknown replacement in its wake. Sighing, the young halfa let his defense down and formed back into the once again weak human boy; nothing was forever except for the certainty of an end.

Winter had brought Jack Frosts cool breath and as November gave into the final month thoughts of holly and colorful lights filled the hearts and minds of the residents of the small town. Already their twinkling lights could be seen in the distance, the laughter of families warm and safe in the security of a better tomorrow and a happy time coming as they joyously trimmed the tree. A soft smile graced Danny's face as he remembered the trio's first Christmas, celebrated in the crazy Fenton house, and how trimming the tree resulted in the most hilarious photograph, now hanging proudly framed on the wall beside the young man's bed. Jazz had taken it and still swore to this day no image would ever stand out in her mind like the one of that Christmas eve; by some stupid accident and a lot of struggling, Sam had ended up tied to Danny with a long set of brightly colored twinkle lights wound all the way up to their head while Tucker's head stuck between their legs, tinsel pooled like blue hair around his face. None of the four could ever really remember how that position had come to be but every Christmas Eve they still delighted in pouring over the old picture, laughing and grinning about the stupidity of youth. This year though, there would most likely be an Eve of black rather then rainbows, Sam's time was running out fast and it would be a long time before he could even glance at the worn out photo. Things had to change eventually, Danny knew that, he just wished it had been gentler then the way fate had chosen.

A soft breeze blew across the barren landscape, dusting the snow from a lump centered at the edge of the path, the memory of an end and a beginning for four different souls. It had been a year since lightning struck down the wild oak that a girl once fell from and where one small boy discovered his first friends. Even the memory of their union wasn't ever lasting, it wasn't truly their friendship but each of them had felt the dull ache the loss caused in them; something of the tree had been a reminder of what they were, the strength of its limbs the strength of their bonds. It seemed wrong that it should fall.

Dusting off the lower part with a frozen hand, Danny kneeled to study the molding, peeling bark of the dead stump, fingers running over an engraving just above the largest root. The idea had been Sam's, a way to preserve the memories their fallen friend held, even in its death; Tucker had mentioned that perhaps someday others would carve their initials into the old wood beside theirs. A soft chuckle escaped him, the air a puff of steam around his lips. For what had to be the first time, Tucker had been right; carved beside the original were copies of another group, three others who saw in the tree what they did. A solidification of something that could not possibly last, someday they would come back to the old stump and let the memories rush back the way they did to Danny now.

Echoes danced around him like ghosts, teasing and taunting the senses of an already worn out man. For a moment the old oak towered over him again, soft laughter floated down from the leafy bows, legs rocked over the edge and bright eyes smiled down at him. Three kids hid in the very bowels of the jungle gym, noses poking out to watch the movements of the seeker, screaming rapturously as they flew out of their hiding place, the swift red head at their heels, fading away into snow and wind as they passed. Nothing more then a few ghosts. Danny swore he could see her on the swings, staring up at the night sky with a gaze of utmost concentration, unaware she held an audience aside from the soft breeze and boundless skies. The words carried on winters breath, ringing from a place far off in his mind

'We're nothing more then stars, beautiful and Sad without a soul in the world to miss us when we fall' Something in that had stuck him then that there was more to his morbid friend then appearances led one to believe. That had been two months ago, the day he had seen her for the first time without make up, without the walls and masks protecting her from the world. It was the first time Danny had seen Sammy, mystical in the way she held herself with moonlight in her hair and stars in her eyes; the image stood out more in his mind then any other. That day Sam really let her hair down and it should have been the moment Danny noticed the pain in her gaze, the grim resignation in her eyes.

Life, he decided, wasn't like in the movies where the hero always won, beat the odds to bring in a new dawn, win the girl, and live happily ever after, at least not for the hero in this story. Shit happened, things changed, the world had becoming a tougher place to navigate then carefree childhood, but that was no excuse. Holding her against him, facing the wrath of his best friend, listening to a second hand telling of his sisters pain, it hit him that they were falling apart long before Sam decided to end her life. No matter the odds, the one thing Danny should have been able to count on was them, even when they knew his destiny, his purpose in life and the dangers that came with that destiny they stood beside him without question. It was always the three of them, the musketeers, and occasionally the four of them, fighting and winning a war against a world that did not understand. The held each other up, endless support from all sides, righting the worlds wrongs and never letting one of their number give up…they were best friends no matter the odds. Somewhere along the lines, they had forgotten that.

"Young man, I believe you have lost something…it looks valuable" It took Danny a moment for the soft, breeze like tone to register in his mind, a much more pressing matter flowing in a soft blue puff from his parted lips. "As valuable as a memory"

Turning around, ocean blue eyes met a calculating emerald and a pale gloved hand offering a crumpled photo, the rumpled edge creaking silently in the breeze. Studying it as well as the woman suspiciously, the ghost boy could only slowly shake his head.

"Not mine, I don't have any pictures on me" A secretive smile on the woman's lips set Danny on edge wondering who this odd woman was, no one like her had ever been seen in Amity before. Angel fine white hair tied back in a black elastic hair band, torso clothed in black contrasting sharply with a think pair of ivory pants, none of her appearance quite as overwhelming as the daunting eyes. The emerald orbs contained no emotion, completely empty and bottomless as though the woman possessed no soul, it was chilling.

"But you did not even see the image Mr. Fenton, how could you possibly know whether it belongs to you? You may not have it in hand child, but some treasures can never be left behind …though you seem set on doing so."

"How…How do you know my name" the woman stepped forward until her hand could cup the old photograph gently in his palms, closing his fingers around it before stepping back and observing him quietly.

"Do not forget Daniel, live not a life of reminiscence but neither one of forgetting…memories are meant to be held close, painful or pleasurable, so even when the people of those memories no longer are within reach, their hearts are but a thought away." Feeling as though the ground was beginning to spin, Danny gazed in horror and awe at the old photo in his hand, unable to understand where this woman gained the knowledge obviously present. Running a finger over the images of the picture he whispered

"I don't understand….how did you get this, who-" the woman was gone without more then a whisper of wind, it was as though the breeze has swept her away like fine powder. "-are you?" Had Danny imagined her? Looking down at the photo he smiled; it did not matter from where she came or what name she came with, she had been right. Maybe people and things didn't last, but memories lasted forever

_For all the wrongs that you made right  
For every dream you made come true  
For all the love I found in you_

"Where's Danny?" it seemed a valid question coming from someone who knew the boy had barley left his post to bathe and alleviate himself, yet remained strangely absent from the room, the bathroom, and anywhere in a ten foot vicinity of the young Goth's bed. Instead, a contemplative young man, chocolate eyes closed in a light napping stance, kept watch over the pale girl or rather provided support to her without actually opening and eye to do so. Jazz couldn't blame him, babysitting a lifeless doll was dull work no matter the amount of love given to said entity. Depression was only bound to come following the realization that nothing would change in the condition and no amount of hoping or encouragement could alter that state.

In her hands, Jazz held (in her opinion) the secret to life and cheer even in the darkest hour; two steaming mugs of coco, marshmallows dancing around the creamy surface, awaited a conversation to ease the grief on the coldest and dreariest night of the year. Taking a seat diagonal to the young man, the redhead studied his face in the brief time it remained still and could not suppress a bleak sigh. Sleep deprivation and stress took its toll on the smooth face; drooping bags hung beneath closed eyes and dips where once nourishment grew had sunk into hollows. Food had seemed to be the last thing anyone wanted though starvation couldn't bring the sick girl back.

"Duty called, hell if I know where he went" opening a dimming eye, a small smile lit up his face "I smell coco…please tell me that mug is for me?"

"No I'm going to drink both of them while I watch you freeze" she replied dryly, sitting the old ceramic cup on the side table, lifting her own to her lips and inhaling the warm steam. As a little girl, when a stormed tore the sky apart or the monsters crept from their dark corners to haunt her, her mom made coco to warm up the cold chill she says was caused by fear and all the low emotions. It was a belief carried in the girl even now. Coco could heal momentary fear, ease a prolonged sadness, it was the temporary cure to the ultimate problem though that only came from the soft tones shared over it. Taking a sip from his own cup, Jazz watched her friend lean back, eying a fresh bandage on her right fore arm, accusations and worry written all over his countenance. The lead weight of guilt dropped heavily into her stomach, the knowledge that he at least was owed an explanation though there was not much of one to give. The night had hurt, bringing back a pain that sucked the air from her lungs like a vacuum, the crushing weight of it thudding sickeningly in her torso. It had been like watching herself from another world, with little control over her body as she took up the blade in a blind terror, slashing in quick bursts until the attack drained out of her and Jazzs' body eased itself into a fitful sleep. There had been nothing logical or premeditated about it, merely relief from a blind panic and a painful ache. Warmth encased her trembling hand, fearful aqua seas meeting the warmth and concern of earthy brown; it seemed necessary for physical contact to be made between them, neither could ever really put into words why, they just needed it.

"Come here" the familiar phrase had Jazz settling herself in the young man's tender embrace a position neither opposed and though the fiery girl believed herself to heavy a weight to sit on the young man's knees, Tucker denied any thing of the like, saying she was actually far to light for his tastes. It was scary, at least to him, how light Jazz was in his arms, it was like holding a cloud and though she swore she ate three meals a day and then some, the boy worried. He knew better then to push a subject to hard, letting it come out on its own, but it was hard when there was a chance of losing her anywhere in the equation. As she settled in, coco in hand, the quiet young woman closed her eyes and listened to the steady beat of his heart, laying her head on his chest and feeling lulled by the worlds timeless lullaby, a baby's first.

"Now what's all this about, you told me yesterday everything was okay" sighing quietly she looked down into her coco, swirling the gooey liquid around the edge before taking a sip, sitting it on the table and forming an explanation that could be understood.

"From a psychologists point of view I suppose it could be called having a panic attack, or something of the like. It was irrational and sudden, I am not even sure why I did something so stupid, the fact I was bleeding didn't sink in until I woke up with a stain on my sheets and scabs on my arm this morning." Shaking her head quietly, Jazz slipped back easily into the sensible persona that fit her so well even knowing that it was a mask easily seen through by her male counterpart.

Masks were part of life, everyone came to terms with the phony personas and rolls society forced each person into. It was impossible to ever truly escape them because no matter who you are or who you pretend to be, the world expects that of you no matter the circumstance even if you set out to shock that becomes you mask. Jazz, a mask was as necessary as her homework or a made up face, except around the boy who held her so tenderly, stroked her hair absentmindedly, talked to her as though there were no things he would like better to do. A week had come to pass since his discovery, as they liked to call it, and the mood of the two teens and considerably up lifted. Knowing that there was a shoulder to lean on when the tears could not stop flowing, an ear to listen when all the pain and worries needed to escape or else destroy, arms to wrap around in a hug when the world was crashing down and you couldn't go it alone any more.

"I don't want a psychologists view Jazz" he whispered gently, brushing a stray lock of fire from her occupied orbs; the tender tone broke her down in a way that it never failed to do. Never sure whether it was a good or bad thing, Jazz was well aware that Tucker had the knowledge that love broke nearly any barrier she put up. What scared her was how easily she could fall for the tone and the beautiful soul behind it. Something like that could never happen, the thought of being out of control with something so simple as love went far beyond her concept; she would never fall in love, and wasn't even sure that was something she wanted. "What did it feel like to you, it's you that's important here Jazzy, not the psychologists, you."

"I…I guess…I don't know" her trembling was eased by a soothing hand on her back, rubbing up and down to wash the fear out and show that this didn't have to be suffered alone even if she never said another word about it. "It felt like drowning, unable to draw a breath, something crushing me….the feeling was so powerful, it hurt…it hurt and all I wanted was it to stop, whatever it took just to make it stop. It was as if someone pressed fast-forward on my memories, playing every screw up, every cruelty, ever pain back in surround sound. It was like being stuck in a tilt a whirl of horror….all I could think about was the knife and how good it would feel…I didn't realize it until I woke up and by then….by then I was so ashamed I didn't want to tell you, scared that you would think all the talking was a waste…that I was a waste." Tucker didn't interrupt though he itched to do so, she needed to talk now and he was more then willing to lend the ear given to him so many times in the past. Struggling to force the words out, Jazz held his hand tightly and listened to the steady, even heartbeats until her own ceased racing.

"I'm smart, I'm logical, I should be able to handle this…it was easy at first to dream away the pain, thinking of what could be for me made the loneliness all that much easier but then…then everything started falling apart. Mom and Dad fought more over stupid things, Danny was always out or locked up tight in his room, all the people at school labeled me a freak after my parents attacked one of my peers…suddenly all my dreams stood for were the pathetic musings of someone to weak to get up and keep going. A teenage girl with all the hopes in the world and none of the strength to back it up. Suddenly…" closing her eyes to a flood of tears, to the empty ache of loneliness, a filler and a hole in Jazz's have missing heart. "Suddenly my wishing for better turned to hate for not being better, it was my fault my parents ignored me, that Danny hated me, and that I didn't have a friend in the world. I tried to go to a teacher, I'm smart I knew something was wrong but they wouldn't listen…chocked it up to teenage hormones and straight A stress. It got worse and worse, like being trapped in a constantly playing movie, the images spinning in a blur and you know it should make sense, instill some emotion in you but it doesn't… The spinning got worse and worse until one day I nicked my thumb on a knife; watching the blood run down my skin made the unsettling whirl in my mind stop, eased the pressure on my heart…That was a year before Sam…." She trailed off quietly, hair sprawling out down Tuckers chest, face rising and falling with each breath he took and illuminating the silent tears drifting down her cheeks. Brushing them way tenderly, meticulous in making sure it didn't stain the beautiful face she hid behind layers of powders and cream, Tucker cupped her cheek and ran a thumb across the soft flesh watching as it flushed with pleasure at the simple gesture. Feeling the heat in her cheeks, Jazz let a hand rest on his cheek eyes locked with his in an emotion of shared intensity between them, the feelings explosion through her senses overwhelmingly terrifying but the turbulent girl found herself unable to draw her gaze away despite it.

"Doing it alone nearly lost you Jazz; it took away your dreams and nearly destroyed everything you had left, pretending everything was okay only made the destruction worse." Warm brown eyes overflowed with a gentle, yet powerful sensation that needed no word to convey a message; the warmth of her delicate fingers on his skin sent shivers up and down him and a pleasantly warm sensation in his chest. Some how, someway something had to give…neither realized that at the time however. The beautiful redhead managed at last to draw her eyes away from him only to feel her face turned gently back

"Look at me Jazz," he whispered, "None of it was your fault, not the pain, not the loneliness, not the judgment of idiots to blind to see what a beautiful woman you are. There is no one in this entire world more amazing then you, holding up for how long feeling the way you did? Supporting the world without anyone to support you, being the assuror without having any assurance of your own…you followed your heart every time and had more then enough strength in you to follow through even though you suffered. You earned the respect of your teachers by never giving in to something, by working until you collapsed to be the very best you could for nobody's benefit but your own, standing up for the bullies even when you knew they would be back the next day with a new torment… Jazz if you could see everything I see in you there would be no reason to cut, but I know you don't and for now that is okay. Someday you will and I promise to be there until that day comes and afterwards for as long as you will have me." Another tear slid down her cheek, warm and gentle only to be wiped tenderly away as he face was moved only inches from his; the urge to close the gap between them raged through Tuckers blood but he controlled herself, waiting for her to make whatever move she could. This was her ball, her emotions, her control and he was willing to wait to be with her no matter how much waiting killed him.

"Tucker…" she whispered hoarsely, a quiet sob escaping her as she broke the romantic situation between them and burrowed her face in the soft skin of his neck, arm wrapped tight around his neck in an expression of fear at the idea of him ever leaving her. Chuckling softly, her adjusted his own person so as to return the embrace, arms holding her waist in a gentle, affectionate hug that made her sobs turn quiet.

"Just remember Jazzy, to me you will always be beautiful, and I will always care about you…I know I can be a bit stupid sometimes" at this he gave a wry grin and flicked her ear playfully, earning a smack in the head and soft laughter. "But I promise that so long as I can still breath, and maybe even if I can't considering Danny's job, you will never be alone and will never have to deal with this by yourself." Bringing her hand to his lips, Tucker satisfied his raging hormones with the feel of her soft palm against his warm, slightly chapped lips, the action bringing a furious blush to the redhead's cheek.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Jazz asked quietly, removing her ceramic mug from the table and taking a sip off her, surprisingly, warm coco, looked out the window to take in the frigid beauty while wrapped up in tender warmth

"Perhaps pissed someone off in a past life?" he replied jokingly, wrapping and arm around her shoulder and putting his feet up on what was previously her chair. Laughing quietly, Jazz tucked her head under her chin and watched the lightly falling snow all the while playing with Tuckers hand, moving the fingers and intertwining hers with them alternatively, smiling secretively at the soft feeling in her heart. They stayed in that position for a long time, not noticing a bleary pair of eyes gazing hazily at them in the shady hospital room.

_I'll be forever thankful, Baby  
You're the one who held me up  
And never let me fall  
You're the one who saw me through  
Through it all  
_

"I have made my decision"

The words were spoken in barley a whisper, yet she could have yelled it and not have given the young goth girl more of a fright in that moment, huddled on the floor with a pale hand clutching tightly her bruising throat. Each syllable echoed through the graying the light, mist clouding thoughts and feelings with a heavy, lead like sensation; suddenly the feeling returned to her fingers, warmth burning the frigidness from deadened skin and it was a moment before Sam realized the warmth and light vanished to her because she was the light. Cuts, inch deep in flesh, began to heal, a halo like glow spilling from each until they sealed, a healthy color taking the pallid gray complexion away to present a beautiful young woman, though at the time Sam could only sense the fierce alteration and cared little, waiting expectantly for the decision to be spoken.

Expectation nearly always lead to the confusion of the unexpected; humans, as a species, premeditated every action and reaction to assure complete control, the promise of a pleasant outcome, playing God in an uninterfering way. Fear kept the fidgety race trapped in a hamster wheel, running from something that never existed because they knew no better then to hate the unknown Even when good happened instead of expected bad, the world was unwilling to except, for a larger part, that it was indeed good for the mere fact that Fate took its own course. Staring at the angelic glow surrounding her usually decaying, fading form, Sam could find no words to even question the phenomenon, afraid of what answer might come; would healing lead to hell, or did the woman believe she deserved a second chance? Bowing her head gracefully, Sam's eyes permanently locked onto the depthless emeralds in a sign of acceptance and unwillingness to yield no matter the consequence. Fire burned and the embers ceasing to live inside the young woman's heart sprung to life, taking vengeance on its mortality and giving life to the broken shelter encasing the dark girl.

From seemingly simply air sprung trees, young and fragile with the hope of a better tomorrow, beside them flowers released sweet fragrances and the colors of dark past forgotten, nourished by a trickling stream full of the same golden light radiating from every pore. The world left for dead began to replenish, the woman previously cloaked in shade donning a dress of emerald and smiling gently peacefully, the change in her most noticeable of all.

"Hope brings back what despair destroys, regrowing the life and vivaciousness that should never be left behind, not even when the grains of sand trickle to the very last particle." Without rustling even the smallest blade of green, the woman approached as though she neither walked nor flew, grounded and free in a way Sam believed she could never be. Nothing could be feared in this gentle entity, wisdom and understanding shining through previously ice cold stone; this creature was no demon but and angel who meant no harm to the. Touching the young woman's cheek lightly as though savoring, in a sad way, the life she could never live, the soft tones of many voices from many era's carried over Sam, it no longer felt intimidating but a reiteration of the past and of aged souls who passed through life long ago as she now did. There was nothing to fear in the past.

"This place is not what keeps you from him Samantha, and no longer am I. No mortal has ever dared risk their very existence by insulting me and been granted to ability to rectify a life interrupted by shade. You, my dear, are free in a way I could never capture, a phoenix heart beats deep with in you, fiery and passionate. My decision is made and it is final, " smiling quietly, the woman stepped back, a dark outline stark in the soft golden haze, hair concealing one deep emerald orb, hiding the darker side of a persona even the gods expected of her "and I decide to set you free and return you those who care so dearly for a fallen friend. Hold them close Ms Manson, not all growth can come to be alone and there will come a day when you to must lean on them. Love them with all the strength and passion I know you possess, never let go when one falls, never give up when it seems things can never be right but one thing above all. Believe in yourself Ms Manson, and believe in the people who would give their very lives for you, that trust, the hope will be the only strength to count on in the darkness. Never forget that." Words failed her, every easy response to simple, to thoughtless for someone who gave back everything that meant anything in her life. Thank you, it was simple but could not begin to convey the tears pooling behind closed eyelids, the energy coursing through her and relief overwhelming her. Life was hers again, and Sam would make the best of the time left to her.

"Those words will do just fine" Two fingers seared against her skin bringing back the agony of a body broken, aching with the forgotten life of a living corpse. Everything spun back into focus, the memories, touches, feelings, sensations that were almost forever lost but it could not overwhelm the need to part lid from lid in search of that caress, those lips, the sea blue eyes and million dollar smile. "Look to the future Samantha Manson and hold on tight, the road only gets bumpier from here…farewell and good luck. Do not waste this chance for you shall never receive another."

Darkness, light and wholesome in the way of it when one wakes from a gentle feeling dream, still lost in the lull between waking reality and dreaming fantasy, unsure of your certainty in either. The heavy blanket of a long sleep hung far more weighted the normal, senses dulled by the whirling sounds in the distance and buzzing quiet within your own mind. Hands far to heavy to reach, clutched silently at cloth sheets to simply feel for only the simple reason that feeling was still possible, drawing breath with the knowledge of nearly forgetting the sharp, clean feeling it gave. A fresh breath cleansed out the old, a new chance to take in the day and take a risk, plunging into unknown with half an idea of how to get there. Despite the fear that turned her blood cold, the hesitance to face the world again knowing what she had done, Sam would not change her fate for the world.

Lids lifted, heavy with sleep, and bleary, fogged over eyes attempted, rather painfully, to adjust to a light of far greater intensity then any projected in memories and visions. It took several moments to be able to gaze clearly around the room, every limb to sore and physical deadened to any sort of movement. Sadness immediately crashed upon her with the realization that the boy she had used in defense of her life, whose love she came back for, could be seen nowhere in the room.

Tears floated on the rounded edge of her eyes, held back by the thing barrier of lashes and skin; abandonment and betrayal cutting holes in her, stamping dead the small flame beginning to roar to life within her. He was gone, after promising never to leave her she woke to find him away, not caring enough to stay. Then again, why would he choose to remain with a filthy girl confined to a bed with an illness she brought upon by her own hand; hurt as it did, the truth was the truth and it needed to just be put aside. Trying not to cry another tear, Sam searched the room for something more fascinating, something to distract the painful thoughts making staying awake far harder then she wished it to be; without the will to do so she found her eyes drooping heavily. What she did find made her blink and try to rub it away, sure that her sleep bleary eyes were deceiving her; after several attempts to blink away the apparition, Sam decided with no small degree of shock and confusion that the image of a cuddling Jazz and Tucker were very much real. What the hell had been happening while she was out? With no way to physically express rage, all that could be done was mentally try to destroy the couple until it boiled down to a cool curiosity. Tucker held the petite redhead with a gentle tenderness, seemingly not noticing that a pair of slim finger were intertwined with his as the pair gazed silently at falling snow; they cuddled the way Danny and she had once… Danny….

'Perhaps he lied, does he still see me as nothing more then a sister? But he kissed me…did that mean something or was it just a relief 'caught in the moment' sort of kiss?' attempting to sort out all the feelings possible coursing through the young onyx haired man caused her head to throb and spin, the overload of her brain more then she was capable of handling in that moment. Without her a notice, a soft, crushed sigh freed itself from between her overly dry parted lips while lavender orbs stared morosely at an illuminated stucco ceiling, the color faker then Paulina's nose, a warm color that the Goth could only glare irately at. This crap was supposed to boost spirits? The off pink color only served to remind her of the pepto bismal containers, which in turn gave her stomach a nasty wake up call, the bile rising, tangy, in her throat. Unfortunately, the sigh did not go unnoticed by the pair who, though appearing wrapped up in each, focused intently on the senses reacting wildly to the close proximity of their body and the few patches of flesh touching each other, were actually quite clear headed. Heads jerking toward her, studying the girl in blatant disbelief, refusing to blink for fear it was a mirage coming to taunt them.

To Sam this went unnoticed, her mind still far to wrapped up in fears and wishes to noticed the two pairs of joy filled jewels taking in the sight of her awake and somewhat active. Even had she given care to look and see the excitement no remaining tatter would believe the truth, the love and relief radiating from every glance, every spreading smile. Dash could run butt naked into the room professing his love to Tucker in Latin and not a moment would register.

Why hadn't he come? Had she hurt him that badly, pushed his emotions to the point that he couldn't bare to be around her? Was this all her fault? Questions spun like a twister in her mind without form or direction, the possessor of the inquiry's having neither the spirit nor desire to stop herself from falling back into the dark hole. Sam fought for Danny, persuading the Angel of Death to return her to him and it seemed he did not care.

Life was all about loving and being loved, that without the companionship, respect and affection of another living creature you truly had little purpose existing. Lilith had not been gauging how well she begged but how much love she had waiting back on the mortal plane and how important that care held up in her heart. When everything boiled down at the end of life, as your standing in wait for judgment, you are thinking of your past and the fears ahead, of your memories and the loves you had throughout your time in the mortal realm. IT is that love, and the care with which you tended it, that decided your fate. Sam now knew her life had been stunted when she believed no one cared, it never struck her how destructive that single thought could be. Loneliness was a dangerous thing for it rarely traveled alone, bringing to light sorrow and blame, the emotions that caused what little hope you had to wither away. Moments ago, Sam thought she would be alright. Danny loved her, Tucker loved her, and life was beginning to come full circle once more, but suddenly it seemed the one who meant the most in her heart removed himself from the circle, tilting the healing process to the point of regression. It was ridiculously overdramatic, and the young woman knew as much but after everything she'd just been through it hurt like hell for the one person she'd counted on to be gone. It hurt worse then all the months of waiting and just like before, this seemed to be all her fault.

"Sam? Oh my god Sammy!" Sharply ripped from her musings, the young Goth found herself in the center of a group hug, the arms of sobbing, emotionally overjoyed teenagers squeezing the air from her lungs until she was surely beginning to turn an eerie shade of blue.

"Air..AIR!" she gasped, drawing in a relieved breath when they loosened their death grips a bit to allow a little oxygen to enter. The redhead wiped her eyes and cut off contact save for Sams' limp hand clutched tight, taking a seat on the bed instead and smiling brilliantly at her as though the sun had come an stopped the end of the world. It took a moment for the African American boy to find the strength to pull away, unwilling to let go of his life long best friend in fear of letting her fade away. Even after sitting beside Jazz, the young man felt the urge to touch Sam's arm or hair, making sure in his mind that everything was real, that this was not a dream. The trio found no words could pass between them, all three wanting to break the silence but have nothing substantial to say in the circumstances; it was at last Tucker who broke it.

"I really do love hospitals you know, lonely girls in open backed paper gowns, sometimes needing mouth to mouth…not quite as good as the beach but almost" It was a halfhearted attempt at humor; after all they had been through that month it seemed ridiculous to be so serious. It began with Sam, a soft chuckle turning into sidesplitting laughter that brought tears to her eyes and made her stomach ache with air deprivation and stitches of pure joy, she was sure, had been gone for to long. Jazz followed. After hitting Tucker upside the head she collapsed over Sam's knees, eyes shut tightly as liquid flowed from beneath them and her chest heaved with each blissful laugh. Pleased with himself Tucker stuck out his chest like a rooster, to which Jazz was all to gleeful in pointing out, and commenced doing the chicken dance about he room until he collapsed beside Jazz.

The three shared almost thirty minutes worth of jokes and laughter, none bringing up the darkness sure to come or the pain and concern, merely going back in time for a bit when pain and death were only the awful inventions of screen plays and comic books. Strength grew between them without ever sharing more then a communal laugh and cheerful smiles.

Sam found out that sometimes, that was all you needed.

_   
You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
_

Christmas, supposedly the most giving and loving season of the year, a time where families could put aside petty squabbles just to be together, filling every home with love and expectation. No child could ever despise Christmas, the prospect of gifts stacked to the very top of the tree, making cookies to thank a great man in a huge red suit, and staring out the window on that mystical night in search of a tiny sleigh in the distance. Trimming the tree, though painstaking and at times irritating, ended with the most beautiful sight imaginable, shining and lovely with ornaments passed down through generations and stories for each, the memories of holidays past that brought back a lifetime of memories for parents wrapped in each other, enjoying the fire and the peace of the lightly falling snow outside. This was the ideal holiday season but for some it ceased to be magical, bringing back darker thoughts that overshadowed colored lights and holly bunches. For one boy, staring morosely out at the twinkling rooftops of the tiny town, the perfect greeting card photo in and of itself, Christmas could not be over fast enough.

Staring out at the tiny town of Amity from a hill outside the hospital doors, wrapped up tightly in a coat, sweater, gloves, and a scarf, trudged Tucker. The worst season of the year was beginning, worse even then Thanksgiving, this season was where, most of all, happiness reined and everyone enjoyed the short break from life given to spend with loved ones. Everyone but him.

Spending Christmas at home was rare now, on occasion his family attempted to coerce a loving day but it always fell flat, the smell of beer and echoes of shouts punctuating the faraway chorals of 'Oh Holy Night' with screams and curses that seemed endless. More often then naught, the day was spent at Danny's but even among friends, the people who had become, over the years, closer then his family ever was, nothing could improve his feelings toward the holiday. There never was a Santa Clause or evening spent baking gingerbread cookies and telling old tales of Christmas' past, just screams or lonely silences, sometimes the sounds of crashing and the old stale smell of vomit and wine. Gifts consisted of socks or some little trinket thrown into a box at the last minute, cheap and usually broken by the time the day to open it came around. Nine years of Christmas's spent in lonely tears could not be erased by the few good delights he now had memory of.

This year would be the worst of all. Strong as he seemed to be for everyone, Jazz above all, Tucker had his own sufferings deep within, hidden behind years of good memories that could put up a front of simple worries, easily fixable problems. Not even she knew about this, no one did. Every Christmas spent with the Fenton's and Sam was happy, Tuckers lack of true enthusiasm for trimming trees and writing to 'Santa' going unnoticed because of the others overwhelming excitement. Sure he went along with it, smiled and laughed, hung ornaments and snickered at the couples stuck under mistletoe, but he never felt the warmth they did, always felt on the outside of a true family that he could never be part of. That scared him the most, that some how he was easily disposable to them. So far they had yet to forget to invite him but this year, the young man knew things would be different and that it would most likely be only family (and girlfriend) welcome to the Fenton Feast on Christmas Eve. An evening spent alone wouldn't phase him, the room and home lacking festive garnishes and flashing bulbs would not truly depress him, but the sounds of caroling families and laughing children building snowmen alongside smiling parents would, and always did. Nothing his friends could do would ever make up for the lack of his own parents.

Mr. and Mrs. Foley never belonged together, they were married for convenience and business all of which collapsed when Tucker was born. A union brought together for the sake of money and health benefits did not needed the unnecessary inconvenience of a child, the only positive points they had ever really seen in him was his gender, meaning only that they had someone to carry on a name. When he was six, Tucker discovered painfully the alcoholic in his father when he was pushed down the stairs after unintentionally interrupting his fathers pity drinking; the young child had up until that point believe his parents really did love him, but that night his father let him in on the family secret. No one loved him. That had been Christmas Day and all Tucker had wanted to know was why Santa hadn't come

'There ain't no Damn Santa, and your mother and I aren't about to waste money and time on an accident like you.' Had been the words that came that night but it had been a few months later before the child understood what an accident meant. Since then, Tucker could never remember breaking down and allowing himself to cry, not until he nearly lost his, for all intent purposes, sister. It had taken almost sixteen years to truly have a family and the fear of losing them, especially because of a mistake and blindness on his part, was more then he could bear; it was his fault his parents didn't want him, even if he was an accident, and it was partly his fault they almost lost Sam. Even now, he was losing her and Danny, the trio suddenly a couple with a third wheel. At least he had Jazz but there was no guarantee their friendship would last once each person returned to their usual business. Christmas would be a lonely affair, but somehow Tucker didn't think it would be any different the most of his holiday's had been spent.

The holiday season just beat Thanksgiving as least favorite time of year; at least on Turkey day his parents used to make an effort even if it was more for publicity then anything. Up until a few years prior, they would invite the entire Foley family down to get drunk and laugh at each other, some of them would play with the small boy and for many years, it was the only time he felt happy at home. However when their business's were secure and they no longer needed to play house, the Foley family Thanksgivings ceased and it was often Tuckers parents didn't even come home. Both holidays were jokes to him, nothing truly precious or beautiful about them except perhaps December 26, the day after the hell was over.

Now it began all over again, and as Tucker approached the very edge of the huge hill, the drop off into a frozen river, he wished it was late so that he could watch each waste of electricity slowly but surely blink out of the otherwise beautiful sight. Perhaps it was jealously that made him hate the holiday, perhaps it was spite and bitterness over the past, but in his mind it was just that everything painful seemed to center around holidays where he was forced to watch everyone else have what he never did and, for many years, thought he never could. Even holidays spent with the Fenton's brought on some of the depression associated with Christmas. It often became to much and he spent the evening at the fireside, staring blankly into the flames and waiting for the 26th to come. True, no one in Danny's family got drunk and beat on the other, and no one dared express anger or hate, but the love was almost ostracizing, more then once even Sam had sat beside him watching with a longing Tucker had long since given up feeling. You could only dream for so long before you had to wake up.

Sometimes it was hard to hate the holiday when his first friends had been made only two weeks before the joyous event, a meeting that had most likely saved his future. Tucker knew all to well that his sanity would not have lasted long without them and it would have led him to suicide without anyone to stop him. Now he knew how horrible it was, but also knew that had his life continued in the same vein, no one would have even noticed him missing and that his funeral would have been cheap and unattended, if he had one at all. Money was his parents' world, why would they spend it just because their little 'accident' went and offed himself? Why should they care? Sometimes Tucker believed that should he pass away before them, the two would settle their difference for a day or so just to celebrate. Such a reaction would not surprise him.

Light footsteps trudged through the frozen tundra towards the cliff where the stone bench so familiar to him sat, away from prying eyes and open to only those people looking for him. Without turning around, Tucker knew instantly that only one person would brave the icy gale to reach him and after his darker thoughts, the knowledge of her concern made him smile. Someone in the world cared and for now, that was enough.

"Your going to freeze out here, why aren't you inside with Sam and Danny?" He asked her quietly, feeling her presence beside him, a pair of gloved fingers finding his easily and intertwining them in a gesture of comfort. Even without saying a word, she knew something bothered him.

"They kicked me out about twenty minutes ago…or rather I didn't want to be around to see the explosion, but a better question is why you are out here. Your right, its freezing and your lips are starting to turn blue, yet here you sit on a frozen bench staring into the wind and snow with barley a fall jacket on." Tucker felt horrible at having worried her, but what could he tell her? That he was angry and scared, that he wanted to skip a head to January 1st and be rid of the holidays all together? Did it even matter? Something was forced into his hand and upon looking down, the young man could not help but laugh. Coco. He had been drinking so much coco these past two weeks he was surprised he wasn't made of it by now.

"Thanks, but you know I'm going to turn into hot coco at the rate your giving it to me" he joked, taking a sip and sighing pleasurably as the warm sweet liquid gave life back to his frozen lips. A pair of aquamarine eyes focused intently on him, worry lines creasing their owners' brow as a hand squeezed the boys, leading weighted chocolate orbs to meet the sea colored ones.

"What? What are you looking at me for?" Seeming to be searching for words, Jazz hung her head, staring intently at the white snow.

"Once upon a time a little boy trusted a young girl with his heart, knowing full well she could crush it then and there." Tuckers eyebrows raised in surprise and curiosity, where was this going? "She didn't let him down then and seven years later she's asking for him to put his heart in her hands again. To trust her the way he once did and tell her why he is sitting on a freezing cold bench staring off into nothing with a look suggesting the world is coming to an end." A little thrown off by the direct approach he didn't even know Jazz could do, Tucker had a hard time dismissing the words he had more or less used to ask for her trust. Looking back out into the small Christmas village that was Amity, a soft sigh escaped him as a thousand different excuses, and explanations ran through his head, each more unbelievable then the last.

"I…just don't like this time of the year that's all" he said by way of explanation, taking a sip of coco and squeezing her hand gently, smiling affectionately at her the light of it not quite reaching his eyes. The worry didn't leave her face and he mimicked it, making her laugh suddenly at the screwed up face the young man made, unable to be serious when seeing the look of it.

"Really Jazzy I'm fine I just…couldn't think with all the noise you know? So I came out here" he felt awful lying to her but the truth was too much to talk about. Not even Sammy and Danny knew about his family, neither of them having ever met the Foleys and he prayed the situation never came up that they needed to. It was the boogeyman in a closet full of skeletons, one he wanted locked up an hidden for fear of what it would do if he let it out.

"Understandable, for a hospital it sure is noisy," she agreed, and Tucker smiled with the thought that she had dropped the topic of his insane behavior. "Why do you not like this time of the year? It's Christmas! It's the best time of the year, what's there not to like?"

"I just don't okay!" he snapped, guilty when he saw her turn her face away timidly. All she had been trying to do was help; damn having a conscious was a pain in the ass. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap I just…I don't want to talk about it alright?" Jazz nodded in response and remained quiet, staring at the mug of coco in her hand unblinkingly as though trying to understand it. Taking a sip from the cooling mug in his own hand, the young man let his eyelids slid close in desire to wash away the bad memories brought back by the season. It was hard not telling her, he cared so much for her, but he wanted to protect her and to play the part of savior to the distressed damsel. He wanted to be the man he never saw his father be, no matter how what the cost.

"Thanks" He said suddenly, the word drawing the woman's' gaze from her cup to stare curiously at him, something about this suddenness a familiar in her past.

"For what?" she answered as always, unsure as to what to expect of the moody teenager. Tucker leaned back on the bench and looked up, a secretive smile thin and content on his lips.

"For everything." Jazz smiled gently and squeezed his hand before joining him in looking up at the perfect night.

_Lifted me up when I couldn't see  
You gave me faith cause you believed  
I'm everything I am because you loved me_

**Flashback: Tucker, age nine. Day: December 24th**

The screaming permeated the thin walls of the plain bedroom, echoing around as though each of the bare walls was an amplifier, making it louder and louder as it continued to come through the paper-thin plaster. Snow fell outside the window and from between the flakes, a small boy huddled in the corner of his room cried silently, afraid of attracting the attention of the drunk adults in the next room. According to the bolstering man, real men did not cry. The small boy did not want another scar to remember another teaching of that lesson, nor did he want the crashes and screaming to be directed toward him.

That evening was Christmas Eve but in the Foley household it was the beginning of world war three as the disaster of another attempted family Christmas taking its toll on the alcoholic fathers patience. It had begun simply enough, with the accidental burning of the Turkey and the yelling match the sprung from the ashes. The repercussions of his mothers inattention roared in the next room. The next morning they would both be gone if they didn't get plastered and pass out again, something Tucker hated because he had to pick up broken beer bottles and shattered fragments of a pretend life, usually cutting himself on the shards. Most mothers would have a comforting word or a hug to make the pain ease, but all his mother had was a glare and a 'Why are you bothering me?'.

Flesh smacked flesh with a sickening thud and Tucker knew his mother would leave the next day with bruises and his father would for sure be plastered, passed out under the kitchen table with a beer spilled all down his chest. It was almost the same every year no matter how hard they tried it never changed. They never changed. A painful scream followed a crash and the echo's of "Don't touch me you Bastard!" and "You worthless little Bitch!" spun around in his head until the house fell eerily quiet, never a good sign. Pulling a large quilt up to his chin, the boy waited breathlessly for the sound of movement, talking, cursing, anything…terror turned his blood to ice. Had it finally happened, had his father finally killed his mother? Tucker had been waiting years for one or the other to die knowing with their violent tendencies it was more then likely.

Footsteps thudded, heavy with anger and struggling with a drunkenness that made the boy try to disappear beneath his quilt.

'please don't stop, please don't stop' came the silent prayer as the steps approached, loud as thunder in the dead silent house, the weight causing the floor boards to groan in agony at the sheer weight being forced upon it. As though to spite the small boy's silent plea the footsteps halted at his door and Tucker sucked in a terrified breath thinking maybe if he made no sound they would continue and pass him by. No such luck. The door was thrown open and off its hinges by the sheer force of the drunken man's strength and a bear of a man wearing a stained white tee shirt and baggy sweatpants stumbled in, tiny eyes glaring around in drunken anger searching for an outlet for his rage.

"Damnit boy, get the fuck out here now!" he roared and though every fiber of his body shook with fear, Tucker bravely stood and smiled meekly, quavering under the violent look in his fathers eyes and the dark circle showing where his mother had struck back. Silently he celebrated at someone having stood up to the bear even if they fell in the end, but none of the joy showed on his face for fear of infuriating the man more the he already was.

The first blow came to his stomach, knocking the wind out of his lungs and bringing Tucker to his knees where it was easier to receive a well place kick in the face. Trying desperately to convince himself that the man wasn't aware that he was hurting his only son, Tucker curled over in a fetal position and waited for the abuse to end, for his father to either pass out or decide he needed another drink. A coppery, tangy taste filled his mouth as he accidentally bit his tongue, trying to block out the curses coming with each blow to his torso and legs.

"You worthless piece of shit, this is all your fault! IF you'd never been born your mother wouldn't be so damn uppity about having this fucking family thing; you were the biggest mistake we ever made we should have had you aborted when we got the chance. Don't cry you little fuck up, Real. Man. Don't. Cry." The man punctuated each word with a particularly brutal kick to the stomach as the boy quickly held back his tears, relieved when the magic words finally floated over him.

"Damn, I need a drink." With that, the man stumbled out and down the stairs leaving his son to cry quietly in a heap at the foot of his bed. At last, when the pain eased a bit, the young child pulled himself up trying not to wince at the various black an blue patches covering his body most particularly his stomach which was entirely discolored. Snoring resonated from downstairs ensuring that the man had finally had enough to drink, the single note snapped something in Tucker. He couldn't stay here anymore.

Donning a sweater, his coat and scarf, and his snow boots, Tucker snuck quietly out of the house with no more then the clothes on his back and an old stuffed animal kept safe from the weather by hiding in his pocket. The night was bitter, the temperature far below freezing and snow falling heavily onto his exposed head; the urge to return home started to creep on him so he ran for all he was worth, ignoring the pain shooting up through him at the strain he exerted upon his battered body. Tucker ran without any real idea of where to go, lost in the new town without any idea of even how to return home but sure that wasn't the way to go; if his parents found out he'd run away it would mean more pain. So, with no other options left, the boy began to trudge through the fresh powder.

The wandering lasted an hour going no real direction with no real point. His fingers were numb and lips blue in front of chattering teeth, the coat and scarf doing little to keep out the icy gale and piercing cold. Perhaps he had left his hell of a home just to die anyway, if they hadn't beaten him to death he would surely freeze out here. Where could he go? No one in Amity really knew him except the three kids he met at the park, but they were not really friends just a handful of people who pitied the new kid. At least, that was what he thought.

A neon sign lit up the neighborhood he was approaching, the brightest thing for at least three miles, if not the entire town, the words 'Fenton' lit up in bright, flashing colors announcing to the world the owners of the oddly decorated building. It seemed these Fenton's loved Christmas; their house was the opposite of his, fully decked out in at least a thousand strings of twinkle light and six moving, lit characters in the front yard and on the roof. IT was beautiful and at the same time ridiculous.

'Those peoples' electricity bill must be through the roof.' Tucker thought, trying to place why the name sounded so familiar. Fenton…where had he heard it before and why did it seem like it should remind him of something good?

'….I'm Jasmine Fenton …' the memory of two weeks before rushed through him. Fenton, the pretty redhead girls name was Fenton, Jasmine Fenton. A small smile touched his bruised face as he recalled how he had been the first to help him, to protect him from the world of bullies he could never seem to escape. Curious about how she was faring, he stumbled to the low window, climbing on a few trashcans and peering into the perfect holiday scene. The family was huddled into the small living room, the two smallest…what were their names again? Oh yea, the two smallest, Sam and Danny, sat by the tree, Sam half asleep with her head resting on her best friends' shoulder while Danny listened intently as his father announced that it was story time. Jasmine sat by the fire wrapped up in a warm quilt, a fluffy white robe on over what looked like blue satin pajama's, totally absorbed in Mr. Fenton's rendition of 'The night Before Christmas". Although it was invasion of privacy, Tucker sat unmoving on the trashcan's listening to the tale and pretending he was sitting next to the redhead, warm and safe in the loving scene. AS the tale ended the bitter cold sunk into his flesh again and regretfully, the young boy jumped down, slipping and crying out in agony as he landed on his bruised knees. Reality came crashing down on him that he was all alone on Christmas Eve, unwanted at home with nowhere to go while every other child spent the evening beside warm fires with their family. Life really was not fair.

Taking a seat on the stone steps of their house to rest and block out the wind, Tucker tried to put snow on some of his bruises, a trick a health teacher had once taught her class during a lesson on the skin. It worked most of the time, but the one on his stomach just would not stop aching and soon it became to cold to continue and as exhaustion over came the boy, he curled up on the steps, half frozen. An hour went by in a blur and he woke up to find himself no longer cold but toasty and wrapped in a heavy blanket while lying on something considerably softer then a stone stair. Sitting up, the blanket slipping around his waist, he saw himself lost in the perfect Christmas scene. It was late but still laughter could be heard from the next room in what appeared, from his angle, to be the kitchen.

"Don't waste the dough kids! Don't' forget we need cookies to leave for Santa Claus!" A gentle voice chided, but it wasn't in earnest and a smile could be heard in her tone. Cookies. They were making cookies; sadly, the young boy wondered if he should stay, as he seemed to be intruding upon their Christmas Eve. Rising to his feet, Tucker quietly folded the quilt and left it on the sofa, looking around for some paper and a pen to write a polite thank you for housing him for a good hour or so. Jotting on the back of what looked like a coloring book page with a blue crayon, the young boy wrote in messy scrawl

"Thank you. Merry Christmas" and left it on the top of the blanket before tiptoeing out of the room in search of the door, unable to pass the kitchen door without pausing to look in curiosity at what was causing the laughter. Inside, the friends Sam and Danny tossed dough at each other while pressing gingerbread man molds into it and pulling out cute little figures; the boy looked amusing with dough stuck in his hair and flour on his nose and the girls usually black hair had aged about fifty years from all the flour lost in it. Suppressing a laugh, he watched for as long as he could before continuing, heart heavy and head swimming with thoughts. It didn't take long to find the door and his things hung up to dry beside it; standing on his toes, Tucker tried to reach his coat and scarf but found he was to short to unhook the former, the loop on the inside what held it up. Deciding it wasn't worth it, he pulled on his boots and twisted his scarf tight around his neck before opening the door.

"And where, my I ask, do you think your going young man?" a motherly voice said sternly from behind him. Whipping around in fear, he looked timidly a woman who looked like a much older Jasmine and determined it to be her mother; looking down at his feet, Tucker opened his mouth to say something but was afraid to say something wrong.

"Leaving. I folded you blanket for you, and I even left a note" he finally said lamely, wincing when her hand rested on his shoulder, directing him away from the door and toward the kitchen stopping him in front of the coat rack and carefully removing his boots and scarf, putting them back where he'd gotten them. The woman kneeled down to his level and smiled

"Thank you for folding my quilt Tucker, that was nice of you to do." She began quietly "But why were you laying on my doorstep in the first place?" Wincing again at what he presumed to be anger, the young boy shuffled his feet nervously and tried to think of something that wouldn't get him in trouble.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I was just cold and tired and…and I'm lost," he murmured, silently relieved he had managed to think of a halfway believable lie. The woman seemed to buy it but was far from done with her interrogation.

"I'm not angry sweetie, just concerned. Why aren't you home with your parents?" Fear made what the loving house previously warmed turn ice cold, his blood suddenly rushing through his veins rapidly. Tucker knew what telling would mean but he could not just remain quiet because that would give away the truth as much as words. If anyone knew he had run away….

"Their out of town on business" he said finally, trying to look as though he hadn't been able to remember exactly where they were. A sad looked crossed the woman's features, and she cocked her head in confusion

"And they left you home alone? On Christmas Eve?" Nodding furiously, Tucker was relieved the woman had bought it. Truthfully, the fable he had just told was a rather common occurrence in his household so the lie had been easy to concoct. "Not even a grandparent to watch you open presents? That's such a-"

"Presents?" he asked confused, brow furrowed in such a way that it seemed to the woman that the boy was almost doubting her sanity "My parents never really get me anything their…" he paused "to busy. But I got a pair of new socks if that's what you mean" he said, showing her the plain black wool socks warming his feet at that moment. Frowning, the woman stood up and looked at the tree in the other room; forcing a smile, she took the boys hand, much to his confusion. She was about to say something when a red blur ran into him, clinging tightly to his person and talking a mile a minute

"…and we were all afraid you were dead!" she finished, gasping in air as she had not paused to breath during her seemingly endless monologue. Mrs. Fenton could only laugh and shake her head at the slightly awed look on Tuckers face; at least he seemed happy now, it bothered her though that he could have died without anyone noticing. Had Jazz not looked outside at the snow who knew what could have happened.

"SAMMY!" An indignant shout sounded from the kitchen "Put the flour on the counter not in my hair!"

"It's payback for putting it in my pajama top!" came screechy reply and the mother could only shake her head sadly. Looking around at the bemused looked, Tucker assumed this was a common occurrence between those two; meeting the eyes of the woman he reached up for his scarf and found his hand being immediately bated away by the redhead.

"Uh uh, your staying here" she said sternly and the mother confirmed this statement with a nod.

"I've already made up a guest bed in Danny's room, you'll be staying for as long as you like. I don't like the idea of you being home alone." She said with a gently look throwing Tucker for a loop. It was unusual that anyone was this kind to him and it made him take a step back, unsure of how to handle it.

"You…You don't have to do that Mrs.…Mrs. Fenton, I'll be fine" he stammered, not noticing the look passing between mother and daughter or hearing the quiet whisper of 'your scaring him mom!' coming from the smiling red head. Another scream, this time of amusement, a crash, and an 'opps' broke the silence causing the woman to sigh in frustration, but a small smile gave her away.

"Nonsense, what kind of person would I be if I turned you out into the cold? Now, why don't you help us bake cookies? I'm sure we'd all appreciate it if we had a pair who DIDN'T get cookie dough on the ceiling." Grinning, she entered the kitchen, leaving the two standing in the hallway completely silent until Jasmine grabbed his hand and gently pulled him toward the living room, seating him at the fire before grabbing her quilt and draping it over the both of them.

"Thank you" Tucker whispered, drawing his eyes away form the firelight to enjoy an entirely different form of flame. A pair of aqua eyes met his confused.

"For what?" she asked sweetly, still holding his hand as the sound of crashing and laughter echoed behind them.

"For everything"

_You gave me wings and made me fly  
You touched my hand, I could touch the sky  
I lost my faith, You gave it back to me  
You said no star was out of reach  
_

Why did things always go wrong at the worst possible moment? Murphy's Law wavered even when the results of the simplest mistake could turn into a matter of life or death; it seemed nothing could convince fate to ease its hard hand for a moment. People never seemed to follow a set path, which most likely caused the Theory to be correct 99 percent of the time; timing meant nothing to an elderly woman, or a baby, or even a young woman lying unconscious in a bed who decided to wake up just as a certain young halfa male approached the hospital. Even if it was the young woman's bad timing and a ghosts' sick idea of a joke, the young man knew the moment he entered the shady room he was in huge trouble.

Some men said women were impossible to understand but in fact, certain things about them were indeed quite simple to interpret, or rather necessary to survive a woman's mood swings, which, Danny was beginning to find out, could be quite deadly. For example, the world fine rarely meant fine especially if the woman speaking it refused to glance your way or spat it at you like a bad taste. Also, if tears were falling and they used the 'I just have something in my eye' excuse with the inability to look away from their hands then you most likely caused it. Why did men think reading women was so difficult? Even Jazz had recognized the young Goth's anger and scurried out with a hurried good bye and a sympathetic look for her brother.

Though for all his thick headedness, Danny really could not blame the girl for being angry; how must it have looked for him to be missing in the moment she needed most of all to be held? To be absent from her bedside when she looked around for comfort and the man she had, only a few weeks prior, confessed her love too and had it returned? Although the reaction struck the young man as overdramatic and a little childish, it was an accusation never to be made. Not to Sam. At least now, there was expression of hurt where once there was only a solid mask of indifference to hide pain. Now he could fix it instead of standing by blindly while she slowly died on the inside; even if the anger focused solely on him and his actions, it thrilled him that there was fury at all.

For a moment, all he could do was watch her, study every twist of her head and the way the skin of her neck stretched with every movement, how her lips pouted slightly when she was upset and even the way she picked at imaginary dirt under her fingernails to hide frustration. Some how everything about just watching her summed up Samantha Manson, the girl he had known since fourth grade, the girl who could put ecological activists to shame, the girl who never let a man tell her how to act or what to do, the girl who backed him up even when it put her in danger. The girl he had fallen head over heels in love with. It seemed she did not realize that because as he closed the door Danny watched her eyes close and teeth chew anxiously on her bottom lip, sure signs, at least with Sam, that she was trying to keep calm and settle her troubled thoughts. Such a looked had passed over her face during a thousand tests, hundreds of revenge plans, and several ghost missions. All of this was so Sam like it almost seemed weird to notice Tucker pick at his nails in boredom or Jazz bite her lip in concentration. Every move was Sammy's, from the way she looked at you to greet you to the farewell wave she gave. Danny knew every one, the meaning behind every twitch and nail tap, the emotion behind a certain smile or tear, and the memories behind a laugh; suddenly he was noticing all of these little imperfections about her, the little things that annoyed him so horribly suddenly captured his interest. Everything he once wished to change about the young woman were no longer the 'put up or shut up's' of an otherwise perfect soul but the components that made up something much better; A beautiful, passionate, dedicated person who, all along, really was perfect even with all her flaws. It amazed Danny at how long that realization had taken in coming.

'Sammy' Danny voice fell over the girl who looked around frightfully, a looked of bewilderment painted cutely (in his opinion) across her face. At the moment, the young man was intangible with a plan half formed in his head to earn the young woman's trust back; thousands of things were flawed with the idea but love knew no bounds, including lawful ones, and Sam's love meant more to him then any broken law or worried hospital staff. An invisible hand stroked her tear stained cheek, pulling away just before a solid one came to touch the same place he had; realization seemed to dawn in the beautiful lilac orbs and she began feeling around for the man intent on remaining secret. A coat and pants fell onto her head as well as some wool sock and a pair of heavy gloves; pulling them from off her already mangled locks, Sam looked around irately for the boy beginning to pull thin already stretched nerves.

"Damnit Daniel Fenton, I'm not in the mood to play games with you," was the snappish reply to the silent request, the obviously unhappy girl unwilling to cooperate in the fury that put a jaded view on everything. Running a hand through his unruly hair, the ghost boy solidified in front of her with a loveable grin and waves of apology radiating from him.

"Come one Sammy, just put them on….I have something to show you," he whined, holding out a hand to help the girl to her feet and put the clothes on. Eyes narrowed suspiciously as though unsure of how to gauge the impromptu actions of the young man, a weak hand slowly grasped its outstretched mate and allowed its body to be assisted in rising, several monitors and IV's coming unplugged as she passed out of their reach. Catching her when her knees became to weak to support the unfamiliar weight, Danny tenderly sat her down on a chair and aided in putting on boots and buttoning the coat despite the girls' protests. At last she donned every article, as had Danny, and with one fluid motion the young man lifted the girl into his arms, the warm weight a comfort to feel after far to long in the cold. Both went intangible and passed through the wall of the hospitals 3rd story, rising to an altitude just below the moon, each twinkling star and moonbeam seemingly to be only an arms' length away. In the excitement, Sam didn't notice herself pull closer to the boy hero for warmth and safety, but he did and was all to willing in giving it, hoping that what was still only a half thought out plan would help the girl understand things to difficult to put into words.

Sam remained quiet which, for her, was unusual especially considering the circumstances of their excursion and it worried Danny; perhaps things were to shaky between them to ever be reconciled, maybe the hurts of the past could never be forgotten even in the face of what could be. Speeding up as though trying to escape the terrible thoughts, he tore through a few clouds, spinning and flipping to let the young woman feel the freedom of air and wind and cold fingering their hair, let the purity of life cleanse what darkness left behind, replenish what hate destroyed. It scared her, the way every muscle tensed and her heart thudded so hard it seemed to beat within him as well, but it didn't make her cry out, just close her eyes and gnaw anxiously at her bottom lip. Nuzzling the beauty's' face tenderly, Danny coaxed lilac eyes open by pressing a loving kiss to each lid, feeling them flutter and gaze at invisible air.

'Don't close your eyes" came the whisper, a hot breath blowing on the otherwise cold ear "nothing up here can hurt you." The double meaning was understood full well by the girl, still tense at being up so high without a clue as to where they would land. It was like being led blind across a street, knowing the dangers but completely helpless to stop any coming disaster; it was terrifying not being in control but freeing in the same way with the knowledge that there was someone who would keep control when she could not, protect her when she was helpless, catch her if she fell. The boy holding her so tenderly knew the skies as well as she knew the dark, suffocating seas, navigating them as though it came second nature.

No prettier sight had ever been seen by mortal man then the scene they found themselves wrapped up in, caught in a median between two wonders. Below the clouds parting to allow two lover pass, snow fell like small diamonds, twinkling to a dull sparkle as they parted from the sky in a sad descent while above the clouds a crescent moon hung sleepily, beautiful and soft in the cobalt, twinkling blanket covering the tiny world. Above the clouds, wispy fingers glowed gold, each little drop of water forming the clouds fingers, twists, and curves soaking in the moonlight and refracting it like a light show. Nothing in heaven and earth could match the sheer majesty of the vision before them. This was a world that could never be destroyed or tainted, a beauty that could not be mass-produced to the point of desensitization; it was simply beautiful and Sammy knew nothing could ever make her forget it.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, awed by the majesty, unaware that color and form had been returned to her as the couple became visible again. Emerald eyes focused on her dazedly, a peaceful smile uplifting the corners of his lips as love filled his eyes, drinking in the beauty of something, in his opinion, far more precious.

"Yea…yea it is," he whispered, beginning to dip beneath the clouds, seeing the place he wanted to lead her to in the beginning. Holding her tightly in his arms, the ghost boy allowed his body to freefall to earth as Sam stared frantically at him, clutching as though to prevent oncoming death. Wind poured through their hair, slapped their cheeks fiercely as air collapsed beneath them, giving a feeling of total surrender to life and the mercy of existence. Just as earth rose to meet them, Danny slowed and took all the painful results of a hard landing, wincing as his heels dug into the ground and legs took the sudden impact with a violent shudder. Waiting for the short burst of agony to pass, Danny contented himself with whispering to the young woman still clinging fearfully to his body

"I would never let you fall without catching you, even if it meant falling myself," lowering her gently to the ground, her small feet being immersed in ankle deep snowfall, his hand intertwined with hers, the gloves a bit of an irritation to him. Hormones rushing through his blood frenzied as the realization that he was in the middle of nowhere with the girl he loved, alone and unsupervised yet unable to even remove a glove to feel her skin. The idea was torturous to the hot-blooded young male. Despite the boys obvious discomfort, the young woman seemed unaware of it as a small blush crept up her cheeks and, with all previous anger forgotten, leaned close to the man who in response wrapped and arm around her waist, enjoying the feel of slightly exposed skin jut beneath the coats edge, and began to guide her toward an old, decrepit willow at the very top of the hill they stood upon.

"Danny what-?" pressing a finger to the slightly parted lips to indicate silence, he parted the willows long fern like appendages and beckoned her to follow him into the belly of the tree. Finding the request ridiculous but complying none the less, Sam stepped under the fern like limbs and waited, eyes ill adjusted to the sudden change to darkness that accompanied the entrance.

"There's nothing, why are we here?" she questioned, unaware the words were spoken out loud until the comfort of his touch was torn away, the boy disappearing into the shadows and leaving the young woman to shiver, fears of abandonment dancing through her mind. Footsteps crunched through the ice and suddenly the underside of the tree was illuminated by two tiny lanterns hung from sturdy branches, and the sight revealed drew a sharp intake of breath, any words coming to mind caught in the woman's throat. Each little flame reflected off thousands of tiny ice crystals, taking the light and reflecting it like prisms, colors changing the ice encased inner branches into variations of blue and red and green, violet, orange, yellow, and indigo. It was like stepping into a kaleidoscope. The image was truly breathtaking.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Danny murmured, arms wrapped protectively around the thin waist of the young woman, head resting lightly in the black hair that suited her so well. No sound escaped her and it pleased the young ghost boy to know there was enough of his best friend left to still recognize a wonder like this. His hands massaged her stomach, worried when his fingers felt a rib through the skin; it was still scary that Sam felt the need to push it so far, to hurt her body for a fake beauty. Sam was beautiful, and someday she would realize it, Danny would make sure of it. "I found it last winter, the old tree looked dead until I shined a flashlight on it. Such beauty, I have to wonder why it hides it so well…or maybe it takes a person who really appreciates it to see it." Danny felt every muscle in Sam's body tense as though sensing an unwanted conversation in the works. With a chuckle, two hands tenderly turned the girl around and one cupped her slightly flushed cheeks, directing the beautiful orbs to look into his, wanting every emotion, every fear, every worry, and most of all every truth to pour into her so that there could never be a doubt he could not prove wrong, a fear he could not aide. Danny wanted her to be the only one to see past his masks and walls, and to trust him to see Sam without hers. "Your beautiful you know, just like this tree I almost passed you by but a light shined on you just as I looked and now I think I've finally begun to appreciate everything you are, and question why you try so hard to hide it and change it when if you allowed everyone to see there would never be a doubt of what real beauty looked like…But you tried to chop it down…" Danny stroked her cheek tenderly, studying her with such intensity, it made the girl feel small and broken.

"I was so scared I was loosing the most beautiful thing in my life, a person who continues to throw me off course and puzzle me even to this day, the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. No matter how many times I forced myself to accept your impending death, it shattered another piece of my heart every time I tried. I realized there is no world for me without you, I can't even remember a time you weren't there. When I saw you awake today…I can't even begin to explain everything that went through me, there are no words to convey my relief at seeing you, alive, moving…nor the anger I held toward myself for leaving just when you needed me most, not being their for the event I waited two weeks for, prayed for even when it looked like you wouldn't make it through the night. Whoever heard it answered, and no matter what happens, if death takes me instead of you, it's worth it just to see your smile again, your eyes…" a quiet laugh escaped the young man as he ran a nervous hand through the damp ivory locks, the other still gently stroking her chilled cheek.

"I'm not good with expressing myself Sammy and I think I'm doing a bad job of it, speaking from the heart isn't exactly a trait I prize but I guess I'll give it another shot." An ungloved hand timidly grazed the exposed flesh of his cheek and he smiled gently at the owner of it, catching it in his free hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "There's something about you that breaks me and enlivens me. It hurts when your upset and makes me feel like flying when I earn just a tiny smile; making you annoyed is worth every painful slap just to earn a laugh in the end and I was so scared of losing that. When you-" he took a sharp intake of breath and held her closer, desperately afraid of losing her again. "When your heart stopped and the doctors…the doctors pronounced you dead I…I couldn't handle it, I just held you and begged someone to bring you back, I would have done anything, even killed, if it meant having you alive again. Someone has mercy, or maybe you heard my prayer, because your heart began to beat again, slow and unsteady, but it was there. The only thing running through my head was everything I'd done wrong, the things I never told you, the fear that if I let you go I would lose you forever…I love you, I love you Sammy, I had to have told you a thousand times while you slept and I do. I do love you still, I always will… you're my angel Sam, did you know that? You're the angel that saved me almost eight years ago when you fell from heaven; they say falling in love hurts, but I never thought it would leave a scar" smirking, the young man pulled her closer, listening with pleasure to the embarrassed laugh that memory brought from her, and leaned their foreheads together, smiling in her eyes. "You were an answer to every prayer I'd ever prayed, every wish I'd ever made and I should have told you a long time ago; if I hadn't been so scared…if I had been a little more of the hero everyone expects maybe you wouldn't be here, suffering like this."

"Turn back into Danny, please" she pleaded in a soft whisper, looking so imploringly at him that it was heartbreaking and all he wanted to do was kiss away that insecurity, that pain blanketing the girls' beautiful face. Conceding and reverting back, the young ghost boy found their bodies considerably closer, lips near to touching, nose to nose and eyes locked with all the emotions of both compiling between them. Stroking her cheek with tender fingers and pulling her body tighter against his with one swift move from his other hand, Danny continued to speak in a whisper, every words seeming to disappear into the lavender seas he slowly began to drown in.

"You are so perfect Sam without ever trying to be, until I almost lost you I never realized exactly how much I missed the little things you did. Biting your lip, twirling your hair, that cute little noise you make when you're annoyed with me," a grin lit up his face and he smiled as her lips began to twitch into a smile. "You never let me down, even when I was making an ass of myself; I've never known a time you've failed to help me even when I let you down in return. There is no way I would be standing here today if wasn't for your quick thinking during crisis's and sharp tongue keeping me in line. I know I'm not perfect and that I screw up, a lot, but I hope you can forgive me even if I don't deserve it." Their breaths mingled in the frosty air, lips barley centimeters from each other, eyes halfway closed as the young boy tenderly stroked her cheeks, thumbs brushing away a rush of moisture running down her face. Nothing could break the tender moment, everything from the soft breeze to the falling snow and shimmering ice crystals only added to the beauty of the instant, spinning around within them though they had long since ceased to notice anything but each other.

"I love you Danny" Sam murmured, lips so close to his she could almost feel their softness against hers, wanting desperately to close the small gap between them but afraid to break the fragile connection drawing the closer and closer to each other. Hands drifting from her damp face to sit comfortable on her waist, Danny replied with a voice so overcome with love for the girl in his arms that it made Sam cry softly and open her eyes to meet a pair so enchanting, so enticing that she couldn't bare to look away.

"And I love you Sam, more then anyone or anything else in this world." Both sets of eyes slid closed as they simultaneously filled the gap between them, bodies flush against each other's and lips tenderly caressing their partners, lost in a world of their own for just a moment. Nothing about it was hurried, the two simply wanting to enjoy what it seemed had taken ages for them to get; after of unhurried caresses and gentle touches, Danny shyly ran his tongue across her bottom lip, not wanting to rush into anything but wanting to know the limits and bounds the beauty held tight in his embrace had . Much to the young man's surprise, he found her lips parting at the unspoken request and a hand slink behind his neck, playing with a long lock of hair that hung low. Soon it was joined by its sister and Danny wrapped both arms carefully around her waist and lovingly caressed her back before slowly caressing her tongue with his, crossing a line never even touched upon before that moment. Surprisingly, despite all the sexual connotation behind the simple act, Danny found that the passion was only directed toward showing Sam exactly how much he loved her. It felt so new, so fragile to be in this position, in this moment, holding the woman who had captured his heart and soul without even knowing it; this was precious.

Sam tasted like an odd combination of peppermint and lemonade, a blend that seemed to fit the lithe woman so well. Timidly, he explored her mouth ready to pull away the moment she tensed or became uncomfortable but only received soft, squeaky signs of delight and quiet pleasure. Still, he was not here to seduce and didn't want her to think that was the purpose of the evening. Delightfully, Sam replied to his action by exploring his mouth in turn, her hands tenderly massaging his neck as her entire thoughts centered on the wonderful feelings, the wonderful night, and most of all, the wonderful boy who treated her as though she was made of gold. It made the girl feel beautiful and special, something she wanted the man wrapped up in her arms to feel too; she found herself lost in a taste so uniquely Danny, a blend of chocolate and cherry cola, sweet and maddeningly addicting. Some how, the young woman, as well as the young man, felt themselves beginning to become captivated by the others taste and feel. It only lasted a few minutes but for those precious moments time had stopped for the two lovers, who hesitantly pulled away, breathless and smiling. Sighing in perfect contentment, Sam laid her head on Danny's chest and was immediately accommodated for, cradled protectively and lovingly against the warm body. The amazing evening, as everything must, came to a close as the night's bitter winds broke into their safe haven and killed the tiny flames with one mighty gust; as dark descended in the underside of the tree, the two passed between the branches, fingers gently intertwined, and gazed up at the falling snow.

A small, squeaky sneeze escaped the young girl who leaned back against her boyfriend, shivering with eyes half closed in exhaustion. Checking his watch, Danny's eyes bugged out as the illuminated dial told him they had been gone nearly two hours and it was already past Midnight. Carefully lifting Sam to cradle her in his arms, the young halfa transformed and took to the skies of Amity, barley able to draw his loving gaze from the lightly snoozing form clutching tight to him, unable to resist stealing a kiss as they traveled the pitch black sky. Every feature was relaxed, her eyes shut gently and a smile of pure contentment plastered permanently to her lips made everything about her glow. Sam was happy and at that moment, nothing else seemed to matter; in the afterglow of their excursion, he had almost completely forgotten why he brought her there to begin with and the anger he had, seemingly, succeeded in calming. Truly, the young man had not planned to kiss her then, in the middle of his speech, nor had he intended to pour his heart out the way he did but perhaps some of what was said needed to be said.

The trip was over and as Danny tucked the young woman into her bed, taking great care in assuring her comfort, and laid down beside her, he couldn't help but steal another kiss from her, thoroughly enchanted by the feel of her lips against his and how well their bodies seemed to fit together, hers fitting perfectly into the curve of his body. Smiling into the onyx hair, the young man whispered, before sleep too claimed his weary body, words that although he had spoken them had really yet to hit him full force.

"Love…I really do love you Sam…maybe someday I'll be able to prove it to you.

_You stood by me and I stood tall  
I had your love I had it all  
I'm grateful for each day you gave me  
_

Day's turned to weeks and before anyone realized the lapse of time, it was two weeks until the most festive day of the year and the day before Sam could leave the hospital for the first time since the excursion weeks prior. Although the siblings and tag along young man had been forced to return to classes after the end of the Thanksgiving holidays when Sam's condition had stabilized, two of the three returned daily to offer support and tutor the young woman in the subjects missed during her absence. Only the siblings returned day after day, the young man Tucker had been oddly absent and unusually moody the past three weeks, avoiding them and seeming to be constantly in motion. For a boy caught up in technology and the art of vegetation, watching him run voluntarily and ditch his friends for more time at the gym was more then a little worrisome especially for a young woman who hadn't even seen him since their last conversation.

She missed him, his absence in her life brought an aching hole to the pit of her stomach to point she found herself stopping random people in the hall to ask if they had seen him, and even to the lowest point of all: Begging her little brother for a favor, and suffering the amused, suggestive grins that followed, just for the chance to see him. It was ridiculous, over reactive, and probably childish but the redhead was getting desperate; even when Danny began estranging himself from her life it had not caused a loneliness and longing in her quite like this and no amount of analyzing could make sense of it. In addition to the maddening need to see Tucker, to wrap her arms around him and burrow her face in the intoxicating smell of cedar, Danny now seemed to be playing the role of overprotective brother. If anything about her ever changed or seemed off, there was always a concerned look and gentle questioning to pick it apart; it was so annoying, but she supposed it was payback for all of her years of doing the same to him. Still, she found herself running from the constantly concerned gaze and stifling protectiveness.

To escape from a world of pressures was to be free to be you; surrounded by a world expecting so much out of you every moment of your already threadbare life pushed a person to the very limits of patience and sanity. Everyone in the world knew of a safe place to leave for, to escape and fly away to the relaxation of being able to hang up your masks and lay down your walls without fear of judgment or disappointment. One person alone can make a spot special, unique to them, without ever changing the appearance; it was memories and thoughts, the knowledge of having truly run from everything, hiding in a tiny world no one else can breech that made it special. Even a communal bench could be special to some confused, frighten young woman.

Jazz didn't feel the bitter wind nipping at the exposed fresh, red and raw from another violent attack on her person. The offending weapon had nestled itself comfortably in the bottom of her purse, cleaned so as to leave behind no evidence to her self inflicted pain; the young redhead was well aware she should bandage it, hid the truth of what His absence did to her, but there was no effort. Nothing prompted her to hide it, she had no will left in that moment to hide the red tears cried because any moment he would appear at her side and hold her, tell her it was okay and that everything would be alright. That he would never leave. So far an hour passed in total silence, the quiet echoing around the unmoving landscape and tears began to fall; Tucker wouldn't come, she had been stupid to believe otherwise what did he want with a broken woman when, from what she'd heard, he had a thousand more at his feet.

Life through curves that left its player guessing at how the result had ever come to be, one of those was the suddenly health conscious, body conscious Tucker Foley who went from grade A technology geek to school heart throb seemingly overnight. It hurt, a lot, when Jazz thought about how he needed to change to impress others when he impressed those who mattered every day but then again, it was very possible that she didn't matter. That thought left her heart bleeding in a pool at her feet, torn out by the prospect of being truly alone again, of having been played in the worst way and used as the means to an end. Twitter-pated airheads swooned over the handsome African American's sensitivity that made them weak in the knees, how he knew just what to say when no one else did, how kind he was…it made the redhead sick. It was a game and she was the pathetic pawn playing every move without question, lapping up every sweet sentiment like a the dog she was. Finger twitched on the leather handle of a purse, wanting to reach in and retrieve the weapon buried deep in its bowels, itching to dig deep into her skin and bleed out everything, drain herself of the dirty feeling running all over her body. Used, she was used, and it hurt worse then anything else ever had.

"What the hell? Damnit Jazz!" An angry voice boomed to her left, the appearance of an ivory haired, green-eyed ghost startling her to point of toppling over the edge. The white snow turned red on contact with the injured arm and a hiss of pain escaped the thinly drawn lips, aquamarine eyes glaring furiously at the intruder. Figures it would be that little pest who would find her at the worst possible moment, why the fuck did he suddenly care if she lived or died? After almost three years of pushing away every member of his family, Danny had a lot of nerve trying to pretend he had any right to get involved with the pains and problems of people that were total mysteries. Rings of bluish light spread from the teenagers torso and a shocked and disheveled Danny Fenton landed stumblingly, jaw open in horrified fascination at the now red snow surrounding the young woman's arm. It took a moment for the situation to fully dawn and when it did, Jazz watched her brother tremble violently, a look of pure terror darkening his eyes; it was daunting to see such fear on the young man, especially when all she dedicated her youth to stopping his fears and hurts and now caused it. Two strong hands lifted her up, carrying the redhead like a rag doll before cautiously depositing her back on the bench and keep a hand clamped firmly on an unexposed shoulder to make sure she stayed there. Attempting half heartedly to jerk away from the unwanted protection, Jazz found that Danny's Ghost hunting left him stronger then his appearance would lead one to believe. Stern blue eye focused intently on hers for a moment and it was like being x-rayed the gaze was so piercing. It seemed like the young man wanted to strip her of her walls before ever even saying a word, leave the usually collected woman defenseless to the coming questioning. Kneeling in front of her, the boy gently touched the wouldn't, frowning more the deeper each cut traveled through her flesh, studying them as well as the blood with a look of fury blazing like fire in his usually calm ocean like eyes. Jazz could never remember seeing her brother like this, so serious and angry with her, it was unsettling. A hundred different emotions struggled for control over the young mans face and the redhead could only watch helplessly, awaiting the tidal wave of words and fury that were sure to come, the accusations and concern that would follow that, and at last the resigned departure. It was not his place to aide her, at least in Jazz's mind, it was her own problem, her own battle to fight and she did not need his or anyone's help.

"You should have come to me Jazz" Danny finally choked out after a few failed attempts, the situation something he had never prepared to see. Being told of his sisters condition and actually seeing the results of a life long pain were completely different, but both felt like a being kicked repetitively in the stomach. There was no way to handle this gracefully, Jazz always acted indifferent towards the world unless it came to fixing people. It never occurred to Danny why she felt the intense need to do that, maybe it was her way of fixing something broken and unfixable in her own life. The thought stuck a deep chord in him, Sam went through the same transition long ago when the hate of people she saw as more beautiful then her turned into a deep hatred for herself. Nothing about it stood to be different and that made him grab the young woman's hand and hold it in a death grip, pursing his lips in concern and pleading silently for a response, and explanation.

For all the soul searching her escape had given her, for all the thinking space she now created, there was no answer to be found in the depths of her heart or soul that would make sense to a sixteen year old male, not to mention a brother. It centered around one smooth talking, backstabbing, bastard who, despite all his low down actions and heartbreaking words seemed to have snuck into every thought from the moment the sun greeted her until the sheets came over her head at night. He was everywhere, in everything she did and it drove the young woman crazy because it had no place in her life, no definition, and it was unacceptable for anything to go undefined and unanalyzed. The look in her brothers eyes pleaded for an answer, the blood crusting over on deep wounds spoke of pain, and in the midst of the spiraling psychosis seeming to be capturing her in its claws, Jazz's soul ripped itself to shreds in search of the reason.

"I..I…" Cerulean irises gazed pleadingly at her, looking so pathetic she could barley keep herself from blurting everything out in one breath but the sharp reminder that this was none of his business and that her own stupidity brought her into this damned position kept every word in check. "I don't think it's any of your damn business Daniel Fenton so Fuck off and leave me alone." Came the moody, snappish reply the seemed to throw the young man for a loop; the combination of anger and foul language seemed enough to drive him off long enough to run and escape the emotions beating against the confines of her skull, causing a headache to build at the bridge of her nose. Despite being in shock at the response, once his eyes drifted back down to the coppery colored liquid drying like paint on his sisters arms a renewed a sense of desperation and determination in the halfa adolescent. Grabbing the redhead's arm, he jerked her back hard, ignoring the terrified squeak escaping her lips at the unbridled fury bubbling just below Danny's eerily calm exterior.

"Don't you dare tell me my sisters' life isn't my business! What reason could there possibly be for this? Did you get a B+ instead of an A+ on a test? Or did some fucking low life use you again like that Creep Johnny did? What is it Jazz because right now I can't understand why the fuck you've been doing this, I put two and two together along time ago" he lied easily, not wanting to give away the source of his information for fear it would ruin their timid friendship. If he seemed cruel and unfeeling toward her pain, unlike Tucker was, it might be enough to break the wall she had so carefully constructed. Harshness seemed to be the only way to get through a Fenton's think skull and he knew that from experience, if this is what it took to get his sister to talk then it was what he was going to do. "How long have you been doing it Jazz? A month? A year? I always wondered why you wore long sleeves in summer, why you hated tank tops and short sleeves…three fucking years isn't that right? Since your were fourteen…Damnit Jazz, your life is perfect, your grades are perfect, your so bloody perfect it puts perfection to shame! What the hell could possibly push you to do this? At least Sam had a reason, what's yours? Feeling a little under appreciated? Upset that you and your stupid straight A's aren't in the limelight anymore? Look at me Damnit!" he roared, trying to conceal the gnawing of guilt at the violated and distress looked rolling across the redhead's face. It was hurting her in a way Danny hope he would never be the one to cause but even to his unobservant eyes it was obvious something was beginning to snap with in her. Striking her brothers cheek with ever ounce of strength she could muster, Jazz gave Danny a look full of such hatred, such loathing the boy shrunk back, preparing for the rush of anger he would have to soother. Never mess with fire or you'll get burned…Danny always seemed to be the one burn himself when it came to being the hero, only this time there was a chance it would leave a mark. An angry flush rose in the usually pale cheeks and the young redheads lips went so thin they turn white; the sight was truly scary, like watching a bomb about to explode and knowing you were going to get the blast full force no matter how you squirmed. Jazz was left heartbroken by the assumption of her own flesh and blood, knowing no other way to express it then with a burst of fury that left her winded and weak, her mind so blinded by her rage that she had no ability to hold back the thousands of things causing her mind to implode.

"How DARE you Daniel Fenton, you don't know the first fucking thing about me or my life" she screamed, voice rough with the sheer decibel level she was hitting "You think I'm perfect? Fuck perfection, I don't have a choice; do you think mom and dad would give me a second glance if I didn't make perfect grades and do everything perfectly, you think anyone would even know my name? I'd let a hell of a lot of people down if I don't do everything right the first time, If I'm not the level headed, easy going, 'always has the answers' girl. Do you know what that's like? Of course you don't, you can't" She began to tremble violently, hands forming fists at her sides and every muscle in her body tense with the violent onslaught pouring out of her, releasing the stress and pain that kept bottling up inside her until it was almost painful to let out.

"At least Johnny took me as I was, or I thought he did, he made me feel special in a world where I could never dare be myself or else let the world down, and it turned out he was like every other backstabbing bastard in this world. No one cares if I cut or if I fucking try to kill myself so long as I'm there on Monday to be the perfect little school girl, the class pet, the model child. And you know what fucking else? I don't have any friends because of it, who wants to be friends with a straight A bookworm with no social life to speak of? The Chess team won't even associate with me! I can't get a boyfriend because they think the perfect book worm must be co celibate she's begging for sex so I can't trust a damn boy to take me out and not try to get in my pants. Cutting gives me control, it makes my life mine with the knowledge I could end it and no one but me could make my decision. It's the only power I have in my life, you can just fly away to wherever the fuck you want with your precious girlfriend but not all of us are that lucky. And you know what? Your right I was used, I'm used every fucking day even by the one person I thought I could trust…he doesn't give a damn about me and neither do you, neither does mom and dad, and neither do the half brained people who treat me like gold because they know they'll get something out of it. Are you happy now Danny? Happy you finally broke the unbreakable rock? Well fuck you."

Completely drained and left emotionally on edge when the realization of what she said hit full force, she scampered for an escape, backing away in fear and agony from the boy, having no idea where to run but knowing she had to run there. Tears fell scalding hot from her eyes and as she tried to run, she tripped and landed on hands and knees in the snow, sinking fast in the foot and a half deep snow. Hot liquid drops cut through the packed ice crystals like a knife through butter, each one a knife to the already broken heart barley hanging in her chest. Someone had done it, they had finally done it. A person had taken the little control, the little composure she had left and speared it right through her chest, destroying what remained of the secure and strong Jasmine Fenton. She wanted Tucker, she wanted him to tell her it would be okay, she wanted him to wipe away her tears and bring back the smile that seemed so far gone it was unreachable. She wanted him so badly and the pain at knowing he did not care shook loose sobs from her throat; curling up around her trembling body, she cried into her knees letting all the anger and betrayal turn into crystal tears that could be bled out of her body. Slowly a pair of arms wrapped around her, seemingly from nowhere, tender and fluid in their movement as they gently unwrapped her from around her own body, tipping the tear stained face toward a pair of guilty, azure eyes and a pair of warm chocolate eyes, both watching her in concern and affection. Another heart wrenching sob tore itself painful from the redhead's throat as she threw her shivering body onto the young African American's, arms clutching his neck as burrowed herself into his safe scent, her muscles completely relaxing as his arm wrapped protectively around her waist and soothingly rubbed her back until her sobs quieted and she could be tenderly lifted up, sleeping peacefully against the young man's chest.

"Thanks man…I can handle Sam but…" Danny looked down sadly at his sister, brushing a stray lack flaming red out of her serene face "I never knew, I mean I know some of what you've mentioned, but I never thought it was this bad." Giving his best friend a calculating look, the young halfa noticed that his once scrawny, weakling of a friend could probably take out Skulker with one blow now, his time in the gym obviously doing wonders. Something about it left and unsettled feeling in the pit of the young man's stomach but he couldn't find anything truly wrong with the situation.

"No, thanks for telling me about her arm…I should have been around more but it's been really crazy lately…" the young man trailed off and looked away, perking Danny's concern immediately.

"What's been going on Tuck?" he question slowly, watching his friends face for an indication as to what is going on "I mean all this time in the gym…all the dates you've been taking…and now you look like a jock…"

"What are you trying to say Danny?" The boy snarled back, eyes narrowing and arms adjusting so as to avoid waking the gentle beauty in his arms; taken back by the tone, Danny held his hand's up in surrender.

"Nothing man, nothing chill! Lets, uh, go inside and keep Sam company; she's going crazy being cooped up this long." Tucker nodded and started to walk toward the hospital, Danny in toe who watched the boy's every move; maybe it was just concern for his sister that made him snap, but the young man wasn't so sure. He just hoped whatever was eating at his friend wouldn't end the way it had with Jazz and Sam.

_Maybe I don't know that much  
But I know this much is true  
I was blessed because I was loved by you_

_You were always there for me  
The tender wind that carried me  
A light in the dark  
Shining your love into my life  
You've been my inspiration  
Through the lies you were the truth  
My world is a better place because of you!_

"Goodbye and Good riddance Amity Medical Center! God I hope I never go back there." The day had finally come and everyone was in good spirits as the towering building that kept them captive nearly every day of the past month and a half faded into the distance. The three teens, Jazz driving and the other two lounging in the back, were chatting and laughing quietly as the tried to make the next two hours or so seem more interesting then they most likely would be. It was time to go home, only it would be the same home even for Sam who, to escape suicidal rehabilitation ("If you think I wasting a fucking year of my life at that place your nuts!") the young Goth had agreed to a temporary stay at the constantly supervised Fenton household which meant the next two hours would be spent packing up and moving the more precious of his girlfriends' items. At least Jazz, much to his surprise, had offered her services for the afternoon in order to make things go a bit more smoothly.

Since the previous afternoon, neither mentioned the girls nervous break down in a desire to keep things calm and relatively solid between them. Danny knew he would have to talk to her today about his actions towards her even if admitting his cruelty was a painful hit to his pride, it was necessary if anything between them was to happen. It had been wrong to accuse Jazz the way he had, to be so harsh on a subject that obviously decayed the young woman below the surface, even if the intentions were noble.

The road the hell was paved with good intentions, wasn't that how the proverb went? Why good deeds did not result in good result remained one of lifes' most irritating mysteries. Sometimes it hurt someone more to aide them then it did to let them suffer, lost in their own little words because there is no true way to fully understand a persons pain. It is nearly impossible to know if what you say is harming an already broken heart, or if it is healing and if it is the former you only manage to destroy a fragile person and perhaps a fragile relationship. Most of the time there was room in both parties' hearts to forgive and move one, what worried Danny was that the already cracking bridge between the siblings could not be repaired.

As Sams' house rose before them, the car slowed to a jerky stop at the curb and the overly hyperactive Goth tumbled out, sprinting into her house so quickly all Danny could feel was the wind left behind at her departure. It wasn't surprising, the young woman desperately missed the place she'd grown up in and all the things that held beautiful memories, happy and sad; things she believed she would never see again. What concerned the young halfa was that no one had come to clean the young woman's bathroom, at least to his knowledge, and if the remains still floated there like the water grave he stepped into, it would be hard to ease his girlfriend back from the memories. In dreams, the smell of coppery liquid overwhelmed him, keeping him from diving beneath the red seas to drag Sam from its murderous depths no matter how he kicked, how he flailed, she always drowned and all he was able to do was watch. It was only a dream to the young man, but to the still healing young woman it was an all to solid reality.

Brother and sister exited the car, the older of the two picking up speed to avoid the younger until a weak voice called out to her, pulling on the unbreakable bond connecting them.

"Jazz…I'm sorry, please talk to me," Watching the muscles in her back tense at the suggestion, the boy took careful steps toward her, gently turning the stiff body so nothing was kept in the dark between them. Tears pooled in the aquamarine eyes, a few shaken loose and spilling quietly down overly pale cheeks speaking volumes about the fresh wound still bleeding on the inside, the particular puncture to her heart caused by harsh words and emotional apathy. Breaking down at the sight of a proud existence cut short because of one foolish intention, the young brother did the only thing that seemed proper to do in that moment; her embraced his sister, not caring if she protested or fought. Both of them needed this more then either could willingly admit.

Slowly, a pair of hesitant arms wound around the sturdy body and returned the embrace, seeking mutual comfort in ageless bond between two siblings, the always reachable connection that caused desperate thoughts in a panic and amazing reactions when one or the other became threatened. It was love, primal and unending, the love that made them stick their necks out for the other and go to any point to bring back the others lost soul. A soft sigh escaped the redheads lips, disappearing into the sea of black encasing her face and the young man leaned his face into her neck, a comfortable position as long as they had been siblings.

"I didn't mean it Jazz, I was just scared and I knew that would make you talk…I know it was wrong I was just afraid of losing my favorite sister" to the young man's delight a snort escaped the redhead who responded with a sardonic

"I'm your only sister toad" Grinning like the Cheshire cat, he gave her a big, wet, sloppy kiss and then promptly licked her other cheek, watching as a look of utter disgust shuddered through her body "You are so disgusting." Clamping his head still she did the worst thing a big sister can ever do, she place a kiss on each of his cheeks and then his forehead, giving him a 'revenge is sweet' smirk as he gagged and pretended to wipe away her cooties. Despite the disgusting feeling of his sisters lips against his skin, Danny was thrilled beyond measure that their relationship remained unchanged despite all the changes within themselves. Bridges really could be rebuilt, no matter how slowly the bricks were laid.

Having a sibling was like having a best friend, they annoyed you to the point you wanted to strangulate them, whined until you wanted to tape their mouth shut and lock them in a closet, and sometimes pushed you to the point of attempting to mail them to the Antarctic. Yet, when your left with a broken heart and need someone not to judge, to just be their until you can move past the hurt a sibling is always their, no matter how shaky your relationship is. When your crying they make you laugh, when your upset they take your mind of it (sometimes destructively), and when no there is no one else to turn to they have your back, something the brother and sister were quickly beginning to understand. Watching the young redhead walk away again, the boy wondered how many people he took for granted in the past and why it always seemed to be the important women in his life. Without Jazz, he knew, he wouldn't be the person he was; she love him and supported him in everything he did and sometimes knew him better then he knew himself. No matter the problem, she always helped him find the answer and even when he was a complete ass she overlooked it and showed him the solution to whatever ate at him. In a way she reminded him of Sam; with a quiet smile he called out again, making the woman pause with her hand on the knob, eyes twinkling at his words.

"Got your back sis!" the words were old between them, neither really remembered when exactly they started using it but it had been Jazz's idea and now it was almost a joke between them, even know it could bring a smile to the usual stoic persona.

"Got your ass bro" came the cheeky response before the fiery woman disappeared into the house, followed slowly by a considerably lighter Danny Fenton, content with the fact that nothing would destroy the two true lifelong friends.

Maybe their Bridge did not need to be rebuilt after all; maybe it just needed a little patching.

_(You were my strength when I was weak)-You were my strength!  
(My voice when I couldn't speak)-Oh when I couldn't speak!  
(You were my eyes when I couldn't see)  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith cause you believed  
I'm everything I am because you loved me  
_

"Did I really do that?" A war zone greeted Sam as she stepped silently into the bathroom and kneeled between shard of glass and drops of blood leading to the rank, putrid bath basin, blood that once felt so good to spill molding and rotting away in the permanently stained ivory porcelain tub. Drips of blood trailing to the decaying water either resembled month old scabs or grew mold from the variety of bacteria making homes within the decay that once lived with in her. It wasn't hard to imagine the pain that brought her to this and as Sam stepped through the wreckage, hand drifting over familiar place and items, pricking her finger on a loose glass shard in the broken vanity, the old feeling of worthlessness passed through her. Living in darkness was a difficult lifestyle to escape when you were at a time consumed by it, trusting only in the safe arms it provided. Now a pair of truly living arms were always welcoming her yet old ways came in echoes, drawing back the insecurity and the hate still making up much of what lived within her.

Facing the mirror, Sam removed all but her undergarments to stare at the cracked, spidery version of herself staring back, a mess of unfilled holes and cracking beauty, was this not exactly how she saw herself? A horrid, disgusting maggot who deserved to die in the filth she created? Why then did the distorted image seem not to do justice to the beginnings of self-esteem in her heart? Why did she no longer seem the same? Though it still remained difficult for her to see food without see fat hanging off of her, now Sam could see bones where once she saw obesity, saw the scars forming words in her flesh with no recollection of why she did that. Some things still caused a stabbing pain in her, the word freak carved above her breasts one of the many pains with an arrow still tearing holes in her, the hurtful recollection fitting along with the less then beautiful figure she had been cursed with. Heavy bottomed and not well endowed breast wise, she was certainly not the curviest girl in school, and her hair still hung limp in an unflattering style that only added to the opinion she was far from beautiful.

"I'm never going to be beautiful" she sighed quietly, kicking the mirror in irritation that it hadn't shown a figure any different from the ugly little girl that last gazed there a month and a half prior; maybe she still wasn't worth anything despite how she felt inside. Danny loved her and proved it to her every day without even needing to be asked, yet it bothered her to be showered in affection and love when deep inside it never felt as though she was deserving of such a wonderful young man. Kicking away the one of ten of the same outfits lining her closet, Sam closed her eyes and tried desperately not to put herself down but it was hard when she knew nothing would ever change. "Never as beautiful as Paulina in any case."

"Put on a little weight and you will surpass that bulimic airhead without a doubt," a quiet voice sounded from the door. Turning around she saw Jazz Fenton staring at her with a large frown and furrowed brow, obviously not overly happy with the state of Sam's body. Shuffling uncomfortable (as she was in only a pair of panties and a bra) the young woman had the good grace to blush at the situation.

"Danny…."

"Is downstairs packing up a few photo album's and, I think, giving you some space…It's a bit of a mess isn't it?" Sam nodded, turning back to look at the disgusting image provided as a reminder of what almost was, old aches and fears rising like bile, bitter and something she longed to spit up. The darkness would always live in her, she had come to except that, but looking back at how life had been for her a month ago it was incredible…

"Things have changed" she whispered gently, brushing a limp lock of ebony hair from out of her eyes and staring regretfully at the broken image in the mirror "Not enough I'm afraid." A gentle hand directed her from the carnage and into a dark room, the light not enough to take away the violent scent of sorrow and death permeating everything.

"You've changed Samantha" Jazz murmured, ignoring the irritated glare she received for using the girls full name "You aren't the same girl who did that, you probably never will be. Danny tells you your beautiful all the time, I've heard him, and he's right, you are. You don't need to change a thing to be stunning, but if you want to…" a mischievous grin alit the young woman's face as she approached the girls closet, the look on her face beginning to scare the Goth more then a little; when it came to the Fentons, a look like that never meant good things. "Do you trust me Sam?"

"Maybe…" Sam said hesitantly, seriously considering screaming for Danny with the thought that his sister had truly gone insane, the smile crossing the redhead's lips that of one with a plan in a mind, a plan she most likely was not going to like and be forced to go along with. Grinning innocently, Jazz waved her hands around the room and kicked a couple of boxed toward the young girl.

"Pack up everything you absolutely need then lets engage in the age old girl activity. Makeovers!" Eying the redhead as though she had just announced she was marrying Dash Baxter, Sam hesitantly nodded her agreement; never having had anyone to do makeovers with (boys could not be trusted with make up) it was almost exciting to have someone willing to do it despite the fact it could have dangerous repercussions and scary results. Jazz was like Sam's sister, she would never purposely make the girl look bad even for fun, the redhead wasn't like that except with the boys and only when they did something stupid. Usually she was far too calm and level-headed for that.

"I remember this! Danny gave it to you on valentines day after I had to deter him from buying you neon pink heart pillow," Raising an eyebrow, Sam turned around and saw the young woman holding a very worn out teddy bear dressed up in a leather jacket and holding a fuzzy red heart that said 'You make me Wild'. Smiling warmly, she grabbed it from the girl and hugged it tight before putting it in the box, unaware of the knowing smile spreading across her friends lips. Another thirty minutes passed of packing up pictures, posters, stuffed animals, clothes, and various knickknacks all of which had some story behind it, several memories to precious for the girl to leave behind even for a few months. Soon everything was boxed up and taped and the girls wondered exactly what had happened to the Gothic girls Boyfriend ("I don't think he can blow anything up, I just hope he doesn't try to cook") before Jazz closed the door with a slightly demonic grin.

"You're going to knock Danny off his feet when I'm done with you." She murmured and beckoned Sam to follow her into the walk in closet, wondering what could possibly be left to get in here "I saved an outfit I thought would look great on you and I've never seen you wear it, and no its not that horrid pink sweater I founding tied to the cat-scratcher." Chuckling at the fate of that horrid waste of fabric, Sam gazed up and down the racks of unworn, to small, to ugly clothes that were left behind until her eyes fell on an outfit she did not even know she had. Following the Goths gaze, a small grin alighted the redheads face and she pushed the girl toward it

"Put it on, it will look great on you, and try those shoes right under it too if they still fit." Sam heard the closet door shut as she tentatively reached out and lifted the clothed from the hangers; the style was different from anything she worn, far more in style and preppy then she ever tended to own. It was a gift, this particular outfit, from a since deceased grandmother and it had, until now, remained unworn in Sam's quest to stand out. Slipping it on, not truly understanding why it felt so difficult just putting on clothes, and pulling the boots on before feeling out the knob in the semi darkness and tumbling out into the tornado zone that was her room, tripping over a box, stumbling into a dresser, and landing in a conveniently placed pile of stuffed animals with her arms sprawled out and legs kicking in an attempt to dislodge her body from its trap. It took the redhead an eternity to catch her breath, laughter doubling her over with a stitch in her side and a red face. At last, when the fit dwindled to the occasional chuckle, she grabbed Sam's hand's and yanked her to her feet, pushing a roller chair towards her and indicating that the girl sit. Doing as was indicated, she waited while her friend set up a rather large make up kit at her right side and what could pass as a hair salon on her left.

"We're going to start with your hair and I'm going to ask that you not move to much during this please, I want to get it just right." Feeling more then a little apprehensive about the whole situation, Sam tried desperately not to fidget and sneak glances at the mirror just three feet to her left. It was another moment of nearly total helplessness, leaving total control in another persons hands and it was something that the young black hair girl had issues doing, so far it only happened twice yet it still made the girl uneasy, even among people she trusted with her life. In an attempt to calm herself, Sam tried to remain amused by likening certain beauty and hair products to torture weapons, making up stories in her mind of Vikings tortured by a hair curler or mascara brush. The thought, she had to admit, was hard to picture.

"This is looking great" Sam heard her murmur quietly as a single strand of hair just out of the girls' sight, was wound around something and tugged at the sprayed, some of the sticky hairspray getting on Sam's face.

"Hey Jazz, you should get a makeover, I'm sure it would wow Tucker" several items simultaneously crashed to the floor and sounds of Jazz cursing under her breath as she burned or pricked herself made Sam turn her head in concern only to see a considerably flustered Jasmine Fenton hurriedly placing hair products on the table.

"Face forward!" came the sharp reply and the lavender eyes girl faced forward again as the redhead began finishing up Sam's hair and moved on to her make up "Why would I want to 'wow' Tucker?" Came the seemingly innocent reply and had the previous question not caused an avalanche of hair products, the Goth might have believed it but unless there was an emotion behind it, nothing flustered Jazz bad enough to cause clumsiness in her. Grinning knowingly at the denial, Sam began to enjoy making the young woman squirm.

"Know the first thing I saw what I woke up? You and Tucker comfy cozy in that hospital chair, nearly made me pass out again, you are so obviously into him I don't know how you can't see it." Sam couldn't see it but could only imagine the hot flush running up the older girls face at her words, and she wished she could look at the expression on Jazz's face, sure that it would be priceless. After stuttering out an incoherent response, Jazz managed to calm herself enough to answer in words and sentences rather then odd noises.

"He…comforted me, he does that a lot there's nothing romantic about it, he's my friend. I don't love him…I mean I do but…" an uncomfortable feeling pooled in the redhead's stomach, uncomfortable with having to face the emotions that kept her up at night especially in the company of someone else "I don't know…" A soft chuckle accompanied this response, the lavender eyes closed as Jazz applied some eye shadow to her lids, the younger girl amused by the response far to much the she probably should be considering it was her same state of denial for almost three years. "What's so funny Samantha?"

"You." came the immediate response, said girl unaffected this time by the use of her full name. "You have fallen hard Jazz, I should know I said the same thing three years ago after I kissed your brother and look what happened. Deny it all you want to me but you have to feel something, I've never seen you as happy as you are with him…and that I've noticed so you can't deny it. Something about you actually seems to glow around him and from what Danny tell me he's the only one who actually knows anything about you. You love him Jazz, plain and simple."

"I don't do romance, it's to messy now sit still I'm almost done. True he makes me happy but doesn't he make you happy to? Yet you're not in love with him so why make you think I would be? I think your just love obsessed." Sam suppressed a sigh, knowing that nothing she said would ever get through to the hard headed girl, it had taken almost three years for it to get through to her how much she loved Danny and Jazz was far more like Danny then she was like Sam: thickheaded and stubborn. Jazz also, at least to Sam, was afraid to love anyone. Danny told her about the major breakdown he had induced in the girl and how she talked about being hated, being alone, not wanting to be with anyone because they only wanted sex. It was not fear of the men that had her, it was a fear of actually falling in loved that had her. Sam could understand it, admitting your heart was in the hands of another person who could as easily step on it and look at it was hard, especially when said person was your best friend. No it wasn't easy, but well worth it and the dark girl hope Jazz figured it out before she let a good thing slip between her fingers.

"Finished! You look great Sam! Forget better the Paulina, better then any super model on the market!" Standing up, Sam hesitantly approached one of the only remaining full length mirrors and did a double take, unable to believe the person standing there was her; it had to be a trick, she could never look that good. A hand brushed the reflection confirming that it was indeed her image reflected though it was a hard thought to swallow.

Sam wore a lavender turtle length sweater with a light jean jacket over it and a pair of dark blue jeans with embroidered purple and silver flames climbing from the bottom of each pant leg to about her knee, the edges of the pants covering a pair of slightly heeled black leather zip up boots. It flattered her figure and fit her to a tee, the sweater baggy enough to hide her anorexic tendencies. The second biggest shock was her hair, pulled up into a black clip so that it fell in all sorts of directions with two clear, rhinestone studded chopstick like hair pieces immersed in the noire locks, simple and stylish at the same time. In the front of her hair a single strand of hair hung in a light curl, the black replaced with a rich purple color to match her eyes. The make up Jazz used was considerably lighter then her usually gothic blacks and grays; a dark shade of purplish blue was applied to her lid, dark purple to the crease and a very light lavender to the place just below her eyebrow with a little eyeliner under the eye, offsetting her eyes and making them look brighter and more vibrant. Her lashes curled slightly and were given a light coat of mascara making her look slightly mysterious. A light gloss was all that was applied to her lips, making them shine just a little bit, and some powder and blush offset her already flawless complexion. A little sprucing and touchup's here and there brought out the natural beauty Sam didn't even know she possessed, making it openly shine instead of being dulled and covered up.

"This is…This is amazing! Thank you!" Came the squeal as Jazz found herself wrapped up in the arms of a hyper active teenage girl, grinning ear to ear in pleasure at what the older girl had done for her. Chuckling, she returned the embrace before replying teasingly

"You owe me a makeover…" Sam's eyes widened and mischievous grin appeared on her lips, the cogs already working behind the seemingly innocent, doe like eyes. Nothing about the fake appearance fooled Jazz for a second, she knew it rarely ended well when any of the trio plotted. "Within reason, now lets get these boxes downstairs and find your boyfriend so we can watch him imitate a fish." Giggling conspiratorially, the two girls piled the boxes up and pushed them out the door and carefully down the stairs, laughing when one or the other tripped or some other amusing action that the two giddy teens could find cause to giggle at.

After stacking the boxes at the door, they went in search of Danny who they found snoozing on a vibrating recliner looking like the cat that got the cream and murmuring something unintelligible under his breath. Deciding to be a little unconventional, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his, parting his lips slightly finding a pair of arms wrapping around her as the young redhead grumbled about overactive hormones somewhere in the background. After a moment of rather enjoyable lip lock, they both pulled away breathless.

"What a way to wake….up…" Danny had finally opened his eyes and was now looking at Sam bug eyed, his jaw steadily falling into his lap. Azure eyes roamed up and down the girls' body hungrily, seemingly trying to undress her without taking a scrap of clothes on and was out of the chair in an instance, dipping the grinning girl over before engaging her in another mind-numbing kiss, so very gratefully he every right and ability to do so now. After another breathless moment they pulled away and Danny put Sam back on both feet, hands still firmly set on her waist, seemingly unable to get enough of the girl before him.

"You like?" she asked, pulling away to twirl and grin flirtatiously as her boyfriend wolf whistled, chuckling as both females tossed something at his head. It was exciting to see Danny so worked up over her appearance, glad that she could impress him even after eight years of friendship and a month of dating.

"I love, but I think I love the girl more," he said, pressing a quick peck to her lips again, causing a blush to burn in her cheeks. "You look stunning Sammy, truly angelic…you'd look beautiful anyway I think but…but you really shine now love" flushing one more in pleasure, Sam intertwined her fingers with his, her body positively humming with pleasure at his compliment. Jazz was still gagging in the background, amused and disgusted by the constant make out sessions between the two. The couple stuck their tongues out at her in a true sign of maturity and received one back.

"I would tell you both to get a room but I really don't want to end up an aunt at seventeen." Watching the two faces turn red as cherries was well worth the outraged whacks she received from the thoroughly embarrassed couple; seeing that her work was done, she moved toward the door .

"Come on lovebirds, it's time to hit to road grab a box and lets go!" Following her directions, the two grabbed some boxes and stumblingly brought them to the car, dumping them in the back before climbing in. As Jazz started the ignition, Sam leaned again Danny and closed her eyes, feeling him smile contently against her forehead before placing a tender kiss on the exposed skin and wrapping a loving arm around her waist, both unaware of the slightly envious looks they received from the girl in the driver seat. The two were happy just being wrapped up in each other, their entire world finally beginning to come together as they began their journey home and to, hopefully, a new beginning for everyone.

_(You were my strength when I was weak)  
(You were my voice when I couldn't speak)  
(You were my eyes when I couldn't see)  
You saw the best there was in me!  
(Lifted me up when I couldn't reach)  
(You gave me faith cause)you believed_

Downtown Amity, a collection of delabtaed brick and sewage clogged streets steamed with the rank odor of human sweat and the raw stench of vomited alcohol. Low lives from every walk of life inhabited the dark corners and crevices of dirty streets and dangerous corners, the fear of every policeman in the area and star of any mothers nightmare. Packing every sort of item from bullets to LSD, no crime was to low to commit, no money to dirty or item to banned for men in trench coats, doped up and watching the world pass by with narrowed, paranoid eyes to carry with them. Nothing about this place deserved to exist, none but the desperate traveled the lone streets unless in search of escape or protection. It was the bowels of mortal hell, the beginning and end of all human sin and everything from the raw rotted reek of human feces to the women lined at street corners ready and willing for their nights work, dolled up in overstated rouge and skimpy fishnets.

Trudging through the filth with a hood concealing his identity, a young African American checked the lighted dial on his worn wristwatch, tapping an impatient foot and attempting to keep away from the blinding street lights, worried about discovery in such a scum infested place. Waiting was hell, the ticking away of a second one more weight added to the paranoia and addiction mounting on Tuckers shoulders. If any were to recognize his presence in the dirties section of town there would be no helping him, no reconciling the obvious. So much could go wrong, so much could already have gone wrong.

"Hey kid, over here." Eyes snapping up, the dulled brown irises saw a shadow disappear into the pitch-black alley, trench coat concealing all identity from the always watchful public eye. Shady and reeking of booze and marijuana, the dark figure leading the young man from the safety of a single street lamp waited menacingly at the very end of the back alley. IT was one of those people you expected to murder you in your sleep with a switchblade kept just within reach, his hand twitching with obvious reaction of a drug induced buzz, body loose yet threatening in addition to the cold, beady rat like eyes glaring out you from inside a hood.

"You got the goods?" Tucker asked harshly, leaving a five-foot gap between the young males, staring each other down in mutual suspicion.

"Only if you have the cash," Pulling out two twenties, the young man tossed it down at the shady fellows feet, a maddened twitch beginning to develop through out his body. A thickly wrapped package landed in the space to the front of Tuckers feet and without another word, the dangerous man had vanished into the night having far more meetings to attend and sales to make. Carefully tucking the parcel away in his bag, the young man departed the alley planning to make it back to the Fenton's before anyone suspected the truth of his absences. Discovery was dangerous, and Tucker did not intend on letting danger come to him, not when he was so close.

So very, very close to payback.

_I'm everything I am because you loved me  
Ohhh  
I'm everything I am...  
Because you loved me_

**End A/N: Know what I found out while writing this? I can't write without having first written the beginning and end Authors note…I think it's a little OCD showing up or something :sighs: anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it lived up to all expectations. While I'm writing this I'm rather dreading trying to shuffle my way through writing this (mostly the overly emotional parts) I almost wanted to kill Sam just so I wouldn't have to do a lovey dovey scene but , whatever. I hope you liked the effort and weren't to grossed out by the kiss, I was twitching slightly as I wrote it lol :hates kissing:**

**You know, I always think 'what the heck am I going to do? I've run out of ideas' and every single time I write a chapter longer then the one before. I don't understand it. I get lazier and lazier every chapter and yet they keep getting longer, I stopped trying to write really long sections oncee I hit page thirty and 22,236 words and their still at least two pages long! And as for all the things that light did in this chapter (reflecting off ice and water vapor) yea, don't take that to a science teacher cause I don't even know if that's possible, I don't do science :shrug; So, what do you guys think of the character development? Too much or do you just not care? Tell me cause I wanna know Anyway! You know the drill, Review Review Review!**


	5. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays

**A/N sorry it took so long guys, I really did try to keep it going but it was all I could do to get through one section a night and then I got the new Harry Potter book….:sweatdrop: Ugg. Anyway, I hope no one was disappointed with my ending of last chapter, I admit I got lazy and pretty bored ( I think I'm getting sick so I'm not having much enthusiasm lol, plus I must say every thing seven or eight times so I'm getting bored) and hopefully I will interest myself when I get to write depressing stuff again (:has gotten incredibly sick of lovey dovey ness:) But I'd like to thank all of my reviewers once again for your amazing support and positive feedback. You guys( and gals) are what keep me typing even when I don't want to! So keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep writing! Read, Review, and make an author happy **

**Oh, I want (for the first time) to address a particular reviewer I received a response from. I love all reviews I get from people (It's the only thing that keeps me writing) especially when they like what I've written but this one especially touched me and I feel the need to address the person. It was written by The O.W.M.I.N and if you read what this person wrote you'll understand why I'm addressing them.**

**The O.W.M.I.N- I'm glad you got something substantial out of my story and that you could relate to the characters in that way. I know what its like to be that way too and I'm very glad it opened your eyes, no one deserves to feel that way no matter the circumstances and I'm humbled that my story made a difference to you. Thanks for telling me so, it's the best gift an Author can get, the knowledge that their writing made a difference.**

**My other loyal reviewers and readers- There are so many of you and I wish I had the time (and the words) to thank each of you personally, you keep me writing and boost my spirit when I'm having a rough patch in my writing. Know that your encouragement is extremely welcomed and more appreciated then you can ever imagine, whenever I think of giving up on this story I think about how alot of you look forward to reading and that keeps me trudging on, even if I have to stumble along the way. Thank you so much.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom(nickelodeon) or the song "Merry Christmas Happy Holidays"(N'Sync) or the quote on success by Ralph Waldo Emerson (or Betsy Stanley depending on who you believe said it first)**

_Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
We've been waiting all year for this night  
And the snow is glistening on the trees outside  
And all the stockings are hung by the fireside  
Waiting for Santa to arrive  
_

Family should never be broken apart, it is a child's first world until the tender age they must break the foaming surface of society; Family gives a youngster the strength and knowledge to be a family to a friend, to accept the return love without fear. Every parent tries to push their child to the highest point, give the love and support every young man and woman needs no matter how embarrassed they are to admit such a thing. It is a parents' job, a families' job, to catch them when they fall, to share the tears of disappointment and thrill of victory, to be a shoulder to cry on and person to lean on with a decision goes awry, when there is nowhere else to turn. Why, then, did it seem the only true family unit seemed to be an unruly group of teenagers, huddled together against the world? Where were the adults to guide and aide them?

Baubles and tinsel, mistletoe and holly, pieces of a tradition far forgotten and a meaning losing every bit of importance as the years went by. Holding an old, worn fabric heart in her hands, the edges frayed from years of wear and the edges glued to keep aligned, a weary auburn haired woman contemplated how easily things in life broke. IT began so easy, love, life, family, like the beginnings of the old ornament it too sparkles in the beginning with dreams as the glue and hope the soft covering. Everything feels good when you start out, when your lover is still tender and children still small, when the dangers are nothing more then an open electrical socket or tiny toy. Family, Love, Dreams were all you needed…

'So what happened?' Maddie thought, laying the ornament gently in the tissue paper protecting it, the memories surrounding the simplistic decoration faded and sketchy after so many years. Like so many things, her memory began to weaken and the clarity of youth, the dreamer that once entered reality with so much promise, finally became forced to succumb to the harshness of existence. Now, the one sure thing in life began to crumble and all but the adults seemed to be able to except it.

Adults always told children to act their age, to grow up because one day they will have to so why bother pretending? Why waste time playing when you could learn and someday be successful? Perhaps it was the children that needed to teach to the adults life's' little lessons, somewhere along the paths that stretch beyond sight age killed in a person the morals and values once so important. No matter the circumstances, a young child never forgot family nor the love they carried for a mother or father; despite hatred, despite pain, even if striking down that young mind with harsh words and physical abuse, that little hand still stays to help you up, to offer a hug and support you. Could the same be said for adults? They fought and screamed, beat and kicked and for what? The desire to always be right, to prove something inconsequential to a person so set in their ways they cannot see the chance to change? Why did it seem that the older one became, the less family and love meant, replaced by the importance to obtain money and power? Already the greed had begun, the heart wrenching realization almost taking someone dear to everyone, the remaining surrounding her so caught up in a world of coming out on top that no one noticed until it came to close.

Jack did love her, he proved that everyday but as a family, as a unit, it seemed she and the children came second in his heart, the need for respect of more importance then their health or happiness. Already their daughter faded, stricken down by their neglect towards her, and the most disgusting fact of it was Maddie knew it was to late to change matters between them. Their children were nearly grown, far beyond the knowledge and guidance of their parents, what little respect once gained in their eyes whittled down to a burnt stump. Neither Jack nor Maddie deserved the love or respect of young adults they had long since ceased to recognize. It boggled her mind to see them step forward, even in a situation that dragged them to the depths of hell, to help one another always leaning and being leaned upon without complaint. Even Danny, the ever-irresponsible one, had finally reached manhood without his mother ever noticing. No matter the state of affairs between them, during the fights and arguments, during the pain and neglect, they could stick by each other and love each other; Children could understand the meaning of family better then their forbearers.

Families were supposed to stick together, to be there for each other but Maddie knew the truth they'd tried so hard not to realize all this time. The parents of the four wonderful teenagers had long since ceased to be part of their family, merely irritating nuisances they put up with and as much pain as it caused the aging mother something in it gladdened her.

They would be a family and maybe not make the same mistakes she did; they would stick together and she hoped it would be enough to undo what damage their real 'families' had done.

_And all the love will show  
'Coz everybody knows  
It's Christmas time  
_

A black Christmas, once no such thing could be possible, darkness unable to break through the millions of brightly colored twinkle lights reflected off ten thousand gleaming ornaments and shimmering silver garland all wrapped around a pine tree that once seemed so high, topped with the brightest star ever to fall from the sky. Now it seemed darker, far more unfriendly as each day grew closer to the joyous occasion, the entire year seeming to be a great waste of precious time; there was no Joyous Noel, no Santa Claus, no love and family, dressing up a house to pretend to believe in magic was just that. Pretending. What use was it?

For the first time since the beginning, Samantha Manson dreaded December 25 and all the days before it, full of pretentious idiots clambering over each other for the newest gadget, the latest gizmo that preformed worse then the model previous in the series and idiocy and commercialism surround what used to represent family. Once, the holidays represented laughter and joy, the chance visit from caring parents to deliver gifts and send love to their only child left so far away. Like a fairy tale, once upon a time always finished with the end, and with her loss of innocence 'The End' Came sooner then she wished, magic nothing more then a fairy tale told to small, moldable minds in hope of deterring them from the same destructive path those before them took. None succeeded and with every passing year the age of magic grew younger and younger, leading to the point where imagination and belief faded into a distant memory. Did the future lead them to a world where to believe in the impossible was to be primitive and pathetic? What did Christmas mean before commercial Santa's selling beer and Frosty the snowman on crack overcame the once creative feel of the season, the excitement that kept young eyes peering through windows in search of a tiny sleigh, listening for the welcome sound of sleigh bells and reindeer hooves. Christmas became a joke many years ago, like Valentines Day and Independence Day, something with a beautiful meaning behind it converted into sales and marketing venues.

Air swirled snow into the air, reflecting an almost mystical aura about the season that no mortal could ever capture, the bitter cold nipping painful at exposed skin and cleansing the lungs with each deep breath. Sam shuffled through the snow, bundled up carefully in every lick of winter garb that could be dug up from the many boxes yet to be unpacked and sitting at the door to her closet. Going through memories of years past was the last thing the young woman wanted to do. Danny and his family hesitantly went for a tree and, at her request, leaving behind the less then chipper girl who instead of glaring at the faded cardboard boxes cluttering the family room, decided to ease her mind and take a walk. Walk always seemed to clear her thoughts when the light growing deep within began to find itself stifled by a darkness that, despite all protests and resistance, dug its claws into her heart and pierced through the good, poisoning it with slow, acidic gloom that slowly ate away the living flesh and reducing it to cold marble slabs. Nothing seemed to touch her anymore, and in his concern for her Danny seemed to be trying to back off the relationship and the one thing keeping her going. How did you explain to an overcautious boy that you wanted more?

Being with the Fentons' was wonderful, Sam couldn't deny that; it was like being a part of their family when they included her in their love and fun, things she had, as a child, missed out on with such rich, money hungry parents. Yet, it felt like intrusion every time a place was made, or plan withheld in respect for her, the guest; such treatment only serve to remind her that she was an outcast and would never really belong in that family no matter what she tricked herself into believing. It was the only feelings Sam and Tucker had ever shared.

Both coming from similarly neglective parents, the two friends new well how intrusive they were into other families, having no real family situation to call upon yet understanding the importance of having one. When you lacked something, getting a taste of it even secondhand proved its importance. Every year Tucker sat at the fireplace, conveniently placing himself from the joy and love, looking like an abandoned puppy who wanted nothing more then to belong in a place that could never have him stay, yet never whining or expressing any physical semblance to longing; sometimes the girl wondered what broke him to bring the young man to lack such hope. Now and then the feeling grew on the young Goth who joined him, wishing with a deep longing that she had a family like Danny's, wanting nothing more then the love of a mother and father, wanting for just one day to feel what it felt like to be worth more then a business, or a house. The Fenton's always had love to give to wandering strays like Sam and Tucker but no matter how much they gave, it would never be the same.

Sam's parents hadn't even come to make sure she was alright, didn't even call, all she received was a 'Get Well Soon Card' with a printed message and copywrited signature. Two week before Christmas and neither bothered to even make sure their daughter was still alive, no word, no gift, no contact. It was a dark reminder of the backing behind the decision that nearly killed her, the knowledge that those who should never stop loving her despite all screw ups, despite their business and her flaws, didn't love her. No matter how different she became, no matter to what degree she acted out, Sam would never be noticed in their lives and it hurt, it felt like a hand twisting deep in her gut. No child should ever be neglected by their parents, especially not at Christmas.

Could she help the tears coursing down her cheeks? The fresh blood drying on her arm? Would anybody be able to blame and lonely young woman who, for all the growing up she done, was nothing more then a scared little girl searching for love in a cold world. Sometimes, in the darkness of a room when shadows danced on the walls across from the window, they played out the stories tormenting the horror stricken audience, telling tales of betrayal, abandonment, despair. When the lights went out each shadow took its final bow, but walking in the wake of a thousand cheerful twinkle lights made her sick. She could never get rid of the darkness attached to her, brought out by the light, a shadow no person could escape as it stalked, silently awaiting the kill.

Sharp, frozen gale slapped her cheeks until they were red, turning the once warm tears to crystal ice as the young woman tore through the snow, not caring that her skin paled and lips began to frost over with a blue tinge, not caring she was lost in the dark without a soul in the world knowing where to find her. The young woman wanted escape from it all, from the happiness surrounding her that could never quite pierce the stone heart weighing down more and more on her chest, from the love that she feared, and from the families and warm faces, she wanted to be hers. Snow began to fall, forming tiny dancers in the sky as they pirouetted to earth like tears of a frozen soul, beautiful, graceful, and mournful, they powdered her hair already wet with an hours worth of the skies tears, turning it grayish and haunting. Her feet fell against frozen stone, her legs straining to pushed faster, work harder, her heart beat heavier and faster as painful memories, horrible realizations, nipped dangerously at her heels. Sam couldn't stop, she was afraid to stop.

Energy suddenly faded like the flame of a candle and the young woman found a tree to collapse under, body huddled together for warmth as the suddenly calming night froze over with her feeling as though she had been encased in a coffin of solid ice. Warm and wet, tears drained her of all remaining energy, her sobs shaking her body of every hope and strength she had mustered; it was cold everywhere, it sunk into her skin and ran through her blood turning everything to solid ice. Then the realization hit, hard, quieting her sobs and containing her tears sharply, backing over rush of depression behind a rickety dam; Sam was totally alone here. No one was missing her, no one would and hiding the pain would be easy if only she could return fast enough; it was stupid to hurt when there was so much waiting to be enjoyed, no matter how little she felt like getting up. Even though the pain slowly ate away at her like battery acid, the young woman stood shakily on her feet, another tear sliding down her face as, and began the long trek in the general direction of the Fenton Household.

Danny would never have to know about the darkness, and then maybe she would never have to lose Danny like she lost everyone else.

_And all the kids will see  
The gifts under the tree  
It's the best time of year for the family  
_

"It's Christmas, La de fucking da." Glaring at the smiling faces serenading the festively decorated families, some coming to join the jolly choir while other smiled in enjoyment at the display, arms wrapped protectively around lovers and children, a young man hid behind the torn brown curtains to observe the wretched dregs of human society gather in celebration of the worthless creation of a savior who forgot to die for those who actually needed him. Some of the smiling faces dared glance at the dreary, dilapidated house where no lights ever glowed and no tree ever glistened with papered presents beneath its bows. They feared difference in such a festive majority, joyous families wallowing in their Yule time perfection staring up at the haunted face of a misery and hidden agony they could never hope to understand.

Finally sickened to a physical point, Tucker pulled away and heaved what little dinner he had ingested into the already full bucket on the squeaky wooden floor; Bile stung the back of his throat as it tore up his esophagus, his body shuddering with violent aftershocks as it finally wore off. So far vomiting seemed to be the only side effect and if that could be controlled nothing could stop the inevitable. Besides, even if it never stopped the momentary discomfort was well worth the result, already his body began to grow and muscles began to strengthen to beyond what they were previously able to reach. In less then a month the young African American rivaled the physical capabilities of lead Jocks, including the pretentious Dash Baxter.

Hatred flared in him, a violent need to dig his fingernails into the boys tender throat until his skin blued and bash his skull into the pavement just to see if any brain oozed out. The bastard deserved it after every spirit he had broken and every person he had used, he deserved to have his testicles ripped off and fed to him as added shame, and the young man found the drive within him to do it. Violent fury coursed through his veins like molten fire, turning everything to burning stone searching for a way to escape, looking for blood to spill and pain to inflict on the deserving; Tucker Foley was fucking sick of being the butt of every joke, the punching bag to a bunch of over machoistic baboons. Even his friends took advantage of their friends good nature, stripping him of all credibility and trust at the first slip up before coming on hands on knees for a favor that in the end put him at odds. No matter the situation, no matter the people, it was always him that drew the short straw, carried the blame of a bad situation, and became the vent for everyone's' anger and frustration and Tucker was fucking sick of it.

Being a sidekick, being a nobody was the worst way to go through life, it was what got you forgotten in the end when your best friend stood in the limelight and you received the boot to the dumpster. If you hurt versus the pain of a heroine or hero, their fates worried the world more then that of the one working the magic behind scenes; while they suffered the blows, no one offered a hand up, to busy showering the golden ones with favors and acknowledgment. Society ignored the underdog, trying instead to crush them one by one into the pavement, wanting only perfect children and flawless adults to step forward and shine. Perfection, Grace, Beauty, the world expected it and to get by in it, to be a hero, sometimes you did whatever it takes to do it. Desperation had it's claws in the young man who found it a faithful companion these days.

Desperation brought him this far, growing physically to the point he finally fought back and one, leaving the leader of every nightmare in a bloody heap in his bed, not dead though Tucker wished he had the stomach for it. No one deserved in then the bastard who dared call himself a father, sooner or later he would be joined by his whore who would receive a violent goodbye present, hopefully making the boy's statement perfectly clear. No one dared try to move in and make a stay at his house except the two excuses for lards that unfortunately conceived him, though how was something Tucker often wondered as they could barley touch each other in violence let alone love or even lust. The boy's birth was a mystery and a mistake he was certainly going to make them regret. Soon it would be time to make the dickheads at school pay by beating them at their own game; why fight back brutality with more when you can burn them? Already every girl on campus buzzed around like flies to a piece of beef, wanting him and making that painful obvious with every turn of phrase and sway of their luscious hips. No girl could refuse him and that was exactly the reaction Tucker hoped for.

Jocks were nothing without legions of loyal fans and swooning girls trailing like lost puppies, trying to just touch the hem of a fraying sleeve in some sick desire to magically become their ill thought out idols. Take away that dedication and you broke the chain, destroyed the hierarchy and that would taste so sweet, seeing the jocks as outcasts for once would be a beautiful thing. Granted it would mean using a few of the loyal fan's, breaking in a few girls, but nothing could take away the satisfaction of destroying that which he hated most in the world, over cocky, pigheaded, sports playing bastards who thought with an entirely different head and didn't deserve the respect of a drug dealer let alone the principal and entire student body.

Checking the time on the ten years old alarm clock gathering dust on a broken dresser, Tucker sighed and got up off the bed to search for something semi festive to put on before someone came to fetch him. With two weeks remaining until the dreaded day, it meant ultra speedy decorating at the Fenton house and that meant recruiting as many possible to hang stocking, wrap lights, and string popcorn in the night or so they had to do it. Christmas was, for some unknown reason, a huge event for Danny and his family and despite his own reservations toward the festivities, there was really nothing he would not do for the boy and more importantly for his sister.

Jazz. The name left an irritating gnawing of guilt in his bowels, the knowledge that leaving her to suffer alone caused another violent attack on her body; what he was doing would kill her, and despite his dangerous intentions, hurting her was the last thing he wished to do. No matter what it took, the young redhead would never find out what was really going on even if it took threats and fists to do it, he cared about her to much to cause her any pain. Even if Jazz would never care about him the way he did her.

It began with a need to impress her, wanting her to see him as the man her was and not the boy that disappeared at the beginning of high school; a change in clothes, a change in attitude, and a change in look seemed to have been in vain. Jazz didn't notice any of it, to wrapped up in school and school activities to even search the boy out; at first it hurt to know there would never be anything more then friendship but it escalated to a purpose. If there was no chance of having the jewel then anyone who tried to break it would be broken and many people had previously broken the beautiful ruby, and they would go down one by one. Starting with the king of them all, Dash.

Donning a red sweater and faded blue jeans, Tucker carefully shut his door and the curtains to his window, making sure no soul stirred and that nothing happening within the room would be discovered. Secrecy was of utmost importance. After a moment of intense listening, the boy pulled open the top drawer of the cracking dresser, heart beginning to pound at the prospect of another moment of forbidden fruit, another taste of power and strength. Taking off the pile of underwear and putting it on the inclining wood surface, the young man withdrew a black bag, plain and inconspicuous, hidden in the very back paneling of his drawer. Taking a deep breath and wiping beads of perspiration from his forehead, a trembling hand silently unzipped the bag, reached in, and pulled out a large hypodermic needle and a tiny vial of transparent, yellow tinted liquid. It was itself light but felt like pure lead in his hands, the needle cold and unfeeling as it always seemed to him; it wouldn't hurt him, it couldn't. It wasn't like cocaine or marijuana, or even like heroine, he could stop any time he liked without negative side effects of drugs yet receive the good results in record time. Preparing the needle with rubbing alcohol and the yellow liquid, the flint like brown eyes focused dangerously on the point of the needle, a small bead of liquid pushing just out of the miniscule hole.

"This is for Jazz" he murmured, trying to convince his screaming conscious that nothing could be feared from this, no person would be harmed because no one would know enough to interfere. "This is for Danny, and for Sam, and for me…." Gritting his teeth, the youth jabbed the needle into a meaty, fleshy arm and slowly pushed the top down, injecting the cold fluid into living tissue and trying to put the gnaw of dread and remorse out of mind. In the end things would work out and the pain would be well worth the result, it always turned out that way for the hero's and soon that would be what he was, a hero.

"Tucker? You home? I tried ringing the doorbell but I don't think it's working. Tucker?" Cursing at the young woman's horrible timing, he ripped the needle from his tender flesh with a muffled shout of pain, stuffing the evidence quickly in the bag and kicking it under a nearby end table out of sight, timing just right as a curious face peaked in, aquamarine eyes rather dull but brightening slightly at the sight of him. Giving a charming smile while covertly tugging down the sweaters sleeve to conceal the last remaining evidence, the young African American stood and Bowed, earning an amused eye rolling from the beautiful girl.

"Ah! I see the carriage has arrived, might I escort the lovely lady to her chariot?" It brought a rush of pride to see the girls cheeks redden because, even if the sarcastic snort said otherwise, Jazz found some pleasure in the comment and that was enough to ease the pain of his arm. Holding out the undamaged appendage, he hooked arms with the young woman and did as he said he would, escorted her to the car and away from the crumbling wreckage that was his home life, not noticing the concerned looks a pair of gentle eyes cast at the carnage of broken vases and slight reminiscence of blood all over. Later it would do to question the state of house but for now, she stayed quiet, wanting to keep things happy between them even if it was all an act.

"Question, why is you brother in the driver seat?" Tucker asked, a bubble of apprehension indicating the foreboding feeling of approaching disaster. The slightly green pallor on the girls complexion didn't help matters at all, causing the dread to grow; Danny could kick ghost ass, play Romeo to a very twisted Juliet, and manage to do it all while keeping up a 3.2 GPA but one thing the boy could not do was drive a car. Tucker was in Driver Education with him and he knew the consequences of putting the ghost boy behind a wheel could be lethal.

"Did I mention that Mom is letting Danny drive?" Letting out a nervous laugh, Tucker attempted to back up only to be dragged and thrown face first into the old Buick, landing in a heap right behind the driver. "You wanted a ride, your getting a ride whether you like it or not"

"Is it to late to walk?

_It's a wonderful feeling  
Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling  
It's that time of year  
Christmas time is here  
And with the blessings from above  
God sends you his love  
And everything's ok  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
_

When the sun rose, it made one forget for a short time the terrors from a darkness surrounding every aspect of life, a shadow as natural as air and water that became part of every living thing at one point, growing as they did, sometimes as a friendly reminder but more often as a deadly fear, a terrifying knowledge. Shadows reminded a person of times that could never be taken back, shed tainted light on painful scars, still tender and raw though years healed the original sting. Impossibility, no other word described ones ability to fully forget a life of darkness no matter how tempting the light, how beautiful the colors, how warm the sun; better the devil you know, the phrase went, and to a person recovering from a wound striking far deeper then flesh changing took a terrible risk. Being what they already were caused the pain, but such pain could be handled when it had been consistent and lasting, change and it require understanding a whole knew type of agony, it meant facing a new level of hell and a new part of themselves. You could not ever change a person, you could encourage it, help them along, but in the end, the choice to alter a lifestyle is theirs, no one else's.

Watching the girl curled up on the hard floor, cradling what appeared to be a broken vase in partially shredded arms, all the young man watching saw was the broken porcelain. Something about the symbolism fit in to the glass tears and porcelain heart, both beautiful and cracking no matter the patching each friend tried. It did not seem to matter how much love they use to glue together the shattering pieces, the darkness put to much pressure on the fragile dreams and hopes. Standing in the doorway of the young girls room, the knowledge all to fresh in his mind that it seemed wrong to play the part of a hero when he was merely the sidekick, Tucker carefully stepped in noticing the tensing of the girls back muscles at the squeak of a loose floor board, the thud of his shoes against pliable wood, the age of the house complaining beneath the weight.

Houses and homes, there was always such a difference between them and yet the dictionary gave little variation in their definitions. Perhaps it lay in the sounds within, or the simple appearance of the words to a mortal eye, but it seemed that the choice of what to call your world lied within a person and the soul they gave the assembly of bricks and wood, of plaster and paint. All places were houses, the love and care put into it made it a home; it, in a way, grew similarly with building a person. Anyone could exist, as any house could stand. Structure, glue, nails, bones, screws, muscles, paint, skin, plaster, limbs, built a house and a person, the same for nearly everything, little difference coming from a structure repeated throughout history and civilization. Yet to make a truly a living soul, to make a home you needed to build with more then lumber and bones, you built something truly deep, gave something soul by painting walls with more then paint, sometimes you dented them or drew a line with little numbers to mark height, or you left a little stain in the carpet from where you took your first steps, splattering finger-paint as you went. Giving things soul meant building memories into the very walls, love into the floorboards, and dreams into every thing touched. For the two people standing in the small, plain, beige room it was a home and a house at the same time, a place with memories and no rights for them to claim, a home in every aspect yet still only a house they could not say was theirs. So much happened to the two teens inside these very walls, the loves of their lives lived within them, they spent more time here then in their houses.

The vase held no emotional importance, Tucker was sure, to the girl cradling it like a dying child as he recognized it as the one usually sitting on the Fenton's fireplace when lilies and daffodils began blooming in the front gardens. Nothing about it seemed special save for two who held on tight to another families traditions, having none of their own. This house, this home, and everything within it was taken for granted by its owners who never needed to live without, they would not shed tears over a busted vase, even if it was a fragile thing made in fifth grade art. Neither of their parents would ever keep something so trivial, especially as a Christmas present as it had been eight years prior from Danny to his parents; something like it would be laughed at or hidden at the farthest corner of a drawer to collect the dust.

Wrapping a tender arm around the trembling young woman, Tucker pulled his friend to lean heavily on his body not minding the weight in the slightest. The two never really got along, both opposites in every aspect of the term yet still friends in the face of adversity and triumphing over all obstacles whether they wanted to or not. It was one similarity that subconsciously drew them to each other, feeding off a shared loneliness and abandonment neither knew how to share or feel and trying to understand it through another. Sighing, a shudder passed through the dark girl and the tinkle of breaking porcelain echoed in the quiet room as each piece fell broken to the floor, tears falling to their deaths in mourning of its sad end and a mournful desire to have it renewed. Seeing some blood on the tips, globby and gooey, he pushed each piece away with a single swipe of his foot, a heavy boot pushing them from sight where all of this pain really belonged. Sometimes, knowing the reasons behind her darkness made being the best friend all that more difficult, it meant facing a side of himself kept under careful watch, locked and barred from his heart, his thoughts. Yet, as always, no one else could do this job but him because no one else, not even Danny, would really understand; the closest second would be Jazz and even she could not fully understand the feelings.

"I hate Christmas," came the soft whisper, but it could have been a screech in his ear and not given the young African American more of a startle. Of everything to come from the girl's mouth, that was the most surprising especially when no one in the world seemed to enjoy the holidays as much as she. Every year it was Sam who was most anxious to hang the baubles and lights, string the popcorn, and the most reluctant to remove it all after New Years Day passed. It felt like worms crawling just under the surface of his flesh, wriggling and writhing, the feeling of dread that this conversation would go in a direction he would not be able to go. Each had their own Demons, skeletons hiding menacingly in shadowed closets. Between them, there stood a silent pact never to ask, to leave the past where it was and let the other deal as they saw fit yet the girl came close to crossing a line he set for himself. Having nothing non-incriminating to say, Tucker stayed silent and awaited the flood.

"What's the point of it Tucker? It's all pretend, pretending to have something we don't have, a chance for families to make up wasted time even if the rest of the year they don't give a damn if you live or die. The only families with a really Christmas exist in a TV world, but we're not a damn show. It's not fair" Tears began to spill and tenderly a hand reached up to wipe them away, arms slowly rocking the shuddering body to keep calm the pain obviously tearing holes through very thin flesh. It hit hard, knowing she was right. "We've never had that, Danny's family has always been nice and let us stay but I don't want to be a stray I want my own family, I want to be wanted by my own parents. I'm tired of this year after year; what if they get sick of us too? I'm free loading food and board because I'm to fucking proud to get real help so I cling like a leech to this familiarity but how real is it? Its not as though we're Fentons…we don't belong, how can you deal with that year after year Tucker? I can't handle it anymore I can't, I hate this fucking holiday, I hate my fucked up family, and I hate…I hate…" The words apparently could not come out but judging by the pained look and guilt twinge staining the otherwise clear lavender eyes, it wasn't really a secret what she hated most. Sighing softly, Tucker gently stroked her hair and closed his eyes, drawing on her natural strength to make up for what he lacked.

"We pretend to get by day to Day Sammy, we pretend so that Danny and Jazz can be happy even if we are not. What choice do we have but to deal? Your right we don't belong but…but they want us to, our friends, your boyfriend, wants us to even if…even if that will never be possible for me I try, I jump into things I don't want to do and act as though I feel right at home. Someday perhaps this will be a home to you, if you ever marry him- and you can't tell my the thought never crossed your mind- you won't have to worry about belonging, you still don't really." Pausing, he ran a hand over the bloody arms, some scratches accidental and other all to purposeful, the straight red lines bright as neon signs, aching with so much more the physical agony. A twinge in his arm served as a remind of a pain all his own, one they could never know, a purpose that kept his soul from dying like hers had.

"What's this really about Sammy? He loves you and you know it-don't you?" watching her eyes fall to the ground the realization struck sharply; was it really so hard to see the looks he gave her every time she passed? How he seemed to glow whenever she entered the room, or the never ending smile stretched from ear to ear. "Sam…Samantha Manson look at me," the boy continued sharply, watching a pair of sad, heavy eyes gaze a place in the vicinity of his left ear. Eyes softening, the young man could almost feel the insecurity radiating off her body, the fearful shudders running from neck to feet in the girl.

"He says he loves me" she whispered, eyes watering and overflowing with fresh tears, almost looking grayish as they fell, tainted with the slightest hint of malcontent and fear. "Danny would do anything for me, walk through hell if it took that and I….I don't deserve it, I never deserved it; someone like him deserves beauty, brains, perfection and most of all someone that can make him truly happy. What happiness will he ever get from a pathetic, worthless whore like me…I mean look at me, I attempted to kill myself for fucking attention, just for a damned look from him. What person except a whore throws themselves at someone like that? I'd have given him anything, anything to just kiss me, to look at me even damnit even my own virginity. How long will this last? How long until Danny realizes that he's worth so much more then me and kicks me out of his life? How long until my clinging drives him insane? He deserves so much better then a desperate whore with no more worth then what's between her legs-"

"Stop it Sam! Now you listen to me and you listen good," Tucker said in a dangerously low voice, eyes narrowed to angry slits and fingernails digging painfully into her tender flesh as the shuddering body was shaken to silence her. No one, especially not one of his friends, would talk like that about themselves. It was like listening to Jazz, hearing the echoing pain of insecurity and desperate need to be shown love, feeling the guilt that came with that desperation. Neglect, it seemed, and a way with doing such things to people. It took all self control to bar the blood boiling fury lighting flames in his eyes; the temperature shot up twenty degrees, an irritating itch crawling all through out his skin as the irritation in him rose.

"Danny loves you, any fool with eyes can see that. Do you know he never once left your side at the hospital, not until his ghost sense went haywire and I made him leave to keep you safe. It damn near killed him when your heart stopped, watching it was heart shattering, the boy cradled you like a breaking doll looking as though he was trying not to break himself. He hated what you did because seeing you in pain hurts him, knowing that it was from lack of attention was salt in the wound because Danny never doubted it should have been him giving you that attention. He loves you, loves you with everything he is" Tucker grabbed her face with his hands, holding it facing him so she could not tune out the words aimed to cut straight through the wound, painfully flushing out the infection beginning to fester. Ignoring this, pushing it away broke everyone's hearts and with everything suspended on such a thin thread, the young man was far from willing to risk it all again. Sam still was his sister and one of the people nearest and dearest to his heart, the person closer then even Danny in mind and heart; she knew more about him then anyone except Jazz and still remained the only person with any real knowledge of his home life, a secret the dark girl swore to carry to grave or for however long she was asked to carry it. Not a trusting person, it took a lot for Tucker to trust a person enough to let them know how much pain he really was in and although she knew little details, the girl did know about the abuse and a little into the emotional tangle that was Tucker Foley. It was the skeletons they shared that kept them close all through the years.

"When you walk into the room it's like someone turned on a light in him he glows, when you brush his hand he lights up like a candle and he hasn't stopped smiling since your little make out session at the hospital. IF he ever heard you call yourself a whore…I ought to slap you for even suggesting that! How could you think yourself that low? No doubt you would do anything for him, and I don't doubt one day I'll probably be getting all the gory details of your…deflowering to put it bluntly no matter how much I won't want it and even now I know there will be nothing desperate or whoreish about it. You two have always loved each other, its deeper and stronger then anything any of us will, or ever could understand. Even if you both did something…unsavory in this very room, this very night, no one would ever think you are a whore. You love him don't you?" Seeing the small, shy nod, the boy smile and stroked her hair, smiling gently at the girls uncomfortable feelings about discussing her sex life. No wonder Jazz had so much fun doing this to them.

"Then you deserve him and what more you have no right to decide what he does or does not deserve, it is Danny's choice and I know for a fact he would choose you over any other girl in the world." Cupping her hands in his, warming them and sending a sign of strength and support unable to be conveyed through spoken word, Tucker touched on a tender subject for both of them. "I know what your parents think Sam, what they would say in knowing what you and Danny have, they would call you a whore or a slut, but they don't know you and Danny like I do. They can't and I doubt they ever would; do not try to hide behind your mask I know your past remember? And you know mine. You are good at pretending it does not bother you but it does doesn't it? The worthlessness…the disgust, the disappointment…you felt it from us and it finally snapped you, don't think I did not figure that out." Squeezing her hands, he spoke fiercely and gently, showing her that it was him and not her parents talking, that something who cared, who knew her better then anyone in the world spoke, not people who pretended to care and made judgment based on things they never would understand.

"they don't know you Sam, and they don't know Danny. No matter what anyone else thinks or says, its only you two who matter in the equation and everything else is just water off your back; you love him and he loves you, what you did to get him was desperate yes, I'll admit it, but you we're hurting. IT doesn't make you worthless or a whore and it doesn't make you deserve him any less then you ever did; let him love you, let him help you I know he can. This pain might never go away, you might need him your whole life and I can guarantee that he will be their to make it stop hurting every single time if only you'll let him in." Pressing a gentle, brotherly kiss to her forehead, Tucker pulled the girls' once again shuddering body to him, tears running into the silky black strands just beneath his nose. Misery loved company and they shared so much of it, pasts so similar and painful that trying to navigate the other hurts meant facing their own demons, it broke his steady resolve, crumbling the walls that usually stayed so strong in the face of a hard past and terrible memories.

"Let it come Sam, don't fight it and I promise it will get better in the end. Love works in mysterious ways if you only give him the right to prove it to you." They stayed in the same position for some time, drawing on the misery of the other to change it into comfort. It always came down to the hero, at least in stories, to save the distressed damsel but in their story, as always, it came to the best friend, the sidekick, who desired nothing in that moment then to pass the burning coal of responsibility to someone far more suited. Since the incident rolls spun in thousands of directions, the best and worst in everyone pouring out when pressure bore down on spirits, cracking souls and breaking hearts. Pain hidden away in the beautiful world of denial they all lived in, came oozing out like the infection of a pimple left to fester for weeks, puss that spread and yellowed as it was denied air and the right to be healed. Suddenly Tucker was the strongest, the hero in a crumbling world where the hero's of the past were falling and the losers had to take their places; a month ago he had stood in the doorframe of this very same girls hospital room, dreading the coming conversation, without a word to say or idea to go on. So much changed since then, he changed.

Life now revolved around more then a lighted screen, an emotionless keyboard with worn plastic moving to his whim, yielding to his own desires without a complaint or care to how hard they were pushed or how often. The people once complete strangers to him suddenly showed an entirely new world, giving a completely new perspective to a sad, monotonous world he had been to scared to leave. Sam did manage to teach him one thing in her pain, life would never come to him, to get it he needed to step out from behind his fears and take it by storm; three months ago she pushed him on the right path, the path he traveled in trepidation of the out come. Tightening the tender hold, Tucker continued to speak softly, knowing now there was no reason to fear speaking to this girl, the one person he could always trust to be completely honest with him. Once, speaking to this girl terrified him, the thought of breaking her and everyone else in the process scary, the cold sweats he had broken into only memories in the past. Sam was his best friend, nothing she did ever changed that.

"Sam, I told you once that all the world could ask of you was to live. I never, though, thanked you for teaching me that I had to live" a confused look passed over the strong face, her eyes watching the boy with many questions written all over her face. Smiling almost amused, Tucker looked up at the ceiling with heavy, contemplative brown orbs. "What you did forced me to grow up, to be the person living inside me to scared to come out from behind the screens I grew up with. My parents beat me down and watching what that did to you, seeing that you needed someone to be strong, needed me to be stronger that I ever needed to be before, seeing that Jazz needed strength, and that Danny needed strength…you gave me the choice to be weak or to grow up and prove I'm every bit as responsible as any of you. I…I have to thank you for that."

"I'm not sure I understand Tucker, what do you mean?" She whispered to him, this time being the one to earn the confusion of the young man, cross legged on the hard wood floor with a bemused smile on his face. A cold sweat broke out like black heads all over his face, the temperature shooting up a good ten degrees in the suddenly stifling room; this was crossing another privacy line. True he did love her, the reason that all these changes occurred was in an attempt to help Sam firstly, and to impress and aid Jazz. Watching the angel fall, knowing there was no soul prepared to catch the beauty who could fall to her death with the loss of wings, was painful and it had been seeing her break, feeling the tender way in which she touched his cheek, eventually the way she fit against his body as he held her…the awakening of feeling inside of him lying dormant for many years caused him to fall and fall hard for the Fire, dangerous and tempting, yet more precious then any jewel.

"You're a girl Sam with a lot on your plate I know but…but If I asked you something would you, as my best friend and the one who knows me and my past best, answer completely honestly even if it will hurt?"

"I…suppose" came the hesitant answer as Tucker stood and twisted his hands together, pacing a bit and checking to make sure the intruder into his thoughts was not intruding upon the conversation. Their friendship, fragile and beautiful, was something the boy was in no way willing to risk; if she loved another other then him and he poured his full heart onto the floor before her, it would destroy his carefully guarded friendship irreplaceably.

"I…I think I'm falling for someone –no, no I am in love with someone. I in no way am good enough for her, she is older, smarter, far more diligent then I could hope to be but…but I love her, there I said it. I love everything about her from the way she laughed, the sound more beautiful then birds, to every tear she has ever cried. I want nothing more then to make her smile, to watch those beautiful eyes light up with a sparkle of joy, the fire she is so full of. When I see her I...I feel like I'm flying, it is difficult to not spill it out and kiss away those fears and agonizing tears, to kill the pain with love. No one else in the whole world made me feel like I belonged anywhere as much as she does, when I'm with her I feel like the person she can come to, like showing her honest love and open support is what I was meant to do. Catching a falling angel before she hits the ground, teaching her to fly…but like a mortal to a goddess, I am not worthy of her…but I am biased I suppose, as you well know so I'm asking you. Do you think I have a chance with a girl like her?"

"Tucker…who is it?…" Shifting as though wanting to melt into the floor from embarrassment, a mumbled response tickled the entrance to her ear but was beyond her understanding "I'm sorry I couldn't quite hear that."

"Jazz okay?" A thoughtful look passed the girls face as though trying to piece together a puzzle with missing links; as it seemed to come together in her mind, Sam's eyes widened in almost grim horror as lavender orbs scanned dup and down the now muscular body. Sam stood to her feet, feeling the boy's presence beginning to move away from her in the shadowy room.

"My god…the missing piece of the puzzle….Damn it Tucker, that's why your doing this, to impress her. Jazz cares about you already, she just doesn't know how much yet and…and becoming a jock isn't going to make her love you! What were you thinking?"

"That is not your business Sam," An anger-hardened voice echoed as the boy glared at her from near the door. "You can't possibly understand why-" The girl felt a rush of fury, the fire she was known to possess from time to time flaring up and in the violent anger she slammed her foot to the ground, the sound of flesh on wound resounding through the house

"You told me I was perfect the way I was, that I was good enough for Danny. Why aren't you good enough for Jazz?" Turning from the angry, terrified friend he once trusted with every aspect of his life, the young African American boy laid a rough hand on the doorframe, leaning heavily on the only support it felt he had. Secrets were heavy burdens and he carried the heaviest of them all.

"Why don't you think you are good enough for Danny?" Knowing the comment would hurt and unable to handle the broken tears sure to fall, Tucker fled, disappearing into the bathroom and pulling out a spare needle, doing the only thing that seemed to make any sense in the world anymore.

_Bells are ringing  
It's time to scream and shout  
And everybody's playing coz schools out  
Celebrating the special times we shared  
Happiness coz love is in the air  
_

Why was it, the simplest things in life always taken for granted usually ended up being more important then the seemingly life altering situations and unusual wants. Standing in the corner of the rather small family room, snow falling outside a window edged with lights, was a once strong, mighty pine cut short in it's life. Needles, once thirsting for the light of the sun already began to brown and break from their parent. IT was dying and she had been the one to give the final blow.

A small tear slid down her cheek as she began to gently attach twinkle lights, hanging the colorful string of bulbs from each row a branches in hopes of giving it some beauty before the last breath escaped the once living flesh, marrow of the soon to be husk. It never hurt so much to watch an object lacking nerves and feelings die, it was like picking a flower only to toss it out as the petals wilted without a care for the fragile life you just destroyed. Why were humans so callous to the natural beauty around them? Were they so jealous of it they would cut it back just to deny it, to prove they could create beauty?

Jazz looked like a Christmas tree herself, wrapped up in endless strings of lights while attempting to systematically attach them to the needles without getting its sticky blood on her. Occasionally a tear fell and the young woman had to cease her decorating to apologize to the one whose life had been so rudely cut short for temporary pleasure. Sweat mixed with hot tears as the temperature in the room rose with her anger level, the painful passion and poisonous hurt being expressed for the tree, pity and guilt being the only way she knew how to express such things. Everything seemed to be falling apart around her, collapsing as flames licked at her skin and the sweat stained the blue sweater pushing up on her chin. Growling, she kicked them from her body, not caring that a few bulbs broke and imbedded their tiny fingers into the soft fleshy skin of her palms.

Everything spun, the world circling like a vulture in the slowly collapsing space of her mind; she was unable to cope with everything being thrown so haphazardly at her heart with no regard for the scars and bruises left behind. Allowing for a moment of tears, of mourning, the redhead stared dully at the all to bright bits of colored fire spreading across the floor from the mournful tree. What did it matter if Christmas came? She sincerely doubted that anyone in the house cared if the calendar decided to skip that fateful day, already it seemed life struck hard with its realization. December 25 was nothing more then a day and love it though she did, this year Jazz found it hard to get into the same spirit usually surrounding the beautiful season. Once, Christmas meant baking cookies, laughing with family and friends, opening presents as a family on Christmas day but now…now her parents refused to even be there together, choosing to be away form their children for the holidays to avoid conflict with each other. Jazz's mother called to confirm the plan that evening, it was more then the young redhead could handle and she slammed the phone to the receiver getting to work immediately in avoidance of the pain and fresh wave of abandonment. Everyone became so caught up in their problems, their lives it was left to the oldest to make sure others could celebrate a happy Christmas.

Eventually, every light replace, the tree shown with a beautiful glow and a box of glass ornaments reflected blue, red, green and yellow hues, the polished surfaces awaiting a chance to shine for one time a year. An ornaments life was sadly short, given a chance to shine but once a year and otherwise stuffed in a cold box to collect dust in their caretakers' thoughts until the next year came around. Sometimes, it was almost sad to think about it. Giving a heavy weighted sigh, nimble fingers lifted a small glass ball from its paper stuffing and found the perfect place among the branches for it to shine; everything deserved its time in the sun, even a plain little ball. Lost in the world of magic and color so easily drawing to a shadowy mind, the redhead didn't see a dark skinned hand tuck more of the beautiful ornaments in the tree until a smooth, sultry voice broke the comfortable silence, the deep sound sending pleasurable shiver down her spine.

"Our second Christmas, or mine with you rather, your parents bought me this." A small golden tin reindeer hung daintily between his thumb and index finger, warm earthy eyes twinkling at her in the fire lit room, the tenderness with which he regarded the tiny ornament and the girl reaching out to touch it evaporating the pain to a point so low that Jazz didn't remember why she shed the tears still slowly making tracks down her cheeks. The reindeer found its place in the sea of dark green before a slightly calloused hand cupped her damp cheek, brushing away the moisture with a heartbreakingly tender stroke of the burning flesh. "That Christmas I got my first kiss, technically my only real kiss; mistletoe, the only real part about this holiday I like and I see it was the first thing you put up." Murmured the rich voice, sending another tingle from her spine, pooling in her stomach as the hand that touched her seemed to scald all rational thought, thickening words until none could come. A low chuckle of amusement echoed around the serene room as the hand slipped from the flushed skin and the shuffle of paper drew a pair of aqua eyes back to reality with a gentle bump. Strange how he always managed to do that to her and he didn't even know it! Maybe it was her lack of love, or the fact that he offered her friendship that could go so much deeper then the surface, but she found Sam's words echoing back into her mind

'**You love him Jazz, plain and simple…'**

"Now, I see dried tears" his voice swept over her, and she turned to meet them again, managing a small smile before taking a handful of smaller, hand made ornaments, and working her fingers around them, hanging them up to save herself the confusion brewing in an already cracking heart. "Care to tell me why?"

"**I've never seen you as happy as when you are with him"**

Tucker never pushed a subject no matter how much it piqued his natural born curiosity, it endeared the young man to Jazz because, instead of treating her like a charity case, a fair weather friend, the young redhead found herself treated like a person deserving of time and care. If she was anything else then that, he would walk off when she hesitated to speak, grow impatient when the words could not come, snap when the tears fell…but he did none of these. No matter the situation, nor how many times she cried over the same pains and sorrows, Tucker never told her to get over it or suck it up, he listened and held her, showing her without words that it was alright, the she would never truly be alone. A small piece of wood and felt hung from her hands, cradled like a priceless stone against soft skin as warm, content aqua eyes regarded it fondly, happy memories surrounding this particular ornament.

"You made this for me your freshman year after my boyfriend dumped me, it was supposed to be a charm, or so you said, and it has to have been the sweetest thing any man…or woman for that matter has ever done for me." Tenderly, Jazz placed it in a proud spot on the tree and felt down in the box, feeling only the topper and garland left in the cardboard. Taking the clump of silver garland from the box, a small smirk stretched across her face as she turned and gave the boy a smile with as much sugar as she could pour into it

"Oh Tucker…." Batting her eyelids, she barley contained a giggle when he responded with a condescending glare before exhaling a defeated huff.

"Fine Fine, Give it here" Smiling brightly, she dropped the garland into his arms and made him a temporary Christmas tree, pulling the garland like thread from a spool and winding it carefully around the tree, watching the silver morph into beautiful hues as it contacted the multicolored fire. Soon every strand hung carefully from the beautiful boughs, a sad sapling looking now fit for a royal hall; it would die in beauty and grace, enjoyed by everyone in its last moments. A pair of arms carefully intertwined themselves around her body like vines, hugging her and causing a rush of warmth. "So are you going to explain the tears or do I have to resort to drastic measures?" Shrugging her shoulders, Jazz nervously played with a tiny gold bauble, attempting to get a nonexistent spec off the glassy smooth surface. Hearing the soft sigh pass from over her shoulder, aqua met testy brown "Drastic measures it is."

Before thoughts of questioning his 'drastic measures' could pass through her mind, two hand spun her around roughly and began tickling all the sensitive spots only he would ever know. Shrieks went up as she pawed at his hands, merely a thing of melted goop under his ministrations, the tickling leaving her breathless, helpless and completely at the mercy of the young African American slowly lowering her to the ground. It felt like thousands of tiny feathers all over her skin and though Jazz managed to hold out a good long while, the sensation finally cracked her and, with red, tearstained face she managed to gasp out

"I give I give!" She was pinned beneath his body, his hand stilling over the exposed flesh of her stomach before resuming a gentle, stroking sensation causing more turmoil in her over reactive body then even his voice could pull out of her. They lay amongst paper and box before the dancing flames while the heat radiated from their eyes, smoldering like silent fires, a crackling glow resonating from his body sent more pleasant shivers through the redheads skin, the urge to draw away from that intense gaze overwhelmed by the overpowering desire to drown in the beauty and solidity of them. The way those eyes roamed over her body, blazing as they met exposed flesh and their hand ran through the molten river pouring out from her body, looking as though the burning each fiery strand caused only added to the power drawing Jazz like a magnet. Words died at the base of her throat as aquamarine eyes studied the smooth skin, the beginnings of peach fuzz just beneath the perfectly curving nose, the way those lips parted just so...inches from her face…centimeters…

Jazz felt those lips move towards her ear, the hot, moist breath making her think of far worse things, mental images she could not banish from her mind. True, they both were teens and from a psychological standpoint completely hormone driven, but feeling those muscles contract against the bare flesh of her stomach, his hot breath and sultry voice doing things to her she did not even want to think about, seemed more the just teenage lust. Everything radiated from those eyes and the tender way those finger brushed across her skin, treating everything about her like a precious gem…and above all, feeling every wall crash down inside her, crumbling because the one man with all her trust stepped within just a foot of her person, bore his soul to her without asking to see a sliver of hers. What was this feeling?

"Look up" that voice again! Unable to deny an request made by those deep, sultry tones aquamarine eyes locked on a sprig of mistletoe poised at the edge of the mantle, tempting the confused teen to pull away and return to safe, plutonic emotions with none of the passion setting every patch of skin on fire, the caresses electrifying every nerve ending. Their lips came close, drawn like magnets to each other.

'Let me feel nothing, please let it be lust…just lust'

"Jazz? Tucker? You guys down there?" Like a bucket of ice water, the words poured down and killed the flames of passion sweltering the room to deadened embers. Pushing away from each other like the other was contagious, the two teens hastily made presentable just as Danny poked his head into the room, looking in confusion at the slightly fluster red in the girls cheeks and distracted twitch in Tuckers left hand. "Ooookay…well I see I interrupted something…"

"No!" Jazz said quickly, afraid now of facing whatever took hold of her rational moment before, "We were just about to put the star on the top and…I tripped, he was just making sure I was okay is all." Seeing the skeptical but accepting look in the eyes of her brother, a relieved sigh escaped her slightly parted lips. Two escapes in one lie, not having to face the unwinding cord on emotions long suppressed for necessity and propriety; love, lust, both pointless and terrifiying without every trying to be. Such power, raw passion evoked with a simple caress, even the sound of a quavering note from the others voice- Jazz could not admit the emotions brewing below the surface, could not accept the person her heart screamed to let in, to love the boy, no the man who set free everything she denied herself. But change was hard, and even harder was feeling what never before existed, admitting that it could was a step one of the two was not ready to take, no matter how simple it would be.

Then again, the simplest things in life were always taken for granted.

_And all the love will show  
'Coz everybody knows  
It's Christmas time_

_And all the kids will see  
The gifts under the tree  
It's the best time of year for the family  
_

Seven days, seven days left for shopping, decorating, cooking, cleaning, preparing, and waiting for the long awaited day. Christmas approached, carrying with it all the beautiful sounds and sights surrounding the season; tiny colored lights morphed crystalline snow into living forms, taking on the images of fire, or hearts, trees, and stars. Smoke pillared from snow capped chimneys and within the bowels of man made gingerbread like houses sat frosted trees, rooms decorated with love and grace no other time seemed to be able to produce. Frost joined the festivity, freezing pattern like on the outermost windows like glass rainbows in the wake of a frozen morn. In the deep evening, children's laughter rang as popcorn strung itself along worn branches, and tiny fingers hung gold and silver ornaments as high as their small feet would allow them stretch.

Shuffling through the powdery accumulation, a young man passed oblivious to the wonder surrounding him, blue eyes focused on something so far away none would ever see it, passing gaily wreathed lamp posts and wandering beneath canopy's of lighted garland, stepping through archways into a place forgotten in the joyous celebrations, beautiful in an only natural way. Blue eyes came into focus and searched the premise, following the sunken in snow prints leading into the distance. She came nearly every night and he let her, knowing in some cosmic way that nothing that would make her from warmth could be healed by a kiss or hug. In the night, it seemed, the monster returned taking more blood with it as it passed with great scraping claws. During dinner, Danny had seen the scars she tried secretly to conceal, the shock of vibrant red blood knocking the air forcefully from his lungs and shaking the knife from his grip, letting it fall with an echoing clatter to the wood floor. It was then he knew she could not handle it alone anymore.

Losing her once was painful, and when an appropriate time to excuse himself from the table presented itself, he dashed to the nearest bathroom and heaved what little his stomach had taken in, letting the bile burn his throat and join his tears. Danny was angry, no furious at himself for once again ignoring it, trying to tell himself she would be okay if he just gave her time. Now the shadows had her and when he should have been their helping her to learn how to beat them back, he was busy finishing Christmas shopping in complete ignorance and abandonment. That night had landed him bruised knuckles from pounding the hard tile of the floor until he tasted the sweet, acrid tang of his own blood, the mere smell of it leaving the sour taste in his mouth. No one could stop him from expressing each knife twisting through his already cracking heart. Now, walking through the pure snow, Danny wanted nothing more then to hit it, break it, listen to the screams as it slowly, agonizingly melted, turning into goopy, unrecognizable masses that he could punch in. It wasn't fair that snow could not bleed, could not hurt, yet something far more beautiful probably stained the snow with red in her hurt.

'Damn it all to hell!' thought the halfa savagely, irately kicking a tree, feeling satisfaction when sap leaked out and a piece of bark tore itself from it, the skin of the old maple shredding beneath several well place kicks. Tears flooded his vision as he attacked again and again, furious at the tree for being in his way, for daring to stand strong when the one he loved couldn't. It could be strong when Danny himself couldn't and it deserved to die, deserve to wither and live in agony for a few days before finally giving up. Foot aching and fist cut up, all the fury and self hate drained out into the snow, leaving a hollow rather empty feeling in the place his heart should beat; but it was broken, lying in a blacked, cracked heap somewhere beneath the frozen snow. He didn't deserve to love her, not when every time she needed him he disappeared, tried to ignore the obvious in fear of the truth. Sam never got better and it had been the fear of losing her that kept him away; Danny's greatest fear was holding her dying body, watching the life slowly drain out of her face all the while knowing he did it to her, he had caused it. Dreams haunted his nights, dreams of holding a pistol to her head, listening to pleas for life with no more then a deadly smirk, waking just as the bang of release sent the bullet flying…

'I love her, why the hell then can't I prove it? I've said it, but It's hard to even do that! I try to show her and then just screw up when she actually needs me to show it…Damn it! Where is she? Please…please don't let her be gone…' Searching the darkness with deep emerald eyes, changed because of the better range ghost sight had, the young halfa saw the unmistakable figure of his girlfriend, hunched over on a park bench twenty feet off the path. Wind tousled his already dampened hair and the unmistakable sound of sobs echoed eerily in its path; quickening his pace, Danny hurried along the cobblestone towards the pain stricken young woman, hesitating and finally stopping a good five feet from the bench.

Sam was a wreck, curled up half frozen on a completely frozen park bench in little more then a scarf and light jacket for warmth. The usually luscious lips looked eerily blue in the dim light and her dark hair was frosted over with a layer of snow so thick it suggested the girl hadn't moved for an hour or more. Tremors now and then wracked the lithe body, rims of exhaustion around her eyes and the slightly frozen look of her an image almost as hard to forget as her body floating in her own blood. It was like a vice had begun to squeeze his heart, pushing him past his emotional limit and to the edge of slowly dwindling patience; love her though he did, Danny was sick of always being the hero, always being the savior to every damn person who asked. No one ever once considered the pain running through him, the pressure falling hard as marble and slate onto his shoulder or asked if they could help shoulder it, and now even his girlfriend took advantage of it. He was not unbreakable, though everyone liked to see him that way, he was a sixteen year old boy for fuck sake, why the hell did everyone expect him to be an adult when they themselves could not?

It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and at the moment Danny almost made the biggest mistake of his life, wanting nothing more then to tell the girl how pathetic she was, whining like an attention craving dog because she just 'wasn't happy'. Maybe everyone was right about her, maybe she was pathetic, maybe she was a waste of his time, maybe he WAS to good for someone like her, Maybe…

Tears were frozen on their trek down the paling cheek, originated from dull lavender eyes that seemed to be attempting to find a sparkle yet failing miserably, lacking a fuse to light the fire. Seeing this proud oak, this proud girl, curled up in her own sorrow on a cold bench in an attempt to save her dignity and others, the tirade building in the young halfa stopped at the tip of his tongue, fury and hurt dying instantaneously upon seeing those eyes glance up at him for half a second then back down. Warmth wrapped itself around his bitter heart, the ever present knowledge of why he did what he did for her returning with all its vengeful power.

Sam couldn't help the pain, yet even now she sat out prepared to freeze just so she could work through it on her own, save him and everyone else the struggle of bringing her soul back from the darkness. After months of nothing, no help, no support, no love, one month of being allowed to taste heavens bliss could not erase what was done, was that why Danny loved her? That question seemed to plague him more now then it ever did, why did he love Sammy?

IT had been hard not going to anyone with the question, knowing that, although they would sort out the knotted mass his emotions tangled him into no one but him would ever be able to answer the question. Pity wasn't the reason, he knew that, neither was guilt or indeed any other emotion that came to mind except love and that only brought the question back to the beginning. Deciding that pondering it while his best friend, his girlfriend, froze to death in a park was not a smart move, Danny slowly sat down beside her.

"You are so stupid Sammy, crying alone out here in the cold instead of in my arms back at the house." He murmured, touching her ice-cold cheek in an attempt to bring some warmth back into the pale expanse of it. A shiver was her only response and, in a chivalrous motion the halfa pulled her into his coat and wrapped them both up in the warmth, hoping his body heat would delay the hypothermia beginning to set in. A pair of thin arms wrapped around his shoulders and the dark girl wriggled into his lap, her head lying in a pool of dark hair on his chest, the little lavender streak falling into the lilac eyes. Instinctively, Danny's hand traveled under her shirt, massaging warm flesh the moment his probing fingers found it and instantaneously every muscle in Sam's body turned to jelly. For a long while no words passed between them, one not wanting to break the comfortable silence the other afraid of the conversation that would follow; when a cool dampness soaked through his tee shirt, Danny gazed down on Sam's red rimmed eyes sadly wishing there was away to take away her pain. Being a ghost was useless when it couldn't save the people that mattered most, even a ghost couldn't fight the demon's haunting this girls nights, dulling the shimmer in her eyes. It made the young man feel helpless, knowing that for all his power there was next to nothing he could do.

"Jazz and Tucker got all the decorations up, the house looks great you'll be proud of them...they even cleaned it, I swear the floors sparkle and the rugs look brand new. I didn't help much I'm afraid, I was too worried. When you didn't come back after your walk…twenty minutes…thirty minutes… an hour…my sister threw me out actually" Smirking, his hand twisted themselves in her raven locks, the other still gently caressing the caved in stomach; Sam still didn't eat, at least unless someone made her, and it worried Danny a lot. Try as he might to convince her she was beautiful, he always caught the small frown on her lips when she forced a piece of potato down her throat, the distaste with which she looked in the mirror. Since the make over two weeks prior, it seemed the dark girl had gained some confidence but it was fragile and often faulty; everyone made sure to tell her she looked nice no matter what, it was an unspoken rule between them and it seemed to help some, even if she still had a long way to go in believing it herself. Playing with the dark curls (she had decided to try light curls for the day and it left Danny grateful for the power of a cold shower), he continued when she remained silent.

"You have to put the star up you know, like you do every year, and then we have to bake cookies and get batter all over each other so that Jazz can yell at our immaturity." The young girl seemed to find past memories amusing for her lips twitched into a barley noticeable smile, the lips then hiding against his warm, inviting chest. "And we have to get Jazz and Tucker under the mistletoe, if we accomplish anything this Christmas that has to be it." Danny wasn't that blind, even if he did play dumb, to the fact that the two were falling hard for each other but, just as Tucker kept quiet about the silent romance brewing between him and the girl in his arms, the young halfa did the same. They had to figure out the truth themselves.

"Do you love me Danny?" Startled at the question, Danny would have laughed had the voice speaking not sounded so fragile, so broken. When the seriousness of the inquiry sunk in, it was then every word, every thought seemed to freeze up just when they were needed most; although he did love her and had said it often enough, being asked almost felt different, like if he answered it would seal his fate. Holding her close and breathing in the sweet scent of vanilla and lavender bathing every pour and follicle on Sam's body, memories flooded through him.

A little angel falling from heaven straight onto his back, a girl standing up to the bullies for him and taking a hit in the process, their first dance in the ruins of a gymnasium, their first kiss, all the fights he'd won because of her tactics, feeling her limp body in his arms, the joy of seeing her awake, feeling her lips…. Without realizing it, his thoughts drifted from memories to dreams, imagining things not yet certain in life yet tempting to the emotions running through him. Kissing Sam tenderly and holding her close all through the dark night, long strolls through the park in the spring, hands intertwined and hearts close… Making love to her on their wedding night, tenderly exploring each other and deepening the relationship begun years before…feeling their child move within her, knowing they created something out of their love…

'Whoa, where'd that come from?' The thoughts seemed to shock even him, a boy with no real consideration towards the future, towards life in general. Yet, as his hand skimmed over the soft skin of Sam's stomach, Danny couldn't help thinking how beautifully she would look pregnant, the glow that surrounded new mothers radiating from her. Roses bloomed in his cheeks, it was far to early to think about marriage, or seeing Sam pregnant with his children…or was it?

The question rose in his mind again amidst the ever whirling thoughts; Why did he love Sam? What about her made him think about spending the rest of his life with her, fathering her children, being her husband even though he was only sixteen? Some people said that it was never too early to think about it when you have found the one you love more then anything else but…but the question was an itch he could not seem to scratch, the query that gave him many a sleepless night these past few weeks. Seeing a pair of sad eyes floating through the confused daze that had captured him, it hit Danny what thoughts might have occurred to Sam during his little soul searching moment, especially considering the question she had posed. Gently touching her cheek, searching for an answer in her gaze and, much to his irritation, finding none, the young halfa tenderly brushed her lips with his, lingering for a moment to savor the electric shock every one of her touched sent down his spine. Pulling away and leaning their foreheads together, Danny smiled his slightly goofy, always loving Danny smile at her, the one that nearly always reduced the girl to a quivering mass.

"Like the stars love the moon" he whispered, stroking her cheek and trying desperately to banish very suggestive thoughts from his male brain. Sam deserved so much more then to be overwhelmed by his roaring wave of hormones, deserved to be treated like the beautiful person she was and not just a plaything the way every other boy treated their girl. Hormones screamed at him to just explore what was under that plunging neckline and beneath those just-a little-to-tight jeans, and it took a lot of will power to drown them out. If they ever did cross that line, it would be special, and Danny would make sure it was more then just a casual one-night stand. Sam defiantly deserved better then to be used like that.

"I'm sorry" came another whispered from somewhere in his chest as she buried her face back against him, trying in vain to hide a deep shame; for a moment, Danny was terrified she was about to break up with him but her next words calmed one fear and opened an old wound. "You saw them, I'm sorry I…I couldn't help it, I wanted to handle it alone and the knife was there…I was just so scared. What if…lots of what if's you know? What if I kept talking and you just told me I was pathetic?" A pang of guilt shot through the boy, leaving a sick feeling in his stomach at words voicing the very same thoughts he'd toyed with earlier. "What if you got sick of me? What if you decided you couldn't handle me anymore? I don't belong with you, at your house, sharing your holiday, I'm not part of your family and I certainly don't deserve to try; even knowing how much I hurt you I can't stop. I tried but I just can't." Tears soaked through his thin tee shirt and violent sobs wracked the girls' fragile body, the ache once again becoming liquid falling on an all to ready bearer. Pulling her close to him, he tenderly brushed his lips against her warming skin and kissed away every single tear that fell, massaging her bare stomach until the heart wrenching sobs eased to simple tears. Drawing the trembling body closer to him and directing the downcast lilac eyes to meet loving cerulean orbs, Danny studied the miserable face feeling the determination to make things right settle itself right down in his chest.

"I know you tried, habits are hard to break, and yours…yours is no different no matter it hurts us to see you do it. But don't think I'm not disappointed in you Sammy, don't look away your going to listen and take it with all the strength I know you have." The dark girl tried to look away in shame but the firmness of his tone, the severity of his words brought the lilac orbs back to gaze wearily at their mates. "You choose to suffer all of this alone instead of trusting me to help you and that hurts worse then knowing you cut; I love you Sam, I'll shout it in front of the entire student body if that's what it will take for you to believe me. When you don't believe that, when you don't trust me…that hurts a lot, I know I haven't been the best friend in the past. I've blown you off when I should have helped you, but I can't read minds and I can't help you if you don't ask me to. Sammy," Danny crashed their lips together, shocking the young woman to protest before she melted in his arms, wielding to the feelings of his lips on hers, his tongue slowly exploring every crevice of her mouth with excruciating meticulousness. Soft mewls of pleasure escaped her as she pressed closer to him, probing her tongue tentatively in his mouth and finding her exploration fully welcomed. The taste that always seemed to drug her overwhelmed her senses, both drowning in the others taste, an essence so very them, until oxygen became an issue and they needed to pull away, the young woman completely forgetting there was a point to be made here. Keeping the beautiful lips within range, the glazed over eyes millimeters from his, Danny continued to whisper in a slightly husky voice.

"You have no idea how hard it is to keep from jumping you, to keep all these emotions from overwhelming us both. My heart is always on the line, held tightly in your palm since the moment I met you and every time you forget how much I love you, every time you take your pain in silence, you crush it just a little more. Love, Sammy, let me love you please, let me make those demons go away, let me kiss that darkness out of your eyes." Tears welled up and feel again, each crystal drop kissed away by his tender lips before they pressed softly against hers again, trying to release the bubble threatening to explode in his chest. He loved her; he loved the girl so much it hurt just to look at her, to be away from her for even an instant. A hand gently touched his cheek and pulled them back into a kiss, tender in every way with an underlying passion, unhurried and young. Years of friendship had finally morphed into a tender relationship and were beginning to develop physical wants and desires, the feelings of lust and passion for each other still ill matured and confusing for the couple. Kissing and caressing was all they felt able to do thought each desired the other, neither could sort out the confusion in their minds long enough to decide what they would want. Danny let his hands move chastely on the skin of her stomach and back, staying with respectful distance of certain parts of her body, not wanting rush but fairly encouraged by her reactions to even the slightest touch of his hand. After about ten minutes of light caresses and heavy kissing, the two pulled away, cuddling contently against each other beneath a beautiful winter sky. Sighs escaped the young woman pillowed on his chest, her eyes closed around a content smile; for the time everything seemed okay but Danny wanted to be sure that she was truly all right.

"Sam? You feeling better now?" Lavender eyes opened to meet azure irises, sparkling with love and a short happiness only one man could ever bring her. Seeing all he needed, Danny grinned and pressed a chaste kiss to her reddening nose, the tip of it ice cold from exposure to the bitter wind. Pausing for thought, the young halfa hesitated before sitting the girl on the bench, his coat wrapped tight around her, and tenderly taking the cold hand between his gloved one.

"I'm going to make a deal with you Sam, because I know this will happen in the future no matter how much I don't want it to. You aren't going to stop cutting right away, you need to do it for whatever reason and, even if I don't understand the need I understand why, but I want you to do something for me if I keep quiet." It was malicious and low to use pain as a control over the girl but it was for her own good, to prove his trustworthiness to an obviously scared young woman who, for all the love she sought, had trouble accepting it. Patiently, Sam waited for him to drop the bomb, trying and failing to hide the anxiety brewing beneath the surface, something Danny picked up immediately. "For every cut you make I want an explanation, I want you to tell me why, to make me understand. Do you think you can do that?"

"Y-yea, I think I can do that." She murmured, giving him a weak smile and gently pulled up her sleeve, showing him the wounds already scabbed over and crusty. "I told you all of these, there are too many to count but…" A finger silenced the concern, one hand gently tugging the sleeve down and the owner of the hand feeling a coy smile beginning beneath the pad of his finger. Smiling back, Danny questioned himself again, for what had to be the millionth time, why he loved Samantha Manson. There was nothing particularly fantastic about her in comparison to other girls, she was beautiful but not gorgeous, smart but not brainy, original but not a trendsetter so what was it?

'Maybe it because she's none of it, she's beautiful without an ounce of make up, the hardest working person I have ever met, so original she can't even keep up with herself, and the most stubborn, kindhearted, loyal woman I have ever met.' Giving his goofy, Danny grin, the boy ceded the truth to his heart. Sam was nothing and everything, and more importantly all that he could ever need, want, or ask for.

"Its cold and we have cookies to bake and a tree to top; Lets go home." Taking her hand and crawling back into the jacket, the two lovers made their way home in companionable silence, content to just be normal kids in a normal world even if it was only for a moment.

_It's a wonderful feeling  
Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling  
It's that time of year  
Christmas time is here  
And with the blessings from above  
_

**Flashback**

"Sorry Honey, but things have come up and it looks like we aren't going to make it for Christmas."

Angry tears poured from red-rimmed violet eyes, the pigtails of a eight year old little girl matted with three days worth of sorrows and ill repressed hate. Nothing mattered to them except their stupid jobs, managing the stupid company, not even a lonely child curled up against the deep plum comforter in search of the only form of support anyone had to offer an abandoned, neglected little girl. Without school, there was no need to vacate the premises giving Samantha every opportunity to cry without the fear of appearing babyish or weak, to hurt even thought she could not really understand why she was in so much pain.

Christmas Eve. A day worse then even December the 25th for it was on this day families came together in love an grace, gathered around fires to tell tales and enjoy each others company and the shared anticipation of the joy a new dawn would bring. Yet, for some children, curled up in silent homes with barley a twinkling night light to brighten the evening, the dawn only brought more misery far out of their comprehension. Samantha Manson was one child, left alone to wallow in her abject misery, wandering like an adult in a child's' body, unable to banish a single painful thought from surfacing in her mind.

What had she done to make her Mommy and Daddy hate her so much? Not once, had either embraced her, told her they loved her, kissed away her tears; other mommies did it while daddies turned sobs to giggles but not hers, never hers. Silently drifting from room to room, sad eyes and tiny fingers roamed over dusty furniture and pictures of all but the occupant, clutching a worn out brown bear as the only thing dependable and solid. Sam really could not remember where the bear came from or why, of all things, it became a permanent fixture in her life but it had, it was the only friend the strange little girl could make and wiped more tears then living flesh could lay claim too. Watching the black beady eyes follow her own eyes, the young girl ran slim fingers through the tattered, balding fur and across the fraying thread nose; wide eyes took in only darkness, no seasonal beauty in any room or crevice of the overly large house. Something about it was cold, frigid even to guests and no one person stayed long unless life threateningly necessary, saving their own sanity rather then providing comfort to the prisoner of the stone walls. Not that Sam could ever blame them for leaving, she wished she could leave, just grow wings and fly away from all the loneliness, the pain, or to be saved by a knight in shining armor who would whisk her away like in all the stories. Unfortunately, nothing about the lanky eight year old screamed royalty, nothing even gave a favorable impression; according to a nasty little girl in her class, Sam was plain, ugly even and not worth the time spent on her. Only one person in the whole wide world cared about her, her best friend who she spent all her time with; he was really nice even if he was a boy.

'_Ring, ring'_ Deep within the houses corridors and chambers, a bell rung drawing a startled shriek out of the small figure, huddling herself in the cobwebby corner of what, once, was Mr. and Mrs. Manson's bedroom and now was merely an old relic left to remind them of a lost paradise. The words fell on dumb ears, their young daughter not understanding what was meant by their distasteful looks towards her or regretful tones until it was to late to prove her worth. Now all the young girl could do was scramble like a rabbit, fight back tears, and push as hard as possible to make proud people who never wanted her to begin with. Sam pushed past her limits everyday, trying to stand up in everyone's eyes only to be knocked down for a simple error, a red mark, a snicker, the constant reminder of her imperfections.

'_ring, ring, ring'_ Again and again the jingle of company echoed through the dead house, startling the shadows to movement and slowly drawing out tiny feet, tiny hands, and eventually a full person from the pitying position. Clutching the ragged toy to her chest, the girl hesitantly braved her fear of the dark shadows and hidden monsters, stumbling on her skirts as she decided the stairs, hoping not to get lost again searching for the door. Even after nearly six months of residency, the little girl still found herself turning in circles in the large house; more often then not, she spent a cold night on the floor cuddled up in a jacket or rug, praying through tears for someone to save her. After several pathetic attempts at finding the front door, Sam finally managed to find the ornate bronze handle, hoping that she didn't appear as disheveled as she felt; people judged a lot on how pretty you looked, this person might tell her parents if she didn't act like a pretty young lady. Then they might never love her. Grasping the cool metal knob, she twisted and pulled it open enough to peak out and see who it was; squealing in delight, she through it open and jumped onto the rather startled young boy standing innocently on his doorstep. The bear was squished between them and, despite Danny's apparent bewilderment he made no move to try to dislodge he knew attachment, knowing that she was home alone and probably more then a little lonely. Eventually they broke apart and the blue eyed, tousle haired little boy smiled goofily at his friend

"My mom says it's not right to be alone on Christmas, so your gonna stay with us until your parents come back, Mom's waiting in the car for us." Joy swept through the tiny girls body, a look of wonder passing through before almost immediately draining into a miserable frown; digging her toes into the carpeting, Sam couldn't force the words to come out that needed to be said. "Why don't we go in and get your stuff so you dun have to come back." Quietly the door snapped shut and Sam left her friend in the hall, wandering up to her room and trying to get up the energy to pack. It should be a happy moment, knowing that Christmas would include a family this year, a warm home full of laughter and joy, but it dwindled down to knowing she could very well spend the rest of her life in the Fenton house. Sam's parents would never come home, not until she could make them proud of her, prove to them she was worth their love.

'Sam?" A soft voice echoed in the hallway, two azure irises peering into the dark bedroom, both full of concern over the wet splotches on the brave little girls face; Danny never before saw his always strong friend cry, not even when that bully Dash punched her in the stomach. It was one of the best qualities about her, that she never let people see weakness in her and never admitted in herself. Sam never gave up, and it made the sight of her tears more startling. "Sammy what's wrong?" Collapsing into the security of an ocean of purple, a little girl started to sob again, letting the comforting color soak up the feelings a young heart just couldn't seem to handle; the suitcase she had been packing lay forgotten on the floor, pushed off as the little boy crawled to the middle of the little island his best friend stranded herself on. Tears kept coming, all she wanted was to be love, to be good enough for her parents; they forgot about her, they hated her, turned her away when she reached up for a hug, walked past her without sparing a glance. Love, the only thing in the world she wanted, to have someone to hold her like she saw other mommies and daddies do, to kiss her good night and tell her they loved her. A pair of awkward arms wrapped around her middle, jerkily pulling her weighty body up into a welcoming hug; for the young boy, this was a position he prayed never to be caught in knowing without a doubt how much teasing he would get for it.

"They 'bandoned me again," Sammy sobbed, arms wrapped tight around the little boys neck as he uneasily patted her back, trying to soothe her without the knowledge of how "They'll never come home Danny, they'll leave me here to die, they don't love me nob'dy loves me." Roses bloomed in the little boys cheeks, the 'L' word way more then his eight year old mind even wanted to process. Still patting the little girls back lightly, he made a stumbling attempt at comfort, unsure of how to handle a situation like the once suddenly digging its claws in to him.

"Well…you're my best friend and I guess that means I l-lo.." Grimacing, Danny fought his hardest to force the disgusting world out, much to the amusement of the slightly cheered eight year old girl now sitting on the bed staring at him. "Oh you know what I mean! Listen Sammy, get all ready and we can go to my house and have fun! Your parents are stupid if they aren't here so we'll be your family for a little while till they aren't so stupid!" Considerably cheered at the unconventional cheering Danny gave her, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and the two friends began to pack enough clothes for several weeks, silence reining between them.

Eventually they finished and piled into the back of the Fentons' old beat up Buick, giggling as they collapsed in a writhing heap at the sudden forward jolt of the old beast. It was a pleasant ride, the friends singing Christmas jingles a barley tolerable decibels alongside far better voices pouring from the radio. Now and then the off key chorus was interrupted by squeals of delight when the street lit up sudden with lights of all colors and forms, reflecting in the eyes of to wonder struck children. The magical ride soon came to an end, the car sputtering into silence before the almost glowing Fenton household. Zillions of lights traced every curve and angle of the tall, slightly off kilter building, its resemblance to a Gingerbread house uncanny; each light reflected in a blurry glow over the dark lilac eyes, entranced until a tiny hand appeared, shaking the young girl from thoughts of sugar plums and Santa Claus. Tonight the sleigh would take to the sky, the bells ringing out over the silent villages and towns hailing the coming of the magical day, already the anticipation swelled like a balloon in the pit of her stomach. Christmas would be different this year, her hand fell softly in his as he chivalrously, yet clumsily, helped Sam from the car and led her to the steps until she stopped sudden and he was jerked back. Lilac irises were fixed on a glowing object miles high, shooting like a falling star across the navy quilt knitted by the angels and studded with the most beautiful of diamonds. A single finger pointed, the other tightly grasping a suitcase and ragged bear

"Santa Claus, look Danny it's Santa!" Grinning, he tugged her hand hard and they piled into the front door, letting everything except the worn teddy tumble to the floor, their excitement overpowering as the two jammed themselves in the door way to the family room, eyes practically glowing with joy and anticipation.

"We saw Santa!" The two gasped out simultaneous, breaking into a fit of giggles afterwards when the red head little girls glare settled on them, obviously disgruntled at having missed out; the two always tried to best the older girl, love her though she did Jazz was Danny's big sister and fair game for attack. The redhead knew that and always found ways of striking back at them, usually in ways they could laugh about the next week. Unfortunately, they did not see their undoing hanging but six feet above their head as innocently as a Christmas light; grinning maliciously, a devious light shone in the rich aquamarine eyes, the childlike attitude of the season seeming to radiate in the room as those aqua irises focused on the simple little decoration just above her two friends heads.

"Did you then sweeties? Well you three had best get to bed then, you know Santa doesn't leave toys for children who aren't sleeping." The youngest turned, prepared to rush through evening preparations so as to hail the arrival of the jolly old gift bearer, until a shrill voice broke through the shuffle.

"But mommy, their under the mistle-toe and now they got to kiss don't they? It's in the rules of Christmas!"

"I'm not kissing her! That's gross!" Danny cried out, but Sam could not find anything to reply with, the roses in her cheeks seeming to have stolen the words right out of her mouth. Kiss…a boy? More importantly, kiss Danny? Danny was her best friend that was just…just wrong! She couldn't kiss him that would be like kissing Jazz, besides kiss boys gave you cooties. How could she face the pretty girls at school knowing she had Danny's cooties? Frowning at his last comment, the little girl irately crossed her arms over her chest and leveled a glare.

"Daniel Fenton are you saying I'm gross? Well you've got cooties!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do-"

"Daniel, Samantha now that's enough!" Mrs. Fenton warned sternly, silencing the two guilty children with mildly threatening voice. "Now, Jazz is right, it's a rule that people under mistletoe have to kiss each other, but since your both so scared I would understand…" It was underhanded but seeing the flustered pair was so adorable that the mother could not but tease them a bit, not sincerely expecting them to do the deed. After all they were only eight, neither needed to worry about kissing or, indeed, the love that came from it for several years; but agreeing with the eldest girl seemed to please at least one person, the two littler ones shuffling uneasily below the cursed plant. The young man dared his mother to repeat that statement; Daniel Fenton was afraid of nothing!

"You better not make me marry you!" Came the half hearted warning before, to the shock of everyone in the room, Danny lightly pressed his lips to the startled girls, her lavender eyes open wide and body stiff as a board; a light flash indicated the taking of a photo to preserve the once in a life time moment, forever immortalizing the pain in Danny's scrunched up face and the blooming roses in Sam's cheeks. When they pulled away everything was silent for about twenty seconds until, with a disgusted gag, Danny dashed out of the room yelling something about girl cooties; it was utter chaos getting anyone to settle down into bed but eventually they were all tucked in for the night and all but the shimmering twinkle lights of the tree faded into darkness.

Not all was silent though, the fearful whimpers of scared little girl broke the quiet followed by the padding of tiny feet across cold wood and the squeak of old hinges. Lavender eyes, watery above wet cheeks, seemed to tremble as tiny lips quivered and a little girl, clutching a teddy bear as though it was the last thing tying her to the world, tugged on the sleeve of her best friend, meeting a bleary blue eye.

"Sammy? Santa's going to be mad if he sees you're awake." The young boy commented sleepily, tired mind barley registering the moisture pouring from the little girls eyes but noticing after a slight turn of his head. A little hand brushed them off before lifting the covers to the silent request of those lonely orbs, giving enough berth for the little form to crawl in and curl up beside him, abandoning the bear in exchange for the arms wrapping around in comfort. "Better?" A sleepy nod was the only response as Sam, now feeling comfortable and safe, finally drifted into a fitful sleep, tears still trailing slowly down overly pale skin. Watching with a boyish grin, his scruffy black hair falling child like into his eyes, Danny made sure the girl was a sleep before, quickly, placing a very chaste kiss on her lips and smiling widely in triumph. To save his pride, the boy could not admit having enjoyed the seasonal kiss between them and his inability to resist taking the opportunity to share another. Snuggling down in the quilt beside his best friend, eight year old Danny Fenton yawned and managed to whisper groggily before the sandman claimed him,

"Merry Christmas Sammy."

_God sends you his love  
And everything's ok  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays_

_Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
No matter what's your holiday  
It's a time to celebrate  
_

Watching. It was amazing how simply looking around at the world can make even the dullest moment in time suddenly life altering, for when observing those unaware of being under consideration gives a huge insight to their thoughts, their feelings, their truth. When the holiday season came around people especially showed their true colors. From passing by the Salvation Army helpers to wrinkling their noses at gifts that, in their opinion, were far too cheap and beneath them. Children's laughter could be told as fake and greedy, a woman's smile plastic, a man's fake strength; it was easy to tell the believers from the non, even if it shouldn't be so and no matter how far smiles stretched, how loud they laughed, Jazz saw the silent tears inside.

Another Christmas was beginning to pass; another year of everyone's life fading into memory and with it the arising of fears for the future and regret over painful moments and lost opportunities, for all its joy came a large amount of baggage none but the very young could seem to escape. They, at least, still had their belief in magic, something that adults forgot in their steady ascent. Maybe that was why children adored the holiday so, it still held the untainted innocence age slowly drained a person of.

Though watching the hoarding masses amused the budding psychologist, Jazz was on a mission that she had only an hour to complete with little idea of how she was going to accomplish it. She had one hour to find a gift for Tucker, otherwise there wouldn't be nearly enough time to speed home and wrap it before the little snoop could figure it out. The only problem was, unlike her toad of a brother and his girlfriend, their didn't seem to be a gift striking her as Tuckerish, everything either to expensive or to plain. What did you get the most important man in your life if you weren't dating them? It was a plaguing question, and the glow in the dark boxer shorts being displayed in the department store window did not seem the appropriate answer, yet there was no way she could return home empty handed. With two days remaining until Christmas Eve, the gift needed to be bought before everything sold out, Sam's and Danny swung neatly at her side, as did the parents gifts, yet none of them seemed as important a purchase as this. What was she going to get him.

"You look as though a great dilemma has fallen upon you child, in such a season of joy what has caused such a miserable façade?" Glancing up with confused aquamarine eyes from the pitiful display in the little specialty shop, the redhead's eyes met those of a most beautiful emerald hue, the woman in possession of them far lovelier then any angel ever portrayed by the most talented of artists. Bleach blonde hair hung long, framing a heat shaped face and the most mysterious emerald eyes, watching quietly from beneath thick black lashes; something about the soft, secretive aire about the beauty drew Jazz like a moth to a candle flame. Pressing delicate hand on the foggy glass case, the young woman dipped her head and sighed in mournful defeat.

"Perhaps the young lady is searching for a perfect gift for someone special in her heart?" Head shooting up, distrustful eyes focused on the seemingly innocent woman trying to pick apart whether her predicament was obvious or if some foul play was taking place. Attempting to coexist with Danny the past few weeks made her rather paranoid, afraid of a ghost attack or some sinister plot far above her head. Jazz did not like being confused, nor did she particularly like being ignorant and something in those emerald irises created both in her. It was as though those eyes penetrated her walls and masks, searched like x-rays through her very soul and hear to pull out the truth. The feeling was very disconcerting.

"Fear not child I do believe I have the perfect gift for him, do not worry about a thing." Turning around, the woman's eyes scanned the many shelves and cabinets without a single twitch of her body as though already knowing what to search for. Suddenly, a slim hand shot out and drew a small item from the very back of a rather large cupboard, placing it on the table gently and awaiting the response. For her part Jazz was left utterly speechless, staring wide eyed at the gift and then back at the woman, mouth moving without a sound coming. IT was perfect, so perfect and the fact that this woman knew was not only startling but frightening.

"Who are you? How…how did you know?" At first, the only response to the words was a tranquil smile, the very appearance of the pretty face like a freshwater lake, undisturbed by man or, indeed, by the raging rivers and fierce storms. Hers was the face of true inner peace, mysterious darkness, and boundless wisdom; putting a well manicured figure to her lips, the woman looked up in serious contemplation before responding gently.

"Who I am is of little importance, who are you is a far better question I must say, though that is far past the topic in question isn't it? It is easy to know, to solve you inner turmoil, certain things just become obvious to a person who knows all to well how to read it doesn't it? You are well aware of this aren't you?" The eyes flashed for a moment, a sudden darkness lashing out at the young woman and pushing her back a step in fear, unsure now of who, or what, this woman was "Do not look so timid. Such emotions are beneath you, take your stand, you know hiding behind those marks on your arms will do no good for you nor for him; he is changing, as are you truly a girl of your intelligence must see that? Will you let fear step between destiny or will you allow it to move along the way it is meant to?" The seemingly powerful aura faded to a human glow, the woman who, a moment ago, seemed god like now appeared as mortal as she stood their, gently wrapping up the package and handing it to the speechless Jazz who took it without argument.

"Take it, no charge for a lovely young woman. Now go home and wrap those other gifts, only a few days until Christmas you know." Fully freaked, Jazz scrambled out the door, ignoring the soft tinkling bell and the eyes resting on her retreating back as the emotionally unstable girl took trembling steps back to her home, hoping to clear the confused muddle out before then.

* * *

Procrastination was a bitch. That was the conclusion that Sam had managed to arrive at after three hours spent scouring Amity for the perfect gift for her boyfriend. Usually it would be a gift card to his favorite store but that did not seem to be a good enough this year, nor would it be good enough any year after. Sighing, the young woman literally collapsed onto a wooden bench, looking out at the speeding vehicles and passing bystanders walking by as though she were invisible. Invisibility. That was what pushed her to the brink of destruction, the pains of loneliness and the fear of being forgotten; now it seemed silly to want to die over such thing but then she now had Danny, the very reason for her continued existence. As always, a secretive, slightly goofy smile spread itself out far on her face, the usually solid Samantha inwardly melting into goo and the pleasant thoughts of her boyfriend. She loved him more then was probably healthy, sometimes it was hard not to. No matter the pain or tears, no matter the screams he never stopped holding her, calming her, letting her get out whatever tried to break her; she had cut once more since their late evening chat and, true to her word, she explained a reason behind everyone. Strange how meticulously making a cut for every pain limited the wounds and lessened the agony surrounding each.

Things would get worse once holiday break was over and she officially returned to classes, according to the other three, news about her suicide attempt spread like wild fire through the halls of Casper high. The very thought of returning to that hell hole caused at least three of the wounds on her arm; it would be forcing herself to face that masses with a brave face again, taking chance without Danny to catch her every time. Although he promised, Sam knew it was impossible for him to repel the biting words and violent actions the other students would direct at her; no matter what was said contrary, the dark girl knew she did not belong, that she was the deformed in a herd of beauties. Nothing anyone said could change that, no make over could cover up the truth.

"Look boys, the little freak lives. Pity she had to pull through, she would have done everyone a favor by just dying." Cruel laughter floated over the girl, and moisture unwillingly rose in the tightly shut lavender eyes no matter how degrading it was to let those worthless pieces of shit get to her; they were right, and she didn't want to admit it. "Aww look, the wittle baby is crying. Maybe she needs a little help." Rough hands grabbed her and shoved the malnourished body into a puddle of slush congealing at the roadside, another pair dragging her back and yanking her up by the hair, drawing a muffled shriek of pain.

"Little bitch got an upgrade, she's almost pretty now, maybe if Fenton doesn't want her I"ll take her…A pretty little thing needs a real man to show you the facts of life, I know things that Fenton loser couldn't even dream about." A dirty hand began grouping through her shirt, Dash's leer inches from her terrified face even as she thrashed in the iron grasp of her capture; mustering every bit of courage left, she drew back and hocked a glob of spit into his face, watching with satisfaction as he drew back in horror, hand following. Wiping the slime from his face with the shirt of a passing nerd, he advanced menacingly, eyes full of cold fury and the thought of dangerous things. A hand shot out and struck her hard on the face, the skin red and stingy when it drew back for another hit, the hands gripping her so hard they would leave bruises; fear trembled through her, tears slowly trailing down her face as she prayed for a miracle. It came in the most unexpected source.

"Don't break her just yet Dash" A nasally voice reminding her of a combination of nails on a black board and boy band singers, chirped sweetly to him "Let her go and run back to Danny, I want to be the one to break her when Danny dumps her flat on her ugly little face for me." The hand let her go, shoving her into a wall before she had a chance to retort, the group drifting down the street and howling with laughter at their supposed success. Shakily collecting the belongings strung about during the skirmish, Sam let the tears fall and her body tremble; five minutes alone with the popular's and already they attacked like sharks at chum and as far as could be seen, she had done nothing to deserve it.

A shriek escaped her lips when a hand gently fell on her shoulder, terror at having been caught off guard again knocking her on her back, wide lavender eyes gazing up in fear into a pair of concerned emerald eyes, the feelings radiating from them creating a calming sensation throughout her body. Sam found herself standing, bags hung on her arm and clothes completely straightened without any idea of how her state of collection had come to be.

"Are you well child? I wish I could have prevented what occurred but when I realized their actions it was to late to step in and prevent them. Should I see them again, however, I am certain they will be the ones cowering. Child, child are you well? You still seem rather shaken." Lilac eyes drifted over the form wide and slightly wild, clutching close the parcels in a way that reminded her of comforts long passed. Of course she was shaken, in fact she was downright terrified which was more frightening then the actual events; Sam could remember a time when all they fought with was words, now she was terrified of the severing of her and Danny during school, of being cornered and molested by pig headed jerks. Weak as she was, there would be nothing the dark girl would be able to do but scream and, in their school, cries for help were unheard unless coming from the lips of high-class students.

"No, I'm fine thanks…or at least I will be," collecting herself again, Sam looked around and found herself inside a quaint little shop that she had never seen before. IT was full of everything imaginable and the girls eyes widened considerably, some of it looked quite old and fragile while other things looked brand new. What was this store?

"See something you like Miss?" The woman's quiet voice asked, startling the young woman who had immersed herself so far in the treasures lining the walls she had neglected to remember the occupancy of another in the room. "Perhaps for a man who has captured your heart?" Lilac irises still wandering the endless shelves, cases, and cabinets, the voice belonging them spoke wistfully,

"Yes, an amazing, perfect, wonderful man. It should be easy, I mean I've known him for half my life but…it isn't, I mean I love him and this gift has to be perfect, but nothing-nothing seems to fit him." A soft chuckle escaped the woman who proceeded to pace the rooms' edges, eyes roaming carefully in search of something. It was at this point Sam saw the shopkeeper in earnest, the realization of the face behind the mortal mask knocking the breath out of her. White hair, green eyes, simple yet flattering attire, that calming feeling and knowing glance….

"Lilith," she whispered eyes wide with shock. Did this woman know her at all? She certainly acted as though she did not but…but the resemblance was uncanny, it had to be the same person; how many other people resembled ghosts in this town aside from the actual ghosts and Danny? A hand paused on its movement, and mischievously twinkling eyes stared dead on at the dark girl, leaving that uncomfortable, naked feeling running through her.

"Did you say something Dearie?" Violently shaking her head, she watched the meticulous motions as Lilith drew something from one of the shelves, blowing a fine layer of dust off and carefully placing it on the counter.

"I do believe, Ms. Manson, this will do just fine. No cost for a gentle heart, take it home and do record the reaction later." With that said, the mysterious woman disappeared into the back of the tiny shop, leaving Sam to retreat in silence, mind whirling with a thousand thoughts and feelings unable to settle themselves long enough to be grasped.

Life just kept getting interesting.

* * *

What did you give you crush for Christmas without telling them you have a crush on them? A considerably frustrated Tucker Foley rolled this thought over in his mind constantly and yet drew a blank when the time came to answer it. The search was not helped by the fact that the usual 'girly' Christmas gifts were things that his crush would be caught dead with, she was beautiful without make up to mess it up, smelled luscious without need of disgusting perfume, and anything else was far to expense for his budget to cover. Books were not yet off the list but, loathe as he was to admit it, the young African American had no idea what authors, or genres the young redhead liked to read. As well as they knew each other, the inner workings of Jasmine Fenton remained a pleasant mystery to him, a mystery he had exactly thirty minutes to crack before everything closed down and locked him out.

Tucker hated Christmas, watching the propaganda Santa's dance for cell phone sales, or toy department clearance made the holiday seem sickening, not that it wasn't before the industry boom. No matter how well the holidays went, the eve of the new year always tore a sigh of relief out of him, the knowledge that another year had come to pass with now serious upset calming; yet, this year, he had to make sure everything, including himself, was festive and cheery. If not for Danny and Jazz's sake then for Sam's. His three friends had suffered enough without his gloomy attitude making it worse. It was hard to let his heart feel for his Goth Friend, the knowledge that the group was beginning to split down the middle making it hard to cross the rift and join them; it seemed no matter how hard he tried, how much pain he felt at losing them, the rift only grew during each day that passed.

Seeing Sam lying prone and dying in that hospital bed the first time, letting tears of rage and guilt pour in a way they never had before…it terrified him, scared the stoic technology geek to know he was not as unemotional as the screen, that not all problems could be healed with ctr alt del. Now it was hard to even look at them, to face up to the fact that neither of them had, or ever would need him. No matter how hard he tried, Tucker would never be as close to Sam as Danny was, would never be as close to Danny as Sam was and it made the guilt overpower him at time, bringing the strong man to tears. Knowing he had done nothing to help, to truly connect with his best friends again made the young African American boy feel like the worst friend in the world, made him feel akin to Dash or Kwan. The worst of it was that they didn't miss him. When his…solution…kept him home from school, left him sick as a dog, no one came to call and ask if he was okay, Danny didn't phone to check up on his fallen friend and, in fact, didn't even realize he was missing when Tucker did return. Sometimes he wanted to take a knife to his skin, toe end the pain in one swipe knowing that it would be awhile before anyone really realized what had happened. When the feeling overpowered him, the young man grabbed his needle and upped his dosage, determined to drown out the pain by beating the ones who caused it.

A little red head ran by, her overly tired, yet smiling mother not far behind as the youngster jumped up and down in front of a toy shop, watching with wide blue eyes as a little train made its rounds on its little set track, the soft whistle entrancing the small child. A soft grin fell into place on the young man's lips, his chocolate eyes melting at the mirror image of a much younger Jazz, long before the pain and aguish surrounding the girl once so happy and joyous. The redhead was the only thing truly breathing life into him, the knowledge that someone needed him for whatever reason enough cause to keep him tied to the mortal earth. If he killed himself, who would she turn to when the nights got lonely and painful? Could he leave her without a shoulder to cry on or ear to listen? Could he leave when she needed, most of all, a friend to try to understand, to be there when no one else knew how? Tucker knew the answer even before the question was asked. As a human being, as a man, as a friend he could never do that; taking the cowards' way out was no way to go for him, it was never all right for Sammy and someday he hoped she would realize that. It was all he could do to keep Jazz from treading the same path. Whatever gift he found for his fallen angel, it had to be something that would speak his heart without saying a word and be able to help heal hers. Books were a fall back option if nothing else presented itself.

Eyes suddenly sliding into focus, Tucker found himself on unfamiliar territory, standing in watch surely must be the place all lost remotes, car keys, and the one missing sock end up. The shop was disorganized at best, the walls piled floor to ceiling with shelves of crap, new and old, yet some how seeming very unique in each pieces own way. Glancing around carefully, he took steps toward items that caught his eyes, now and then spinning a wheel or pressing a button, warm eyes wide with child like curiosity as each piece exhibited something fascinating. Still nothing seemed right for Jazz, it was beginning to look bad when a gentle voice called out to him, breaking the steely silence,

"I don't believe you'll find what your looking for over their young man." Standing at the doorway to a back room was, what Tucker was sure, must be an angel, the loveliness radiating from her person enough to knock a man out and pull him to his knees. "Do not drool, it is impolite and I do believe I am far to old for one such as you, beside you search for a gift for a special lady friend. Would you betray her in such a way?" Unassuming eyes studied him, the tone not accusatory merely curious, something that through the young man for a loop; any other woman would start screaming but this one spoke calmly and collectedly as though commenting on the weather. It was eerie. Not to mention the way she seemed to stare right into his soul left a chilly, uncomfortable crawl beneath his skin.

"I…suppose, I'm not even going to ask how you knew that." He said, almost sure, he did not want to know the source behind this woman's knowledge. A mysterious smile spread over her cherry like lips and slim finger lightly put an object on the counter, eyes watching expectantly for the reaction to the possible gift. Tucker swore angels were singing and that hell had just frozen over as he gazed on a gift so simple, yet so perfect it was almost blinding.

"This is so perfect! You really do rock Ms. Erm…Miss." He continued lamely, grabbing up the parcel and reaching for his wallet only to be stopped by a pale, ice-cold hand.

"No charge, who can put a price on healing am I right Sir? Your lady friend will post certainly love this and perhaps it will serve your noble purpose well, I certainly believe it will help destiny play out for the better." Tossing her blond locks over her shoulder, the woman smiled and gently whisked the boy away, calling out gently to his retreating back "Do have a Merry Christmas Sir, and don't let those nasty memories ruin it for you." Glancing back with Startled chocolate eyes, the boy did not see the woman in the shop but could not ease the unsettling feeling of being watched, of being exposed. Why had the woman said that? Had it merely been a chance comment and if not…how did she know?

Turning Jazz's gift over in his hand, Tucker managed a weary smile before tucking it away until he could be alone long enough to wrap it. The woman may have been disturbing, but at least she solved his Christmas gift dilemma.

* * *

Attempting to put into an object all the feelings rolling around in your heart was completely impossible, as young Danny was beginning to discover when, after four hours of searching blindly, nothing near enough to convey his feelings to his girlfriend presented itself. Everyone else's gifts lay wrapped beneath the beautifully decorated tree, the bows glittering as an irritating reminder of the one person lacking a parcel. It made his stomach plummet when, upon poking about the tree, Sam's face fell when the others gifts sat perfectly wrapped while there wasn't even a card for her. It was hell trying to find something just right for the most amazing girl in his life, every time he thought he might have a lead to something perfect for the dark beauty it either did not fit her or was a stark reminder of the past. Beautiful as some of the things he had discovered were, they implied heavily that he wanted her to change, and that was the farthest thing from the young halfa's mind.

Once, the chance to conform the young Goth would be a once in a lifetime opportunity yet, looking back on the person he was, and the jaded glass hovering over his eyes, Danny had trouble remembering why any of them wanted a new Sam. All that came to mind was the rare moments they tenderly embraced after a moment of fear, the awkward, yet gentle words passing between them after dangers and terrors, the dances where he got the blessed chance to hold her close, movies where she gripped his arm in fright, burrowed her face in his chest. For all her faults, and there certainly stood whoppers in the background, there remained no memory of hating to hold the beautiful angel, being allowed to pull her close. Even as a child, Danny remembered a secret kiss in the dead night, lights twinkling from the roofs of neighboring houses. Sam never found out, to that very day it remained a closely guarded, much loved secret locked away in his heart; sometimes the young man wondered if, in seeing her at her weakest, he hadn't in the moment began to fall hard for his best friend. Danny supposed he would never know, the memories faded and weak with age, but the feeling strong and ever and that feeling truly remained the only important thing. He was eternally grateful he had realized his own heart before it was to late.

Sharing that, communicating that feeling through an object was his mission, and a huge mission it was for nothing possessed the statement he wanted to make; it should have been simple, but it was, in so many ways, the hardest thing about the holiday season: Finding the perfect gift for that perfect someone.

"Young man, may I assist you? It appears you are in quite a state of disarray, why I have been calling you for going on five minutes!" Soft as a spring breeze an full of winters chill, a voice floated over the small shop the halfa found himself in, eyes refocusing from a far away place he had not been aware of traveling to. Daydreaming was one thing, but that seemed like waking from a deep, relaxing sleep; Danny even felt refreshed as though he had been dozing for hours. A blue mist traveled from his lips but the shop seemed to distract from it, the mysterious smile of the only other occupant appearing a foot from his face, emerald eyes peering inquiringly into the cerulean orbs. Feeling exposed, the halfa stumbled back, the dead, emotionless eyes following every shaky step back, peering through thousands of layers (or so it seemed to him) to the fleshy core few ever saw.

"Young man, you are looking for something yes? Well I am selling something I do believe will serve your purposes if you can collect yourself enough to approach. And bring that picture in your pocket, we shall need that."

"There's no pic-" The words silence immediately as a bare hand collided with the stiff edge of photo paper, the edge of a picture that, previously, had not been there. Considerably shaken and on high alert, Danny hesitantly approached the shops counter, watching as something was delicately opened, revealing something simply so perfect the young man nearly hit himself at not having figured it out earlier. Nothing about it screamed Samantha Manson but in some way it was perfect for her, and it was up to him how he proved to her his love; there was no way one could buy love with a gift, nor by trust with a trinket and his reasons were neither. Nothing expensive need be bought for her, nothing fancy, but something that required thought and more then buying the first item to appear on a rack. Sighing quietly, a steady hand patted several pockets in search of a leather wallet, halting at the sound of a slightly amused chuckle, the soft tones reverberating off the cluttered walls.

"No Charge sir, I am sure she will love it and if you love her enough to give this to her then, well, I can ask nothing in return. For love there is no price to great, and It would be unethical of me to try and put a dollar amount. Wrap it well, perhaps write, or inscribe something into it, to remind her. I am sure it will never leave her sight so long as breath remains in her." The woman, who Danny had just noticed was a woman, spoke as though what she said was no more out of place then discussion about the weather. The young man, who had turned to leave, developed a sudden case of whiplash as his head jerked back only to see and empty room, the silence deafening and the previous occupant absent from sight and sense. A crawly chill ran through his spine, the knowledge that something about the sales clerk was off, and more then those dead eyes seemed wrong. For example, the fact that without telling her, the woman knew what who the gift was for and why he chose that particular item. Tucking the parcel safely away, Danny stumbled out without bother to glance back, afraid that, if she knew of Sam, the odd woman knew other secret as well.

He could only hope that she was not what she appeared to be.

_Put your worries aside  
And open up your mind  
See the world right by your side  
It's Christmas time_

_Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas  
Happy Holidays  
_

A quiet hush fell over the sleepy ghost town of Amity, an electric feeling slicing the frigid air and slowly flipping the switch within all, releasing the inner child and secret joy no one could repress. It was the kind of feeling that made you think of first snows, the smell of turkey roasting in the oven, the twinkle of lights in the water eyes of small ones. The silent magic of Christmas Eve invaded even the coldest, darkest heart and made the sleeping populace smile against their pillows, snuggling into a lovers embrace or into the safe grasp of a snuggly down quilt. Yet, though the stocking hung at the chimney, and the little ones stayed carefully tucked into bed, one creature did not sleep, a Christmas miracle brewing beneath the calculating exterior and quiet smile. Thank you was all she wanted to convey and, with however little idea she had of how to approach this, the young woman was determined to make it a Christmas Eve to remember. For both of them.

A flash of red startled the shadows as a buddle up young woman padded quietly across the floor, avoiding loose floorboards and squeaky nails with practiced ease, boots in hand and socks sliding slightly across the smooth, shiny surface. IT would be perfect if it could only be done without words, until they got where they needed to be of course. Turning the old brass knob carefully, she winced at the low groan all three hinges gave in protest of their use but it seemed the sound went unnoticed as no one stirred from their rooms. Releasing an inaudible sigh of relief, the young woman carefully tiptoed into the room intent on surprise only to have the plan backfire.

"If you're looking for a midnight snack the Kitchen's downstairs…" An amused voice yanked a startled yelp from the girl who whipped around only to see her query watching with humored chocolate eyes and a bemused smile. Jazz already saw her plan go whirling down the drain but no one said Fenton's were not determined and if she inherited anything acceptable from her parents, it was that.

Although she bought a gift two days prior, it did not seem enough when she cradled it in her hands to wrap it. True it was perfect for him but not enough, no not for this young man. Jazz couldn't place why it was so important she make this Christmas memorable, all that came to mind was him and a tradition of past holiday seasons she insisted on keeping up, even now when she was on the brink of excepting the inevitable. Tucker hated Christmas, he had said as much nearly a month ago and since then, a plan began to form beneath the curtain of red of a way to help him the way he had her. She was not yet ready to admit anything deeper then that pushed her to action but if she was completely honest with herself she knew It was so much more then one friends shoulder. Waking up to him beside her, cradling her to protect from nightmares and to brush the tears when he couldn't stop the monsters, feeling his heart beat as they shared a strong understanding, lying with him on the living room floor inches from the cliffs edge…. There was more in her heart for Tucker then there had been for anyone else, every morning began with a thought of him and every evening slipped into dreams of his face, his laugh, his smile. They battled the demons plaguing her nights and when his dream self could not vanquish them, the flesh and blood was always there. Always there. That was Tucker, never failing to be a shoulder to cry on, the man with all the right things to say… a man so easy to fall in love with it scared her. Jazz couldn't admit the feelings in her heart, her denial the only thing tying her to sanity; should it slip away, should the choice be made to accept the truth and let go it would plunge her into darkness. Perhaps a darkness not even the young African American in question could save her from. Aqua eyes roamed over the well built body, the last month having been very good to his form; he wore a green sweater that brought out a tint of jade in his brown eyes and pair of comfortable looking jeans. All in all, the only word Jazz could find to describe his currant state of dress was 'Hott'.

"I…er…have…that is to say…" The usually composed girl stumbled, trying to find away to keep it a surprise without sounding like an idiot in the process. Shutting her mouth for a moment to take a deep, cleansing breath, the redhead carefully thought every word out until it sounded acceptable. Dark eyebrows disappeared into a dark hairline at the stammering, the young man unused to hearing Jazz anything but collected; even during breakdown she managed to hold some semblance of dignity

"Want to go for a walk?" It was all she could think to say, the only words that would come out under pressure; despite her many masks and walls Jazz was horrible with secrets and even worse with lies. Truth or silence, that was the motto she tended to live by having fewer options. Sometimes, as Jazz began to find out a month prior, silence let a wound fester to the point of fatality. How long would it have been until the cool steel cut just a little to deep, bled a little to much, how long until the pool of blood staining the floor would amuse and gratify the broken heart. How long would it have taken Jazz to go looking for death? Without Sam's decline, without that sharp slap of reality and the slow crumbling of her inner walls, it would have been a matter of months, maybe weeks, until the strong resolve in her crumbled and the redhead was the one lying near death in a hospital bed. Yet, now the world seemed to brighten by the day and although the pain never really healed it was beginning to scab and scar, leaving only a memory of past abandonment and loneliness. Somehow that was just fine with her, and the young woman knew she had the young man staring bemusedly at her to thank.

"You are aware, my oh so insane friend, that it is Christmas Eve and the temperature is below freezing? Santa won't like this you naughty girl." A slow smirk spread out on his lips and met and answering chuckle, even as his firm hand reached out to grab his jacket from the puddle it lay in on the floor. Taking his hand after he had put it on, she gave a gentle smile and squeezed in comfortably, the way he had always done for her.

"I think he will understand." Lightly laughing, the boy pulled on his boots and wrapped his scarf around before gently padding out the door and down the hall, followed by a slight footed Jazz, her sharp eyes listening for sound of life in the silent house. Danny would never let them hear the end of it if the two were caught sneaking out at the late hours of the evening. They reached the front door with no resistance and the lack of knowledge from their mutual friends, much to the relief of both parties, and the redhead quickly stuffed her feet into the warm boots, opened the door, and tugged Tucker out into a Christmas Eve wonderland. Hanging from roof tops, tiny icicles shimmered against the low street lights and snow glittered like an endless sea of diamonds, heavy flakes still drifting lazily to earth and settling themselves down for a winters nap. Everything stayed silent, the entire world serene on this night, undisturbed by mortal woes and hopeless fears. Something about the simplicity made it more beautiful then anything the redhead could hope to see, even the hand gripping hers seemed to hold just a little tighter, the chocolate orbs encompassing, at times, her entire world, wide so as to drink in the splendor. As though in enchanted, the breeze tossed her red locks, letting them wave like that tip of a candles flame and making whisperings of magic and love in their ears. Tugging gently on the dark skinned hand, Jazz led him down the lifeless street, cuddled close for warmth while the two pass beneath arches of lighted garland and past all the jeweled lights of the season.

Deep into town, a nostalgia overcame the redhead as every turn, every store, every corner flooded her with memories from ages past, Christmas's and average days leading her down this path. Places of shared love and horrid anger, such as the park and school, as well as places of tears and healing like the hospital perched high on a hill in the distance, or the broken stump of an old oak tree. Snow stung her eyes as the storm picked up fiercely, the gale whipping up flakes from the snow drifts and dusting them with it; Jazz, dressed in the same jacket loaned to her in the beginning by the boy standing beside her as well as a scarf he gifted her , took the brunt of it having the least protection. Shivering, wet, and freezing cold, the young woman looked up startled when, despite the low groan of winters age beaten voice, the harshness did not scathe her skin. A pair of warm eyes smiled back down, two arms and the edge of a jacket surrounding her until the screeching wind settled and the boy deemed it fitting to release her. Regretfully, Jazz stepped back, smiling a silent thank you to the boy who never ceased to be her savior. For a few weeks, when they'd drifted after Sam's recovery, she had contemplated taking the same path because he didn't seem to care but, as always, he proved her wrong to her relief.

Falling angel, that was what he called her, a beautiful spirit with her wings clipped who needed to learn to fly again. The name hardly seemed to fit but no matter how she tried to throw him off of it, Tucker stuck to using it like it was glue; despite all the protests and disgruntled appearances she put up, Jazz admitted she was rather thankful he cared enough to call her that. In some way it was assuring to know someone thought enough to catch a 'falling angel'. When they met on that bench, the night frigid cold and hospital halls even colder, who would have guessed what would form between them from the moment the question passed his lips.

"**Who will catch you?"**

Such a question never occurred to the always steady girl, the naturally collected character not allowing for visible weakness or heartache; if she ever fell it would be silently, in the dark night when no one could see the wreck the redhead became. Now, it was hard to be that girl, especially around the young man that seemed determined to be the strong arms and warm heart that saved her. Saving face was all she could do now, playing fake so that no one could hurt her all the while trying to sort out the person beginning to form beneath the ice; Jazz was changing, and it was scaring her. So many people knew about the pain, about the heartache tearing like rabid wolves, taking chunk after chunk of fleshy heart and leaving only the bitter, foul tasting remains, Danny even watched her in a single moment of weakness, the last he would ever see her in if it were up to her. Wearing her heart on her sleeve was new to the girl, especially around a person she only just started trust, sometimes the insecurity crept back up and all she wanted to do was push him away, to crawl into the corner of her bed and hide, cry the tears she hated him seeing. But he would never allow that to happen, he was a temporary crutch that, slowly but surely, Jazz found herself leaning on less and less.

"So…any particular reason you dragged me out at" the boy looked at his watch, squinting to read the barley lit dial "11:57?" Thumb tracing gentle patterns on her palm, the boy looked curious and amused at the fact he was standing under the arch leading to the park, in the freezing cold, with his best friends sister (as well as his current love interest) without a clue as to why. Something about it was comical but he just choked it up to the irritatingly infectious holiday spirit. Smiling mischievously, the red head tossed her frosty hair out of her face and squeezed his hands, qua eyes gleaming in the soft moonlight.

"Tradition"

"It's a tradition to stand out in a frozen park in the middle of the night? Where have I been all these years…." Chuckling, Jazz nudged him playfully and rolled her eyes. Idiot. Loveable idiot, that was what he was, a little boy that would, hopefully, never grow out of his childishness. The world would come to an end, as would the groups' friendship, if that spirit, that humor, that silliness wasn't there to ease the tensions and make their serious tendencies relax even for a moment. Truth was, Tucker was more important to the group then anyone else, yet it seemed Jazz was the only one who noticed it; everyone else got so caught up in work, in the mature aspects of life they forgot fun. God only knows what would happen to them without Tucker to remind them how to lighten up now and then.

"No, but in about thirty seconds you'll find out what is." Anxiety gnawed at her, the feeling akin to heavy lead settling itself in the pit of her stomach. Taking a chance was not something she liked doing, and this certainly was a huge chance; it would decide who would be the victor of a momentous inner war. A decision Jazz had been putting off for as long as she could stand it. Luckily enough, tradition could block out some of the emotional strain that would come of this, at least that was the hope the redhead had in dragging the confused male to the arch leading to the park. Checking her watch, the seconds slowly ticked moving far too slowly, the minute hand quivering before settling atop the hour hand at twelve a.m., officially it was Christmas Day. Taking a deep breath and praying not to regret this, Jazz wrapped the one free hand around his neck and stood on her tiptoes, pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

It was heaven. If she was not an angel before she certainly was now, the electricity shooting through every limb, flooding every sense was like inner fire works and it made her toes curl, it was incredible. It was not passionate, nor truly more then a light brush but it meant so much to her, feeling his arms wrap around her waist and carefully holding her in place as he began to return the favor, slowly and shyly, unsure about what brought about the sudden action. Each motion was so gentle, so loving it nearly killed Jazz to feel it, knowing this changed everything between him, knowing now what the constant ache in her chest was. His hand traveled up and gently stroked her cheek, the calloused skin of his thumb sending chills down Jazz's spine as it caressed the baby soft skin of her face, so meticulous about being gentle and careful, as though she was a precious porcelain doll. Although the moment was, in so many ways, perfect the young woman knew it must end before her heart took over sense and she did something she would regret yet it was not she who broke the connection first. Lips still parted, eyes closed to savor her short trip to heaven, it took a gentle caress and the press of two gently kisses on her eyes lids to get her to reveal the aqua gems to a pair of russet irises. Any fear of the reaction, the rejection, or the love that would suddenly flood from him drained like a puddle to her feet when their eyes met. No expectation of more, no sadness, but more hope then Jazz imagined could be in one man; in someway, Tucker knew not to ask more then what she'd been willing to give in that moment. Perhaps it was the silent pact between them, perhaps it was something more, but whatever prompted him to be collected and relaxed about what felt like so much more, Jazz was glad for it. While he could rationalize it in an instant, she was still trying to figure out where her sanity had gone in the last minute or so.

"Mistletoe?" The question made her smile, the twinkling smile clearly showing in his eyes very infectious. Touching his cheek and nodding her head toward the arch, she wrapped her arms around his neck again, attempting to feign coldness so as to be closer to him, not that she had ever needed a real reason to do so in the past.

"Mistletoe" she confirmed, a soft chuckle escaping him as he looked up at the seemingly innocent little plant. For his part, it was all Tucker could do not to lean in for more. He knew, however, not to push her emotionally, knew how disastrous the effects would be if she was strained passed her emotional safety net. Slow was fine for him though, so long as he could have her in the end and the best Christmas present of all was that now he knew he stood a chance.

_It's a wonderful feeling  
Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling  
It's that time of year  
Christmas time is here  
_

Light crept slowly over the land turning white snow pink and orange as dawn broke over the world, the sun lazily ascending to take its position in the sky, unheeding of the pregnant cloud hovering just at the edge of its sky, waiting to give unto to world their children. Tousle haired, sleepy eyed children smiled at the first feel of the suns warmth on their faces, the light doing nothing to rouse them from their sleep. A tingle of anticipation tinged the air, slowly drawing, one by one, each person from their rest to enjoy the sweet day.

Hair mussed and eyes wincing against the sudden light spilling in through the usually shut blinds, a dark haired boy attempted to rise from beneath his coverlet, the early hour overcoming him so much that he did not realize the day nor could he put together why he was unable to rise. Blinking himself to slow cohesiveness, Danny remembered a young girl's fear of dark places and milky moon light calming the girl, said beauty rested peacefully pillowed on his chest, arms tucked against her and eyes closed against a smile. Gently settling himself back in, the young halfa smiled and tenderly brushed a lock of hair out of the dark girls face, admiring the serene beauty she radiated, the simplistic loveliness she had while she slept. Even if it meant another few hours of waiting before he could see those lilac orbs appear to great the day it was alright, just being able to hold her was enough. Blue eyes caressed the perfect contours of the angular face, the tender smile that was to long in coming and felt the familiar nip of guilt, the gut wrenching feeling of not measuring up. Like so many others, Sam had counted on him and Danny, in so many ways, had let her down. Drawing his eyes from the beautiful creature who proudly called herself his girlfriend, the boy looked up at the sun kissed ceiling, the usual beige now a pale amber in the deep morning. Insecurity, no one was allowed to see the weakness or else how could they trust the teenager with their lives or trust him to do right and fix that breaks caused by the ghost population. No, Danny could never be scared or hurt or insecure, like with Jazz, there had to be a certain amount of protection, a certain mask that kept the world together and life from simply collapsing. If he did not keep that mask up, he would collapse.

Mechanically, a rough, calloused hand ran light threads through his fingers, the thin fibers of hair running like silk across the rough, worn appendages. Life wore down; it had been a tiny guilt trip when the realization that suicide would be a peaceful option would it not destroy the hearts of so many. Seeing Sam lying prone in a hospital bed proved that well enough. Yet, even for all his power, every time he was left to muse alone, left and forgotten by the world merely for being a normal human boy, Danny felt helpless. So much in the world was left to chance, what good would one person do when there was no way to change the hearts and minds of socially obsessed, appearance crazed snobs? No matter how many ghost he took down, how much heart he pushed into everything, the human Danny came up short while the ghost in him took everything he ever wanted. What good was the power without the ability to grow through it?

"Do you always think out loud at…6:30 in the morning?" a sleep drugged voice muttered from somewhere beneath a pile of quilts, the mouth barley moving across the exposed flesh of his chest. Stiffening, blue eyes looked up and met bleary lavender, the curious expression over weighted by the weary confusion seemingly taking over the shimmery irises. Escaping the tangle of sheets and coverlets, a slim hand reached up and lightly caressed the pale cheek of her love, bringing a slight smile to the overly serious face, letting Danny escape the troubles tormenting him for just a moment. Nuzzling the hand as a cat would its masters hand, the young halfa let the love radiating from a simple gesture brighten every aspect of the day, of his life; a tired chuckle escaped the slightly parted lips and with tender grace and gentle love, eased down around his. Heaven, every touch of her hand, the light pressure of their lips brought to Danny a sense of belonging, that this was where he was meant to spend his life, connected to this girl, hearts and hands. Hands cupping the warm cheeks, slowly drawing out a smile in the midst of their tender embrace, the young man gently caressed her lips with his and brushed his tongue along the edge of lips, instantly granted entrance. Tongues competing wildly for control over the kiss, a gentle moan gurgled at the base of the dark girls' throat, her hands grasping gently at a bare chest while a calloused hand drifted down smooth arms and just beneath the hems of a nightshirt. Bare skin met the worn fingers, puffy flesh and hardened scabs twisting the knife deep in the halfa's gut, the hands lovingly caressing every scar marring the smooth skin, pulling the warm, pliable body close. Heartbeats mingling, breathes harsh and rushed, the two stayed like that for sometimes, Danny never wanting to let go.

"It's Christmas," came the breathy, hoarse voice in his ear. The slight detection of a smile her voice spread a smile out on the boys face as she nuzzled his bare chest, sighing in pure contentment. This was beautiful, amazing. Everything was, especially her. Sam was perfect, so amazing to keep going through all this hell and even more come out on top; no matter how long it took complete recovery, the fact that she was blew her boyfriend over. Taking a chance on life when it gave nothing but a hard hand in the past, living with the scars that slowly tore a soul to pieces, it took courage, it took heart, it took wisdom. No matter what Sam saw in the mirror, no matter the denial of what she was, Danny knew she was perfect in every way and that he, in no way, deserved the love of someone so perfect.

"So I'll let you off the hook for now, but as soon as we're alone again your gonna sing like a canary." Two gentle hands tilted his head, eyes locking with lilac speckled orbs that drew in the boy like a spiders web; the dead seriousness was startling. The young Goth never showed such severity, especially not these days, it was almost solely reserved for life or death situations, the moment of cool heads and split second decisions. "Trust goes both ways." The words made Danny wince, the knowledge that, after hearing that sentence, there would be no escaping the conversation, the confession. Neither of which seemed particularly pleasant to the boy, the talking or the confessing, but there was no way he could deny it; the power she held on him was stronger then he cared to admit.

"Come on," The young woman tumbled from the bed jovially, a Cheshire grin and dancing eyes meeting any onlookers. Nothing looked more beautiful then seeing a lady smile in true joy, and the dark girl now looked more radiant then ever before; truly smiles suited her, though she would forever deny it. Hair a frazzled mess and pajamas askew in rather embarrassing places, the possessor of a soft hand gently took its mate and drew out the strong willed being cradled gently in the warmth keeping him from winters deadly chill. Chuckling gently under his breath, the boy allowed himself to be lead by the hyperactive sixteen year old. Trying to tiptoe and avoid waking the other two believably stashed comfortably within their rooms, the two lovers padded silently down the old stairs, giggling quietly halfway to the family room like two children attempt to spy on Santa Claus. Something about the holidays never ceased to bring out the best in them, tomorrow life would settle into the dreary humdrum that encased the dull, grayish world the resided in, yet for one day they enjoyed magic long lost for every other day. Creeping into the world, Danny had to clap a swift hand over his girlfriends mouth and one over his own, eyes tearing up with the resistance hw as putting up not to explode with laughter. Lying quite serenely on the old leather couch, wrapped like infants in an old quilte, Tucker and Jazz slept, her bedridden red head burrowed down into the covering and beneath his chin, the arms tenderly enclosing her into his embrace all the proof Danny needed to know something was beginning to change between the two. Smirking as soon as threats of raucous laughter passed, the halfa released his grip on Sam's hand, sneaking to the tree and withdrawing to gifts before retreating to the living room at the rear of the house, farthest from the dreaming twosome cuddled so tenderly on the Fenton's couch. However much amusement the two troublemakers would get out of watching their friends (and family) squirm, it only took a gentle hand and a momentary lock of eyes to remind Danny why he could not. Moving without barriers, letting it come as it was destined to, loving only as his heart was ready brought him the love of his life; it was only fair those two have the same shot he did.

"Since I know you can never wait to tear through the paper I so painstakingly slaved over just to make sure ever corner was perfect…" He sounded as though she was killing his cat, but the smirk lightly touching the very corners of his face made her laugh and shoved him away playfully, sticking out a pick fleshy tongue and giggling. "Don't tempt me now." She blushed bright red and it was his turn to let out a barking laugh. Here's you gift, I hope you like it…" Tentatively, a pair of trembling hands offered the parcel, finding it all to happily received; small beads of sweat appeared on his brow and for the life of him, Danny couldn't begin to understand why he was so nervous. It was Sam, Sam who he had known for eight years of his life, she never cared much for material things, only the meaning behind them; trying to show her how he felt went beyond personal comfort. It was hard, the depth of what her felt scary and confusing, something that at times the halfa just wanted to push to the edge of his thoughts; what would she do if he had failed doing what he set out to? It seemed perfect at the shop but….

"Oh Danny…" Speaking barley above a whisper, a slight hand drew from an old leather like box a silver locket, styled in an old fashioned technique that gave it the appearance of being centuries old. "It's…beautiful, however did you-?" Two fingers pressed to her lips, the boy doing so thrilled beyond measure that it could make those eyes light up the way they did; lavender met blue and an affectionate smile graced his features, eyes warm and welcoming, wanting nothing more then the ability to look into her eyes forever.

"Open it." Watching expectantly, a pair of azure eyes saw the thin fingers fumble with the small charm, the clasp of it finally releasing with a click, slowly creaking open to reveal its contents. Danny wrung his hands nervously in his lap, watching the blank expression as the beautiful amethysts focused intently on the image inside. Slowly, lazily, a tear crept from the corner of her eyes, trailing haltingly down the smooth flesh of her face, eyes squeezing tight and hand closing gently around the locket. Worried that she was angry, the young halfa attempted to remove the locket from her grasp, crestfallen that Sam had not liked it; to his great surprise, the girls arm drew back quickly and a watery look was spared at the picture before she replied gently, but sternly.

"Your not taking it back I…no one has ever given me something so beautiful…so sweet before. Where in the world did you get that picture I didn't think…"

"Found it.' Technically he was not lying, Danny had found it though the circumstances of his discovery were eerie he had found it. The picture was a sweet one the young man was not aware of having been taken, thought the fact it had was extraordinarily good news; in the image the two were wrapped in each other, long before death and pain, even longer before boyfriends and girlfriends, when innocence reined and no one did anything but dream. Sleeping soundly, Christmas day, wrapped in an old quilt and each other, Sam's head buried in the blankets and tucked under Danny's chin, and his arms holding her tight as a teddy bear, but loose enough to be gentle. It was a sweet moment, the first moment the halfa could admit to being to fall hard, though at eight the word 'love' was only something on a spelling test.

"I…I don't know what to say, thank you so much" Tears began to flow down her cheeks and were tenderly wiped away by a steady head, the every goofy, yet loving smile in place to bring about her own golden grin.

"I wanted to remind you, when you hurting or scared or lonely, that I have always and will always be there to love you, to help you. All you need to do it ask." They shared a brief kiss before a rather decent sized package was thrust into his hands, the owner of the hands that laid it blushing crazily.

"Your turn…It isn't much but I thought…" the words trailed off, leaving Danny even more curious to discover the surprise beneath the wrappings; carefully tugging at the bow and gently unfolding each corner of the paper (much to Sam's impatience) so as not to rip or muss the exquisitely colored wine hued paper. At last, the thin wrapping fell back to reveal an ancient looking tomb, the words

"**A lifetime of Friendship, an Eternity of Love''**

Running a trembling finger over the surface, Danny carefully peeled back the color only to see the nine year old versions of his best friends smiling back at him, a frowning Jazz pouring over text books, Tucker doing the hula in a grass skirt at their last house party. Page after page inspired a sort of nostalgia, feeling as though with each page he turned he stepped back in time one day farther. Under certain pictures notes appeared in the same careful calligraphy, detailing an amusing joke or funny thought, sometimes even reminding merely of the happiness of that singular moment in time. Although Danny did not cry unless…well….someone was dying (he recalled his crying fits during Sammy's incarceration) the urge to just let go as he slowly thumbed through memories long forgotten. Looking at images long gone, the sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings flooded back like a movie or an instant reply, reminding and refreshing the dry remains of his soul. Delicately closing the book, the halfa had to draw a calming breath to ease everything into a way he could communicate it; speaking from the heart was harder for him to do, and judging by the expectant and anxious look pouring from Sammy's lavender eyes, he had to say something. Doing an impressive impression of a trout, the boy attempted to force words out, eyes turning down to the book and shooting immediately back up to the anxious eyes waiting for the words he couldn't will to come. Closing his lips, Danny took a deep breath, struggling for the words that lay in his hearts soft depths and finding nothings; running an annoyed hand through his fine black locks, a decision reached his mind. If he couldn't tell her, he would show her in the best way possible.

Arms wrapped around the still-to-thin waist, pulling the squealing girl to his lap, the young woman obviously more than a little startled at the sudden gesture. Carefully drawing her deep into his embrace, Danny inhaled the sweet scent of lavender, enjoying the feel of her body fitting perfectly into the curve of his, the stunning creature curling up into the warmth and comfort no one else (and he was proud of this) was able to give her. So much in him lived for her, continued the fight knowing that if she was safe because of one less ghost then it was worth the fight; Sam had, and continued to be, worth the fight. Seeing the book, the category of memories and laughs, tears and hugs, all the moments in their lives that slowly drew them to each other, moments where they drew together as friends, as family, as lovers. The four of them had been together in the worst times, and the best times but none so much as Sam who, more then once, risked her life to save his and fought against the common belief even when no one else could believe it. Yet, for all the amazing images and the irreplaceable memories, feeling his heart swell at her mere presence, seeing that stunning smile in reaction to something his done, the electric feeling of their lips against the other, knowing that she chose to be his out of all the other boys in the world was a gift that he would never take for granted. A trembling look seemed to enter the lilac irises, the familiar insecurity roaring to life in the darker core, an emotion Danny longed to destroy in Sam, wanting her to feel truly safe around him. Trust would come in time, yet time did not pass swift enough. It stung brutally, knowing that the dark girl still feared his rejection, that she envied others so far below her they should bow. No one would or could ever compare to the creative individual in his arms, and suddenly the words were not so hard to say.

"Only you, Sammy, could come up with a gift like this…these pictures, that message…it is almost as though you knew I needed to look back, to remember. It is perfect, the most…the most amazingly thoughtful gift I've ever gotten." Gently touching her cheek and forcing their eyes to meet, the sight of delight shone in the purple orbs, his words obviously doing as they were supposed to. "And it is far more special because it was you that gave it to me, now I can carry a piece of you, of my friends, my family just as you can carry a piece of me and you…It isn't quite as good as having the real thing though." A soft giggle escaped the girl, slim fingers running through short, slightly raggled locks as his hand caressed her cheek, both sets of eyes smiling jovially. Gently those jewels hid behind curtains of flesh, tender lips moving against each other and tongues running wild on that Christmas morning, a position they remained in for many hours in quiet contentment.

* * *

She was so comfortable, warmth drawing winters icy chill from her bones and replacing it with safe comfort and downy soft warmth. Light drew across a dreaming face, the suns probing fingers trying to gently ease the sleeper from their rest in order to greet the snow covered Christmas Day, but the frazzled redhead only grumbled unintelligibly and burrowed against the warm, living pillow supporting her heavy head so comfortably. A light chuckle up heaved the pillow beneath the mass of red hair, the owner of the tousled locks grumbling disgruntledly and burrowing her face against the shaking object caressing her hair so gently, smoothing it down her back.

"Wake up Jazzy," a soft, low baritone voice whispered in her ears, his hot breath tickling the shell and sending shivers down her spine. No matter what you thoughts on sex, there was something about a deep, smooth baritone that effected the hormone flow of women; there had to be. Aquamarine eyes barley slits, the tiny pupils moved beneath the lids to focus on the blurry figure still gently cradling her warm body so tenderly, the warm voice and rhythmic hand slowly and gently drawing her from the bliss of sleep to an entirely new wonderland. Eyes opening a touch more, the figure swam into focus and revealed himself to be Tucker Foley, sporting an amused grin and surprisingly twinkling eyes.

"Usually I hate this holiday with a burning passion, but I've never woken up with an angel in my arms before. Besides, we've got presents and I want to open mine so move your cloth covered hinny so we can get to the second best part of Christmas!" Groaning at the chipper way in which the young African American spoke, Jazz attempted to roll over and go to sleep within the soft folds of her oldest and most adored quilt. Another quacking laugh escaped the boys parted lips, the soft folds of flesh pressing gently onto her and serving as a better substitute the coffee, waking the redhead up in record time. Mischief shimmered in the deep chocolate pools, mirth overflowing at the fact something so simple could walk up the usually dead sleeper.

"I guess I'm lucky Santa decided to leave a little present," Pupils traveling toward the ceiling, she followed his gaze and saw a tiny sprig of mistletoe hanging just above the tops of their heads, so innocent in it's appearance yet the worst of the Christmas troublemakers. Aqua eyes rolling at the ridiculous excuse(though she was secretly pleased) Jazz reluctantly crawled out of the warm cocoon of blankets and crawled over to the tree, wrestling two different parcels from the pines spindly grasp before returning to the sofa and crawling into Tucker lap, much to his amusement. Waking up was the girls least favorite part of the day, especially in winter when the heat dropped like a lead weight and everything from the air to the floor chilled bare skin. Tucker was warm and, curling up as close against him as she could, Jazz had to admit that warmth was a fairly decent excuse for cuddling. As though reading her thoughts, the young man tugged the quilt over them and wrapped an arm about her shoulders, massaging the tense appendages gently as everything rearranged for comfort and the two could finally settle in, packages in hand. Inspecting it, Jazz realized she was sure what to expect; past Christmas's brought gift cards and gas station give a ways, yet this holiday felt special, felt different and for the first time there was no way to predict the contents of the package. Gently, her hand was moved to the edge of the package, a small smile encroaching upon the exhaustion as a tingle shot through her and the familiar bubble expanded deep in her stomach. Butterflies and firecrackers seemed to combine to attack her senses jut merely from a touch, a thought, a wish and still it was enough to force roses to bloom in her cheeks.

"Open it. I think you'll like it, at least I hope you'll like it," Thoughtfully, the girl tore the paper making less of a mess then years before but still making no attempts to save the wrappings, knowing that doing so defeated the entire purpose. After fixing the bow carefully on top of her curtain of red hair like a crown ("Your highness!") Jazz found herself staring at a plain white box, nothing in it spectacular or special; taking care not to jostle it should the item be fragile, Jazz curiously began to lift the cover and part the tissue paper. For a moment time froze and the usually calm heart began halted and promptly began to beat a mile a minute; tender fingers fell over a beaded satin cover, tiny mirrors embedded in the cloth reflecting different looks, different emotions as aquamarine eyes took it in. A journal, a diary, something she never had to inclination to spend money on but secretly wondered about; something that could not judge what you told it and listened without complaint. Her fingers felt the smooth cloth cover, a rich red color with dark purple trim and binding, shimmery beads puckering part of cloth. The mirrors were the most beautiful, capturing different parts of her soul as she gazed.

"Look inside," a hot breath exploded on the back of her ear; fingers trembling slightly, unsure of what surprise to expect, she carefully lifted the cover and saw four very familiar people smiling back, eyes dancing with joy and smile so large they nearly overtook their faces. Two years ago, the four of them and her parents visiting the water park; the picture had been taken in front of the biggest fountain there while the four were entirely drenched, resembling drowned rats more so then people. Chuckling slightly, she ran a finger lovingly over the picture, allowing it to run down the inside cover to a message written in careful cursive, the stark purple color drawing her eyes immediately.

_Jazz,_

_There will always be moments of weakness, troubles that are to hard to talk about, memories and pains that just hurt too much to think about. I know this all to well and so do you, I also know that there may be a time you can't find it in yourself to confide in me and though I do not hope that day comes anytime soon I will leave you with this journal just in case._

_You are a beautiful girl with so many beautiful thoughts and beautiful dreams that the world, in their bias conforming ways, cannot understand. Here you can express yourself freely and get out all the pain, all the laughter, all the hope that sometimes disappears when faced with day-to-day life. Whether it's a crush you admire from afar, or a particularly bad moment in time you long to obliterate from history, you can put it here and know that someday you can look back and laugh at what was once so important._

_I wrote this note as a first entry, a starting point I guess you could say. For every great moment in history there was someone there to start it and I intend to be that person for a very long time, beginning with that day at the bench and continuing on for as long as you will let me. _

_The picture tells a story that has been long in the making, a reminder that, when you're staring at the face of death and crying in your pain, there is always someone there for you. I leave you now to begin writing down those things deeply secreted away in your heart with a gentle beginning to remind you of everything you have in life and of everyone who has you._

_Merry Christmas Jazzy_

_Tucker Foley._

Unbeknownst to her, tears began to burn down her cheeks, the aqua starker then moments before as the sheer warmth of the words brought a rush of gratitude and affection to the surface, spilling out onto her cheeks as her only means of expression. Gentle fingers covered the trembling ones, shutting the cover before tilting the overcome eyes to meet warm chocolate orbs; Jazz had never gotten such a thoughtful gift, and the knowledge that so much care had been put into make It perfect brought on a fresh wave of tears. Unsure of whether to kiss him or not, the emotionally shy girl decided against it and instead burrowed her face against his chest, listening to his light chuckles and the steady heartbeat just under her ears.

"Thank you so much…It's so sweet…I love it!" she exclaimed softly, pulling away for a moment to smile, hands still firmly clasped over the edges of the stain journal as though wanting to protect the item as well as the love poured into it. Lavender eyes drifted to the carefully dressed up parcel still lying untouched in his lap, shooting up accusingly to meet and innocent expression.

"Now yours. My gift to you can't even begin to compare to…but I think…I hope you like it just the same." It was difficult, waiting patiently for the young man to slowly tear the paper, mindful of bows and ribbons as a single finger tore down the center of the bluish green paper, the silver Snowman smiling merrily back at her as their little head were systematically torn in two. People said Christmas was a kind holiday? A tiny box revealed itself, the anxiety nearly causing the redhead to implode; what if he did not like it? There were surely worse things in the world, but Jazz wanted so much for this year to be different for Tucker, Christmas was the young man's least favorite holiday and it took a little reflection to realize all the fake smiles, estrangement, and false enthusiasm that he implied in the past. For all the talk about being good friends, being so close to each other, the messiness about others hearts slipped between the cracks; Jazz herself fell into darkness, as had Sam before her and Tucker before her, Danny probably swam beneath the all knowing eye. No one was able to admit there pain and very few could detect it, or rather wanted to detect it, in those who meant most; only now, walking with far less jaded eyes, could the young woman see the distant looks, the sad frowns, the rift growing. They were changing and by doing so leaving each other behind, but it seemed no one had the courage to speak up; With Danny and Sam together, with everyone's emotions tearing them up inside and a lifelong friendship on the rocks, what else was she supposed to do but stay quiet? Jazz was not a part of them; it was an entirely different matter to see it from the inside and to see it from the outside. Insiders were believed far more readily.

"What in the world-?" Grasping a long gold chain, a dark hand drew out of the box a heavy gold watch, the spinning sphere twisting and glinting beautifully in the early morning sunlight, reflecting a flushed, mortified face as well as a confused and amazed pair of brown eyes. The pocket watch looked old but shone as though it was brand new, the smooth surface plain, without adornments or texture yet it seemed to move in the cupped hand as each minute ticked by, the second literally running over his hands. Without a word needing to be said, a finger pushed the cover open to reveal an inscription on the inside cover, the very inside of the watch face containing his name as well as a little infinity symbol. Titling it, Tucker's eyes roved over the inscription with a furrowed brow as the words trickled through Jazz's mind, every syllable committed to memory; she had only spent six hours attempting to find the perfect words. In the end, the decision boiled down to a quote; Tucker never said it in plain terms but, like Jazz, the young man feared being inferior, not living up to his potential and letting everyone else down. How could he not when every action seemed to be under constant scrutiny or else forgotten as though it didn't matter; the African American boy did not believe himself successful, the redhead wanted to remind him of exactly what that word meant.

_"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." –Ralph Waldo Emerson_

Just below the quote, a short letter followed to explain the impromptu words, the meaning behind the redhead's slight insanity. Relief spread through her as well as a warmth that made her toes curl and lips twitch into a gentle smile; the words seemed to please him and for that she was glad. Sometimes the world forgot to remind its children that they were wonderful just the way they were, it took only a single soul to lift the spirits of a falling being; a month before it was Tucker who saved her from the darkness, saved her from herself and now it was her turn to return the favor.

_Tucker, _

_Success is measured by love, and by the heart that gives it; never believe you're anything but a success. _

_  
Jazz._

"Jazz…" Tuckers smile widened to the grin they all had, in the past eight years, become so accustomed to spread across his face and lit up every handsome feature, the emotion pouring out of his eyes causing the redheads cheeks to flush again, the red seeping into her hair and making it look as though her entire head was on fire. No matter what they'd done, it was nearly impossible for Jazz to except the feelings that burned for him, the little voices pushing them together, the momentary insanity that led her to lead him to the mistletoe the previous night. Seeing him look at her that way, full of love and appreciation, filled the fragile soul with tremendous fear, sometimes to the point of confused tears or terrified trembling; in the dark night, the tears would fall hard, staining the pillows as aquamarine eyes glared at a watery shadowed ceiling, trying to make sense of the flood of emotions tormenting every waking moment. A hand tenderly cupped her trembling one, that brilliantly goofy smile melting into the very soul it tried to cheer, embedding itself into the inner workings of complex girl. Tucker might never know it, but his very presence shook Jazz's world, the passion, the amusement, the carefree thinking that was him did not quite fit in with her world of books and statistics. His hand gently squeezed hers, and a sharp intake of breath held itself when her sharp eyes fixed on the slowly moving lips. "Thank you." Short, simple, easy. A wide smile stretched across Jazz's face as they continued to snuggle beneath the quilt, admiring their gifts and mulling over the beginning of what promised to be a day truly different from all the rest. The two world, the gratitude he had laden it with echoed around the redheads' mind, making the whirling in her chest ease and settle. It was a simple response and for the redhead, that simplicity was just perfect.

* * *

Christmas Day passed on as all good days must, the friends enjoying each others company as the sun made its circle around the earth. Carols were sung, mistletoe rehung (after being torn down by and irate Jazz) and in the end, a peaceful rest by the fireside to talk, sip hot coco, and snuggle up to the nearest available person. For just a moment, the world stopped and it seemed the past month had not happened; the friendship was stable and easy, Jazz's part was larger then before but the love and dedication that seemed to falter through out the past weeks came back with a vengeance. Tucker even smiled, enjoying the long awaited time with his friends and, for just a moment, forgetting past pains and hardships while the two love birds, Danny and Sam, laughed at old memories and joined the land of the living only to find their old spots waiting for them. Things had certainly changed, but as the emerald eyes peered through the window at them a gentle smile touched her lips. Hardships would come and hell would in sue, but at least they had this, at least they had these memories to bring them back from the hell they would find themselves stuck in. For a moment, the eyes could not find it to tear from the calming scene but the responsibilities and weight of life crashed down and they had to vanish into the darkness. At least they had each other's love; god knows they were going to need it.

_And with the blessings from above  
God sends you his love  
And everything's ok  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays  
Merry Christmas  
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays_

**End A/n Have I mentioned how incredible bored I get writing this? Lol, I swear I start out dreading every new chapter but I guess everything turns out okay, you guys keep reviewing and reading so I can't be sucking TOO badly :chuckles: Anyway, I hope this lived up to expectations and that it isn't boring you half as much as it's boring me It should get interesting toward the end but currently its getting to the end that's giving me trouble, I ran out of ideas two chapters ago lol. I usually waste half of my writing time wishing I didn't have to write it, then get to like 4am and wish I had more time , IT probably reflects it but hey you all like it and you'd tell me if it sucked wouldn't you? Of course you would. Oh, if you've noticed some of the parts of this chapter seem shorter its because they are (or they were when I was writing this Authors note lol!) I really wanted to capture emotion instead of just writing for length (which is what I've been doing) so we're going to see how that works eh? Tell what chapter you all like the best so far please so I can try to figure out what works best, please and thank you Points to anyone who can figure out what Tucker is up to. I love the irony of parts of this chapter, especially the ones with Tucker alone. Read the lyrics then read the section, its almost funny. I attempted more mushy gushy stuff between Sam and Danny since you all seem to like that, I'm trying to draw out the Tucker Jazz thing ( I have issues writing the sudden 'I love you but I didn't last week' plot bunnies)**

**I'd also like to warn you that, as School is beginning in like four weeks and I'm going to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off for at least half of them, this fic may temporarily be put on hiatus (or really, really, really slow writing) because I can't write during the day (to many distractions) and I can't write at night during the school year (teachers tend to frown upon sleeping in class…don't know why though….**

**Oh! If you like Kim Possible (I do ) Check out the new fic I wrote called "Butterfly Kisses" It's a one shot I'm afraid but I want opinions on it (even if I was supposed to be working on this fic) Please and thank you**

**Anyway! You guys know the deal. Review Review Review! Lets try for 15 reviews this chapter guys!**


	6. Authors Note!

**A/N Sorry guys, not a chapter! Yes yes I know, you can shoot me later but wait for me to finish the story first! And yes I will eventually finish it. Unfortunatly, I'm in school right now which means my usual stay-up-until-7-am-writing-this-fic can't be done with my wake-up-at-530 schedual. But worry not! I will eventually write the next chapter, Ijsut have to get enough sleep, get out of school for summer, and get over my writing block! In any case, if any of you have any ideas for what you want to see (help me out please!) I will love you for ever and give you a e-cookie lol!**

** Sorry again y'all!**

**Tigeress **


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